I wasn't planning on writing this, I went back to the thread to delete it and then delete my account. And i couldn't believe the change in responses after I explained the situation a bit. So, thank you sincerely for the well wishes, the love and the respect.
Most of all, don't let anyone say this isn't a community. I'm gonna leave this up for a day and then delete my account and it's off to face myself. Like I said, I will get better and will pop in and let whoever cares to know how it went. So, here's my response to the love, respect, and hope you've given me.
<3
Really wasn't expecting all the love and encouragement. And yes I may or may not have been on the tard side of the bar last night.
There was a good six months where I really enjoyed myself here everyday in my downtime. Also, I made some really nice friends, I'm not gonna say anyone by name just out of respect for not being attached to such a trainwreck. Lol but seriously you know who you are, love you guys.
Love all you guys. I just want to say thank you for the respect. I used to tell you guys all about the drugs I did, so i figured id share what happened because of it and over time i did. so I was just going to delete my account and go, but a part of me felt it was wrong to not say bye, but to tell the story of being one of those guys who can't do stuff like bars or Oxys and just leave it there. I wish I could've but the Friday turned into the weekend turned into everyday.
And it fucked my life up, I have a family and at my age if I nut up and just do this one thing now. My kids are still young enough where they won't even remember, plus I just can't live like this anymore. Some of y'all know what an H/oxy/sub/benzo daily habit is like. Its fucking brutal. You can't live a normal life and I'm pretty good at the lifestyle but in the end turns out I really wasn't at all, I was a joke. A sad one.
Its fucking brutal and I'm over it. So I'm gonna leave it there. If anything KIDS AND THE YOUNGINS DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT take the same drug more then three days in a row recreationally. And learn from my dumbass. I'm scared to death, I've been doing this for a good bit of my life. I'm just going into it looking at it like the pain I'm going to feel, the withdrawal, anxiety and who knows what else. Uncharted territory for me. I'm looking at that pain as like a right of passage or more like a penance I have to pay for all the time I did the wrong thing so that I can be a man and give my family a life worth living. They're very beautiful, my family. Its time to stop playing the boy and Jon snow this bitch and let the man be born.
Thank you all again. For your time and all the times you made me laugh and gave me an escape. When I'm out I'll make a new account prob banana boy something and let y'all know how it all turned out.
Pray for me.
-Lecter a.k.a banana boy
I know its not the same as drugs but I quit drinking alcohol 35 days ago cold turkey from a whole bottle of vodka a day. /r/stopdrinking helped me a lot when going through the phases and emotions of withdrawal. Im not sure if it can help you, but it is a warm welcoming SOBER place on the internet to vent.