I've been on dnms for 3 years now, paid my way through college and everything. Even saved almost 25k altogether now.
Each day I wonder, how much longer can this go on? Are they on to me? Is this over?
I live a really comfortable life. I've never had this much materially before me, ever actually. I am able to go out and have fun, pay my rent, and save money all at once. This is the same person that was basically homeless for 6 months after high school. Due to the degree I decided to get, I'm going to need more education to get a good job. This has left me with only one way to earn, reselling products I get through DNMs.
Selling has been a serious boundary on my interpersonal relationships, constantly having to lie about my job/income. Fell in love with someone, laid next to them every night, and they still thought I was a sysadmin when our relationship ended. Lying makes me anxious and sick. I can't have another attempt with that. I want a real intimacy with other people based on honesty. I've had a few close calls with misdemeanor possession charges eventually getting dropped, but I've never been charged or convicted of a felony. And I'm worried that my life might be ruined if I were to ever get a felony conviction.
I can't help but think constantly, is this the mistake that's gonna undo it all? Am I going to lose everything, maybe even end up locked in a cage?
I'm looking for support or guidance, preferably from people that were in deep and got out. I have real life ties to organized crime and it would take a pretty major lifestyle change for me to live on the straight and narrow completely. But I figure there's got to be some people on here who were doin as much as I am, but still managed to quit while they were still ahead. Was there anything that made you decide you no longer think he game, this life, was worth it?
Sorry if this is against the rules/ off topic, I just don't know where else to ask this. And I really need some guidance.
TL;DR I've made a lot of money and I'm wondering when its time to get out. Contemplating potential consequences and the risk v reward of moving forward
Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.
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