Oh you're going to love this....

I made it to the airport. At passport control they arrested me. Something about not paying a hotel bill (guilty as charged) and refusing to pay for some damage I didn't do to a motorbike I rented. Apparently they're all connected out here. So I'm spending the night or two in a not so bad cell. Depending on how good my lawyer is I could spend up to 48 days in prison! Oh my gawd!

I'm just having a cigarette with the police man outside and they're being pretty chilled. Valium is helping a LOT. They're letting me keep my Valium and my phone in the cell so I'll keep you post on this trip report....

Of course I will post some pics of this adventure.

Can I get a flair for being such a cunt now?

Edit: as promised http://m.imgur.com/a/HcmN1

It's going to be a case of paying a fine (I hope). Which I have no money for and I've been on the phone to the embassy already, they're very helpful and have given me a list of English speaking lawyers but I'm here for 24-48 hours I've been told. They're bringing me pork and rice soon. Is is out of the question to ask for donations at this point to get me the fuck out of here?

Dinner is served: http://m.imgur.com/EzN7ZlR

Shit I even have my laptop and wifi... Skype chat anyone??? Haha!

Just unpacking my luggage to find a lighter. Guess what I found... A small bag of Coke! Fuckin ay! Guys what are the chances!

My new digs:

http://m.imgur.com/a/RORt4

Corrupt policeman just came and said 300,000 baht to pay to get out or 2.5 years I stay here. Fuck him, he know my lawyer (embassy approved) will be here in the morning. Just trying to make a quick mega Buck! That's like £5000! I would pay if I had no other option but the embassy have assured me they will get me home...

Th guard is selling imates drugs...

Just got given a spliff from the Russian dude across the way, courtesy of the prison guard. This really ain't so bad!


Comments


[161 Points] DNM-Accountant:

This is beyond anything reasonable at this point.


[160 Points] OpSecMonitor:

OpSec 0/10


[99 Points] GIEV_RP_PLZ:

This is going to be made into a vice article.


[58 Points] bodevelho:

Man.. you seem like you are having a great time.. Are you dumb? I would be more cautious about any drugs... I think the penalty in Thai is pretty big for drug charges... if you have any consideration for your life just flush the cocaine you found or simply just rail it all through your nose.. and pop another valium after, for the hangover, the important thing is you don't keep it yourself, do you think they will not notice? They live for that kind of shit...

And the guard selling drugs? It's possible just a scheme, so they have all the inmates on their hands.. if they want to fuck someone they just catch them with the drugs they sold... no shit Sherlock.. you should take it easy on the Valiums.. if you are taking damn daily they really fuck your decision making and logic.. like for example why would you not pay for the damn hotel and risk being arrested in a 3rd world country?

And besides you should save them just in case that embassy lawyer screws up and you get transferred to a a real prison... you going to need them more than you need them now..

I hope you get lucky and the embassy lawyer saves your ass.. anyway you should start being less relaxed, you are in a position where a lot can go wrong right now.. I guess you never watch any drug documentaries about tourist being caught with drugs in Thai right? keep us updated it


[52 Points] identiifiication:

They're letting me keep my Valium and my phone in the cell so I'll keep you post on this trip report....

What fucking planet do you live on


[37 Points] FrozenMCVegetableCok:

You're laughing now, but only because of where they're holding you. Once they realize you really are broke, you're boned. Those nice things they let you keep? Yeah, that's so they didn't get logged with the rest of your luggage and won't be making the trip with you to your next stop.


[35 Points] boxcarbobby:

Take pics from "inside"


[38 Points] None:

This post is incriminatory enough to extend those 48 hours to 48 years.


[29 Points] TelJanin_Aellinsar:

This is a legendary thread


[29 Points] None:

That s***'s crazy so let me get this straight since you refuse to pay for the hotel they gave you another free Hotel with free meals and let you keep your cell phone and drugs, and that Neil actually doesn't look half bad if I do say so myself I've been to prison in the US and it looks much worse


[23 Points] 1ugly:

Yeah they are just prepping you for the fine fuck you are gonna receive on the inside. Marinating your stomach with pork so you can really give the man behind you a shit show, ohh man. No money, no freedom- tattoo that on your ass yo. With a cock as a rose stem, you gonna get rosebutt.


[20 Points] Crookseh:

You are a fuckin animal


[18 Points] Vendor_BBMC:

Oh, it's a Thai prison. The guards look Southern Thai. I'm praying for your sake that you're not Burmese or you'll end up being framed for murder.Incidentally, I'm wearing a camaflaged Thai drug police T-shirt as I write this. I went on patrol with them in the golden ttrangle to see how they "stop" meth from flooding into Thailand. Long story.


[14 Points] Jorakae:

I have lived in Thailand a long time and this is simply going to cost you money. You may be able to have the lawyer contact the hotel and come to an agreement about the bill. The motorbike rental place will probably be less agreeable. The police are still going to want some compensation. Try to negotiate a price and come up with the funds. The longer this carries on, the more it will cost.


