Hypothetically how would you launder your money as a vendor?

Lets say you're a vendor who is consistently clearing $3k profit a month. How would you go about laundering those profits to finance your life? I mean, I am not a vendor, but I'd love to hear some creative ideas :)


Comments


[81 Points] TGUKthrowaway:

Get a bench lawyer and buy a car wash


[45 Points] None:

[deleted]


[39 Points] None:

[deleted]


[37 Points] MDMangel:

Well with that much a month you could hire someone else to do your laundry, heck why not hire a maid?


[33 Points] morebeansplease:

Open a kite store, I honestly believe every single one is a front, no way that place can make enough money to stay in business


[17 Points] TheGateKeepah:

3k a month? I'm sorry, don't mean to sound snooty, but that amount does not need to be laundered.

If it makes you feel any better, start buying your BTC through LibertyX, then after you have accumulated enough receipts, cash out coin to your bank account or debit card via Circle. If anyone asks where it came from, which they won't, it was Bitcoin you bought with cash. Show them the LibertyX receipts.


[12 Points] sdfhgdhjbdafcadv:

3K a month? Assuming you have a real job and drugs aren't your only source of income, just use the drug money to pay the vast majority of your IRL expenses, in cash, and save most of your real-job money. On paper you'll just look like the world's best money manager.


[13 Points] MitalikaSucks:

You go to some NGO and suggest them to accept donations also thru bitcoin. Then for every 3000$ BTC they will pay you 2500$ (not sure it will actually work, just thought about it now)


[13 Points] suspiciousshit:

This is what, the fifth thread this week fishing for information about how people are laundering their profits?

Seems a bit suspicious.


[9 Points] None:

[deleted]


[5 Points] Spa__ce:

I would set my self up as a freelance web designer then slowly but surely id get "customers" (me) to trickle in business till money is laundered.

Id probably keep half of it in cash for food, gas, and incidentals to avoid paying taxes on it.


[3 Points] fffhhhhccukkkkjkjk:

A whole three thousand dollars, holy shit you better get in with the cartel they might have a chain of fast food restaurants you can launder through.


[3 Points] Ande2101:

Sell the bitcoins slightly under market value to a tight-lipped contact for cash, they can sell it on. Pay tax on anything you bank as if you earned it via whatever self-employment your laundry job is.


[5 Points] SourMash_plh:

Don't bother laundering the money. Before you started fucking around laundering money, you were just some schmoe with $36k per year (or $100k, or a million) which had no paper trail. But, the authorities have convinced you that you should try to beat a 30,000 page tax code that people go to school for years, and then study hundreds of hours on top of that, to get a CPA to understand, because surely your dumb ass will figure out a way to beat that system and to "clean" your previously invisible money. Now that you've told them you have money, at minimum they'll take 30%, and at maximum they'll decide they'd like to have it all, and just take it from you.

Nobody cares how many cars you have, or how much your house is. Who do you tell? If you don't have a job, you don't file taxes, so you don't take an interest deduction (and...you paid cash anyway, right?). When you pay property taxes, the damn assessor's office isn't trying to figure out where you got the money.

If you're worried about snitches reporting you for tax evasion...fuck that. If they know you're evading taxes, then they know you're doing other illegal shit, too, and they are going to snitch you out anyway. Perhaps this: stop telling people that you do illegal shit and then don't pay taxes on your Ill gotten gains, and they can't snitch.

The IRS can't just come and say, "we think you're evading taxes because you have all this nice shit." But they can say "We don't believe that the revenues you're claiming on your taxes for this business are legitimate, and we are auditing you." Audit = your laundered money is going to be obviously Ill gotten to the forensic accountant that the government is paying to fuck you, and you're going to prison, and losing whatever they estimate your actual tax liability to have been (about 10 times more than reality).


[5 Points] Vendor_BBMC:

I went for the obvious option, and purchased an emu farm.

For opsec purposes, it's perfect because I know I won't be caught up in any police investigations of Top_Gear_UK's car washes. Its the only emu farm in the UK. The perfect crime....

It virtually runs itself. I buy emu feed with bitcoin, then export the meat for tax-free krugerand. The only issues I have is their ability to jump fences. Occasionally one of them gets out and causes chaos on the nearby motorway until the police corner it.

Its not for me to follow the herd. I could have done what every American vendor has been doing since the late 60s, and taken advantage of the tax breaks for the production of educational TV programs for children aged 13 or under. But I read that owls and emus are natural enemies, and it certainly seems to have reduced the frequency and intensity of the owl attacks which plagued me until recently.

In the 70s, the Children's Television Workshop (producer of "sesame street") read like a whos-who of the Cocaine world, and is responsible for the introduction of crack into the inner cities.

When Los Zetas split with the gulf cartel, the death toll offscreen was mirrored by the onscreen fracture, with the highly-successful muppet show.

Only very high-earners have ventured into mainstream television. Alphabay is rumored to be the money behind "Frasier", long-known for it's links to the carding world. Kelsey Grammar fronted the $100k startup money for his close friend, RC Vendor "Umbreon".


