I want to be done.

I've been on dnms for 3 years now, paid my way through college and everything. Even saved almost 25k altogether now.

Each day I wonder, how much longer can this go on? Are they on to me? Is this over?

I live a really comfortable life. I've never had this much materially before me, ever actually. I am able to go out and have fun, pay my rent, and save money all at once. This is the same person that was basically homeless for 6 months after high school. Due to the degree I decided to get, I'm going to need more education to get a good job. This has left me with only one way to earn, reselling products I get through DNMs.

Selling has been a serious boundary on my interpersonal relationships, constantly having to lie about my job/income. Fell in love with someone, laid next to them every night, and they still thought I was a sysadmin when our relationship ended. Lying makes me anxious and sick. I can't have another attempt with that. I want a real intimacy with other people based on honesty. I've had a few close calls with misdemeanor possession charges eventually getting dropped, but I've never been charged or convicted of a felony. And I'm worried that my life might be ruined if I were to ever get a felony conviction.

I can't help but think constantly, is this the mistake that's gonna undo it all? Am I going to lose everything, maybe even end up locked in a cage?

I'm looking for support or guidance, preferably from people that were in deep and got out. I have real life ties to organized crime and it would take a pretty major lifestyle change for me to live on the straight and narrow completely. But I figure there's got to be some people on here who were doin as much as I am, but still managed to quit while they were still ahead. Was there anything that made you decide you no longer think he game, this life, was worth it?

Sorry if this is against the rules/ off topic, I just don't know where else to ask this. And I really need some guidance.

TL;DR I've made a lot of money and I'm wondering when its time to get out. Contemplating potential consequences and the risk v reward of moving forward


Comments


[314 Points] AutoModerator:

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[81 Points] None:

As someone who has been even further down that road than you are, thinking I had one last masterpiece that was guaranteed to work, then had it blow up in my face and lost literally everything I had gained and then some, the time to get out is yesterday.

If you aren't 100% thuglyfe committed to what you're doing, stop while you can. Eventually it will no longer be a choice. And you will fucking hate yourself for letting it get to that point.

Be well.


[26 Points] GotMeSomeAlpandMDMA:

I'll be honest brother. This life has made me lose a couple of the finest partners I've ever dated. Not because they found out and left me, but because ive been too distant and reserved to actually be "all in" the relationship. It takes it toll, foresure.

Two partners ago, I was honest with them. Told them everything but the dnm part, I completely got out the game because I thought they were the one. I got right back in once we ended and the money I saved ran out.

I recently found the right partner and was attempting to put all this shit behind me, like my weekly buys were getting smaller I was spending more time with them etc. They left me, because "I didn't care about them," it killed me inside. Because someone I devoted all my free time to besides this came and told me I didn't care. (I get too attached too quickly)

So to answer your question yea, I've thought about it, not when I'm doin myself but when Ive got someone else to look after. For me I regard my partners wellbeing above mine, there is a risk yea, but for me the return is greater than the risk at this point in time.


[25 Points] Derrick4Real:

I'll give it to you straight, no chaser.

When people in the biz start questioning themselves about being in the biz It's time to wrap it up, on your terms. You don't want Johnny Law doing that for you.

You sound like you got your shit together and are self-aware. You know how the ending to this story works more often than not.

You found yourself a girl you dig...you made a nice chunk of change, you have yet to catch a felony, but had a few minor arrests. You are now fighting against the law of probability.

So wind it down and rap it up. Don't become another vendor that Gwern has to put on his list of DNM arrests.


[22 Points] None:

[deleted]

What is this?


[15 Points] pantherking:

I was in a similar spot, started with dnm in 2012 and was heavily in the game for 3 years. It led to my arrest and that's honestly the only reason I stopped. The money is too good, the lifestyle is too addicting. It was hard to leave, I felt like I had to redefine myself internally and externally. But I got lucky with the charges and I'm relatively okay. You've banked, I didn't so the arrest cost me a bunch of money I no longer had due to civil asset forfeiture.

No one I know has gotten into the game and didn't end up arrested or otherwise ruined. Most of the time due to some other asshole which the game is filled with. You seem like you have it well contained but if you have an inkling that shits about to go south, clean out. But rarely do people have that chance and it happens all at once. Just my two cents


[11 Points] Vendor_BBMC:

It sounds like the right time for you to move on.

