Silk Road forums
Market => Rumor mill => Topic started by: PharmerJohn on February 04, 2013, 11:01 pm
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Some months ago, I sold extremely good BTH on here, and tried to be a model vendor. I shipped fast, stealthily, professionally, and always made sure my bags were weighed properly. And I never cut my dope since I knew how pissed I was, as an occasional user/ former junkie myself, when I got shit dope. So I sought the best for you guys, and some of it, especially the variety one SR buyer joyfully nicknamed the "onyx," was widely hailed by buyers as the best black on the Road, and in the running for best heroin on the site overall. I know I preferred it to the powders I tried off of here, but then again I mostly smoked (until the bad times began again, that is...) and "grew up" on tar, so maybe thats why I preferred it. Also gotta love that 6-MAM high black provides. Anyway, long story short, I started using too much of my dope, ending up getting fully re-addicted, and blew through all my money. I had also been taking little vacations, going to concerts, all sorts of random shit. But the drugs had me again, and I fell down fucking hard. A couple folks had FE'd money, and I didn't have enough dope to cover them and myself. I would buy an ounce with every intention of fulfilling orders, only to see it quickly dwindle. One person tried to do an out-of-escrow deal with me on the side, and sent me around $1000 if I recall correctly. That all went up in smoke, or in my arm. I basically wasted thousands of dollars, got evicted, was homeless for a few months living with this evil, manipulative junkie whore.... shit got bad for a minute. I almost shot myself. Anyone who has dealt with severe opiate addiction knows what I mean. The highs are nice, but the lows are really fucking low.
So, my relapse is no excuse for fucking over even one customer, let alone a small group of them. The good news is I've been off dope for about 3 months now, and am starting to feel much better (though still smoke bud and drink a bit; need some outlet for intoxication). It feels like my old self is returning, as I shed the junkie skin I built back up while I was out there on my run. I don't have anything else to give right now and am barely getting by as it is, but to those my actions directly harmed, as well as to the SR community-at-large, I just wanted to say that I am sorry. I'm not some scheming, scamming thief, I just got caught up in some shit that essentially took over, and all compassion and rationality and integrity was lost to it. This doesn't put the dope that is rightfully theirs back in these people's pockets, nor does it restore their BTC. If anything, I hope it can serve as a precautionary lesson for both vendor and buyer. Just know that I never meant to fuck you guys over, and again, I am truly sorry. Perhaps one day I an make it up to you, or to SR, in some way... might vend again but on a new name; I think putting PJ to rest forever could be a good thing. I wouldn't sell dope ever again though, I can't be around that shit, love it too much and if I do it again, I'm going to fucking die. So there you have it, no excuses, just an explanation for my shitty behavior. Take care guys.
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Wow, hope you're doing better man. This just exemplifies why I'd never order from a heroin vendor though, way too risky imo.
Were you affiliated with PharmerBrown by the way? That fucker scammed quite a number of people as well before closing up shop.
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Nope, not affiliated with any other vendor names/ accounts. And I didn't rip off that many people, numbers-wise, but my point is screwing over just one customer is too many, and I feel badly about it, which is why I wanted to just openly apologize. Not even sure any of those folks are still around; I hesitate to even log into the PJ account again; has all this bad energy for me. I made a shitload of money doing it the right way on here, then I blew it all on dope and partying and ended up a junkie again. But its good now, like I said. And not all H vendors are users themselves; I even had a 3 month window where I cleaned up on my own in the beginning. But I was doing a bunch of acid and GHB and molly and whathaveyou to compensate. Ya, I had a few problems lol... now it's about trying to "right" them. Thus my return here.
