It's been fun but I needed to stop

I just finished burning my last 2.5 grams of PandaExpress's no 4 in my fireplace. Started the habit 4 months ago, taking small bumps on the weekends. It soon turned into a fullblown habit and was no longer fun - panda's stuff made me throw up and yet I kept taking it, 3 or 4 times a day. Normal people avoid stuff that make them feel shitty - only addicts do shit like that.

I could see my personality changing, and I started looking physically ill. Cheekbones sticking out, dry, pale skin. People at work noticed, asking me if I was stressed out. I wasnt happy anymore.

Respect the opiates, people. If you need to take a dose just to feel normal then youve gone too far. Withdrawals arent the worst thing ive gone through and theyre temporary. Its day 5 for me now and I have an appetite today. my eyes are clear and my nose isnt running.

I might be back. no one can say for sure they wont be. until then ill just be another lurker here. stay safe everyone.


Comments


[197 Points] jimmyd1987:

smartest thing you'll ever do. stay off that shit man.


[74 Points] None:

[deleted]


[19 Points] OpiateLoser:

made this throwaway just to say how much I relate to this story. I've been using dope for 3 years and I'm only 21. Was clean a few months and just relapsed, I got over 2 grams of fire #4 on me and my parents know and they think I flushed it. I feel so guilty

I currently have over two grams left of #4 and need to flush it. Not going to name any vendor names however I've tried basically all the high quality #4. I love/hate heroin. I went straight from oxycodone to dope in a heartbeat without caring about consequences cause I was so depressed. Now it's worse. I hate myself, and the self-loathing will grow and grow if you continue to use.

That takes a lot of courage to flush. Basically I've been using heroin ever since my curiosity got the best of me 3 years ago. I never bought local, I did vikes/oxy from local but all my heroin has been from dnms. It's kind of pathetic. I don't even have friends, and I fill that void of isolation with sniffing dope. Thankfully I haven't ever gone IV... but if I continue I can see it happening soon.

As a firm believer and advocate in the future of dnms it is very tempting to not click the opiods section on markets. I always am curious to see who has the best #4, and usually will cave in. I was clean for 5 months then blew it all three months ago. It definitely is noticable when you are using. My parents know and think I am back on methadone but I still haven't flushed it all. Only .3...

you aren't alone. Please do not be back. The longer you use, the more reinforced your addiction gets. When I first started it wasn't on my mind all the time, was using like once every week or two weeks. Now it's on my mind all the time especially since I just relapsed.

Opiates will just drag you down further and further. I am currently stuck between the decision to binge the rest of this (have over 2 grams left...) or flush it and get back on my methadone. I need to grow a pair and just flush it but I cant.

fuck dope man. Don't turn into me


[13 Points] bafflesaurus:

Good job recognizing you had a problem. Casual drug use is one thing but addiction is another. It may be beneficial to seek out a counselor/therapist for help, I'm only suggesting this because you said that, "panda's stuff made me throw up and yet I kept taking it, 3 or 4 times a day". I know shrinks are expensive but it's a better place for your money to be going than something you don't even enjoy anymore. Best of luck man!


[7 Points] neanderthalchris:

good for you brother, no joke. heroin is a demon no doubt about that. I'm two months clean from a 6 month steady habit. looking to the DNMs to start "chipping" soon. ugh it sure is a stupid hell but I love shooting dope.


[5 Points] None:

Good for you. 16 days clean here too.


[6 Points] dadadadapo:

I'm kind of in the opposite situation.

My current life is miserable now and I don't feel like myself anymore due to debilitating chronic pain constantly dragging me down, leaving me with no energy and unhappy.

I'm considering buying some heroin and taking low (analgesic) doses to self-medicate.

Most people told me that that's an HORRIBLE idea. Yet, heroin is just another opioid not much different from hydromorphone, oxycodone, etc. which research show can be used very successfully to treat chronic pain.

I feel I'm at the end of my rope and it's really hard to get advice on this. I think it could be done since I don't have an addictive personality (I was able to quit alcohol, nicotine, speed after using them frequently without any difficulty in the past). I'm also responsible and don't think I would use more than an analgesic dose.

Sorry I know I'm kinda hihacking this thread, but I don't know where else to go for advice.