Have a holiday for a month from it. You may just need a rest and be bored stiff after a week. But you can't continue to sell drugs once your nerve has gone.

If you don't mind me asking...what do you sell? I feel it's pertinent.


[10 Points] dnmDeluxe:

The time to get out is when you feel the paranoia and loss of interpersonal relationships renders your day to day life unhappy.

If you have money saved up, I don't see the hesitation at all. Burn the bridge that leads you back to the land of paranoia and isolation.

It sounds like you already know what you want, you're just scared of doing something less risky. Maybe the rush of adrenaline you get from flipping means more to you than making a responsible and sustainable choice to exit?

The pros of exiting vs the cons of continuing seem overwhelmingly obvious. Good luck and be safe. Instead of flipping product, maybe try flipping all the skills you've gained from your experience and try something with more stability?

Tony Robins


[10 Points] 1percentof1:

This comment has been overwritten.


[8 Points] spacecataz:

Quitting while you are ahead is not the same as quitting.


[8 Points] AutoModerator:

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[8 Points] MDMangel:

You said it yourself "get out while you're ahead". It's your life brother, if you feel it slipping, RECLAIM IT!!! Own it, and fight for the things that will make you truly happy. Money can't buy everything you know. And the needs you described all come for free, as in freedom. The markets will still be here if you change your mind I promise.


[7 Points] CartelDeCali:

Now.

If your donde playing getting out that's the moment you do it. If you were a snowboarder who was pro and did crazy shit and you began to think of getting hurt and all the other stuff that's when you get hurt. When you start loosing the youthful thinking about something that's a clear indication to quit becuase you won't end up in the hospital with a broken hip or something in this game. All those reasons you listed are a perfect reason and when family and stuff becomes more important and you start to regard these things with value and such over the game that puts everyone around you at risk both your family with a fuck up and your potential suppliers and customers as you are more succeptiable to flip or roll on associates to protect these loves and obviously if you're already looking for a reason to quit. Uncle Sam taking your family and keeping you locked in the Feds ( 100 percent time served no state good behavior 1 day is 3 days served bullshit) for as long as you have been alive already or damn close is usually all that's needed for someone even high level to flip


[6 Points] TenderGreens:

The only true life is an authentic one. If you feel like you are living a lie you will struggle to ever be happy.


[4 Points] harmreductionforall:

The biggest lesson I learned in life was that life wasn't just about me. I don't mean to be antagonizing. When that realization happened I knew I had to stop following my future and start following my family's. My future had big rewards but with big risks it lacked certainties and what I really wanted was certainties for my family. Good luck buddy.


[5 Points] RIP_Meth_9000:

To quote the matrix my tired friend. Everything that has a beginning has an ending.

Each day I wonder, how much longer can this go on? Are they on to me? Is this over?

When one has reached that point, no matter what the job is, its time to quit. This is when mistakes will be made & freedom lost.

Selling has been a serious boundary on my interpersonal relationships...

Get a girl & not have to lie

I can't help but think constantly, is this the mistake that's gonna undo it all? I'm looking for support or guidance, preferably from people that were in deep and got out.

Once more my tired friend, it is time for you to get out. College is paid for, get an IRL job & enjoy breathing air that does not come with the heavy pressure of this, could this be the last breath of free air I take.

Be Well...Blessed & Safe...

9000


[4 Points] isj123:

Well man if you want to be done, I recommended saving up a lot of money before you get out.

Overtime put the money into a bank account safely, then invest in something wise like shares or property, you could even start up something big.

Best of luck brother!


[3 Points] g0_west:

It's like any other risk/reward thing. You took the risk, managed to get the reward, now cash out. You don't keep betting when you're up, it's the same principle here.


[3 Points] Insanity_-_Wolf:

Was this life worth it? For me? Hell yea. Most of my friends are broke students breaking their asses working menial jobs while taking on debt. I run a "consulting" firm, live in a more than decent apartment, can do whatever the fuck I want, and there's even some novelty to it. Planning to move on to bigger and better things (read: legal). In the meantime, this is a nice gig. As long as I don't get caught..