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Some months ago, I sold extremely good BTH on here, and tried to be a model vendor. I shipped fast, stealthily, professionally, and always made sure my bags were weighed properly. And I never cut my dope since I knew how pissed I was, as an occasional user/ former junkie myself, when I got shit dope. So I sought the best for you guys, and some of it, especially the variety one SR buyer joyfully nicknamed the "onyx," was widely hailed by buyers as the best black on the Road, and in the running for best heroin on the site overall. I know I preferred it to the powders I tried off of here, but then again I mostly smoked (until the bad times began again, that is...) and "grew up" on tar, so maybe thats why I preferred it. Also gotta love that 6-MAM high black provides. Anyway, long story short, I started using too much of my dope, ending up getting fully re-addicted, and blew through all my money. I had also been taking little vacations, going to concerts, all sorts of random shit. But the drugs had me again, and I fell down fucking hard. A couple folks had FE'd money, and I didn't have enough dope to cover them and myself. I would buy an ounce with every intention of fulfilling orders, only to see it quickly dwindle. One person tried to do an out-of-escrow deal with me on the side, and sent me around $1000 if I recall correctly. That all went up in smoke, or in my arm. I basically wasted thousands of dollars, got evicted, was homeless for a few months living with this evil, manipulative junkie whore.... shit got bad for a minute. I almost shot myself. Anyone who has dealt with severe opiate addiction knows what I mean. The highs are nice, but the lows are really fucking low.
So, my relapse is no excuse for fucking over even one customer, let alone a small group of them. The good news is I've been off dope for about 3 months now, and am starting to feel much better (though still smoke bud and drink a bit; need some outlet for intoxication). It feels like my old self is returning, as I shed the junkie skin I built back up while I was out there on my run. I don't have anything else to give right now and am barely getting by as it is, but to those my actions directly harmed, as well as to the SR community-at-large, I just wanted to say that I am sorry. I'm not some scheming, scamming thief, I just got caught up in some shit that essentially took over, and all compassion and rationality and integrity was lost to it. This doesn't put the dope that is rightfully theirs back in these people's pockets, nor does it restore their BTC. If anything, I hope it can serve as a precautionary lesson for both vendor and buyer. Just know that I never meant to fuck you guys over, and again, I am truly sorry. Perhaps one day I an make it up to you, or to SR, in some way... might vend again but on a new name; I think putting PJ to rest forever could be a good thing. I wouldn't sell dope ever again though, I can't be around that shit, love it too much and if I do it again, I'm going to fucking die. So there you have it, no excuses, just an explanation for my shitty behavior. Take care guys.
As far as i'm concerned all is fair in love and war, and people buying illegal shit take a risk when they push the order button. If you want to resolve the debts in the future with these people, that's your call.
Far more important than all this drugs shit is human life. You sound like an eloquent and intelligent person, and you're right...if you go back to the H you probably will die....so don't. Sounds to me like the Silk Road or vending again is probably the last place you need to be, but that's just my opinion.
I'm sure those who were affected will appreciate your apology, and hopefully they will understand that addiction not a choice. Personally i think SR has it's positive benefits, and it's negatives...for users and vendors alike.
Onwards and upwards my man.
Take care :)
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So are you gonna start vending again?
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2 things brother
1) do not vendor again bro, for your health most importantly and not to fuck over others in the process
but lastly...I am happy you are going down the right path, i wish you nothing but the best and hope you can keep this all in a chapter of self reflection and past experience rather than anything current.
much love
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Not sure about vending again. On the one hand, its probably much better for me on a karmic level, and my serenity in general, to stay away from selling drugs. On the other hand, its the only way I've known how to make money the past 15 years... especially quick money. And lots of it. So its hard to make the switch, looking for legitimate work and stuff. Going back to school might be good too, but I'd get a chunk of scholarship money and probably just want to reinvest in on here, and then who knows what happens? The risk wouldn't be so much me fucking over people again (most of my old custy's would say I was one of the most responsive/ communicative vendors around) but fucking over myself.
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Yo.
Youre alive.
And you had a good time leading up to the points of low.
I'd say your life is pretty alright.
Never done any form of opiate except xanax and thats only like 6 or 7 times but I can easily see that hill being a slippery one. Thats why i wouldnt allow myself to touch anything else.
