There are not many vendor review templates on the Deeps, & the okay ones needed rethinking. So I put this together in the hopes people find it useful, discuss improvements, &--perhaps most importantly--help make vendor reviews more consistent.
How to use this template:
- Uses Reddit Markdown. Here's a guide for those unfamiliar.
- Go through it line-by-line, leaving all the markdown punctuation intact. Replace all the [bracketed] sections with your review (including the brackets themselves).
So this:
_Vendor:_ |[`WHICH SELLER`]
is replaced like so:
_Vendor:_ |Shneefer SoutherlandAll scores are on a scale of 1 to 10. I feel that 1 to 5 isn't expressive enough & often leads to overly generous top scores due to exaggeration & excitement.
A score of "10/5" isn't helpful (nor "20/10"). In fact it undermines the rating system's effectiveness. Keeping scores b/t 1 & 10 sets a 10-digit modulus & is more natural, IMO (we have 10 digits after all). Vendors will have grades like 76/100 or 93/100.
Please reserve perfect scores for buyers who deserve it. Average service & product should get maximum points. This devalues the rating system. Currently, a perfect score shouldn't be common, though that's The Goal. Let's filter out scammers, skimmers, drug cutters, shitheads, & snitches.
Note - please use the standard post title format for Vendor Reviews, which follows the format:
|------Vendor's Name------|----------Marketplace------------|-----Product-----|
| ↓ | ↓ | ↓ |
[VENDOR REVIEW] + SnuffTits | Agorvolution Market Rebloated | 2C-Bromosexual |
Example:
[VENDOR REVIEW] SnuffTits, Agorvolution Market Rebloated, 2C-Bromosexual
Ok so here it is. Use it only if you want to, or feel free to modify it:
VENDOR REVIEW TEMPLATE: SUMMER 2014 EDITION
TEMPLATE ONE
««« Copy after line break »»»
|||
--:|:--
|| __Details__
_Vendor:_ |[`WHICH SELLER`]
_Market:_ |[`WHICH MARKETPLACE`]
_Product:_ |[`WHAT WAS PURCHASED`]
_Shipped from:_ |[`COUNTRY`]
_Shipped to:_ |[`COUNTRY`]
_FE?_ (y/n): |[`WAS 'FE' REQUIRED?`]
||
||__Vendor (30 pts)__
_Communication:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Stealth:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Shipping time:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
||
||__Product (50 pts)__
_Price:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Aesthetics:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Weight:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Quality:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
||
||__Overall (30 pts)__
_Transaction:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Vendor:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Drug:_ |[`SCORE`] / 10
|
|
|
|
_TOTAL SCORE:_ | __[`SCORE`] / 100__
««« Stop copying »»»
Which will end up looking like this:
Details | |
Vendor: | [WHICH SELLER ] |
Market: | [WHICH MARKETPLACE ] |
Product: | [WHAT WAS PURCHASED ] |
Shipped from: | [COUNTRY ] |
Shipped to: | [COUNTRY ] |
FE? (y/n): | [WAS 'FE' REQUIRED? ] |
Vendor (30 pts) | |
Communication: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Stealth: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Shipping time: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Product (50 pts) | |
Price: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Aesthetics: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Weight: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Quality: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Overall (30 pts) | |
Transaction: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Vendor: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
Drug: | [SCORE ] / 10 |
TOTAL SCORE: | [SCORE ] / 100 |
Alternately, indent each line 4 spaces for a monospaced typeface:
TEMPLATE TWO
««« Copy after line break »»»
DETAILS _____________________________
Vendor: [Which seller]
Market: [Which marketplace]
Product: [What was purchased]
Shipped from: [Country]
Shipped to: [Country]
FE? (y/n): [Was FE required?]
