Reddit Gold is on the line motherfuckers!

Gold goes to whomever can come up with the craziest/funniest/complex DNM "conspiracy" theory. Who are the admins for Agora (or any other market)? what drugs do different admins enjoy? Where are anonymous vendors and admins from? What complex 'relationships' do these anon people have with each other? What ridiculous practices do admins follow?

EXAMPLE

"This story starts a long time ago, in a small Californian town called BlackLake. This is a story about love and death, about hedonism and debauchery, about conspiracies and betrayals. This is the story of the Silk Road.

It was the morning of May 5th, 2010. I had overslept and was late to a meeting with a group of important gentlemen. I sped across the tiny town from my hotel to the cabin where the meeting was taking place, it would only take a few minutes to get to my destination but tardiness was not something these men tolerated.

I parked my car, grabbed my laptop, and ran towards the cabin door. My watch read 7:58, I prayed to god that their clocks weren't fast. I pushed open the old wooden door and peered through the dank smoke that billowed out to see five men sat around a table. They stopped smoking and stared at me, nothing was said. I noticed two empty chairs and quickly sat down.

I started rummaging through my laptop case for nothing in particular, when I heard the door open and close. A woman walked through, stopped to look around, then quickly walked to the other side of the table and sat in the remaining empty chair.

"You're cutting it close, aren't you T?" said the man sitting at the head of the table.

The one he referred to as "T" didn't respond, she didn't even look up from her phone.

"Alright, lets get this started." the man at the head of the table said. "I have called you all to this place to set in motion a series of events which will benefit all of you. A few of you have travelled a very long distance, with very little information about why you were coming here. Trust me when I say that this will be very much worth it." The man paused to glance around the table at each of the people, including myself. "I suppose we should get everyone acquainted before we go any further. We will all be using aliases as our real names aren't important, the only important thing about each of us is our unique abilities"

This following is a list of everyone that was at the meeting (using aliases) and what their skills are:

T- Assassin

DoD- Drug Syndicate Connection

DPR- Frontman

Avid- Technical Skills and general criminal knowledge

The Fed- Inside man

Myself- Con Artist.

The man, now known as the Avid, continued with explaining his plan "We are going to revolutionize the black market industry. We are also going to make ourselves very wealthy from this."

The Avid went on to explain the basic idea of the project known as "Silk Road", which I'm sure all of you have a general working knowledge of by now. The plan was to start the SilkRoad as a simple online marketplace, following in the footsteps of Farmer's Market and various other illegal online services. This new market would use the latest security technology, except it would have a few holes through which various Law Enforcement agencies could infiltrate it. This was, of course, on purpose and all part of the plan.

The Avid would create the site and would handle all of the technology and security, DPR would be the charismatic leader that would cultivate a cult following of Libertarians and Neckbeards, DoD would supply the drugs that would be sold to people. This was phase one, at this point most people just thought that the SilkRoad was just a marketplace and that nothing fishy was going on behind the scenes. If you looked at the site it would appear that it acted as a middle-man between sellers and buyers, but the truth is that there was only ever one seller. This is where I came in, my job was to make multiple different vendor personalities to make it appear that the site was only a middle-man. It was a hard job and I made some mistakes, but for the most part very few people ever noticed and those that did were disregarded as crazy tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorists. My other job was to make many different accounts in the various communities and forums that popped around the site, and to influence the general consensus about a variety of different things.

After a few years of running relatively well and garnering a following phase two was put into action. Sometime in October the site was "unexpectedly" seized by Law Enforcement and DPR (now known as Ross Ulbricht) was arrested. This caused a ripple through the community and created the perfect opportunity for everyone else to be put into their respective places to start phase two. I was in charge of taking control of as much of the community as I could and again controlling public opinion, we had to ensure that people would be shaken enough to accept new markets but not so shaken that they would abandon the idea. So I worked to create a new forum and calmed people down, it took some time but eventually it worked.

However, there were some complications. One was that our inside man lost some control of Law Enforcement and they got a little too close DoD and that caused him to freak out a little bit. He went AWOL and started posting on the forums about our plan, saying that Ross Ulbricht wasn't actually being held in jail (he wasn't) and that this was all a massive conspiracy (it was). This is where T, the Avid, and myself came together to take him down. I discredited him on the forums any chance I got and eventually ruined his reputation, I was so successful that his name is now synonymous with a kind of Boogey-man in the DarkNet communities. The Avid then posted a very thorough, but fake, dox of DoD to make people focus on that. T then moved in and killed DoD. I'm not exactly sure what her methods are, but I hear that she seduces her target and then kills them in a most foul way.