[5 Points] Chilupabatman:

Lol iv never just throwin my shit away, but iv said what you said at least a million times over these past 2 years of me using dope. I still use but not as much, good luck cause it's hella hard


[4 Points] valuum:

That's crazy to have a habit off internet H, must have a lot of extra cash to be able to afford it/never run out. I couldn't imagine not being able to just go and cop.


[3 Points] djweazel:

I hear ya here...i started using h when my gf brought some back from ohio. Then found SR and now its almost like weekly i get h online. When i need one of my friends usually has some tar.

I was able to quit for a while. But now I'm on oxycodone 10mg 3 times a day after my back injury. Still buying h online and selling my script. I want to quit too but its so hard. I have considered going to just subs online. And trying to quit again.


[3 Points] None:

We got your back man.


[2 Points] None:

Thanks for posting this really. H is probably one of the worst drugs you can get addicted too. Its horrible. I'm glad you got out the cycle man I really am. I've had 4 friends od on dat shit and its really no good at all when you look at yourself and your disgusted


[1 Points] None:

Good for you. Been there and had to shake that shit myself. Opiates are no joke.


[1 Points] pattyfatsax:

Hey man -

Opiate addiction is a bitch. Feel free to reach out to me if you need some support.


[1 Points] None:

Best of luck to you man. Stay strong :) been there done that


[1 Points] mybrothergeorge:

Stay strong, man.


[1 Points] toastedjelly_:

What about weed man? WHAT. ABOUT. WEED?


[1 Points] morphinedreams:

I take opiates for pain, bought from the DNM's. Would I go for heroin? Probably not. I'd prefer a long lasting opioid. I am wondering if I will get to the stage where addiction is worse than the pain I'm trying to get rid of, time will tell I guess.

Good luck with your recovery.


[1 Points] julesandvince:

Thank you for being brave enough to post this. I am sincerely sorry for what you went through, but I truly hope this post will help some people who are considering dabbling in this drug think twice before ordering. The consequences are very real.

My thoughts and prayers are with you OP.


[1 Points] stignordas:

Good move and keep up the fight. It gets easier each day. Remember that you are a slave to nothing and nobody.


[1 Points] Copenhagen_Superstar:

Im sure it helped to get this off your chest. Good on you, and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.


[1 Points] Alex132:

Good on you man,and good luck too


[1 Points] kirkkommander:

I had a habit for ~2 years then got clean for just as long. Started usin SR1 and forced myself to avoid opies. Until I talked myself into just irderibg once, then going back to experimenting. Made it a few weeks until I was ordering grams and living in a haze.

Quit the market for a few months, tentatively started ordering here and there, but eventually I was back to trawling the H thread and consuming grams in days. Finally quit again, and weeks later it was seized. Hadn't tried any other market until a few months ago after waiting for more then a year. I don't even want to think about how much of my savings have gone to heroin. Fuck.

Don't look back OP! It doesn't take much to get back to hallow face addict status.


[1 Points] ComeShotMcGee:

i feel your pain brother, recovering addict here, day 13! If you need to talk to someone come on over to /r/OpiatesRecovery, we are all in this together!


[1 Points] Duderino420:

I find it always easy for me to say NO more opiates when I'm high on opiates....then the high fades and slowly I go from no more to where they at??! I've stopped using H but never bought any online...Had a local source..Now im back to using oxys here and there. My opinion they feel cleaner. Could be just perception though.


[1 Points] None:

I have also been going at the #4 hard for the last 4 months, I should have known better because I had a problem with heroin in college. I have lost a bunch of weight, everyone starting to suspect something is wrong. I couldn't get past day 2 of being sick, and where I live I can always grab a bag on the corner if the mail is late. I have been on Suboxone for 6 days now and I am already starting to regret the decision. I got a job offer today with an IT firm but could not accept it because I have no take home doses of suboxone yet. This is a very frustrating position to be in, do not blame DNMs at all, I blame my lack of restraint. Thank you for sharing your story with us, sorry about the trolls. Keep your chin up, you will get through this.


[1 Points] Tripped_:

Good luck man, I've tried H a couple of times and I noticed I shouldn't buy more of it because I liked it way too much. Fucking loved the nodding.


[1 Points] Why_zee_racer:

Respect. Done it. You find out alot about yourself. good luck my man.


[0 Points] CruzinSLC:

Good job. Are you ready for the recovery?


[-7 Points] None:

[deleted]


[-9 Points] iLoveDNM:

Aw man, I would have taken that 2.5g!


[-11 Points] None:

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