[Vendor Review Template] -- Summer 2014 Edition

There are not many vendor review templates on the Deeps, & the okay ones needed rethinking. So I put this together in the hopes people find it useful, discuss improvements, &--perhaps most importantly--help make vendor reviews more consistent.

How to use this template:


Note - please use the standard post title format for Vendor Reviews, which follows the format:

                |------Vendor's Name------|----------Marketplace------------|-----Product-----|
                |            ↓            |               ↓                 |        ↓        |
[VENDOR REVIEW] +        SnuffTits        |  Agorvolution Market Rebloated  |  2C-Bromosexual |

 

Example:
[VENDOR REVIEW] SnuffTits, Agorvolution Market Rebloated, 2C-Bromosexual

 

Ok so here it is. Use it only if you want to, or feel free to modify it:

 

VENDOR REVIEW TEMPLATE: SUMMER 2014 EDITION


 

TEMPLATE ONE

 

««« Copy after line break »»»


|||
--:|:--
|| __Details__
_Vendor:_                |[`WHICH SELLER`]
_Market:_                |[`WHICH MARKETPLACE`]
_Product:_               |[`WHAT WAS PURCHASED`]
_Shipped from:_       |[`COUNTRY`]
_Shipped to:_           |[`COUNTRY`]
_FE?_ (y/n): |[`WAS 'FE' REQUIRED?`]
|| ||__Vendor (30 pts)__
_Communication:_    |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Stealth:_               |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Shipping time:_      |[`SCORE`] / 10
|| ||__Product (50 pts)__
_Price:_                  |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Aesthetics:_           |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Weight:_               |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Quality:_               |[`SCORE`] / 10
|| ||__Overall (30 pts)__
_Transaction:_         |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Vendor:_               |[`SCORE`] / 10
_Drug:_                  |[`SCORE`] / 10
|
|
|
| _TOTAL SCORE:_ | __[`SCORE`] / 100__

 


««« Stop copying »»»

 
Which will end up looking like this:
 

Details
Vendor: [WHICH SELLER]
Market: [WHICH MARKETPLACE]
Product: [WHAT WAS PURCHASED]
Shipped from: [COUNTRY]
Shipped to: [COUNTRY]
FE? (y/n): [WAS 'FE' REQUIRED?]
Vendor (30 pts)
Communication: [SCORE] / 10
Stealth: [SCORE] / 10
Shipping time: [SCORE] / 10
Product (50 pts)
Price: [SCORE] / 10
Aesthetics: [SCORE] / 10
Weight: [SCORE] / 10
Quality: [SCORE] / 10
Overall (30 pts)
Transaction: [SCORE] / 10
Vendor: [SCORE] / 10
Drug: [SCORE] / 10
TOTAL SCORE: [SCORE] / 100

 
Alternately, indent each line 4 spaces for a monospaced typeface:
 
 

TEMPLATE TWO

 

««« Copy after line break »»»


    DETAILS _____________________________
        Vendor:        [Which seller]
        Market:          [Which marketplace]
        Product:          [What was purchased]
        Shipped from:       [Country]
        Shipped to:          [Country]
        FE? (y/n):      [Was FE required?]
    VENDOR (30 pts) ______________________
        Communication: [Score] / 10
        Stealth:        [Score] / 10
        Shipping time:  [Score] / 10
    PRODUCT (50 pts) _____________________
        Price:          [Score] / 10
        Aesthetics:     [Score] / 10
        Weight:         [Score] / 10
        Quality:        [Score] / 10
    OVERALL (30 pts) _____________________
        Transaction:    [Score] / 10
        Vendor:         [Score] / 10
        Drug:           [Score] / 10
_______________________________________
###TOTAL SCORE: [SCORE] / 100

 


««« Stop copying »»»

 
And this time, the code will look like:
 

DETAILS ______________________________
  Vendor:         [Which seller]  
  Market:         [Which marketplace]  
  Product:        [What was purchased]  
  Shipped from:   [Country]  
  Shipped to:     [Country]  
  FE? (y/n):      [Was FE required?]  
VENDOR (30 pts) ______________________
  Communication:  [Score] / 10   
  Stealth:        [Score] / 10  
  Shipping time:  [Score] / 10  
PRODUCT (50 pts) _____________________
  Price:          [Score] / 10  
  Aesthetics:     [Score] / 10  
  Weight:         [Score] / 10  
  Quality:        [Score] / 10  
OVERALL (30 pts) _____________________
  Transaction:    [Score] / 10  
  Vendor:         [Score] / 10  
  Drug:           [Score] / 10 
______________________________________  

TOTAL SCORE: [SCORE] / 100

 

The 10 Requirements for a "Perfect V.R. Score"