VENDOR (30 pts) ______________________
Communication: [Score] / 10
Stealth: [Score] / 10
Shipping time: [Score] / 10
PRODUCT (50 pts) _____________________
Price: [Score] / 10
Aesthetics: [Score] / 10
Weight: [Score] / 10
Quality: [Score] / 10
OVERALL (30 pts) _____________________
Transaction: [Score] / 10
Vendor: [Score] / 10
Drug: [Score] / 10
_______________________________________
###TOTAL SCORE: [SCORE] / 100
««« Stop copying »»»
And this time, the code will look like:
DETAILS ______________________________
Vendor: [Which seller]
Market: [Which marketplace]
Product: [What was purchased]
Shipped from: [Country]
Shipped to: [Country]
FE? (y/n): [Was FE required?]
VENDOR (30 pts) ______________________
Communication: [Score] / 10
Stealth: [Score] / 10
Shipping time: [Score] / 10
PRODUCT (50 pts) _____________________
Price: [Score] / 10
Aesthetics: [Score] / 10
Weight: [Score] / 10
Quality: [Score] / 10
OVERALL (30 pts) _____________________
Transaction: [Score] / 10
Vendor: [Score] / 10
Drug: [Score] / 10
______________________________________
TOTAL SCORE: [SCORE] / 100
The 10 Requirements for a "Perfect V.R. Score"
- Quick PM responses & top notch customer service are imperative to getting 10s.
- Product arrives with a little extra in it or maybe a free sample - e.g.: You receive 2.2g on a 2g order, or your vendor throws in a free .3g of some new Peruvian Flake... or just a little something extra to make the order feel special, even a small dabber or similar paraphernalia - that goes a long way in building customer loyalty.
- Vendor sends confirmation of order - a simple note saying, "payment received, product shipped, thank you for your business" is adequate. It's good form & nice to know your vendor communicates.
- Price Value is a reflection of good pricing for that particular product, not the market for that product. Price can be high, low, or right-on as compared to the average, but the category's score is based on that product only. For example, let's say there were some MDMA priced much higher than the norm; however, it's in the US already and it's clear white, sparkles, & is a true headbanger. Those into MDMA are gonna snatch that up, even at higher prices.
- Product should be top notch if it's advertised as such. Be harsh if it's called for--we need it--just be sure it's really called for & appropriate. Call out lackluster shit for being garbage. But also, don't be a dick.
- Professionalism & courtesy are always valued. Customer service is still crucially important & plays a big role in a vendor's initial success.
- Stealth is a clear indicator of a vendor's quality, caution, intelligence & general competence at her job. The product should be packaged safely & appropriately - large items professionally packaged, fragile items in padding, flat items in envelopes. USPS should always be used, at least if it's all within the U.S. (Feds need a warrant for USPS, whereas UPS & FedEx cooperate right away). »» Fellow European Neuromodulation Enthusiasts »» safest shipping options within your particular country?
- Product should be vacuum sealed if it's odorous & commonly sniffed out by drug dogs. Cannabis obviously is the loudest, but dogs can also be trained to detect coke, heroin, & some amphetamines. Either way, vacuum sealing is a good move to make for protecting the product.
- Includes a decoy to avoid the unlikely scenario someone "accidentally" opens your package. This means the vendor has disguised the package's contents to appear like something innocuous. Won't fool LE, but cuts out accidental discovery by USPS should it occur.
- Packaging should look 100% professional. We know that LE profiles packages to reverse trace intercepted drugs. Therefore the packaging should change shape, size, envelopes, &c. It should not have the same return address or fake company name. Look for different sized boxes & envelopes. Address labels should not be hand-written.
Some notes about this template:
- "RELEVANT DETAILS" - Lay out the facts. This first section isn't scored; just informational.
- Vendor - What screenname does the vendor use?
- Market - On which market was this purchased?
- Product - What did you purchase (e.g., 25i-NBOMe, Meth, MDMA)?
- Shipped From - From which country was the product shipped?
- Shipped To - In which country was the product received?
- FE (y/n)? - Did the vendor require you to "Finalize Early"? "Yes" or "no" is fine, but wax eloquent if you want, just keep it relevant - state why you did or didn't FE & how the vendor reacted, &c.
