How many of you are current or recovering heroin/opiate addicts?

I feel like there may be a common factor in some of us on this sub; Opiate addicts. I myself have been an addict for ~8 years. I have slip ups here and there, but fortunately I haven't digressed to what I was at my worst, homeless and basically prostituting myself for drugs and places to stay in the Tenderloin, S.F. I now take Kratom regularly to satiate my need for harder opiates and am engaged to a beautiful, sweet girl, who shares my interest in fun drugs like MDMA and LSD. Anyone else have a story to share that led them to the DNM's?


Comments


[37 Points] BHOmber:

I found out that opiates were the drugs that fixed most of my problems while I was in high school. I was a kid that played sports, was in AP classes getting decent grades and had a great group of friends. I had previously been in an accident when I was younger that required a week long hydromorphone drip and a few scripts of vicodin, but I never realized how great they made me feel until I was a little older.

I started off taking a few pills at a time from my grandparents unused, old scripts of hydro and ate em in social situations to feel warm and comfortable. I've always been good at socializing but, like I've heard many others say, opiates turn me into the person I want to be on the outside. I was much more empathetic, could express my feelings and opinions easier and was more confident in anything I was doing or saying. My use at this point was infrequent, and a 15mg dose of hydro was considered a treat.

I eventually found out that my weed plug had relatives with scripts that they would sell to him, so I ended up being able to grab 10mg norcos for $4 a piece. Once in awhile he would get some percs and I was even able to try my one and only 20mg green stop sign opana through him. I remember snorting ~2.5mg with no tolerance and had to sit in my car during a funeral because I was too nauseous. Blamed it on the stomach flu and my parents never thought anything of it. I was probably a junior in high school at this point. No one had a clue that I was into anything besides smoking weed.

After discovering bitcoin, and soon thereafter Silk Road, I had a deep down subconscious feeling that I would end up ordering heroin after a winter of secretly buying pills on a bi-weekly basis. I spent months researching BTC and SR until I was confident enough to place the first order.

I went straight from occasional use of low dose pain pills compounded with APAP to sniffing some of the best heroin in the country. My first gram came inside the battery compartment of a dollar store toy truck. Complete overkill on stealth that made me grin from ear to ear. From then on, the only days that I weren't high were when I was dry and waiting for my next express envelope with a $200 gram inside. I carried a vial of H with one of those little spoons attached to it inside my pocket at all times and would take a bump every four hours or so. Grams lasted me between 7 and 10 days and that was how I justified my use. Somehow, I convinced myself that the amounts I was using weren't dangerous and wouldn't result in severe withdrawal symptoms, despite being high all day every day.

I was a fucking clean cut, smart, athletic high school senior that would pretend to piss in the bathroom stall to take a bump while my friends were at the urinals. I went to my graduation ceremony in acute withdrawal due to a pack not landing in the PO box by the weekend. No one knew or suspected anything. Not my friends, not my parents, not even my long term girlfriend who I spent most of my time with on dope.

I used all throughout the summer before I was going off to college, but one of my last nights at home, I fell asleep in my basement with my vial and a mirror on the floor next to the couch I passed out on. When I woke up it was gone. My stomach dropped when I figured out what had happened. My dad came down to wake me up, saw my straight-off-the-brick white dope and assumed it was cocaine. I ended up having to explain to my rents that it wasn't coke, but something much "worse". When I came upstairs, it almost felt like a relief to finally know that someone else was acknowledging the fact that what I was doing was completely fucked up.

We talked to the psychiatrists that were prescribing my vyvanse and they immediately cut me off and pretty much sent me on my way with a few ativan for the withdrawals that I was barely feeling. I knew the mental part of my addiction was what would lead me back, so I decided to get on suboxone. I didn't do enough research and found out that I was started on a much higher dose than I should have been after it was too late.

I was on a stable dose for around a year and then tapered for another year before jumping off last July with the help of some kratom. I've been clean from heroin since August 2013, opiate free (bupe) since July 2015. I don't think I would have ever gotten into heroin this early in my life without the DNMs, but I'm honestly glad it happened. From the moment I felt my first real opiate buzz I knew that I would end up an addict somewhere down the line, whether it was to oxys or dope. I'm just thankful it was during a time in my life that I could easily recover from.

Whenever I'm feeling shitty, I always like to remember that I could open Tor and have some H in my mailbox tomorrow afternoon. I'm able to look at pictures of listings, read reviews etc and have no real urge to buy anything even when I have hundreds of dollars of BTC at my disposal. That is how I know how far I've come.

Edit: Jesus Christ. I typed this shit on my phone and had no clue how long it was until I posted it. I guess this is what happens when you dab the fuck out before trying to fall asleep slightly drunk...