In this game, if you fuck up. You're done.


[3 Points] coffeencreme:

It's hard isn't it. I don't have too much wisdom for you im afraid. ...but I know what it's like when you can't gI've something up because you can't pull the same cash in any other way.

Good luck and I hope it works for you whatever you decide.


[3 Points] 150c_vapour:

You will never shake it off if you go to prison. It's an event that will always be with you. I went to jail for a brief time after uni for MDMA lab. It triggered a lot of life loss for me and other problems. Walk away and start another life. Make a legal Amazon store or something if you like the dnm style biz.


[2 Points] None:

[deleted]


[2 Points] EXTRA-C:

Thank you for your service then.

I hope you will find something you like ☺


[2 Points] drukqsalt:

You've already made your choice. That comes from a lot of thought. I know.

I hope you honor yourself; and honor your future.


[2 Points] silverp0mmel:

Good for you for wanting this, you should. If you were actually a SysAdmin you'd be making a real killing!

Think really, really hard and try to figure out where dealing will seat you. Real jobs have a ton going for them, hopefully your education and clear work ethic provide a foundation for a decent professional career. The sooner you start on that path, the greater the rewards. Do you afford health insurance with dealing? How about vision, dental, and life insurance? Could it pay for you, and your wife, and a child (e.g. can you start a family with this income?)

Even if you could, can you also save for retirement? Are you keeping everything up with your taxes so that one day an audit doesn't cause everything you've earned to be swept away?

On top of all this, every day you go to work runs the risk of serious time in prison. An situation which, if it occurred, would irrevocably change your life and pretty much certainly gaurentee that you will be worse off as a result. This is your every day job, which runs this reasonably high risk. You are not afforded any of the conveniences or protections of people in real jobs: every day you go to work and could get seriously hurt or killed, you have no legal protection over the majority of misfortune that could occur.

You think you have a work life balance because compared to being homeless, this is amazing. I know how you feel, and would probably agree. Consider though, how much better off a 60,000/year job would leave you over the next 40, 45, 50 years -- because that's about how long society will ask you to "keep up your job"


[2 Points] TheBeardedMarxist:

I got out long ago but it was way before DNM. I made my exit maybe a little too early, but it was for the best. Turned out if I would have hung around 14 more months I would have more than likely fell pretty hard.

Basically, if you have the option it's an easy answer. Being on the retail end like yourself gets more risky the longer you go. You aren't on the radar, but expose yourself more. It also really depends on what flavor you are selling.

Now my question to you is how do you make any money being supplied by the DNM? I was under the impression that it's all small quantity and full retail price. Are you getting weight at wholesale or just taking people's heads off on your end?


[2 Points] Joe_Baxi:

What else you want to gain out of it? Savings? Won't ever be enough, trust me. You managed to build up something decent for yourself, so know when it's enough and don't spoil it.


[2 Points] russdr:

I had a relatively small op going with a relative of mine. Everything went well for a couple of years but my relationships suffered a bit from it. I chose to lie to the first partner and it backfired when they found out. The 2nd didn't care because they partook in the product and I left it for other reasons. The last I chose not to tell and they had the intuition to know I was hiding something which eventually came to a head.

I lived in a small town surrounded by several other small towns. I did the smaller deals and my relative did the weight. Towards the end, word spread too big about the op. We had break-ins and robberies from competitors. No honor in the desperate.

The last straw was 2 friendly competitors who were really close personally got nabbed. One couldn't face the music and hung himself. Also, an unmarked car started parking in front of the house every morning. We had tight restrictions on how we handled everything and I think they knew that and just tried to scare us. It worked. That was the last week I messed with that life. The money never lasted because I never learned how to be responsible with it, but I sure did have way too much fun.

In the aftermath, many small ops of former customers and competitors rose to fill our void. This was years ago, but many of them landed in jail or dead. Some started selling shitty quality products and folks were dying off of it. My best friend died from it. I know it's not my fault, but it makes me wonder if the chain of events of my op never happened, that any of those folks would be dead or in jail.

