This probably isn't the best place to post this, but I'm so frustrated and don't know where else to go since I've always bought from recommendations here and have lurked forever. All of you are pretty entertaining too, so at least I'll probably get some sort of distraction out of this regardless of what happens. I just need to vent. I guess I'm also hoping there's some legit MXE still out there that I can try to scrape money together for since whatever's left is probably selling for exorbitant prices, and maybe you guys can point me toward other compounds to try or something too.
I've been through probably upwards of 20 medications for treatment-resistant bipolar II, debilitating anxiety, and dystonia of my eyes and mouth over some 10 years now until I ended up on my current regimen which keeps me from wanting to die all the time without too many side effects but still doesn't allow me to be functional. I read some articles on ketamine therapy, and after doing a little more research, I saw that MXE had given some people similar or better effects but was much cheaper, potentially less harmful, and quasi-legal.
I decided to give it a shot because why not, and holy shit. It felt like the suffocating veil that had kept me from ever doing anything productive had been lifted, and as a huge bonus, my dystonia unexpectedly cleared up almost completely. I could actually drive and get a license now that my eyes weren't randomly clamping shut for a few seconds. So I started using moderate doses 3x a week at night and finally getting my life together--I had to rack up some credit card debt to buy MXE, but I figured I'd be able to sort that out eventually since I'd planned on going to college in August 2016 and getting a job once I moved to whatever school I ended up going to.
But now MXE is dead and I've run out of what I bought, so I'm spiraling back into uselessness with the added perk of having debt that I'm not sure how I'm going to pay off. I'm not here to tell a sob story in an attempt to get free drugs; I'm just so disgusted that governments are going about haphazardly banning hundreds of compounds that possibly have immense therapeutic potential just because some people like getting high in the privacy of their own homes. I obviously don't judge purely recreational users at all and used to be one, but fuck, all I want to do at this point is just be a normal functional human being.
Other similar drugs I've tried, most after MXE started drying up:
3-MeO-PCP--was okay while I was high but it ended up making me incredibly paranoid and manic. I thought it could potentially be a replacement after using it for a week, but I was definitely wrong. It seemed to lose its initial beneficial effects fairly quickly too
Diphenidine--was fun while I was on it but gave me a terrible hangover and no afterglow
MXP--basically worse diphenidine
Methoxyketamine (probably anyway, it was from psychotropix's last batch and it evidently came out as that when someone got it GC/MS tested)--seemed like a slightly better version of diphenidine but still had all the negative effects
Memantine--mildly improved my symptoms without too many side effects, but not nearly enough to be worthwhile
DXM--least favorite of all the dissociatives I've used and just left me feeling nauseated and terrible
I haven't tried ketamine because MXE has always been around until recently, plus it's way more expensive per dose and I'm wary of the bladder issues that happen with long-term use. I doubt it could work any better, but it might be worth a shot if MXE is really dead or is going to be prohibitively expensive from here on out. I hate snorting things though because it aggravates my facial dystonia and I don't want to get into IM/IV use, so I'm not sure what I can do with it since oral sucks and plugging apparently isn't much better.
I can't imagine many of you read all that, but thanks. If you have a source to share or personal experience with anything remotely related that'd be cool, but I don't really expect it.
This posting made me cry. I feel you in my soul. I hope that we can get mxe in the future to help us with our mental / medical issues. I am in the same boat, (different medical issues, same symptoms, same bullshit) MXP isn't doing it for me but maybe I haven't tried enough dose yet.