[14 Points] UnicornSE:

rip


[12 Points] PDX_bukkakanist:

New vice series....Bartards Behind Bars.


[11 Points] Fetus_In_Anus:

YOU ARE AN IDIOT.


[8 Points] None:

[deleted]

What is this?


[8 Points] moyno85:

You're an idiot. Your 'cheery outlook' is clearly the Valium speaking.

I genuinely wish you all the best but this shit is serious mate. I wouldn't fuck around with Thai jails.


[9 Points] 99999999999999999989:

Ugh where are you man? I am now emotionally invested in your well being. Please update.

P.S. - I really hope you did not end up in a Thai 'Pound You In The Ass' Prison.


[9 Points] lasagnwich:

"Those guys getting locked up are fucking idiots and have no money"

"I have a lady friend in the Bangkok police (she's quite high up too) and also plenty of money in the bank. I know the deal out here, making friends and being nice gets you a long way. At the end of the day they can take everything I have... As long as I don't end up in a Thai prison. Worth every penny."

-DNM_cunt, 8 days ago.

Haha dude this has been one very funny, reckless, and entertaining story. You might have gotten away with all of this with just some money to pay. Good luck.

Also what is your job to you have to get back to. You should just work on your writing and write about something more stories I think.


[9 Points] flxghtbear:

Yo man are you still alive?


[9 Points] clakos:

I guess from your silence that you are totally fucked by now. your story is already fading away, the internet black hole is swallowing you. You Cunt.


[7 Points] None:

You should tell them you want a prostitute for your stay and maybe they'll give you that too


[7 Points] NewAeon:

Dude was permitted to keep his electronics so he could incriminate himself further.

The observed, grabbed his electronics and is now facing decades locked up because of his 'confessions'.


[6 Points] Trashcan__Man:

That food looks pretty good.


[8 Points] Dnm_cunt:

The guard is selling inmates drugs. I wish I had some money....


[6 Points] None:

[deleted]


[5 Points] lamoustache:

You my friend you're making your way to the "News".


[5 Points] jredw:

Just stay chill and go with the flow and you will be fine. Keep a smile on your face and stay friendly with the guards. Your list of electronics should be enough to strike a deal.


[5 Points] Dnm_cunt:

Good thing I brought my durex... Extra strong - better double up!


[4 Points] ThaiPrisonerRapist:

Its ok Dnm_cunt , just don't drop the soap in the showers, you will be fine. Im sure the embassy will sort you out tommorrow. I would tell your family to pay the hotel their bill, through the embassy so that its clear. I like your adventures, they might be an opsec flaw but highly entertaining nontheless.


[5 Points] DNMTiger:

That food shits on anything ive gotten in any US jail thats for sure


[4 Points] thr33to3:

This could not have ended well...


[4 Points] None:

[deleted]


[4 Points] YoMommaRollsMyWeed:

Damn, thailand custody seems much better than UK custody


[5 Points] TheOpiateKing:

Maybe it's time to take this seriously and start worrying a bit? They can literally do whatever the fuck they want.

How much do you need to walk out now? And how are you going to cash out BTC?


[4 Points] slightly-medicated:

so if OP dies and this comes in the news are we the people watching it and not doing anything?


[4 Points] LostSomewhereInSpace:

A phone, drugs, and cigs? That's like fuckin vacation compared to US jails...


[5 Points] 99999999999999999989:

Been watching your story unfold since the beginning. You need to get rid of that coke ASAP dude. They find that and we'll never hear from you again and the would be a damn shame. I wish you all the best.


[4 Points] MT_Merchant_Mangler:

It's all fun and games until this nigga on the next episode of "Locked Up Abroad"


[4 Points] None:

Dnm_Cunt is ded


[5 Points] identiifiication:

R u ded


[2 Points] Lucia-Anil:

You gon' be Lady-Boyd


[3 Points] Rakaniam:

So, when's the movie coming out?


[3 Points] Sttmb12r:

This is gold.


[3 Points] IDefyAxioms:

What's the context to this post?


[3 Points] JoeyColdHands:

The food looks like the best thing about that prison...aside from the fact they let you keep all of your shit haha


[3 Points] None:

Great vacation man


[3 Points] None:

Def worth it bro . Hang in there . This is the stuff legends are made off


[3 Points] None:

just commenting because I want to be apart of history depending on how this turns out


[3 Points] Dnm_cunt:

It was...


[3 Points] The1uniquesnowflake:

some other guy who was in a Thai prison said theres like an unwritten rule not to fuck with a western prisoners because they know that the embassy will come down on them hard. Just hang tight till they show up. I cant say the same about your fellow prisoners.. they might want to fuck you up just for being a westerner. BTW, how did you get free wifi.. or did you ask for the WEP key? LOL.


