Got a knock on my door this morning...

So I'm chillin', Friday morning and all. Just got done with my morning meditation, now i'm watching Upstream Color on Netflix. It's hard to understand but basically this doctor has these leeches which he puts in humans to alter their memories, and then he removes the leech and puts them in pigs whose behavior now mimics that of whatever is happening in the humans life, and vice versa. Anyway, I ordered a large amount of psychs from the Netherlands 3 weeks ago and it still hasn't come lol. I get a knock on my door this morning & I'm like fuck. I start reciting the lines in my head "I didn't order anything, I won't sign for anything I didn't order," etc and I feel my heart beat faster making my way down the stairs to come greet this undercover pawn of our flawed system. I slowly open the door to reveal this chick dressed in all black smiling at me. I'm like fuck, LE's sent this ninja woman to seduce me into giving up incriminating evidence. She pulls out a sleek black tablet & asks if I'd watch this video with her. I oblige, and in my head I'm contemplating if she's hot enough that banging her is worth going to prison for (morning wood had me fucked up). Sun's shining and there's a breeze, I'm only wearing my Scooby Doo boxer briefs so I'm slightly cold. Video starts playing, talking about peace, love & nature, and how we can have a great life if we accept Jesus. LOL

When's my fucking pack coming HotStuff?


Comments


[244 Points] None:

wow, this is like straight out of /r/greentext...


[103 Points] MyNansAWelder:

Hell, if a hot young woman came to my house I'd name hitler as my lord and saviour to get in her knickers 😂


[89 Points] None:

The same thing happened to me last month! I was outside washing my car and a impala with dark tinted windows pulled up and this woman wearing a Pantsuit got out with a folder in her hand. I was thinking oh fuck...They seized those vape cartridges I ordered last week. I was trying to find my lawyers phone number in my phone before she got up the driveway and she said "do you have a minute to talk with me?". I said not without my lawyer and she kinda looked at me like ".....wut". Then handed me a copy of the watchtower and said "have a nice day sir".

I was fucking pissed, I was thinking of telling her off but didn't want to explain to her why I thought she was a cop


[49 Points] JohnnyDrama68:

I would have asked her to watch a video of mine first and put on some porn. No lose situation. She either loves it or she will never come back and neither will the rest of them.


[32 Points] Mustaka:

Lol. Had some Mormons show up last week. Told them I would listen to what they had to say but was busy working in the back yard. If they would help that would be great. I could listen (whistle) whilsts we work.

As spring is about here my two large dogs have as always left a large amount of shit in now melted snow. These nice mormon fellows cleaned it all up for me. Gave them some coffee. We had a chat. And a task I dread each year was done.


[14 Points] None:

[deleted]


[9 Points] Lv16:

Plot twist, your package already came and this was you hallucinating. You were actually still on your couch the entire time.


[4 Points] minorwhite:

Okay, true story time. I was living with my cousins for a bit after the economic downturn. One cousin had a wife (separated) that dabbled in mormonism. She did this basically to sponge off the church, and act all high and mighty. I am pretty sure she didn't believe any of it, but the church was subsidizing her rent. Anyways, this meant the church felt an obligation to check up on her fairly frequently, and they did so at her apartment. Well, one day they came around to my cousin's house, I was pretty zonked out on some stuff, and half asleep when they knocked on the door. I get up to go and answer it, and sure enough there are these two VERY cute little girls, and here I am all hazy and looking all manner of fucked up and rolled out of bed. They look at me a little strangely and ask me about my cousin, I tell them he isn't here etc etc, and they leave. As I close he door and look down and notice I HAVE A RAGING BONER! Those two girls never came back.


[4 Points] ABottleofRanch:

Ha! This made my day. Thanks for posting this


[3 Points] None:

And I thought I was a shit poster...


[3 Points] None:

[deleted]


[2 Points] Amanda-Binds:

Dood its an OMEN your working your way toward heaven one pack at a time!


[1 Points] Jamesxxxiii:

That pig thing you mentioned. Ever played Inside?


[1 Points] sweetpotatuh:

You seriously get that nervous because someone knocked on your door? You don't get out much do you...


[1 Points] ruthlessN2thless:

should have invited her in for.... "coffee"


[1 Points] whatisopsec:

Quality shit post.


[1 Points] Desecration29:

Fucking LOL


[1 Points] None:

me_irl


[1 Points] connorhall70:

Pmsl this is fucking well funny


[1 Points] Redd004:

Shane Carruth makes crazy fucking movies. Dude is so legit. I've watched Primer so many times and it still fucks me up


[1 Points] ScoopDat:

Let me get this straight, a random girl knocks in your door and you guys just chill? What the fuck?


[1 Points] blanston_log:

Well, did you hit it?


[1 Points] musicmanxii:

Did you smash tho?


[1 Points] plaguebearer666:

Well did you bang her? The community is waiting. To know the answer.


[1 Points] kilogrammes:

Hot bitch comes to my door with parcel, I take both the parcel and ass.


[1 Points] Big_Bell_:

Honeydicking at its finest


[1 Points] MindfulChem:

Well the good news is with Hotstuff you should have 100% chance of not getting a CD. He's the Karmasyndicate of NL except without the "selective" part.


[-3 Points] Usagii_YO:

Get a job hippie.