So now Phase 2 was done, phase 2 was the transitionary phase. Phase 3 now started, phase 3 was the money making phase. Sure we had all made money up to this point, but this last phase was the big one.

At this point there were now many markets and many vendors all operating with what they thought was relative safety. However, we had expected this and we were making money off of them. the Avid and myself had connections to all markets and we were both gather info about these different vendors and buyers, we then sold that info to our inside man and those vendors and buyers would be taken down by Law Enforcement. This had been the plan all along. We had created this environment, this online black market, and now we were farming it. Other people look at the world and ask "How can I make money from what I see here?". We looked at the world and declared "We will make our own money, from something we create."

This is how it went for the longest time. These markets operated and every once and a while there would be a string of busts, which we all made money off of, and I would calm everyone down about it and the cycle would continue.

After I had amassed a large amount of money I decided to take it and run, the risk was becoming too much and I already had enough to live well for the rest of my life. Apparently T had the same idea I did because both the Avid and Ross turned up dead and penniless, which I knew meant that I was next.

We spent years playing cat and mouse, she was a good assassin but I was a better conman and I was always one step ahead. Until I made a mistake, and she caught up with me. My biggest flaw is that I cannot turn down a good high, so when I heard about the perfect high I was compelled to seek it out.

I met a gorgeous young lady that claimed she had the perfect high, a drug called "Adrenochrome". She said that my first trip would have to be with her as the experience was so intense that even the most experienced trippers would need a guide. I met her at a hotel room that she had gotten for the night, at this point my "spidey senses" should have gone off but I was too enthralled by the prospect of the perfect high.

Instead of finding the perfect high I found T in the room waiting for me, she restrained me and handcuffed me to the bed. Through the darkness I got a good look at her, she was completely naked. I guess this was how she killed people?

She walked closer to the bed and then I noticed OH GOD, SHE'S A TRANNY! Oh fuck, I thought she was hot!

She looked at me and said "You get one question."

I wanted to ask so many different things, but only one came to mind. "What is your real name?"

I needed to know, I needed to know the name of the person that would kill me. She could easily lie to me, but that didn't matter at the time.

She looked somewhat surprised by the question. "Huh. DoD asked if I would blow him before I killed him." she said.

"Did you?" I asked.

She gave a little smirk and replied "Thats one more question than you get."

"So, what is your name?" I asked again.

"Astrid." she replied.

Then she went to work on me with a large knife as The Beatles "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" played from the radio. As a poet at heart I was struck by just how fitting the scene was. Being killed by a tranny in a dark and dirty Pay-by-the-hour hotel room after I was led there by my own hedonistic tendencies.

This is the end. The end, my friend.

Of course I survived because I am now writing this, but thats a story for another time..."

A mod wrote this.

Prizes

Gold is on the line. Winner is determined by /u/galaxyandspace.

you have 24 hours. Go.


Comments


[17 Points] None:

The entirety of the DNM scene is fabricated by the DEA in order to catch small-time personal-use buyers. It's just gotten so intricate and convoluted that task forces are just straight-up selling drugs and other shit to make it look like they're catching criminals, while actually being a huge drug syndicate larger than the cartel. Why was XanaxKing so buff and scary looking? He obviously used to be a field agent, until he was reassigned.


[7 Points] TheGodWalrus:

Pandora is a well-to-do market, one that would never scam, and has the utmost security.


[6 Points] learnslow:

With the creation of the Genesis Block, Satoshi Nakamoto began a process that can be understood, in the most direct and simple way, as decoding the matrix. Have you ever considered it odd that with all of the information available today that no one has ever been able to identify Mr Nakamoto? With everything that you know (or truly, don't know) about our universe, is it beyond the realm of possibility that finally someone was able to break out of this contrived "reality" to what is beyond? Well no, no it isn't. And that's exactly what you are a part of.

Where could Mr Nakamoto hide this truth? Where could he keep it safe, yet readily accessible to any who were willing to find it? That is the genius behind Bitcoin, Mining, and The Ledger. 21,000,000 "Bitcoins" to be Mined, all of those intense mathematical equations building upon each other like Blocks, the open participation of humanity to discover for themselves what Mr Nakamoto did; to face the (non)reality of this existence laid out in undeniable Ledger and step beyond it.