[3 Points] None:

[deleted]


[3 Points] clakos:

I guess no outlet plugs were available in the cell. Phone must have ran out of power. No more news thereafter. Hope you re ok. Hang on


[2 Points] always12vin:

damn boi!!! what country are u in


[2 Points] FrozenMCVegetableCok:

He was price gouging you like you suspected lol. The price he quoted you is around what I've been told it costs to make drug charges disappear if you get caught with smallish commercial quantities. Once it hits the court system the price goes way up.


[2 Points] 2pac-alypse:

good luck nigga


[2 Points] None:

well, whats the guards prices? if hes got the hook up on some dank SE asian benzos/pharmaceuticals for the low low ya feel


[2 Points] Dnm_cunt:

👍


[2 Points] Magicpurpleponyrider:

Pay the 5000 and get the fuck out of there. Godspeed you crazy fucker


[2 Points] regulardarknetguy:

If you get sentenced though, doesnt that mean you are gonna be spending your time in an unimaginable pit of human despair and misery though? Ive just got a gut feeling that if this is heaven then there must be a hell


[2 Points] thr33to3:

Sub'd for update


[2 Points] EQDISTORTEQ:

You got it pretty good haha, I was stuck at the Bangkok Airport as well a month ago, but instead of a nice jail I had to sleep outside in front of the toursit police lol. Next time I miss my flight there I'll make sure to end up in jail for a night


[2 Points] None:

[deleted]


[2 Points] None:

Free weed? SIGN ME UP!!!


[2 Points] TheLastCig:

freeDNMCUNT


[2 Points] _Amish_Electrician:

free wifi = all he typed was read


[1 Points] None:

[deleted]


[1 Points] ddasstip:

I know for real that in some country you go to jail if you can't pay a fine as soon as they ask for it


[1 Points] dlayover123:

How much do you need?


[1 Points] None:

I like these posts. Keep 'em coming!


[1 Points] sulrom:

Dude what's your Skype username! ?


[1 Points] liquidzwords:

[REDACTED]


[1 Points] Anothersleeper:

I fucking love u dude, HA! Get home safe and quickly man.


[1 Points] thebullseye007:

!RemindMe 48 h


[1 Points] Rakaniam:

So when's the movie coming out?


[1 Points] CapnKrump_2:

And here I thought Thai prison is one of the most horrible places on Earth. The food looks good, and you've got a computer, wifi, and drugs. Things could be a lot worse.


[1 Points] octomarvel:

Hahaha.

Experiences like that can not be bought on the deep web.

Kudos on experiencing life. Soak it in.

Something tells me you won't be allowed back into Thailand again.

=)


[1 Points] None:

If I had not already spent all my discretionary income on my own supply chain then rest assured you would have been on the list for donations.

The 85c I do have left, I hope you do not mind but I am going to get a loaf of bread which should do me till payday.


[1 Points] C------:

[deleted]

What is this?


[1 Points] Tratski3000:

you cheeky fuck hehe


[1 Points] None:

This is one fucked trip you are on my dude.


[1 Points] ScottW51:

/u/absiii


[1 Points] Methamphetamouse:

hmm??


[1 Points] kloudyyy:

Hey


[1 Points] Lucid_Enemy:

Tbh I think it was a stunt... I think he had a tour of a Thai prison/jail where he took pictures stating he was arrested, could have been one elaborate hoax to gather Bitcoin, sympathy, to go down in dnm legend as a martyr.... One simply could go get a tour in the prison either it's like a famous prison/jail or he asked/bribed his way to get a tour.... Think about it how could he have gotten the money order if he was arrested, not like they would have let him go on over to the nearest moneygram/western union to grab money. In the US jail system it's hard to get a fucking new spork from a guard let alone be wiring money and that's in a 1st world country.... We have no evidence that dlayover spoke to anyone, not to mention the fact that we have evidence to the contrary and we don't even know if that evidence is true either.... Long story short, we will never know what happened to him because it simply didn't happen or if it did there was nothing anyone could have done... I would give up on this story and go watch locked up abroad in protest


[1 Points] StevenSavelo:

man I still check this out almost once a week. let's say that, worst case scenario, this cunt got thrown in prison. would he even remember his reddit password once he gets out? this cliffhanger is ruining my life a tad


[0 Points] None:

[removed]


[1 Points] you-are-a-cop:

Wait until you get to the Bangkok Hilton...

You're in a police station...not a fucking PRISON.

You're in for hell, dumbass.

BTW: That cop is hustling your dumb white face.

Walking out on a hotel bill? You're a dumb loser. Hotels are cheap as FUCK in Thailand.


[-2 Points] Rakaniam:

So when's the movie coming out?


[-2 Points] Rakaniam:

So when's the movie coming out?


[-2 Points] Rakaniam:

So, when's the movie coming out?


[-4 Points] None:

[deleted]


[-11 Points] Archangellelilstumpz:

What does this have to do with Dark Net Markets? We're not your blog where you can tell us how your day went.


[-10 Points] Lucyintehsky:

and they let you keep your phone... this subreddit is so gullible its hard not to laugh