[8 Points] d3emSt3rz:

East Coast Dope addict... shot dope everyday for 3 years quit when i was 19 or so... Stayed clean for years now do party drugs. Just used a needle for the first time a few days ago (shooting coke),scared the shit outta me, been thinking about it all week. I have a ball of coke coming prob tomorrow. I just destroyed the whole bag of fits. shooting drugs is the worst.... But yet all i wanna do is bang this ball of coke, and i also just extremely luckily had an order for dilaudid cancelled by a vendor that i made all strung out on coke with a ex dope fiend friend cause of PGP issues. If that would have came and I would have shot it there is a very good chance I go full blown junkie.


[7 Points] vanteal:

I've never been one with an addictive personality or ever really enjoyed drugs of any kind very much. Shit, I don't even drink. But after a trip to the hospital in late 2008 and the worsening of my degenerative disk disease, I was introduced to some groovy painkillers. And had finally found some level of comfort in my life. My doctor wrote out rx's for me like they were candy. I refuse surgery, as I'd like to still be able to tie my shoes by the time I'm 50 and I can't stand PT. Injections didn't work and the painkillers were like the ultimate antidepressant for me. 5 years later I decided to quit cold turkey, as I realized they were doing more harm than good. Felt like shit for about a month, but once everything was out of my system I felt so much better. I still get a small amount of perc's once in a blue moon on the worst of the painful days. But I start ketamine infusions next week, so hopefully that'll do the trick in keeping my pain and depression within tolerable ranges.


[5 Points] DarkKnight_1111:

Been a heroin addict for the past 8 years, I am on suboxone now. Shits rough bro. I am on probation and house arrest right now and i still want to shoot some dope


[4 Points] GrandWizardsLair:

The Grand Wizard would like to say he's a chipper who can quit any time he wants. He said that many times, in fact, and then he (tried to) quit. When it comes to Withdrawal Kits, the Greatest Mind the Darknet Has Ever KnownTM isn't just a salesman, he's a consumer.


[2 Points] randstev:

Story? Better dope for cheaper prices.


[2 Points] None:

[deleted]


[2 Points] OpiLuvr:

Been an addict for well over 15 years. Now I use once or twice a week, but have a methadone script to hold me the rest of the time. Also prescribed fentanyl patches for chronic pain. Luckily, because of my health problems, my drug workers seem happy to keep me parked on methadone, though I've never been on a massive dose. They also (depending on who I see at the clinic) don't mind if I test dirty every now and then as long as its not all the time, and it doesn't effect my take homes.


[2 Points] deathtrip03:

Wow, there a few of us here.

Yep, I'm another opiate addict, somewhere between chipping and addicted at this moment...so I guess I'm currently addicted, tbh. I started using in the summer of 08, so 8 years now, to help me get off a nasty daily meth habit. My bf at the time did opioids (back when the old oxys were still everywhere, and cheap). Long story short, by the summer of 09 I was addicted to IV opiates. It took me a long time to get to the point where I was ready to do anything about it, though, as I have always been the kind of person who could work 2 jobs, go to school, and maintain some kind of normal front, even though at home the chaos going on was obvious. I never cleaned up at home, depended on drugs to get up, go to work, to socialize and to sleep. I had to go the hospital for a bad artery shot. My bf and I fought constantly, as he didn't use, and didn't understand why I was the way I was. When I tried telling him the truth, he would break things and yell, so I stopped being honest.

Eventually things started going downhill in a way I couldn't ignore...my bf and I also worked together, and when we broke up he narc'ed on me for a bunch of stuff to my boss, which caused me some problems there. My car got impounded and I couldn't afford to get it out. I OD'd twice on fent. Etc. I'm sure many of you have had similar experiences, they're not fun, but at the time I was just numb enough to ignore everything and keep going.

I got things together for a couple of months (mostly bc I had no $$, like, literally enough to eat rice and frozen vegetables twice a day and that was it) and worked at a call centre while securing another decent job. As soon as I started earning decent cash again, I noticed that I seemed to naturally fall right back into that routine of getting up/getting high, picking up my methadone on the way to work, working, maybe socializing for awhile, but thinking about getting high the whole time, going home, getting high. Rinse and repeat. I felt happy. But deep down I knew I wasn't. I was no making no progress in life, couldn't/didn't want to date anyone bc of my addiction had destroyed my sex drive, wanted to return to school and finish my second degree, but knew I wouldn't be able to with things as they were. I'm a halfway pretty girl who used to love clothes and going out dancing, and now I stole stuff from the corner thrift store and could not have told you the last time I went to a club. I could go on. But surely you know where I'm going.

Last year I decided to take a chance and move to a city 10 hours from my hometown, where I had lived briefly just after high school, but knew no one in. I knew NOBODY. People do drugs everywhere, but I wasn't likely to come across them here.

Sure enough, after the horror of methadone WD wore off a bit, I got a great job here which I loved (and still do). I stupidly kept dabbling in opiates every 3-4 weeks for awhile, as a guy from back home would offer to mail me 1-2 pills as a "favour" whenever he felt like it. This wasn't enough to keep me physically addicted, but I still thought about opiates all the time. Dumbass, I'd think. You moved here just to get off opiates, what are you doing?