  1. Quick PM responses & top notch customer service are imperative to getting 10s.
  2. Product arrives with a little extra in it or maybe a free sample - e.g.: You receive 2.2g on a 2g order, or your vendor throws in a free .3g of some new Peruvian Flake... or just a little something extra to make the order feel special, even a small dabber or similar paraphernalia - that goes a long way in building customer loyalty.
  3. Vendor sends confirmation of order - a simple note saying, "payment received, product shipped, thank you for your business" is adequate. It's good form & nice to know your vendor communicates.
  4. Price Value is a reflection of good pricing for that particular product, not the market for that product. Price can be high, low, or right-on as compared to the average, but the category's score is based on that product only. For example, let's say there were some MDMA priced much higher than the norm; however, it's in the US already and it's clear white, sparkles, & is a true headbanger. Those into MDMA are gonna snatch that up, even at higher prices.
  5. Product should be top notch if it's advertised as such. Be harsh if it's called for--we need it--just be sure it's really called for & appropriate. Call out lackluster shit for being garbage. But also, don't be a dick.
  6. Professionalism & courtesy are always valued. Customer service is still crucially important & plays a big role in a vendor's initial success.
  7. Stealth is a clear indicator of a vendor's quality, caution, intelligence & general competence at her job. The product should be packaged safely & appropriately - large items professionally packaged, fragile items in padding, flat items in envelopes. USPS should always be used, at least if it's all within the U.S. (Feds need a warrant for USPS, whereas UPS & FedEx cooperate right away). »» Fellow European Neuromodulation Enthusiasts »» safest shipping options within your particular country?
  8. Product should be vacuum sealed if it's odorous & commonly sniffed out by drug dogs. Cannabis obviously is the loudest, but dogs can also be trained to detect coke, heroin, & some amphetamines. Either way, vacuum sealing is a good move to make for protecting the product.
  9. Includes a decoy to avoid the unlikely scenario someone "accidentally" opens your package. This means the vendor has disguised the package's contents to appear like something innocuous. Won't fool LE, but cuts out accidental discovery by USPS should it occur.
  10. Packaging should look 100% professional. We know that LE profiles packages to reverse trace intercepted drugs. Therefore the packaging should change shape, size, envelopes, &c. It should not have the same return address or fake company name. Look for different sized boxes & envelopes. Address labels should not be hand-written.

Some notes about this template:

The Total Score you add up yourself until someone comes up with something clever for this. For now, sum the 10 scores & put that over 100. In this manner, vendors will end up with a "grade" or a "percentage" like 88% (put this in the post title if you like), and this should be more useful than:

  • Communication: 10/5. They always responded like right away. Amazehoden!
  • Stealth: 5/5. My username was handwritten on the label, but I'm still giving 5/5 because I'm so happy my drugs are actually here! [editor's note: yes, that was hyperbole.]
  • Product: 10/5. Hurrrr...durrr...
  • Hope that vendor will hook me up for shilling their mediocre shit: 15,000/5.

Finally, a shorter version of the template goes like this:

 

TLDR EDITION OF VENDOR REVIEW TEMPLATE:

1. DETAILS:     [name, market, product]  
2. TRANSACTION: [1-to-10 shipping, speed, & transaction]      → multiply this by 3 =
3. VENDOR:      [stealth, communication, general attitude]      → multiply this by 3 = 
4. PRODUCT:     [1-to-10 value, look, weight, quality, effects] → multiply this by 4 = 
5. TOTAL SCORE: [sum items 2, 3, & 4 here. = __ out of 100]

Enjoy and feel free to suggest improvements.

EDIT: after trying this thing out, I'm not convinced the categories / scoring system is quite right. It's a little difficult to quantify these things at times... Suggestions for improvement definitely welcome.


Comments


[3 Points] Under_the-radar:

The only thing that imo should change is that a 10/10 for the weight section should be given to a product that arrived exactly on weight, as the vendor didn't really do anything wrong. I think if it is overweight that an 11/10 should be given. In this specific instance going one point over the 10/10 scale is not an over-exaggeration, but just a bonus point.

We definitely need to start using a template like this. If people want to take the time out of their day to write a vendor review on Reddit, you might as well be thorough and helpful. Your joke review near the end unfortunately looks like quite a few reviews on here..... time to change that!


[2 Points] InfinitelyOutThere:

Pretty complicated, looks like the work of someone who is very stimmed, but great work!


[1 Points] None:

AMEN this is perfect


[1 Points] Throwaway_concept:

Ugh. This involves math.


[1 Points] Throwaway_concept:

Also, the perfect 10 thing is wrong, because ratings are subjective. Sometimes communication isn't needed. I also don't feel a vendor should have to put extra in order to recieve a perfect score. If it's what i ordered, it's perfect. Otherwise, good post.