I never did DNM's but I wanted to offer perspective. It wasn't worth it to me. The constant anxiety sucked. The lying to loved ones was equally as bad. Anyone who had any skin in the game higher up in the chain were fucking sociopaths who didn't mind shoving a gun in your face to get the message across. Trust lasts as long as the stability of the op and after that it's a fucking mind game.

I say get out. Your money will be seized if you get caught and you'll have crumbs to pay a lawyer just to throw you to the wolves. That's not even the tip of the iceberg. Your family deals with the shame. Your name in the papers being shared virally by your friends, family and colleagues. That's not even touching employment.

Good luck.


[2 Points] Nutterbeggar:

If you can afford your life with a real job then go ahead with risk it if it's impossible then drugs are the answer pretty easy decision


[2 Points] None:

So when does the movie come out?


[2 Points] stilldogman:

Well..... 25k won't last you long, especially if you are of the state of mind that you "can't find a job doing anything else that will pay," so that's an obstacle. If you were making investments with that money, you might be able to start SOMETHING sustainable for the future, but you probably still aren't near what you'd need nest-egg-wise.

On the other side, if you get caught and your money is seized and you're getting fucked, dick-of-the-law-style, well... things are a tad worse off anyway.

Your choice, dude. It's a tough one to make or not make every day. If you got to like 100k banked, that might be a more reasonable time to take a vaca and see where your head it at, but you could of course get caught up any day, every day.


[2 Points] SockPants:

I am able to go out and have fun, pay my rent, and save money all at once.

You're going to want to cut back on expenses and spending habits asap, so that you won't burn through your savings as soon as the income goes away. I like to hang around reading /r/financialindependence and such, and one thing that is repeated there is that just because you have a lot of income doesn't mean you should spend more than you need to. If you save even more, then you could eventually retire early (or pay your way through studies). How long would 25k last you? Probably not enough for the rest of your studies at this rate. So lower the spending rate.

If you wait with doing this until you manage to stop, then you'll resent the decision even more because you might not be able to afford everything you're used to anymore.

Also, get out while you're ahead. Sounds like you've already made that decision.


[1 Points] ShavingRaisins53:

Blood in blood out baby. You will be back. We always come back...


[1 Points] jaydee0007:

25K? you big bro. You big.


[1 Points] NixonTyrell6565:

Thanks for the picture. I find her attractive.


[1 Points] DroolingOrphanXannie:

Scam exit then bounce!

Just kidding.

Just take out loans like everyone else... seriously. Don't put your studies in jeopardy because you don't want to be in debt. Sure you're comfortable and making money and all that but what happens when you are caught?

Small cell, locked away, depending on the severity, forever. Stupid. Make some big sales, call it quits finish school..and if the job market sucks and you can't get out of debt continue your enterprise.


[1 Points] AnytingAnytime:

Selling drugs or doing a job that is criminal is a lot like being a pro fighter. You get too caught up in the image to see yourself falling from grace. The truly smart fighters will go out while on top

But how many do this?? Not nearly enough, the fallen champs always seems to chase that one last night to regain glory to have it all go out in a blaze of fists and fury causing only more damage to a once mighty king.

Get out while you can, your future self will thank your current self. Its hard going out while still being a champ, but it's a lot better than being a chump.


[1 Points] free-agent:

Just quit lying.


[1 Points] OPSEC_KING:

OP, You need to setup delegates and surrogates. Take your knowledge and your business, train others to run it for you. You can expand your business while deflecting the heat from yourself as long as you do it properly.

Let's look at the successful vendors on the deepweb, they all operated using the same principles. They setup re-sellers and such while keeping it moving.

You invested a lot of time into creating a working business and learned a lot of knowledge along the way. Don't let your whole investment go to waste. Now that you have a successful operating business, you just need to plan ahead and think of how to safely operate it with the least risks possible.

You are already contemplating getting out plus you are already happy with the amount of money you have. You are in a perfect position to hand down the business or let another run it while you still reap a small profit.

In my opinion, I would not let my identity be known by the people you employ to help run and manage your business. Be creative about it, but you get the idea.

Don't let what you've created go to waste.

Good luck.


