Silk Road forums

Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: xonixl on September 18, 2013, 05:40 pm

Title: does the paranoia go away??? need some sr vendor advise.
Post by: xonixl on September 18, 2013, 05:40 pm


im a new vendor on the road and selling for a view weeks now.
And all though its going much better than i expected, im also finding that the job is much harder than i thought.
Some days are oke and some days im so fucking para i think im going crazy.
Dark thoughts flying trough my head about being arrested for stupid mistakes.
And every time after a lot of troubled thoughts i'll come to the conclusion that everything i do is bullet proof.
I honestly think that this way of dealing is much safer than when a ton of people have your nr right.
Nobody but my associates no about this.

Are there any vendors who recognize this, and is this going away or do we just need to deal with this.
Title: Re: does the paranoia go away??? need some sr vendor advise.
Post by: Bigsmokejay on September 18, 2013, 06:02 pm
I think you have to deal with this. What you're doing is illegal and there will be always a chance to get caught. You can however be extra careful when doing you're daily routine. Just chill and take it easy, if you know what you're doing you'll be fine.
Title: Re: does the paranoia go away??? need some sr vendor advise.
Post by: IDoNotLikeProhibition on September 18, 2013, 07:39 pm
I am not a vendor, but I tink it is as BruceCampbell said. Better questioning your methods too often than being too confident and fucked ;)
Title: Re: does the paranoia go away??? need some sr vendor advise.
Post by: cloudedhouse on September 19, 2013, 09:29 am
Note: I am not a vendor.


 I'm not sure whether or not I agree with what someone said above, about using your paranoia to your advantage, as I'm not sure that its possible given that paranoia is often just unwarranted projection of one's own feelings. It interferes with cold, emotionless analysis which is what is truly needed in order to remain safe. Paranoia could be the thing that ultimately sinks your ship, it clouds your thinking/judgement and makes you behave in ways you otherwise wouldn't have, I believe that to some extent this can be called projective identification, but it's been a minute.

 IMO I'd suggest you stop using any and all drugs if you use them. You need to be as close to baseline and in-touch with reality as possible at all times,  how can you accurately assess a given situation if your perceptions are altered, or often shifting?

 Yes, even weed. I know, I know, many everyday smokers say they function "just fine" being stoned all the time, I was one of them until I quit for a couple months and the fog was lifted. After being stoned for 8 years straight, you don't know anything else, so of course it feels like you're operating at 100% capacity. Anyway, I'm back on the weed pipe and now I can feel really feel thee effect it has on me, but I digress...

 Perhaps maybe only take something for anxiety, at therapeutic rather than recreational dosages and see how that works for you. You might also find a therapist you can talk to about these things, I think its covered by doctor-patient confidentiality. It's obvious that this is something that is really bothering you since this is your first and only post.

 I'm not sure how much weight your moving, but this kind of stress can be quite damaging to a persons mental well being if not managed properly, and as I said earlier about weed, a person might not realize just how stressed they really are and what kind of effect its really having. Sometimes, you do realize, only to realize later that you hadn't fully realized. The rabbit hole.


Alternatively, maybe your paranoia is telling you something, maybe vending just isn't for you? "Is this all worth it?" is a question all vendors should ask themselves.

 Prison is a very real possibility, equally as real as the possibility of making "easy" money. Say 3 years down the line you get busted, locked up for a good amount of time. Will you be content in your cell, will you reflect upon what you've done and feel that it was worth it? To some it is, but what about you?  And if its not worth it, why risk it? There are other ways to make money, after all.

 I don't mean to discourage you but I just wanted to offer some different perspectives. I'm also aware much of this is very cliche, but its cliche for good reason.
Title: Re: does the paranoia go away??? need some sr vendor advise.
Post by: jamaispenser on September 19, 2013, 10:04 am
I AM NOT A VENDOR, HOWEVER...

I agree for the most part with the advice you have been offered so far.  Consider a 'healthy amount' of fear to your advantage to keep you on your toes and hopefully you will have less to be so paranoid about, but if it is more than that, rethink things.  Have you always felt this way[about your ventures]?  Is there anything you are doing or consuming that is causing you to be reckless or careless and contributing to these feelings of paranoia that hinder you from being effective?  Or are you letting it all cloud your judgement unnecessarily.  Keep yourself together and just do your best.   Like anything else, just take it all in, don't freak, be as cautious and inconspicuous as possible and serve those of us who will keep you in business for a long time in the most professional way possible!  Good luck to you.  Peace.
Title: Re: does the paranoia go away??? need some sr vendor advise.
Post by: baubt on September 19, 2013, 11:42 am
I AM NOT A VENDOR.

So I'll just shut the fuck up and not offer you advice.  8)
Good luck with your paranoia.  Hope things smooth out for ya.