I'm about to smuggle drugs in my anus to Ukraine. Need help.

sup guys

I'm going for a stag party to Ukraine. Obviously, we want to take some drugs (not much, like 10 pills, 5g cocaine & some weed).

Since Ukraine ain't our country, we have to somehow smuggle that stuff to the spot (don't have any drops on Ukraine and as their post office sucks & my luck is garbage, the package would arrive either after we leave or worse, before we arrive and get confiscated by the unknown owner of the place).

We're thinking about smuggling drugs in my anus, however, since we travel by bus/train, a border control is more than sure. Don't know if they'll have dogs or not, but obviously that's a possibility.

Do you have any experience with smuggling drugs to different counries? (btw im open to other suggestions on other ways to do that, without putting drugs in my anus lmao).


Comments


[773 Points] dnmuser2018:

"We're thinking about smuggling drugs in my anus" i'm guessing you pitched the least money on the drugs? how'd you draw the short straw.

pro tip: your friend can use his penis to push them further up to avoid detection


[309 Points] SecretReef:

Worst case scenario, you will die. 2nd worst case scenario, jail in Ukraine for several years. Probably one of the worst countries in the world to be incarcerated.

Best case scenario? You have a night fucked up on drugs like you probably do most weekends. Your friends will act like you are a hero but secretly they will know you are a complete idiot. They will tell their girlfriends, who will tell everyone else how stupid you are, permanently damaging your ability to get laid in that circle.

It's one of the worst ideas I've ever heard in my life, I think.


[123 Points] DarwinBurrSirr:

Just shove them waaaaay up in your butthole morty, and if a dog comes by clinch as tight as possible.


[120 Points] youngdumbbroke:

I came here as a joke but god damn did I learn a ton about anus smuggling. Boof powers increased.


[105 Points] Funnyguye85:

I've done this to get into jails etc. Just double wrap it it up and them wrap it in a condom and cut off the wrong part. Lub it up and squat don't bend over but squat. Once it gets about a couple knuckles up there it won't come out and as long as it's not huge you won't feel it anymore. You don't have to worry about it coming out even if you were to bend over and cough or any of that unless you have it barley in there. You will be fine.


[84 Points] outbrainy:

if 5g of c get release in your anus you are dead :)


[36 Points] MischiefMakerManziel:

Put it up your butt and have your mate fetch it out of there with his tongue


[40 Points] newlevel2xxx:

"We're thinking about smuggling drugs in my anus."

Dude that's literally the hardest I've laughed all month. Thanks for that.


[30 Points] InsanityDRM:

I'm by no means an expert here but things to be aware of are, if you're acting suspicious they will investigate & grill you, so if you're going to do this you need to be calm about it. The border security are trained to look for nervous people or certain gestures which may indicate so. I have no idea if the dogs would smell it with it being inside of you, however make sure it's wrapped properly & there is no chance of the drugs ripping/opening, because if all of that is in your ass and it rips, you're going to have a great half hour or so shortly followed by a swift OD.


[32 Points] CaptchaKing4Reviews:

In Ukraine you don't smuggle drugs in your anus. We smuggle drugs in your anus.


[28 Points] corboxcorbo:

Half Ukranian here.

One word.

Vzyatka.

Almost every aspect of Ukrainian life necessitates bribery of some sort.

Слава Україні! Героям слава!


[29 Points] Removed_Californian:

I just started following this sub to better understand darknet markets. Was instead graced with inquiries of how to smuggle drugs anally.

I'm glad I found this sub.


[23 Points] None:

[deleted]


[18 Points] None:

[deleted]


[16 Points] USAUG:

dogs most likely.....thou when i crossed with oz of coke that was triple vac sealed and in a bottle from baby powder) in my bag on the top the dog didn't find it.....but if they will find it u gonna be so fucked u dont even know...also they can and will ask random people to open bags and look in it ..


[13 Points] tpsmc:

Just write this on the outside of your luggage. Works every time.

"Нет незаконных наркотиков внутри"


[10 Points] InTheLatrine:

Let’s back up a second here. Who the fuck travels to Ukraine to party? Move the party to a country that isn’t in a territorial dispute with fucking Russia. That is, unless you like the idea of communist kielbasa sliding in and out of your moist little corn cutter in some shithole prison camp for the next 50 years.


[8 Points] None:

/r/drugscirclejerk HAS ALL THE ANSWERS, my friend.


[9 Points] handleCUP:

i mean i dont really know your circumstances but ive flown international several times with drugs and all i do is fill up empty pill capsules and put them in a bottle with the regular pills that have the same size and slightly different color so i can tell which is which. i do this with weed concentrates as well and just bring a fresh pen and atomizer, and some alcohol so i can clear the pen and toss the atomizer on the flight back.

ive had my bag pulled for extra screening often (bringing too much kratom) and never once have i ever seen someone so much as open up one of my pill containers. also im like 99% sure that the dogs in airports are ONLY bomb/weapon dogs and dont smell drugs.

CAPSULES IS THE ANSWER


[7 Points] phatass420:

Order with tracked and traced/signed for on arrival to your hotel 10days before going... it will be waiting for you at the closest post office... Check clearnetmarkets or eusources on the forum to find a reliable shop... Wordt comes to worse it's a back-up plan in case you get nicked!


[6 Points] i_quit:

If you get caught, you'll be stretched out enough so that the prison rape won't hurt as much. Sounds like a win/win


[7 Points] fatherFLEX:

Thats a lot of stuff to put in your ass. I think you may have a blown O-ring.


