/r/DarkNetMarkets in one post

(I'm very original and I'm totally not copying the /r/Drugs post, trust me, you can FE 5/5 will update for me)


I'll start:


More: (I'll add the most popular ones)

METH IS LIFE....Bahahahaaha!!!!!!!

^ /u/RIP_Meth_9000

sand like from the motherfucking beach.

^ /u/GotMeSomeAlpandMDMA

Hope my bitecoins aren't being traced on AlphaBet.. OpSpec is very important to me

^ /u/syua

My friends and I dosed 400mg of MDMA from a reputable vendor yesterday. Today, we dosed 500mg and still feel nothing. I'm an experienced MDMA user, what went wrong?

^ /u/drkpie

These bars r bun k. I t ok 8 an idnt felz a thang

^ /u/jackoass

Last edit: too lazy to put all the quotes, y'all fuckers got some really great ones but, fuck you I'm lazy (with love <3).


Comments


[51 Points] jjcooli0h:

Think you forgot one... let me put on my best British accent, ahem (clears throat), ok:

I sell my meth for $275 a gram, and could easily double that shipping to Australia or Papua New Guinea. Speaking of Papua New Guinea, did I ever tell you the story about the time that lovable rogue, Paul Calder LeRoux, the creator of TrueCrypt, threw down $8k and a bottle of Don Julio Real so that Variety Jones and myself could double-team the frisky natural blond Vietnamese daughter of a high-ranking Thai diplomat and an American expat in the hotel room of a licensed PNG bean-counter by the name of Smartha.
Smartha, or as Plural of Mongoose used to call him, "Smarty", sat on the next double bed over, naked from the waist up wearing a silken towel, videotaping the whole shebang for posterity. I remember the PNG man smoked clove cigarettes, rolled in lettuce leaf, and dipped in a poisonous concoction that was sold to the local heathens by a Triad member from Hong Kong in exchange for logging rights.
The narcotic smoke proved much too strong for the lass, and she was struck daft with a silly expression on her face and would no longer respond to simple commands. Our night of sexual debauchery might thereupon have been ruined had I not had the quick thinking to give the poor girl a hit of my 118th batch of meth, which I had smuggled into LaRoux's private jet by keeping the stash hidden in my rectum, which proved to not be in the least bit necessary, owing to it being a chartered flight.
But one must never be too careful.
The world is full of sinners and madmen and shady customs and border patrol agents. In my opinion, the border of Northern Thailand is guarded by the best men in the world. Brave to a fault and fierce in battle.
I get shit from Reddit all day long by kids who would be startled to learn that America has not had "real meth" since 1978, when Hank undertook his first annual motorcycle tour of upstate New Jersey. Hank is British but may as well be a Chinese man raised in Australia with the way he smokes ice.
At 86.8% purity, it's practically a different drug. The biggest change in ice occurs between 97.4% to 99.5% purity. that last 2.1% completely changes its character again. It moves in a mysterious way. Flows uphill. Has magical properties that defy the laws of gravity.
The vapor becomes virtually invisible until it unites with the water vapor in your lungs whereupon it gets transmuted into an icy blue gold, which we call The Philosopher's Stone which (if the batch was cooked at high temperatures for at least 92 hours, like the batch I'm working on now) induces incredibly potent hallucinogenic impurities which we at the BTVA have christened, the "sexphetamines".
If you overindulge you get a new, drunken but clear type of high instead of overstimulated and tweaked-out.
Meth is an intensely complex drug, not a straight stimulant at all. More than any other drug, it requires specialist vendors who actually make it and don't sell anything else. Americans would be shocked to learn that real meth sellers don't carry guns and won't even ship anything at all save for a parcel of stale crumpets to anybody located in an Inverness post code.
While you scammers and scared kids are practicing for your next exit scam and the DNM fraudster types are emptying your Bitcoin wallets, your average wannabe meth vendors will be accidentally shooting their genitalia off using unregulated weaponry while the British Tor Vendors and Meth Chemists will be steadfast as ever, working diligently.
Intoning the sacred alchemical invocations which, spoken quietly enough, with a pristinely-kept 45" of Showaddywaddy's Crepes and Drapes playing reverently in the background, will transmogrify the usual garden variety blah meth you tweakers inhale into the superbly glorious drug that is REAL meth.


