Have you ever wanted to stop, but been unable to? Do you feel like you're too fucked to stop ordering, even if you really wanted to? What's the worst/darkest that you've been through?
Are you in too deep?
Have you ever wanted to stop, but been unable to? Do you feel like you're too fucked to stop ordering, even if you really wanted to? What's the worst/darkest that you've been through?
[76 Points] None:
[43 Points] None:
I do coke...so I can type faster....so i can order more coke...
[28 Points] ShulginsCat:
yeah but then i take some drugs to make it go away
[28 Points] None:
[deleted]
[21 Points] None:
Yes.
I used to order benzos back when IOPs were a thing about 6 years ago. Got in too deep, when into massive withdrawal, went to A&E four times. Not a great time.
Cleaned up my act a bit. Got married. Found DNMs; only did MDMA with my wife (until she decided she wasn't interested in doing that any more).
By then though, I had found DNMs. She wasn't keen on me doing drugs. I (secretly) bought softer drugs; tramadol, some light benzos, etc. Maybe a bit a of ketamine here and there.
Eventually I was curious about Oxycontin. I live in the UK and I'd heard so much about it in the USA and thought what the hell. I bought a 20mg OC and thought, eh, it's okay, no big deal. Ended up buying more. And then some more. And then 40mg. Then 80mg.
That got expensive, so I did some research on Bluelight (amazing resource by the way) and realised that Heroin #4 is much the same but way cheaper. So I bought some and snorted it. Yeah, it was basically the same. I prefer OC (more stimulating) but the Heroin was ridiculously cheaper.
I'm trying to stay away from harder stuff at the moment. However, in the last hour I have just ordered:
My wife does not know. We're having problems. A lot of them are caused by my past drug use (she doesn't know about my current secret drug use) but it's more complicated than just that and I won't get into it right now as this is officially an essay. I'm not sure that things would have worked out between us anyway but my drug use is definitely not a positive factor in this relationship.
So, TL;DR:
Are DNMs the problem here? Maybe. They certainly haven't helped me. That said, I very clearly have an addictive personality and probably would have sourced drugs on the street otherwise (I remember the days of buying random pills in clubs of unknown quality, and going into sketchy flats to buy large amounts of ketamine).
Would I have discovered heroin if it weren't for DNMs? I think... almost definitely not. I wouldn't recommend trying it to anyone. My first time I thought I could take it or leave it, but it doesn't work that way.
I would like to stop. I am 30 now. I'm not sure that I want to save my marriage. We're on our own journeys and that is okay; it might work out, it might not. I am quite worried that I might succumb to heroin if we do end up breaking up though. I just hope that my will power is strong enough. I fear that it might not be though.
Anyway, in answer to your questions:
Are you in too deep?
Yes.
Have you ever wanted to stop, but been unable to?
All the time.
Do you feel like you're too fucked to stop ordering, even if you really wanted to?
Yes and no. I just ordered (as mentioned above) but I go through long phases of not ordering. I'm just in a not-so-great place right now and couldn't help myself. Plus I'm working from home for a large part of next week so can intercept the mail, and the temptation was too great.
What's the worst/darkest that you've been through?
Probably this.
I hope that this answers your questions :)
I know that this is a long answer but I've taken 2 Zopiclone, 4 Nitrazepam, and lots of Absinthe - so I'm in a very type-ative mood.
If you want to talk about of this then I'm happy to do that.
Good luck with everything.
[20 Points] None:
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[14 Points] None:
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[11 Points] None:
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[10 Points] scottansan:
Are you in too deep?
If there's a voice in your head telling you to back off, you probably should.
[6 Points] 2piradians:
Right now, there's an unopened package sitting in my house. I want to throw it away so bad.
[8 Points] DNMShopper:
My BF once stuck his arm in KY Jelly, next thing you know he was elbow deep inside the poop chute. Fortunately the prolapse made us both realised he was too deep.
Q) Do you feel like you're too fucked to stop ordering, even if you really wanted to?
A) That dollar store gravy, my god it's like eating out jesus's vagina. Review + pics ###coming soon###
Q) What's the worst/darkest that you've been through?
A) I went to see a porn one time on the big screen, it was at a rural truck stop in kentucky, anyways, I was about to unload a fresh batch of baby batter & the power went out just as the trouser gravy started flowin from my five knuckle truffle shuffle. Fuck me 2/10 wouldnt nut there again. What a fuckin waste...
Q) Have you ever wanted to stop, but been unable to?
A) Refer to answer above ^ you can't simply just "stop" the meat rocket from pulsating out the gravy... dumb ass. I was unable to and pissed at the same time. The cashier at Fuzzy Holes Bar and Creamatoryum refused to refund me the $3.99, apparently I didn't get the Salimi Slapper insurance package in case of outages during waxing of the carrot. 0/10 fuck kentucky!!
[4 Points] None:
Well Ive had a good paying job for a while then I discovered DNM's then started bringing in stacks every week, and that was nice for a while, lost a few thousands here and there- either the vendor would scam or a package got siezed or stolen in the mail. So I had recovered and had a nice system for a while again, made decent coin...then evo went down and I lost contact with many of my suppliers...so that was difficult to explain to my customers and I had to go back to living an average life with average dollars in the bank.