I finally fell out with the guy who sent pills, and put together a couple of months of clean time, only smoking weed. It was the longest time I'd been clean since 2008, and as you guys may know...it felt AMAZING. I felt more awake and alert all the time, more social, more confident, conversations were more fun, I could read and study the way I used to be able to (before drugs), I actually had a sex drive again, I had energy again..could go on for days. It was great.

But...a visit home last spring turned into a relapse before I even got my coat off at my friend's house. Can't blame my friend, he's been an addict even longer than me, and we've always gotten high together. I knew what I was walking into, and sure enough, not 10 minutes later I was high on dilaudid. Used every day that week, and when I left to go home, I suffered minor withdrawals again. Worse than that was that the obsession with finding and getting opioids had again taken centre stage in my mind.

Soooooo....

I researched the DNM's. This was just about the time evolution scammed and disappeared. I read all the news about that, did some more research, and finally made an account on Agora. After more reading still, researching good vendors/bad, suspiciously perfect reviews vs realistic ones, and most of all assessing my own risks, I made my first small order for some H from CF.

Long story short, the H came and it was great. I ordered more, same thing. While the prices on the markets looked high (they ARE high for pills, heroin is a different thing, at least here in Canada) I quickly calculated that I was spending much less per day than I ever had at the height of my addiction back home. The H on the DNM's was typically MUCH purer than what I was used to, as I hadn't lived near a large centre for it, and half a gram would easily last me a week (not kidding). It worked out to prices I could live with, basically.

Since then, DNM's have been my go to for drugs, as I want to keep that part of my life far away from my decent job, my university classes, etc. They are almost too easy to access, really, especially considering that unless you're wealthy, being a junkie on DNM drugs means you're spending a lot of time sick. A pack being just a day or two late, when you need it, kills your next few days...and yeah, lope helps, etc, but it doesn't help THAT much.

So last November, I ordered a WD kit online from The Grand Wizard, and spend a 5 day stretch I had off trying to kick opiates yet again. It worked well, and I stayed away until almost the new year, but boredom got to me, and here we are.

I actually do really love the libertarian aspect of these markets, as well as the community. I don't want to leave the dnm's, but I do need to finally kick this fuckin addiction the hell out of my life for good. I don't care about other drugs-I'll do ALL the other drugs-but I need to leave opiates behind me.

Has anyone had experience with using acid to address addictions issues? I've been seeing some articles on psychedelics being used for this reason, and was sorta thinking that a Springtime trip outdoors somewhere beautiful might be cool:) Currently I'm trying to get even a week solid clean of opiates, popping clonidine and the occasional benzo, and compensating for the rush I miss with low doses of meth. Crossing my fingers that this time will be the charm!

Sorry for the looooong post...meth makes brevity impossible. GL everybody


[1 Points] AlabamaJesus:

true


[1 Points] FLUSHINGKILOS1337:

Recovering addict here, I never bought dope off the street at all. All the heroin I ever used and quite a few of the other drugs were all bought on the dnms.


[1 Points] 2000layers:

Thanks for sharing all your stories! My first opiate experience was at 16, going with a couple punk friends to Detroit with my Christmas money, and trying to buy H. There was a big group of us all there were really into hardcore punk/trainhopping lifestyles. I was still just a kid trying to be liked and made a lot of stupid decisions because of that. I said trying because we ended up getting ripped off by a dude in a santa hat for everything we had but 20 bucks. After we waited forever for him to come back another dude came out and we asked him what was up. Turns out we gave our money to the wrong dude, but he felt bad for us and hooked us all up for the 20 we had left. It was a Christmas miracle...lol.


[1 Points] Theeconomist1:

2 decades of using opioids. 12 or so of that heavy use. No plans on stopping. It's an expensive habit and I do cringe when I see the amounts spent but it doesn't impact my lifestyle. In some ways I don't like being dependent on something. But it enables me in many positive ways.


[1 Points] loveisrealnfa:

Opiate addict for 10 years, was on suboxone for the last 2 years. I am currently 21 days off subs and I feel better than I did before but still not normal.


[1 Points] bananaequivalentdose:

Here here


[1 Points] EastOaklandCase_Boys:

Shit boy, you were in the TL? I used to off dogfood on golden gate and leavenworth every now and then when the town was slow, and when my girls would pick their dirty scripts up a longggg time ago. Old memories, even though I was from the town, I had cousins from eddy rock, knockout, and Page st mob, so I was aound there everynow and then.


[1 Points] Pink-glitter:

Hey there, I saw your post about taking kratom, and how has it been taking it? I'm going on a hint for it tomorrow and I need to kick asap. Any tips? Hope to hear back from you, thanks.


[-1 Points] None:

Jesus christ MDMA is horrid. Amphetamine drugs are the only class that should actually be illegal. I'll take a warm blanket and crutch before excruciating brain-zaps and a 3-day death-wish anyday.

MDMA kills your brain in one use , LSD is shit on your brain too. Opiates take many uses


[-4 Points] loluj:

nah dog, probably not even close to most of 'us', whoever that is.