[44 Points] None:

[deleted]


[24 Points] RIP_Meth_9000:

METH IS LIFE!!!!!

METH IS LIFE!!!!!

METH IS LIFE....Bahahahaaha!!!!!!!


[26 Points] None:

I ordered a pack around 5 minutes ago and it has not arrived yet! did I got scammed or should I prepare for a CD? I see a white van outside my house, real sketchy. Am I fucked?????


[17 Points] GotMeSomeAlpandMDMA:

You forgot sand like from the motherfucking beach.


[17 Points] None:

Move to Belize


[12 Points] jackoass:

These bars r bun k. I t ok 8 an idnt felz a thang


[10 Points] drkpie:

"My friends and I dosed 400mg of MDMA from a reputable vendor yesterday. Today, we dosed 500mg and still feel nothing. I'm an experienced MDMA user, what went wrong?"


[10 Points] InTheDitch:

You forgot "Hey guys, how's (vendors name) product? I just ordered $1000 worth and asking about the quality after I order instead of before."


[9 Points] None:

This is fucking great. You should make posts like this as a weekly TL;DR for the sub. Could use some more bartard quotes though.


[7 Points] hillarys_yoni:

An entire DNM meme post and not one "Squuaaak" to be found. I'm so proud of you guys. single tear


[5 Points] None:

[deleted]


[6 Points] box672:

you forgot to exaggerate Australian customs ability to seize drugs, based entirely on observing a reality TV show with paul hogan lite as the host


[6 Points] Vendor_BBMC:

"DNMavengers are unbiased and fair. We are not corrupt or thieves"

Ethereality_DNM

We have nothing to hide at all. Being humble, positive, and truthful are very important to me online and in my real life."

DNMavenger

"You're just an arrogant windbag full of meth smoke who knows nothing about chemistry. I have tried being nice to you. You are just a drama queen. Meth where your mouth is or fuck off. Period"

DNMavenger

"Infinite has drained the wallet and left us high and dry. We have a transparency report that will be released in the next day or two"

DNMavenger

"The OP outlines 5O++ BTC entering avengers wallets and you have placed blame on a mod for thieving 3 BTC. We know how much is currently in cold storage. Can you please account for where the rest of the balance is?"

50coinsplusplus, avengers onion site user


[6 Points] GuavaHashplant:

Can't forget the Grand Wizgnard.


[4 Points] koji8123:

SCAMMER ALERT:

The vendor hasn't labeled "shipped" in the last 5 minutes and I accidentally FE'd on the order.


[4 Points] magicthrowaway12312:

Great list but it is incomplete without an ebook from /u/AlpraKing


[5 Points] None:

A classic,

/u/Theeconomist1 is a fed


[1 Points] trappy_AB:

Control f trappy.

You hurt me today


[1 Points] loveisrealnfa:

My roommates (parents) are nosy


[1 Points] Theeconomist1:

The mailman gave me my pack but he looked at me weird and had headphones on. Am I fucked?


[1 Points] abrakazan:

You forgot the almighty

alpracream


[1 Points] EuropesNinja:

Silk is smooth?


[1 Points] None:

Tis why I lay by own ;} LAUGH MY MOTHER FUCKING ASS OFF HATS OFF TO YOU BUT YES ILL PUT MY HAT BACK ON CUZ IT HELPS ME KEEP MY HEAD FOR THE MOMENT I HEALD SHIFT DOWN FOR THIS FUCK YOU COME AGAIN lol


[1 Points] jack19056:

What do you mean by "FE 5/5 will update"? I know whats FE but cant figure out whats '5/5 will update'.