- "VENDOR (30 pts)" - Give the vendor some specific scores on a scale of 1 to 10, then optionally leave comments after each score.
- Communication - If there is no communication beyond an encrypted address being sent from you, I don't consider that 10/10. I would argue that 7/10 is plenty, 8/10 tops, & only if their vendor page has lots of helpful details. Again, a simple, "thanks for your order" is all it takes to be in my graces...
- Stealth - Same as above goes for all the scores categories. Again, 10/10 requires clever stealth & at least some minimal decoy.
- Shipping time - This should be based on response time of the vendor in getting it shipped to you, & secondarily how accurate they are in guessing time of arrival. Probably best not to give exact dates, but try to state how many days it takes from the moment it's marked "shipped" until it arrives.
- "PRODUCT (40 pts)"
- Price value - Essentially "bang for your buck". Is it worth the price? Maybe don't list the exact price you paid, but what the vendor is asking for it currently, or at least "last you checked".
- Aesthetics - Score the appearance of the product. If it's giant clear shards, or bright white MDMA rocks, or pretty THC-crystallized buds, or whatever, sing it. NOTE: this is not synonymous with quality. Beauty != purity.
- Weight - I have mixed feelings about this. It could be handy, but in a bad situation & considering the recklessness of others, it's an unwise idea to attribute a specific weight to a profile on the chance it's ever linked to you in some manner. Another important metric is whether you received the advertised amount or if it was under or over that amount. I tend to think a score of 10/10 should be reserved for vendor's who give a little extra, even if it's just a few milligrams or whatever.
- Quality - This is about the quality of the product, & more to the point, the effects of the product; not the outward, physical appearance of it (that goes under "Aesthetics".)
- "OVERALL (30 pts)" - This is a recap that fills out the maximum possible score to a perfect 100. All three are again worth 10 points each.
- Transaction Rating - Basically: how smooth was the transaction?
- Vendor Rating - What is your overall impression of the vendor?
- Product Rating - What is your overall impression of the product?
The Total Score you add up yourself until someone comes up with something clever for this. For now, sum the 10 scores & put that over 100. In this manner, vendors will end up with a "grade" or a "percentage" like 88% (put this in the post title if you like), and this should be more useful than:
- Communication: 10/5. They always responded like right away. Amazehoden!
- Stealth: 5/5. My username was handwritten on the label, but I'm still giving 5/5 because I'm so happy my drugs are actually here! [editor's note: yes, that was hyperbole.]
- Product: 10/5. Hurrrr...durrr...
- Hope that vendor will hook me up for shilling their mediocre shit: 15,000/5.
Finally, a shorter version of the template goes like this:
TLDR EDITION OF VENDOR REVIEW TEMPLATE:
1. DETAILS: [name, market, product]
2. TRANSACTION: [1-to-10 shipping, speed, & transaction] → multiply this by 3 =
3. VENDOR: [stealth, communication, general attitude] → multiply this by 3 =
4. PRODUCT: [1-to-10 value, look, weight, quality, effects] → multiply this by 4 =
5. TOTAL SCORE: [sum items 2, 3, & 4 here. = __ out of 100]
Enjoy and feel free to suggest improvements.
EDIT: after trying this thing out, I'm not convinced the categories / scoring system is quite right. It's a little difficult to quantify these things at times... Suggestions for improvement definitely welcome.
The only thing that imo should change is that a 10/10 for the weight section should be given to a product that arrived exactly on weight, as the vendor didn't really do anything wrong. I think if it is overweight that an 11/10 should be given. In this specific instance going one point over the 10/10 scale is not an over-exaggeration, but just a bonus point.
We definitely need to start using a template like this. If people want to take the time out of their day to write a vendor review on Reddit, you might as well be thorough and helpful. Your joke review near the end unfortunately looks like quite a few reviews on here..... time to change that!