If I did quit my normal job and just survive off dnm then yeah I would have been fucked when evo went down. But no, im not in too deep, im fine. Im not reselling heroin or other opiates, so no ones really dependant on me.
I can quit whenever I want.
[3 Points] None:
Nah, I just stick with weed and LSD now. Go back a few months when I was fucking with oxy, then yes. Yes I was in too deep.
[3 Points] iAlpha700:
Wanted to stop drugs but couldn't, yeah. Wanted to stop DNM use, Yeah. I did for about a year. But I've been "physically" addicted to benzos and opiates but never really a psychological addiction for me. For example, NOW I can limit myself to 10mg of alpro a month and a good opana/dope binge every other weekend or so. That was all IRL though, not DNM shit.
[3 Points] sillyboysdonthitonme:
"Crack... fucked up the world, man. I just wonder if it fux with they conscience. If it was me out there..."
[3 Points] TheAlmightyGawd:
Depends on what you mean. If you mean hard to stop because you need the drugs, that's straight up addiction man and you need to get that monkey handled. If your asking that question then you already have the answer.
If you mean hard to stop because of the rush you get from the actual ordering and getting away with breaking the law and all that, thats another kind of addiction. Patterns the same as shoplifters. Fear and anxiety and then when you get away with it you get a huge rush of dopamine.
Either way, bad thoughtforms. Change it up
Source: I kicked meth
[3 Points] reviewthrowawayyy:
No i haven't hit her cervix yet
[3 Points] xanman420:
Not with my use but with the sales - absolutely. I used to sell pot and pot only now DNMs have turned me into a street CVS
[2 Points] SecondChanceUsername:
There's been times were IRL connects have gone dry for too long or stopped selling or gone to jail or some shit and i had to solely rely on DNM. Which sucked only b/c of the 3-10day wait period. But because i rarely run out of money or connections, i can almost always get my DOC. But like i said, there are occasions when myself and everyone IK is dry, and those dark times consisted of sweating while being extremely cold, no sleep/sleeping at random times(whenever i could fall asleep) and also coercing me into paying a lot more for worse quality just to tide myself over until a DN pack arrived or a new local IRL dealer found me. Dark times indeed. But by far the worst part about my use, is having forgot very long period of my life, lost to drug use(benzos) and some of the best months/years of my life, the only memories i have are from what friends have told me or pictures I've taken. It sucks to not remember so much of your own life, especially when it was actually GOOD times you can't recall. Its a form of psychological torture that continues to persist even though my benzo use has stopped, the time it took from me will be lost forever.
[2 Points] dnmjedi:
ya, but no. Like, I got no drugs comin, I'm sober as a gopher, so wooo me I guess.
Only cause I got caught like a year ago with my little fear and loathing kit, L, E, Mush, pills, shitload of weed, now waiting for probation to expire and my charges to get cleared. So stoked on that, I didn't fuck up errything yet.
Only got the E from DNMs, that's enough elevate my hustle into super dolphin mode and find parties for the rest, and do trades. Fuck, a $20 g of e on the DNM trades for 20 hits of L if you find the right heady kid.
Thing is, ain't nobody wanna hire me with these criminal charges, tis true the most dangerous thing you can do is get caught.
So what do I do for money? You figure it out...
I'll give you a hint, I got 7 flavors of paypal collection agents harrassing me day and night cause of chargebacks, ha
[2 Points] None:
I
[2 Points] synikal12:
Man that pussy so deep I coulda drowned twice
[2 Points] None:
I'll be honest - listening to you guys I thank fucking God that my DOC is marijuana; couldn't imagine being fucking chained the DNM's.
[2 Points] None:
Not really
[1 Points] None:
[removed]
[0 Points] thehaga:
Safer than booze that kills like.. don't feel like googling but pretty much everyone that these things don't.
So no. But I did feel retarded when I cleaned my room 3 weeks ago and it was nothing but 40s. All I could remember was shitty hang overs and a bad attitude.
thats the nature of addiction, man. personally speaking, I'd been using for years before I even found out about DNM. not having to deal with assholes face to face to get my fix makes it that much easier to keep using. not to mention as you get older, people stop 'experimenting' with drugs as much...the ones who continue to use tend to be junkies. I don't like thinking about how long it's been...but ya made me do it...I got into pills (original formula OC80s for the win, used to score OC160s too) when I was 14/15, mid 20s now. dont do downers often anymore, all about that go-fast. I've been to jail, rehab, all that shit. none of it really matters to me.
the thing that hurts most of all is my complete disregard towards those who once gave a shit. its not that I ignored them, or stole from them, or lied to them - it's that I haven't really been 'there' in awhile. I can't remember the last time I was. everything's a facade. all I care about is getting high. what others see is whats left of the person inside doing its best to be the person they remember. the rest of me has died trying to acquiesce the beast. the beast takes and takes and takes but is never full. follows me wherever I go, whispering sweet nothings in both times of darkness and light. the beast knows me all too well, even better than I know myself.
but its all good, Ill quit once I polish off this bag. right? one more day never hurt anyone ....