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Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: gn0ssos on September 23, 2013, 11:31 am

Title: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: gn0ssos on September 23, 2013, 11:31 am
Hope everyone doesn't mind my venting a bit here. I just wanted to start a topic on relationships/marriages and drugs. Feel free to share your experiences. Here is mine:

I've been having to stay with my parents for the past four months and be (unwillingly) separated from my husband because basically we could no longer afford to be together. We've been together going on two years and have pretty much been addicted off and on for at least a little over a year of that time. It started off with meth, then we started getting into needles and shooting crack daily because it was all we could find. Went through the ringer on opiates as well... you get the idea.

In the course of our madness, we lost a house, a dog, a "baby" (miscarriage), multiple jobs, thousands of dollars, not to mention our self-respect and respect for one another. To be honest we never even got around to spending the money to OFFICIALLY get married, we just started saying we were married and I started using his name. Money was always being spent on other stupid shit.

We've had visions of really getting our shit together and being a family. That's why we're separated right now. He's off working and I'm at my parent's place going to school full time. However, even now it seems like we're further away from being back together than when we started. Sometimes I feel like we'll never be able to be together without getting fucked up together and losing it all over and over again. Maybe I should just come to terms with the fact that we are just hurting each other by clinging to the hope of getting back together and we will both benefit from letting each other go.

Does anyone else have any experience with these types of relationships? It is very rare, but I do know at least one or two couples that have been able to clean up together. However I'm not sure they were using together and I don't know that they're all that happy... I just hope things get better soon.

Hopefully I'll get my order in the mail in the next couple days and I'll be a little cheered up...
Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: turdburglarSandwich on September 23, 2013, 11:54 am
Sending you good vibes, healing, good grades, and may you find peace with your past.

The present is all you have. Spending time agonizing over the shoulda's, woulda's, and coulda's is time you could be focusing on how not to shit up your current situation with the 'rents and your education. This is a truth though, "those that don't learn from their past mistakes are doomed to repeat them".

I heartily approve of not staying in a relationship that is toxic. If the two of you had in common the using, the sacrificing of your hoped for future with pursuing immediate gratification, and couldn't stop the sabotaging behaviours, then perhaps an evaluation of your inner processes is in order. You will NEVER be able to control his actions or his reactions. You can only control that which is within your purview, you.

I am on my second marriage, and my wife only rolls with me about once every few months, otherwise she is clean. My ex is another story. We both were filling holes in our souls with anything and everything, so as to avoid living in our internal discomfort.

It is possible to stop the cycle, but it takes an incredible amount of determination, discipline, and willingness to tolerate your distresses; mentally, spiritually, and especially, physically.

To make a healthy relationship, it takes both parties being willing to drop their maladaptive coping mechanisms, their defense mechanisms, and being unwilling to cause their partner harm.

I don't yell at my wife, I don't call her names, I am not violent in her presence, I do my utmost not to trigger her defenses. It is more important to me to not cause her harm than it is important to me to indulge my temper, my self defeating behaviours, and needing to be "right".

I dunno if the above will help but it is my process, and it works for us. We are in our 5th year together.

Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: nassy on September 23, 2013, 12:03 pm
so does your wife let's you follow your mantra of "being the burglar, not the turd"?

or do you have to go venture into the backdoor stealthily wearing a balaclava and rubber gloves?
Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: turdburglarSandwich on September 23, 2013, 12:17 pm
so does your wife let's you follow your mantra of "being the burglar, not the turd"?

or do you have to go venture into the backdoor stealthily wearing a balaclava and rubber gloves?

The stealthy burglar lives to burgle another day....butt I never told you anything....narf!
Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: nassy on September 23, 2013, 12:47 pm
@gn0ssos what did you order?

Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: gn0ssos on September 23, 2013, 01:04 pm
@gn0ssos what did you order?

Just started off small cause it was my first order. A little blotter and a little MDMA. Trying to steer clear of the more serious substances, though they are my favorites...

Thanks turd (lol) for the encouragement and for sharing your story. Just had to get that off my chest... I knew you all would know what I was going through. What you said about not calling your wife names and all that really makes me think. The two of us get in horrific fights, sometimes I feel like we've been so mean to each other that it would be almost impossible now to heal the damage and not resent each other for it. Of course nothing's impossible, we'll see what happens. I just know that very soon I will need to resolve whether to let go and move on or really strive to make a change for the better.

Thanks again. +1
Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: nassy on September 23, 2013, 01:18 pm
even though you're a huge turd turd you give really good advice.

incidentally, saw you wrote "I am not violent in her presence". when and where do you get violent? stories please............choking your chicken don't count!!!
Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: turdburglarSandwich on September 23, 2013, 01:25 pm
You are very welcome. I dunno if you have time for recreational reading, but there are a coupla books that have been instrumental in me gaining clarity.

They are both small, unassuming, paperbacks, packed with wisdom.

Notes to Myself, by Hugh Prather

Illusions, the Journey of the Reluctant Messiah, by Richard Bach.

Both of those titles were given to me by my first therapist, when I was in my sr yr of high school.

My favorite quote from Notes, "If the desire to write is not accompanied by writing, the desire is not to write".

My favorite quote from Illusions, "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts"
Title: Re: Relationships & Drugs
Post by: turdburglarSandwich on September 23, 2013, 01:41 pm
even though you're a huge turd turd you give really good advice.

incidentally, saw you wrote "I am not violent in her presence". when and where do you get violent? stories please............choking your chicken don't count!!!

I have harnessed the volcanic rage that seethes just below my surface, for the most part. I have learned to differentiate between anger, and rage.

When I am indulging myself in the throes of orgasmic rage, someone or something always get hurt. Anger is controllable, raging for me, is the uncontrolled explosive actions that cause harm.

Damn thing is, rage feels GOOOOD. It rewards the pleasure centers in my brain, when I have reached that point of no return. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, I am fucking your world to the event horizon of a black hole. I am not going to go into specifics, for some of my misdeeds have been rewarded by a LEO pulling me off a fuck stick I have assaulted. So no specifics. Enough to say I am second generation Irish.

I am not proud of my violent tendencies, and it is only when I am enraged that I indulge those behaviours. I do not revel in the causing of deliberate harm.