[6 Points] JeffSessions_DNM:

https://imgur.com/r/funny/5vQxM


[5 Points] trevbond:

Dogs will hit on you but if you shit your pants before inserting the drugs it will overpower the weed smell and throw off the k9


[6 Points] ze77y:

I am taking drugs into Ukraine regularly albeit much smaller amounts, usually hash and mdma. I don't use any packaging, just pour the crystals casually in my suitcase or pocket and collect later. Hash is equally as good just to stick a piece somewhere. Has been searched casually a couple of times, no dogs or anything. Mostly coming into country by plane though but using trains internally a lot as mostly travelling to Eastern Ukraine. You're most likely to be fine but if you're caught, have a bribe ready but don't be too obvious about it, wait to be asked.


[6 Points] Girlindaytona:

If any cops give you shit, slap their faces.


[5 Points] long_wang_big_balls:

Last time I did this it was a real pain in the ass


[4 Points] None:

[deleted]


[4 Points] KeepMeAFewDollars:

You got to be fuckin kiddin me


[3 Points] jblank66:

Please record your journey! This should be a great watch!


[3 Points] Xari:

This is the best sub on reddit


[4 Points] bhp6:

c u in the gulag


[4 Points] Sciphio:

Has no one invented a buttplug that holds drugs yet? Seriously is this not a thing because if I was security and heard vibrating from someone's butt, I'd just smirk and let them go... Unless you know, buttplugs are illegal there or something. Also, I've never done butt drugs... are they like.. shitty? I just man.. so many questions, I wish you well, and stay safe!


[3 Points] HardC0r3:

Good Luck


[3 Points] fumg:

Why not simply buy the drugs there ?

Okay the quality might not be the same, but so many risks for that... I don't get it


[3 Points] ChewySpell:

“Hey guys. I’m going to do something illegal, give the location of where I’m going to be, and how many grams of drugs I will have on me. The best part? I’m going to post on reddit of how I should do this. Nothing will go wrong guys, I got this.”


[3 Points] TheLastCig:

RUBBA DUB DUB!!!


[3 Points] TruculentEructation:

put them in a condom and tie it off as tightly and small as possible. Cut away remainder. Repeat with second condom. Before departure, take a good shit. Lube up the bag and push it in. It will stay up there no problem until the next time you have to go.


[3 Points] ghost3321:

No worries... even the best trained dogs cannot smell what is inside your body... However, you need to really wash yourself and shower after you inserted your package cause there will be residue smell in your fingers, body and clothes (wherever/whatever been in contact with the drugs will be contaminated)... I had customs dogs sniff me out with no results, also drug dogs in maximum security prisons... Just keep calm and dont let them see you sweat... :)


[3 Points] jdustie:

Do not use a lot of lube. If they do a cavity check the lube is a dead giveaway. You don't need dental floss to remove pkg from ur butt. To remove just sit on toilet and push like u taking a dump. :(


[2 Points] GGGavLar:

Make sure to clean everything down properly after handling and be careful what you use to remove any scent , rubber balloons or latex can perish with some alcohols


[2 Points] dyingtomorroww:

You can ship it at a local post office in ukraine as post restante, just enter the post office address at the shipping details,and you go there and pick it up,


[2 Points] Superfastbuds:

trust me NO lube is best. It keeps it form slipping back out. Traction is your friend


[2 Points] penthat:

LMFAO dude...


[2 Points] elloman13:

Where are you coming from? Which countries will you be going through?


[2 Points] tubbo:

We're thinking about smuggling drugs in my anus,

I think your friends might be using you.

edit: seriously though isn't Ukraine like one of the most corrupt countries?


[2 Points] fatherFLEX:

Thats what I’m sayin~ Homeboy might be blown out already to fit that kinda gear up there. Maybe he starred in some gay gape porn.


[2 Points] mancelicious:

Fucking Hilarious Post, Mainly Comments made my night Goodnight Nobjockies


[2 Points] britboy1998:

It's all good that when you smuggle the drugs you'll be testing your anus out for the first time. You'll be needing the practice while in Luknaviska Prison what will will all the ass fucking you'll be getting. I hope you're a good bottom. Most of the guys there like their bitches fresh.


[2 Points] Mr_Antero:

Do a trial run.

Would suggest hiding the drugs in something common/inconspicuous on the bus that you can claim no affiliation to. Perhaps in the bathroom? Perhaps drop it in the baggage compartment underneath when loading your bag.

In the trial run obviously have no drugs just the inconspicuous item, that way there’s no risk and you can get a feel for the endeavor.

Trial run is key. You’ll know what to expect, else wise there will be anxiety from anticipation of the unknown.


[2 Points] Gonadzilla:

Is Uranus large?


[2 Points] Immaloner:

I believe this is the article for you.

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/trending/Everything-you-ever-needed-to-know-about-swallowing-drugs-or-stuffing-them-up-your-butt.html


[2 Points] zombilives:

anus is legit, i done multiples time


[2 Points] ScroopyNoopersNo1:

Lol what sort of idiot goes and puts a post up on this pmsl... Just send the Ukranian authorities a letter to say your coming just to b sure lol


[2 Points] Michigan_Motors:

Whoopsie doo thats not poo in my poop shoot


[2 Points] rvaen:

Put in ziplock bag. Submerge bag in shampoo bottle. No buttstuff required.


[1 Points] GirlsDontLikeIce:

Should be easy.


[1 Points] BitBitt:

Honestly if putting drugs up your butthole is the safest choice, you should go for it. If you do get caught then you would be wishing you did put it in your anus.


[1 Points] chemyd:

INSERT "UNKRANUS" JOKE HERE


[1 Points] jonnnyMn:

..you can google local ukrainian DNMs. In large cities they normally even don't use post but give you gps coordinates where you will find the order.


[1 Points] iqulians:

If its from the dnm i would just keep it vac sealed and put it in a sepperate purse, will work well