[3 Points] drugaudits:

I would clean your coins best you could, find a forum where you can buy everything you need to set up a Very HQ CPA niche using the clean bitcoin from odd users on the forums.

You could make more then you invest or less then your invest, but if you came up with a solid idea, a good designer, and a good source of traffic buyable via BTC you well be paid out checks, Bank transfer and such via the 100% Legal as a sub contractor at the CPA network.


[3 Points] Spa__ce:

I know some hippies that run a shitty candy store where they sell weed out the back in a funny little traphouse / money laundering combo. I also know another hippy who buys and sells gem stones as a way to launder money... hippies.

There is also always the classic... open a headshop.


[3 Points] None:

I wouldn't launder 3k per month but for larger amounts I would become an artist and pay myself triple what the painting is worth


[3 Points] rogueXleader:

I haven't tried it myself, but I understand a lot of people launder it through BTC gambling sites. I would think if you bet on almost surefire wins, with little payout, it would come out about even in the end. Again, never tried it but it makes a lot of sense. Would much rather get questioned about online gambling than DNM's. I've been looking into it myself. Anybody on here regularly use any of the BTC gambling sites that could recommend one?


[3 Points] benjylee:

No one is going to come looking for you for $3k a month. Add an extra zero to the end then come back.

This will get downvoted, but it's true. $3k is a trivial sum.


[2 Points] None:

Nice try Mr.Leo


[2 Points] twigburst:

Way to turn a small time felony into a money laundering charge. Low-level dealers don't need to launder money.


[2 Points] Vendor_BBMC:

Bitcoin can buy anything, the need to cash out diminishes by the day.

The only way to ensure your security is to buy political influence, and bitcoin could have been designed for this. When Britain's third political party (the Liberal Democrats) was decimated in the most recent election, it just about came within the price range of British vendors. We clubbed together to finance one of it's few remaining MPs and managed to get him elected as party leader.

If you asked 100 UK voters the name of the Lib dem's leader, probably 96 won't have a clue, such is the party's standing in the polls, but in the event that no party gains an overall majority, we may be able to influence policing and drug policy because the Liberals are quite "drug friendly", and the most likely power brokers.

If you ever have the time, listen to Tim Farron's speech to the Lib Dem conference yesterday. Its not bad, even though I say so myself.

My first draft was 3 times longer. But that won't surprise you - I'm a meth head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65NyDWTeQNo

We rehearsed it once, but I was still shocked that he barely looked at his notes. I never knew a politician could have so many expenses. Meth never caught on in the UK, and probably never will. In which case, his career is going nowhere.

The conservatives have got big pharma, but we've got a good talker. Politics is all talk.


[2 Points] whatsnotinthebox:

I'm so glad I work in freelance rigging, no one bats a eye when I make a $40,000 deposit every now and then.


[2 Points] Hank_Vendor:

launder 3k a month ??? you are seriously overestimating the effectiveness of anti money laundering legislation.


[1 Points] None:

[deleted]


[1 Points] bushmonster43:

Modern day equivalent would be googling "how to launder money" http://quotacle.com/watch/53d5bffee6


[1 Points] young_k:

Not exactly information that is talked about or given out for free, especially in a public forum.

If you're interested in this sort of information, expect to have to give someone a share, a one-time fee, but not for free.

At least that's my opinion.


Also are you trying to simply clean the coin as in tumble and be able to then return it to the exchange and sell it to them? Or do you literally mean launder as in make it appear that it ORIGINATED from a source that was a legitimate business, doing legitimate things...cause if its the latter - you'll be in for quite a bit of legal paperwork that likey legalzoom would be the MINIMUM requirements, if not a REAL CPA/Lawyer's involvement. Don't forget to get them all to sign NDA's....yea....it gets heavy real fast when you try and launder money.


[1 Points] axxofreak:

I always assumed that the hardest part for the vendor is cashing thousands of dollars of BTC out without giving up any personal info to anyone. Circle and coinbase leave a huge paper trail, easier on local Bitcoin I guess but idk how you would even do that without some information having to be given.

Besides an in person deal (still could be risky for thousands of USD, and tough finding a person to regularly buy large amounts) idk what the best way for that would be.

As for the USD. Buy a big ass gun safe and keep it in there and just use the money for every day expenses. Save you that tax money! Laundering is just sketchy and especially hard on your own. Plus it's best to try and break as few laws at a time as possible ;)


[1 Points] gonzobon:

Tumble your coins. Cash them out slowly. Anything over 10k is going to raise flags.


[1 Points] Febbraio2468:

Just tell them you spent it on hookers and blow.


[1 Points] Insanity_-_Wolf:

http://www.vice.com/read/setting-up-a-bogus-shell-corporation-is-really-easy-1215

But 3k a month isn't really much. Just use cash for payment and international pre-paids (most have 10k limits).


[1 Points] None:

Leave the USA and open up bank accounts in economically free places like Kuwait, Singapore, etc.. You can then get a debit card and withdraw the funds in the USA.


[1 Points] circlingldn:

Setup a teach how to trade company


[0 Points] None:

Sell to coins to LE on lbc


[0 Points] donnie-tramp:

You LE bro?