[1 Points] drugfreekid:

The time to get out is when you can still get out. The risks of selling drugs never pays off. Sure, it's easy money but once you get arrested and are looking at a minimum 5 year prison sentence, legal fees and a life time criminal record, no matter how much you made you'll regret it.

Most drug dealers get caught eventually. Especially if you're dealing IRL. Darknet, you have a good chance of survival but even that isn't bulletproof. If you're fretting uni expenses maybe look at doing your education somewhere else? Many, many european universities will cost you 30k in tuition fees for a bachelor and that is not a horrendous amount to borrow. The 75k a year room and board at Yale is a different story.


[1 Points] FuckTheJakes:

Be done. The reason most people get caught is because they do this too long. You make your money and you get out.


[1 Points] LetsAllBeDrugFriends:

If I were you I would exit gracefully, and not exit scam. Good luck bro! :)


[1 Points] FlamingWalrus:

How did you manage to keep your money "clean"? Let me know if there's a better place to ask this question


[1 Points] jdb12:

It sounds like you know what you want to do, and I think you have the courage to do it and go legit. Good luck!!


[1 Points] sammysosa53:

"sell your dope, make your money everynight" - Afroman


[1 Points] pooppooppants:

I would say this isn't the time to quit, this is the time to retire. You have 25k in the bank which is plenty of money to live off until you can find a job. Yes the money won't be as easy, and the job will be more difficult and maybe not as much fun, but you will have that security. Please if you are questioning it, just retire now so you don't look back on your life with regrets.


[1 Points] KaptainDublU:

Get out now, cause then you will have a legacy imprinted.

Just remember, you were the man.


[1 Points] Iamspeedy36:

I got lured off campus years ago. Those were the days when you paid a lawyer $2500, and then the drug lab mysteriously got raided. So crooked. I can promise you this: it's nice to have $$$$, but $$$$ just buy stuff. They definitely do not buy happiness. Please don't risk your freedom. Life is way too short.


[1 Points] ohwaitshit:

Let me guess. You just broke up with her?


[1 Points] GhostOfSilkRoad:

Let me tell you this kid/sir/friend. Be done. Be done. You've made your money, you're not in trouble (and that nagging feeling that the door is gonna get kicked in any moment.. let it pass. It wont. It would have by now). Be done with it because ultimately this "world" (if LE is 1 team, you're on the other) just can't last forever.

I wont go into detail right now, and I wasnt a vendor, but I could have been in more in trouble than anyone here could imagine. I simply got lucky. Others did not. But.... I jumped @ the right time.

If youre asking yourself, no, practically convincing yourself its time to check out, then go with your gut. Check out.

See you on the other side


[1 Points] None:

Be thankful for the profundity of this life lesson. It's really a blessing in disguise.

People think they know about what you're going through, but they don't truly understand the esoteric and lonely scene that you've been operating in. But you know it. You know all too well and that's not an all together bad thing.

Take both what you know and what you've earned (financially and spiritually) and walk away. Write a list and make a date by which you'll have liquidated your inventory. Destroy all DMN related matter and put it behind you without looking back. Be present and fully immersed in whatever it is that becomes your next endeavor. And by creating this space, you'll permit another person to enter your new life and perhaps become a special part of it.

Sorry for being mushy. Did a high dose of phenibut today. All the best.


[1 Points] None:

.


[1 Points] justaniceyoungman:

I will never forget vending. I only did it for a couple years or so on and off and went out with a bang. Developed a bad addiction to my product (Acetyl Fentanyl) and ended my career. Ended up getting a 5150 72 hold in the mental hospital and really messed up my family life. No kids/wife or anything just relatives but still bad.

I'm still angry with myself for wasting so much money on Fent. I had 40 coins and got out with only a little over 25. Still a good chunk of change to help out in an emergency but I want and need more.

I'm planning to start vending again next year because frankly I have given up trying to live "normally". I have my degree, no criminal record and a full time job. Minimum wage doesn't cut it. There are very few living wage jobs available here which are all really high on the totem pole.

I am thankful that I have a job but the pay will just not do. I work a blue collar job with a white collar mentality. Some days I just look at the sky and smoke a cigarette (one a day) thinking there is a better way. There is.

Sadly I have the largest savings out of most of the people I know combined.