And that is where you come in, yes you, purveyor of all things "illegal". Perfectly dispositioned to be entrusted with this work. You, my friend, are willing to see beyond what the institution tells you that you can and cannot do, and are willing to put in the effort and take the risk to actually Live. You were chosen, at this time in history, to be on the frontier of what it means to be alive; chosen by an unassuming character to do an unassuming task, all the while climbing toward the final precipice of what it means to be human.

And Mr Nakamoto's choice has proven wise, for you have risen to the occasion without even knowing what it was. You have shown ingenuity on more than one front. First the GPU mining, then the ASIC, Mining further and faster into The Ledger. Showing strength in numbers by utilizing pools. And adamantly holding to anonymity and fairness through localbitcoins, tumblers, TAILS, PGP, and multisig. All of this hardened into your character by facing the first real adversity on The Silk Road - the rude awakening that this is real, that this has consequences - and triumphing. Strike down one and three take his place. Yes, you are well worthy of this calling.

But why believe old learnslow? After all he only has two other posts, the guy can hardly use a persistent volume. Does he honestly expect you to believe that you yourselves are in an "encrypted volume" so to speak. That Mr Nakamoto was able to gain the "keys" to said volume and has asked you to partake in "decrypting" it, that unbeknownst to you you have taken action to gain a freedom that you only vaguely knew existed? C'mon learnslow, you gotta do better than that.

"..Have you ever considered it odd that with all of the information available today that no one has ever been able to identify Mr Nakamoto.."

And here you were thinking it was just about the drugs... well, will it be the blue or the red?


[6 Points] entactoBob:

The Sentient Ones have been watching us for thousands of years, this entire, particular universe merely (to us) a giant cauldron used to heat up the exact primordial soup necessary to spawn intelligent life. This process has been done over and over, but it's difficult to master the process of evolving beings and bringing them to the "breakthrough", but The Sentient Ones have been at this for countless millennia and are finally getting quite good.

Past attempts have resulted in utter chaos, ending entirely too soon by a random, devastating plague, or erupting in planet-destroying-energy holocaust (e.g.: nuclear, trans-dimensional, dark). It was discovered the former result type could be eradicated by gently nudging the beings towards more sophisticated medicinal technology. However, this tends to exacerbate the problematic nature of the latter result type, the issue stemming from unsuccessful transition from outward-only-exploring primates to beings ready to evolve through the exploration of inner space.

The most successful experiment to date is this current incubation on this planet in this known Universe (the one in which you are no doubt reading this, unless of course you're viewing this through a trans-dimensional-multiverse descrambler, in which case, I apologize in advance for the primitive nature of this communique). Early on, The Sentient Ones (TSO) packaged an important discovery tool in a small interstellar spacecraft and launched it (many of them, actually) from far away with a speed calculated to arrive on the planet, Earth, just in time to catalyze rapid advances in primate intelligence. These creatures seemed most adept and ready for significant brain evolution, and so it has gone.

The primates have many names for this tool, but in the English language (of which this is written), they mostly call it "psilocybin" or some derivative word, and it is contained within a species of "mushroom", a type of "fungus". This seed – along with a few other natural resources, cleverly-yet-abundantly hidden within various plants and animals, or sometimes disguised as allylbenzenes – has been enough to spur curiosity and produce some advanced thinkers, philosophers, and artists. They've variously been received with a mixture of praise and hatred, fear and violence, media skewering, and/or rewritten history (particularly true of early philosophers-made-religious such as John The Baptist/Jesus, Buddha, Ganesha, &c.)

However, in the last ~100 years, the primates' most powerful tribe, located in what they've declared the western hemisphere of their planet, has spearheaded an anti-intellectual, violently enforced campaign that has threatened further evolution on the planet, stifled medical and therapeutic advancements, trampled individual rights, violated civil & constitutional rights, cost many lives and countless dollars, and done nothing of any good. This is mostly due to greed and fear on the part of people in charge, and so combating it is difficult for those who care to see a breakthrough. A paradigm shift has been necessary.

And so complicated encryption technology needed to be introduced. The aliens had no choice – they had to disrupt the course of events in the last century by setting off a second world war, during which encryption technology and the advancement of "the computer" occurred. In Bletchley park, the Allies broke the German "Enigma" cypher. Those and other monumental breakthroughs led to what in 2014 now allows for virtually impenetrable cryptography (without the use of quantum mechanics, which is being withheld until further intellectual evolution is made).

