I am jealous of you all.

Truly, this is not a joke. I speak this from my heart. If this seems like it belongs in another place, mods, I will move it.

About 3 or so years ago my buddy in college what was the Silk Road. I didn't believe it was real, so we grabbed about 65 BTC (I believe the price was around $1.02-$1.10/BTC), and tried to order and eighth of weed. When the package arrived, I had butterflies like I used to have when I was young, seeing presents under a tree.

It fucking worked. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Up until about 8 months ago, I was a psychedelic connoisseur that had love for LSD, MDMA, MDA, tryptamines, phenethylamines, strains of psilocybin and whatever else caught my eye. The 'dark net' had introduced me to all these substances that were wonderful, and I couldn't ever get them in my area of town.

I then was planning out a normal trip as I always did. Making sure I spaced out the trip with my last one, and I had nothing to do on this particular day. I don't know if I just had bad luck, or it was just my brain telling me to stop.

I took 200ug+ of LSD, ending off the trip with MDMA (yes, reagent tested) and everything went very smooth. I loved the trip.

That night, I couldn't help to think of it as one of my better and more enjoying trips. It was truly great. No nausea, nothing unusual.

The next day, came the downfall. I began seeing afterglows and halo-like outlines around various objects, more prominently in the dark. Streaks followed as I looked around in direction. I shrugged it off as the MDMA-amphetamine like afterglow.

Following along, I took 100mg of Seraquel and slept like a baby. It was fucking great. When I woke up, effects came on harder. I felt as if I was tripping again. Things didn't feel real. I felt as if I was lucid dreaming in a horrible nightmare. I didn't want to communicate with anyone, or be around anyone. I sat in my room and tried to thing what was going on. This feeling continued for a while.

I knew what HPPD was at the time, and I was convinced that I had it. I looked up common symptoms and people sharing their story as well, and I saw it as a good thought to find a doctor who could help me. Every doctor who I explained my problems to, had heard of HPPD, but didn't have much knowledge on it. I kept getting turned away.

I finally got referred to a neurologist, and I explained that throughout the day that my symptoms can go from bright flashes of light, to just seeing static everywhere. I sometimes see square-like tiles on the ground when it's bright out side, and they get smaller when I look further away.

There's not much I can do about it. I miss the feeling of planning a trip out. The feeling you get right when you're about to come up, and you know you're coming up hard. I use heroin to help sedate myself, and it makes things easier to handle. But I can't go day to day using, because the withdrawals are fucking horrid. I binge for 2 days, then the next 7 I stay clean. No needles, just my nose, IV'g has a weird feeling to it, and it makes me just want to sleep. No matter what kind of H. #4, BTH, etc. The only H that has been worth to IV was CaliClaire, and I believe she is AWOL.

I know this is just me fucking rambling on about bullshit, but anyways, back to my original point, I am jealous. I wish I could trip again, even though I probably shouldn't ever think about doing it again. Ah, I wish I could, but I can't.

As I type this, it's really hard to focus at the screen due to the annoying afterglow.

Consider your self lucky when you trip. HPPD is rare, but it's real.


Comments


[16 Points] None:

If you want your HPPD to go away, take a break from drugs. That includes heroin.


[8 Points] None:

Your post brought something to mind. I didn't know what HPPD was until your post and it reminded me of something.

About 10 years ago my gf and I rolled. It was her 1st time and we bought a 10 pack. Not being aware of things like Serotonin Syndrome or harm reduction we ate all 10 and decided to get another 10. The guy we got them from only had 9 of the same type and 1 odd ball. We blew through those and when we got done to the last two she took the odd one.

Immediately I could tell a difference. She started having serious visuals. Starting talking about "Why would they do that to their own kind?" and when I finally figured what she was talking about (it was a small glass butterfly hanging from here curtain) it kinda scared me. From that small figurine she had created this whole story of bugs torturing a fellow bug then hanging it as a warning to other trouble makers. I quickly dosed us both with Valium and went to bed.

They next week was a nightmare. She kept seeing things she described as being bugs flying at her in her vision. I would get frantic calls in the middle of the day and have to drop everything to go get her and calm her down. We went to the student medical center then finally a neurologist (I actually had to corner him outside the room and tell him the story as she wasn't going to do it). No one could figure anything out. After about a week she learned to control / not respond to it and about a month for it completely fade away.

I myself have that shaking of the vision that you get when you roll real hard whenever I stare and something intently. Reading a book, looking at the screen, working on a car, and such. If my eyes move around looking at different things I don't get it. Things like typing / reading where your eyes don't move a lot I do. I've actually had it twice while typing this. All comes from one night of rolling of those red hearts that Bungee54 had for a while.