I watched The Junky's Christmas by William S. Burroughs and became obsessed with the "Immaculate Fix". Whenever I buy my buddies lunch or give them some bud from the dispensary the feeling I get is better than a high. I rarely spend money on myself. I always thought doing stuff like that was lame until this past birthday.

I wasn't in a relationship during the time I was vending so I wouldn't know how that is. Of course there is a chance that you will end up going to prison.

I'll always be affiliated with this shit and support it. I've made up my mind. People who know me always know I'm doing some shit but I look like just a nice young man in public :).

Can you see yourself doing it for even a couple more years? From what you said I don't see you doing it for even that long. Take your loot and run man. Before it's too late.

A buddy just caught a felony and he is fucked. Felt weird when I heard the news. Just saw him at work the day before...

Sorry if this is all over the place I'm stoned.


[1 Points] PoiPenguinLoL:

Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around my friend. Lying to friends and family slowly tears us apart inside to the point we no long recognize ourselves in the mirror. You could continue what you are doing, but most everything has an expiration date. Right now its up to you to decide when that date will be. You are doing very well for yourself at the moment, and also are ahead of a great deal of people in the game of life. "Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction." You are self aware of what you truly want already. You want to be done. Take action now and do what is needed to make it happen. Don't give anyone the opportunity to destroy the life you have worked so hard to build! Take care of yourself and good luck.


[1 Points] MDMangle:

Then be done, friend. Take your savings and start a business.

/r/entrepreneur


[1 Points] disposable43436879:

Where do you want to be done? Ass or mouth? Or ass to mouth?


[1 Points] maxturbator:

This is a great way to talk yourself through a hard decision. You'll know when you're ready.


[1 Points] nu2un:

You really haven't given enough information for any of us to make a judgement call.

For example,

How old are you?

I'm in my late 30s and everything that I thought was a big deal when I was in my late 20s seems basic and menial compared to what I face ten years later. Deal with your anxiety like the medical problem it is and balance your chemicals out. For me, meditation, exercise, random cultural events and pot all help me stay balanced, I highly recommend all 4.

How much do you move and make per week?

This is a basic reward-to-risk problem, ultimately. You say you saved up 25k, but over how long? The average income in New York City, for example, is around $1k/week. If you're living there and making that or under, it's not something worth risking your freedom over. On the other hand, if you're making 25k a month and your expenses cut into about 25% of that, it sounds like a good business to continue. If you were on Shark Tank and said your profits over 3 years is 25k, you'd be laughed at. This really is the ultimate question you need to ask yourself because we're talking about your future and it looks bleak with only 25k in the bank.

What market are you in?

You say DNM but that could be anything. I'd stay away from products and services that even most criminals consider immoral, if for no other reason than the fact that it would be harder to handle in court and jail would be that much worse for you.

What exactly is at stake aside from your freedom?

Reputation? Legit references for future job opps? Family ties? Nothing is more important than your freedom, but other than that there are a lot of things you can sacrifice without ruining your life.

Your freedom is everything. Protect it at all times. You're better off losing friends or partners and staying clear of jail than to make a mistake telling someone you think you love all your dirty secrets. ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS. People suck, even if you think sometimes they're great. There are things I haven't told my wife of ever, not because she wouldn't understand, but because I don't want her to do something stupid with the information. I love her and I trust her, but what she doesn't know is much less likely to hurt either of us.

It's the closest people to you that can take you down. Learn to live with the lies, there are way, way, way worse things you could do to people than hide the fact that you're a criminal.

My personal opinion is that you're a bit careless if you've gotten caught, even for misdemeanors. Whatever it was that got you caught, do everything you can to stay away from that risk or iron it out to the point where the chances of getting caught are so slim it's not worth worrying about. Since you already have a record now, it'll only get worse every time you get caught from here on out.


[0 Points] LiamLucas116:

Wow you would love to see a whole lot more of her


[-1 Points] myfriendislost:

There are plenty of kindpins who do this for a living and most never get caught because they know what they are doing. Yes your correct there is risk and there is risk with anything we do in life. You sounds like a very smart person dont let your feelings get the best of you! Its your life at the end of the day do what you think is best for you!