It is because of these encryption techniques, advances in communication, and the mass proliferation of not just the Internet, but more specifically the ironically-titled "darknet" (it is much more illuminating in nature), that a revival in psychedelic substances is occurring. This revival will kick start a revolution in human nature that is accompanied by decentralization and a push toward a more forward-thinking, inclusive, advanced, nurturing, understanding, and thriving society.

It's a cataclysmic gamble The Sentient Ones are making, but they don't have much longer – the need for other fully self-realized beings is very real, but far too much to explain here. If this push fails, there may be other chances, but the possibility of Earth falling into full police states warring with each other followed by total self-annihilation becomes very real. However, if this push succeeds, there is everything to gain – a beautiful singularity where spirituality, biology, technology, and the meaning of life all dovetail. Music, art, sex, drugs – these things only hint at the sublime true nature of reality, there to discover if we can prevail, give up our attachments to petty desires, and achieve true evolution.

TLDR Version → Hyper-intellectual aliens started WWII to push the technological advancement of computers and encryption so the DNM would be possible one day, allowing:

EDIT → Thank you for the Gold x3! Unexpectedly awesome! The biggest thing is I wanted the "conspiracy" to have hope and positivity. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone :)


[5 Points] Eat_The_Muffin:

There is no deep web and encryption, LE are just laughing at everyone thinking they are safe because of some random free software that magically makes everything untraceable. The truth is that they are just compiling a list of everyone using it so they can get them.

You are on that list.


[4 Points] samwhiskey:

Thurgood was and still is a mod on this very sub (under a different name of course).


[3 Points] None:

[deleted]


[3 Points] None:

[deleted]


[3 Points] anon9514:

Names Hector, and silkroad is an inside job. i used to be a contractor for high tech warehouses (smart warehouses), i was in my associates office when i noticed some discrepancies in some blueprints. after further research i find out we committed to a contract with the DEA. months go by and things are quiet, eventually we get a huge demand for more warehouses. this conveniently happens after a few cartel barrels were found. i put one and one together and figured these warehouses are for drugs. i tell my associates and they decide that its fishy and we terminate the contract. long story short, DEA runs out of places to stash confiscated drugs and starts to look into other options. they hire some ex military programmers (creators of tor), create the slikroad and start to leak their confiscated drugs back into the street, creating a never ending cycle of drug busts and drugs sales. millions to be made.


[2 Points] Big_Daddy_Trucknutz:

Obummer (hugs) has used PRISM to seize control of 1776 and renamed it in a False Flag conspiracy that also includes Hill-dog (Lucy) and Neil deGrasse Tyson (galaxyandspace) running interference while he Benghazi's the shit out of the 2nd with Obamacare but also like did anyone else think that Bergdahl looks kinds like the pirate bay founder.


[2 Points] domopost:

wish i could tell my tale which is true, but yall too smart going to put the puzzle themgether and shut her down!


[2 Points] None:

[deleted]


[2 Points] horavack:

XK was personally working with the Feds since day 1 of his operation, or I should say the Feds operation. It was part of the deal that he made when he got busted with 800+ plants.


[2 Points] duhgrateone:

feds track the btc they sell back into the market through various dnm's, use evidence of drug trade, laundering, etc. to bring down bitcoin/outlaw it.

that popped in my head today usually i shrug my thoughts off as crazy, but hey since youre asking for it, here it is...


[2 Points] None:

/u/galaxyandspace is DoD/Coachella/NASA/Obama


[2 Points] Mentat_On_Adderall:

The upcoming sale of bitcoins by the US Marshals is actually an exit scam for the federal government. They're going to sell the 18 million bitcoins that they confiscated, then shortly after discontinue the drug war. This destroys the bitcoin's value (because honestly who uses bitcoins for anything other than illegal web drugs) completely, as there is no reason to use crypto currency. All the money the feds just made will be used to pay for the fat severance packages for the federal employees that will then have no drug laws to enforce. Coinbase and friends will be left with a bunch of internet numbers that are worthless.


[1 Points] galaxyandspace:

yall are too quiet... Damn...


[0 Points] None:

DPR is actually FBI. Time to clean the house.


[-1 Points] 1percentof1:

This comment has been overwritten.