Addictions a bitch
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yeah ocean, too bad xanax isn't in the opiate class.
but you are right addiction is a bitch, especially xanax, if that was a fight you have or are going through
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I got my SR cherry popped by PJ bout 9 or 10 months ago. I remember a fast, courteous, quality experience! Thank you!
Good Luck in your endeavors, I would stay away from the scene completely. I know its easy to say but sometimes impossible to do, but that's the only way I could ever stop doing the things I do.
Take it easy brother!!
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yeah ocean, too bad xanax isn't in the opiate class.
but you are right addiction is a bitch, especially xanax, if that was a fight you have or are going through
Lol wow how uneducated could I have sounded... I knew it was a benzo.
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what they said^^^^^
congrats on sobriety!!
if i were you, i would turn around and never look back.. addiction is a bitch!!
it would seem to me that even the forums would be a test of will..
be safe and good luck!!
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Well good on you PJ. One thing that will help you is to keep your mind occupied with something else you love that has nothing to do with drugs. It sounds a little like me where you can't really get away from it all together especially all at once like cold turkey. I mean it's just a part of my life and I am thankful for my life.
I finally was able to quit fooling with those people that I did drugs with. Shit SR has helped me decrease my drug use. I only use SR and nobody with in 100 miles can say I bought drugs from them for a year now. So I got out of the habit of fronting shit I couldn't pay for. I go to work and back home and I never talk about drugs with anyone except the people on SR and this forum. Quality of life has improved.
At one time I was eager to get stuff from here and make a killin selling in my area but I give up on that. Now I am buying just for personal use and I do that in private of my own room. To me it just hasn't been worth it to have to fool with people. Everywhere I go there is people talking about drugs prescription mostly. There's a real roxy epidemic here. When I hear people talking about drugs I just turn and find something else to be occupied with.
Good luck PJ I know you can do it man just believe in yourself and be thankful for what you have.
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Stick to bud.....under no circumstance sell anything on here.. no vendors account...after you start vending the shit it is a wrap.and you know it. I remember when you where a good vendor then fell off then came back with a vengence and then.....poof....pulled a Tony76.
I am a recovering heroin addict and maybe you should look into suboxone, and not just take them when you do not have dope, but like they are prescribed..and NO needles or smoking shit other than weed. Beer, Pot, LSD, Mushrooms, benzo regiment, suboxone, All okay in my book no coke or heroin keeps me sane and outta jail. Well glad to see you made it through the gauntlet again mostly unscathed.....do not waste it and repeat the same behavior.....No vending at all my advice
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Yes pharmerjohn. I am happy that you are doing good now. Stay like that. Try to keep your drug use under control. I never wish nothing bad on anyone. Obviously you are dubbing if not you will not be here in sr forums.
I just want to tell you i f.e. to you for a gram of tar. I had been in the past in many situations where i was sick, i did not went out and scam other people. You buy the tar at 50$ a gram the most, and we where paying the tar to you at four times that. And in the top you cheat us. It was very easy to just send the tar, get the super profit and keep the bussiness, but not you where more important.
A side from the bullshit that you told us, you did not answer the messages to us.
First you told us, someone cheat you (a dealer, a friend). You told us you was selling the tar expensive but you wan to get up. Then you told us you been in the hospital or some shit like that. We belive in you and we order.
I dont think that you feel guilty, and if you feel gilty you can pay as back. We are few not many. No you, dont give a fuck about us, you probabily want to continue as a vendor. I personally. Will tell everyone the truth. I will not go out of my way to fuck you, but i will tell my experience.
Now blame the bitch that make you suffer. you did not do anything. You are a good guy you feel sorry for what happend to you.
I will never buy from you PharmerJohn. Maybe you take coke again and you fuck up again. Ones a cheat, always a cheat. (why you did not sent msg to us the ones that you fuck, telling us that you are going to repay us?)
Good luck to you.
chino