A final farewell, in response to the unexpected kindness and respect.

I wasn't planning on writing this, I went back to the thread to delete it and then delete my account. And i couldn't believe the change in responses after I explained the situation a bit. So, thank you sincerely for the well wishes, the love and the respect.

Most of all, don't let anyone say this isn't a community. I'm gonna leave this up for a day and then delete my account and it's off to face myself. Like I said, I will get better and will pop in and let whoever cares to know how it went. So, here's my response to the love, respect, and hope you've given me.

<3

Really wasn't expecting all the love and encouragement. And yes I may or may not have been on the tard side of the bar last night.

There was a good six months where I really enjoyed myself here everyday in my downtime. Also, I made some really nice friends, I'm not gonna say anyone by name just out of respect for not being attached to such a trainwreck. Lol but seriously you know who you are, love you guys.

Love all you guys. I just want to say thank you for the respect. I used to tell you guys all about the drugs I did, so i figured id share what happened because of it and over time i did. so I was just going to delete my account and go, but a part of me felt it was wrong to not say bye, but to tell the story of being one of those guys who can't do stuff like bars or Oxys and just leave it there. I wish I could've but the Friday turned into the weekend turned into everyday.

And it fucked my life up, I have a family and at my age if I nut up and just do this one thing now. My kids are still young enough where they won't even remember, plus I just can't live like this anymore. Some of y'all know what an H/oxy/sub/benzo daily habit is like. Its fucking brutal. You can't live a normal life and I'm pretty good at the lifestyle but in the end turns out I really wasn't at all, I was a joke. A sad one.

Its fucking brutal and I'm over it. So I'm gonna leave it there. If anything KIDS AND THE YOUNGINS DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT take the same drug more then three days in a row recreationally. And learn from my dumbass. I'm scared to death, I've been doing this for a good bit of my life. I'm just going into it looking at it like the pain I'm going to feel, the withdrawal, anxiety and who knows what else. Uncharted territory for me. I'm looking at that pain as like a right of passage or more like a penance I have to pay for all the time I did the wrong thing so that I can be a man and give my family a life worth living. They're very beautiful, my family. Its time to stop playing the boy and Jon snow this bitch and let the man be born.

Thank you all again. For your time and all the times you made me laugh and gave me an escape. When I'm out I'll make a new account prob banana boy something and let y'all know how it all turned out.

Pray for me.

-Lecter a.k.a banana boy


Comments


[26 Points] Vicarious124:

I know its not the same as drugs but I quit drinking alcohol 35 days ago cold turkey from a whole bottle of vodka a day. /r/stopdrinking helped me a lot when going through the phases and emotions of withdrawal. Im not sure if it can help you, but it is a warm welcoming SOBER place on the internet to vent.


[18 Points] PandorasCurse:

Mad respect for you after reading this. Only wish my father would have had the same drive you do. Trust me on this, if you don't quit, it'll fuck your kids up. Many a time I've see my father's face hit a plate of spaghetti. Don't be that guy that fucks up his kids, those memories stick around and once they're older, the dots connect.


[15 Points] None:

I feel you! best of luck


[14 Points] RIP_Meth_9000:

Good luck my friend :-) Remember, I went to rehab with my now EX-GF.....Its not that bad, you got this!!!!! Remember, we are all here if you ever need us!!!!

Much Respect!!!!!

9000


[6 Points] BrianEno_BBMC:

Good luck man, and stick with it. If you have a family, then just always remember, you have people who care about you. If anything, do this for them, your kids deserve to grow up with a nice Dad, not a strung out junkie


[3 Points] BrlingtonCOATfactory:

Good luck man keep at it!!


[5 Points] sexbagel69:

good luck, thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers ( in Cumia's Tony Danza impersonation)


[3 Points] iwantyouradvicee:

I know the feeling been through it, 13 rehabs in 1.5 years in a detox right now (ambulatory) means i can go home after program.. Wish you the best of luck bro.


[4 Points] DextroShade:

Makes me so thankful I don't have children.


[3 Points] yspud:

Good for you Man. It's really hard to step outside yourself and admit you have a serious problem. At first the Narcotics tell your brain you have no problem.. you can do it just here and there.. then you can do it even every day becasue, fuck, it just makes you feel happy all the time.. how can this be bad for you ?? Fuck your brain.. It lies to you. The shit becomes the devil and anyone that's gone down the path knows it. We warn everyone but people think they are smarter than those with experience.. they walk down the same path.. and the cycle repeats over and over all over the world. This shit is just awful in the long run. It's not a joke and hundreds of millions of normal people are literally pill junkies today. It's an epidemic that is so large and widespread. Please don't look down on yourself and know you are not alone. If you need anything there are a lot of resources out there to help. Come over to /opiatesrecovery and post over there. PM me or anyone that posts there if you need to talk. Go see your doctor and talk to them. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I told my doctor and he didn't even flinch - it's so damn common now.. he didn't look down on me and he's been nothing but awesome putting me on subs and now I'm down to 2mg/day (from 12 about 8 months ago!!). You can do it - you HAVE to do it. Take care my friend.


[3 Points] None:

Prayed for you bruh


[3 Points] Stop-Staring-Stupid:

Good luck brother. I have all the faith in the world in you. Just remember that even if you slip up a couple of times or even just once it's not the end of the world and you are doing the right thing. The road ahead of you is going to be tough but I have a feeling you are a tough guy whom can roll with it. U are in my thoughts my friend. You can and will do this!


[3 Points] Bart4rd:

I feel you bro. Get out when you can.


[3 Points] MLP_is_my_OPSEC:

I have nothing but respect for someone who admits a problem and attacks it head on, not many people can do that. Despite the addiction it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and know exactly what you should be doing. Just remember that when it gets really rough, it's only temporary and will pass. Sending some good vibes your way.


[3 Points] AmanitaMakesMe1337er:

Hey man, hope you read this...

You need to be prepared for what you're about to go through. Withdrawals will play with your mind like nothing you've experienced before. A few days after stopping you are likely to feel like a completely different person, your priorities will change and the only thing that matters to you will be getting more drugs. Your reasons for quitting will be a distant echo and your thoughts will be occupied entirely by trying to make it sound like a logical decision to keep using. Few people make it past this point on their own, so I urge you to get help if you can. Even if you can just be completely honest with your S/O (assuming you have one) about what's going on and what to expect then this will go a lot better for both you and those around you. (sorry for assuming you aren't honest with your S/O about this, or at least about the extent of the problem, but men are conditioned to hide their weaknesses and keep their problems to themselves so I'm not assuming you're dishonest, just that you're a product of society. Perhaps I'm just projecting. Anyway - ) Get all the help you can as you're going to need it. I have multiple people trying to help me get off opiates but so far I've failed. I hope you're better than me mate, you don't want this feeling of being a failure. Good luck.


[2 Points] cannabanana0420:

Do what's right for you and your kids. Have a god damn American dream of a life, homie.


[2 Points] RookieMafia:

now they're gonna mod him lmao


[2 Points] stacyblended:

I am so happy for you :) stay strong


[-20 Points] SincerelyHatesBlacks:

Rehab is for quitters.


[-29 Points] dadankness:

So your quitting? God doesn't like ugly or quitters. Bye felicia.