[5 Points] None:

Jesus Christ man I don't think you should be using opiates to deal with this. I can't imagine how unnerving it is to have HPPD, and I feel for you, but I think opiate use coupled with your situation will only lead to a path of self-destruction. I don't live your life and don't judge you but please just take care of yourself. You are obviously a very intelligent person so just be careful.

Have you talked to doctors, gotten some knowledge about HPPD? Do you know if it is inevitable for certain people or triggered by too much psychedelic use? This scares me as one of the dangers of regular psychedelic use.

Anyone who thought this was a joke is a dunce, btw, thank you for sharing so it may help to steer someone else out there in a positive direction


[5 Points] doctor-_-evil:

bro you've got to lay off the drugs. Even heroine, as nice as it might be. Get some exercise and eat a lot of healthy foods + vitamine supplements. Take long walks in the fresh air during daytime, wear out your body so that you will be naturally tired at night. It might ease the symptoms, maybe even make them disappear. I can't stress this enough: It's very important that you take care of yourself. Meditate and think about other things. Don't ignore it, but acknowledge it and accept it. The more you fight it, the harder it will be. Look at it with positive eyes. You're special. You have stories to tell, and people will find them interesting. Good luck man, I hope your symptoms ease off and you can live your life again.


[3 Points] entactoBob:

I noticed you never actually said you have HPPD though. You hinted at it, but never quite said it, and I have to ask: was this omission intentional?

What did the neurologist tell you after you saw him? Which tests did he run, and were the results conclusive? Did you tell him about your opiate use?

Seroquel is used to treat multiple personality disorder as well as schizophrenia… yes it has sedative properties, but it's an anti-psychotic, & I would definitely recommend not taking any more of it.

Ok so here's what you do to get right again. And trust me on this, don't fuck around, just believe in yourself.

Point is: you can overcome it & it will go away if you will it to. Take back control, take care of yourself, and earn the right to explore inner space again. You've got this. You will feel so much better doing this. Good luck!

And seriously, take the opportunity now to read. If you feel you're visually unable to do so, get audiobooks.


[3 Points] OnePugtoRuleThemAll:

Dude, I really think you're fine.

I've had the same after affects for YEARS, the halos, streaking, bright flashes etc. I think the difference is I've always thought they were kind of cool. I don't talk about it with anyone, I just kind of enjoy it.

Some times I feel like I'm floating through a dream, but we kind of are. That's just reality.

Idk, I took up meditation after using psychs for awhile and that may be the difference. I just accepted and got used to the idea that I see the world differently now.

Really, as long as your life isn't negatively affected by the changes in perception then I would say just try to enjoy them, don't put so much weight behind it either. It doesn't mean you're going crazy, just like it doesn't mean you are special. Just relax.

Also: the "streaks" are definitely more prominent against a dark background so I am positive we are talking about the same thing. Try to relax and enjoy it. Sometimes I will sit and look at my hand just to watch the halo/streaks. If you focus you can actually make them appear more prominently. It really is kind of cool.

Sometimes I go outside and everything is so crisp and beautiful that it doesn't feel real, I tend to enjoy those moments. During that time the streaks/flashes happen to be everywhere. Idk, it is hard to explain to people who haven't had it happen. I'm actually glad someone else knows what I'm talking about. But seriously, if anything I am way more sane now. Try not to stress about it.


[2 Points] None:

Maybe one last ayahuasca trip would help give you some closure, maybe after communicating with her you'll be healed, or you'll be shown everything you need to see and will no longer feel the need to trip. You can do this by eating 5 grams of syrian rue and 200 mg of DMT, of course you'd have to be clean for at least a week.


[2 Points] galaxyandspace:

Man. You just described my worst nightmare, and part of why I didn't like LSD that much. I was so freaked that my brain/vision would stay that way, I didn't know what to do...

Good luck. To your health.


[1 Points] Throwaway_concept:

You need to stop the drugs totally for awhile. But hell yeah for throwing out CC's name. She had the best dope i have ever gotten hands down. She's coming back, but not with the same dope sadly..


[1 Points] Mammal-k:

I have a similar thing but to a much lesser extent, I see static in my vision almost 24/7 and when I am very tired or on something that shouldn't really give me visuals (very drunk, small amounts of md, low doses of ket) I do get visuals. I attribute it to doing a lot of lsd and nbomes a while back when I was in a pretty bad place. I don't take acid/nbomes/weed anymore and the problem hasn't got worse, but it hasn't got better either. Good luck to you.