Hello. Just call me Igor. Igor from Vladivostok, Eastern Russia. I'm currently based in Hamburg once again, as local LE, FSB and CIA became a bit overactive in my area and my local customer base was progressively beaten to a pulp by the police, which sucked donkey balls.
Before I started (as some of you might know) dropshipping from North Korea early last year I used to ship gas centrifuges to Iran, as well as other questionable stuff, no questions asked. Bliss is where the money is. Now I'm even looking towards a new field of operation in Crimea, thanks comrade /u/DPRKAdmin :-)
Finally got an invite to DPRK market today so I'm able to come up with an educated review. Why it took me so long to get in, you may ask yourself? Because I already had been in touch with Dear Admin General Koi Moon-Bat for a considerable time over the Alibaba B2B marketplace. Alibaba though is nowadays more and more a hortbag of scammers and imperialist scumbags so I looked into an additional business platform as a reassurance; maybe even doing some retail on the side, as vendor accounts are just $10 on DPRK and tax deductible.
Dear General and me had an electronic conversation yesterday; for OPSEC reasons this took place by means of an SSH tunnel routed through a chain of proxy chains, which were intelligently routed through a proxy chain. I think they call that Tor or something. Of the conversation, publishing a few parts which may be considered not critical to North Korea's national integrity, was approved.
Me: we are partners in business for a year now, lemme in plzzzz. please! fucktards scammed me! they even admitted to business with USA! i'm frightened!
Koi: you dumbass or what? scud missile will explode on your head, that happen. no juche, no com in. you read juce and juche meorize good? then cum.
Me: well, that Juche read sort of made sense after I was halfway through that huge sample pack of korean red dream. it really made sense! actually i was so baked that it made sense.
Me: the true korea will ever slowly enlighten the world, like a holy candle carefully dropped into a fuel tanker. As long as the masses work hard, voluntarily and seven days a week for the resplendent vision, there will be hope in this all too hostile world
Koi: hear buttocks. 1 week period trial. bizfriends yes dont matter tis our hometurf must preotected. possible imperelist sympatisant mole? shit once, bugger, and be excuted by bomb drop from Leader's airplane, same time hanged shot and burned and it on youtube.
Me: sounds like a deal, Dear Admin General. My considerate actions shall enable you to discern the truth behind my attitude. twenty years in the shipping business? it will only help the cause of Real Korea. devilish imperialists stink! HURR! HURR! UPHOLD OUR DEAR LEADER! SEAS OF FLOWERS ATOP HIS FEET!
We had a gab for some longer, sipping lovely green jasmine tea, then he spontaneously came out with the invite code. I smiled.
„herwith i lay responsibil prosperity of peple of greatest korea yor hands on. smallest abuse will die instant!"
Suddenly I shaked my fists against the ceiling, laughing manically and triumphantly. I would not disappoint them or abuse their trust. They really had me.
TL;DR: Here cometh the Market review.
After I logged into DPRK, I was prominently greeted by a splashscreen with the glorifying depiction of The Dear Leader. This image then moves into the top left corner with a darn cool CSS3 effect and continues to sit there at all times, observing as well as reminding. Occasionaly pop-up boxes open in the middle of the screen. They are basically kind of badly conceived realtime notifications (like when you got a mail or an order was shipped) and quite annoying when appearing in the middle of browsing. They dim the screen a bit too, but never the portrayal of The Dear Leader. He is far above any amount of screen dimming, support confirmed.
The market will not expire your session after a certain time. Instead it securely locks the GUI and displays, playing the Five Great Revolutionary Operas in the background, a very decorative screensaver slideshow which is mostly comprised of women playing accordion, firing squads dispensing well-deserved justice, glorious military parades, famous scenes from Airang Festival, even more righteous executions of nefarious imperialists, families roasting mussels above burning US flags (very popular at picnics), the holy Mt. Baekdu, The Eternal General Secretary Kim Jong Il's Countenance, and the beatiful sight of kale harvest in the mid of a harsh winter. Only real Korean kale is good for Kimchi! Just ask 'em.
Basic use and search are quite straightforward; once again Evolution seemed to be the biggest borrowing. Unfortunately you can't filter by ship-from country because everything ships from NK anyway (foreign vendors are, without any exceptions, required to move to Pyongyang while dealing, where their income, activities and whereabouts are strictly monitored). Prices are displayed in KPW by default, which plainly sucks. And there's no obvious workaround yet. Support just bawls at me.
The color scheme is a pompous orgy of red. Apparently the creators of the market aimed at transporting a certain statement here, I'm not quite sure yet; but it is very likeable and easy on the eyes.
One hundred listings, give or take some, are up so far. Custom orders seem to be an especially hot section; I was instantly tempted at purchasing an Antonow An-225 scrap hull, but someone with slightly more coins in the wallet was faster. So I went with an S-300P SAM instead. According to the description it is "deliverable to the doorstep". Pleasantly surprised, I bookmarked the vendor for future reference.
On the drug side, things should be clear. The best weed and best meth you will encounter on ANY market. The "standard" and ideologically most impeccable weed seems to go by the name "Korean Red Dream". It is a high-CBD sativa-indica hybrid that indeed impresses with delightful, deeply red trichomes. According to the feedback, some a user converted to Juche because they were so insanely fried by one hit that they didn't care anymore, or even about FE.
Yes, this is an FE-only market and the 2FA implementation still needs some love as well. I wanted you to know that beforehand.
The grass of thinkers, on the other hand, seems to be "Amnesia Pyong", sativa 28% THC. But it costs nearly double of the ideologically ok stuff, so allow yourself some time for consideration.
Support is not the most friendly. Along those lines, I have to assume they are simply under a lot of pressure from above and in urgent need of coders. Just get used to their constant death threats. You'll learn how to cope and make the best of it. And in the end, this is the darknet; don't expect a coffee party with black forest cake.
So far for my review, ladies and gentlemen. I was a little short on time and still have other things to do on this late evening. More to come, who knows? Cya.
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