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Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: Marenghi on September 02, 2012, 04:31 pm

Title: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: Marenghi on September 02, 2012, 04:31 pm
We are a group of 10 people (not usually all together) who take MDMA about every sixth week (minimum wait). We have been doing this for about a year now and there has been some cases of people getting mental health problems.

(110&110mg) In December, two of the people who joined our MDMA-evenings had depersonalization-like issues and anxiety after. This gradually disappeared over several weeks/months. It should be noted that both of these persons had a lot of emotional baggage and some "breakthrough" experiences during this. Neither of them regret the decision of doing it, but would never do it again.
(+200mg) In June, one of us ended up taking too much, probably around 200, ("laggy" visuals, vomiting, etc.) and ended up having similar problems with anxiety. Took about a month before things turned to normal.
(160mg) In August, another one had a similar episode. Full recovery took about one month. He speculated that it might be because of stress built up recently over personal stuff (moving, work-related etc). He had taken this several times before without any issues at all.

Why is this happening? This is not very positive statistics, considering 40% have had such shitty experiences with the (possible) after effects of MDMA. I could understand that two from December could get this considering how much emotional baggage they had, and the result of that evening (personal realizations, breakthroughs etc). June could be attributed to taking a too high dose.

I've taken it about 7-8 times (130mg, sometimes redose) now and never had any issues with this, but considering that two of us who also didn't have any negative experience earlier; could this happen to me as well? Is it just a question of time?
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: Holly on September 03, 2012, 03:20 am
Rolling is no longer fun for me either.... its mainly just psychs and weed now.   I stopped after I was getting the anxiety and depression from pure Mdma use.
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: l1llykins on September 03, 2012, 03:26 am
It sounds like you could use a full recovery break (3 months).  :-\
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: NeuroRelativizer on September 03, 2012, 04:13 am
Personally the only use I even have for MDMA is when I need an emotionally therapeutic night in a context where LSD's psychedelic effects would be inappropriate. I think LSD, once you're comfortable with it, is a much more well rounded experience. As long as you don't leave your comfort zone on it, it's easier to take care of your mental state.

I still love MDMA when I have it, but I think that's because I've only ever abused ecstasy pills for a short time a long time ago (and who knows what those were cut with). I don't think it's something that should be taken regularly, only when you need it.
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: 4903kmn1d on September 03, 2012, 05:17 am
BL has some very knowledgeable people and great info if you are interested in learning more

I found this thread on depersonalization *** Clearnet ***
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/607385-MDMA-damage-or-mental-damage-for-some
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: herpderp25 on September 03, 2012, 05:34 am
I think the circumstances play a big role too. One time I rolled (I had previously rolled at least 5 times, all wonderful) with my best friend and this guy I didn't like very much, but pretended to. I would always sort of feel uneasy around this person and had some resentment towards him because of some personal conflicts in the past, but I would ignore it sober. Well, on MDMA, it is as if the MDMA made those feelings surface with the full force of the 'magic' except it was turned 180 degrees. I felt like I was in hell for those 4-5 hours, I cried when I got home. Sure enough, the next time I rolled, with the right people, it was amazing again. All i'm saying is, watch out who and where you do it-- it DOES matter.
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: Marenghi on September 03, 2012, 06:12 pm
It's weird...

I've taken it about 13 times (I just counted. It's not 7-8). I've never had as much as slight depression the day after. I usually feel more self-confident than ever (although I'm a bit unmotivated/tired) and feel like I could do things I couldn't before.

I'm a bit worried that knowing/having experienced this; it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: ballervision on September 03, 2012, 06:20 pm
I've taken E probably 10 times.


The last 4 times have been complete dysphoria. Music is painful, my body is weak, and I have intense anxiety / nausea / neuropathy until I puke, The last two pills were tested as pure MDMA as well. The last two pills I took were also a year apart from each other.

For me, at least, it's safe to say that the magic is over. I can still get the clean, natural feeling of MDMA from listening to music I like and just not giving a fuck. But I'm pretty sure I will not take an E pill again.
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: Gary Oak on September 03, 2012, 10:46 pm
Personally the only use I even have for MDMA is when I need an emotionally therapeutic night in a context where LSD's psychedelic effects would be inappropriate. I think LSD, once you're comfortable with it, is a much more well rounded experience. As long as you don't leave your comfort zone on it, it's easier to take care of your mental state.

I still love MDMA when I have it, but I think that's because I've only ever abused ecstasy pills for a short time a long time ago (and who knows what those were cut with). I don't think it's something that should be taken regularly, only when you need it.

Agreed, I actually enjoy the therapeutic value over the recreational by far. Everyone thinks I'm weird, but what's so bad about taking it easy sometimes? If I want to wrap myself in a cocoon of blankets and roll around on my trampoline with a pretty girl, laughing over how nostalgic we get over our favorite songs well then I god damn will because I just don't give a fuck and I'm white. Better than thrashing about with a bunch of etards you don't know who you will most likely grow to hate by sunrise. ::)
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: NeuroRelativizer on September 04, 2012, 08:29 am
Gary, +1 for being open to other (more fulfilling) experiences that MDMA can bring. Of course I'm a romantic at heart, out loud, and in between, so your example is wonderful.
Better than thrashing about with a bunch of etards you don't know who you will most likely grow to hate by sunrise. ::)

I miss raving, personally, but I've lived in a rave house and I can confirm it doesn't take long to grow to hate everyone involved who's not your friend. Really, spending your Saturday cleaning up from Friday night and finishing just in time for Saturday's party is all it takes.

Especially when half the people living there won't help clean up the cigarette butts littering the backyard. Lazy little runaway fuckers. That doesn't happen with people who use drugs instead of abusing them (or being used by them).

I just miss the energy when everyone's dancing and I know a spattering of people around me are just watching me and wondering how hard I must be rolling even when the pills hadn't kicked in. Now I'd rather go on acid.
Title: Re: Depersonalization after MDMA
Post by: Spunkaroo on September 04, 2012, 11:34 am
Personally the only use I even have for MDMA is when I need an emotionally therapeutic night in a context where LSD's psychedelic effects would be inappropriate. I think LSD, once you're comfortable with it, is a much more well rounded experience. As long as you don't leave your comfort zone on it, it's easier to take care of your mental state.

I still love MDMA when I have it, but I think that's because I've only ever abused ecstasy pills for a short time a long time ago (and who knows what those were cut with). I don't think it's something that should be taken regularly, only when you need it.

Agreed also Neuro. I've only rolled once and had no real intentions or plans for it, just thought I would see what happened. A lot of it was fun, but I also felt it was very therapeutic as well, even without me directing it that way. Thought I lot about my friends and family, the good and the bad, and just new that everything would be alright in the end (as long as I kept doing the best I can.) The next day I was very lethargic, but there was no depression or anything like that.

I'm leaving Molly for now for at least another couple of months, not because I'm paranoid about my health or losing the magic, or any of that. Just because it would be a waste for me to roll all the time. Better to save it for when I need it, or when I can get the most out of the experience.