Silk Road forums

Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: Cali on November 15, 2012, 03:13 am

Title: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: Cali on November 15, 2012, 03:13 am
Thought id try to get any insights from you guys iv been lurking for a while, im guessing this is the best place for information.

I started taking 'drugs' about a year ago, i started with methadrone which gave me intense 'comedowns' and depression for a few months but i was so interested in psychedelics and drugs i then started taking MDMA. After i came out of my depression i really liked the experience of rolling etc so i kept taking MDMA, started off like once a month until it worked its way up to every week, and with tolerance increasing obviously so did dosage. Now its got to a point where i really dont enjoy rolling so iv stopped taking it... leaving me a bit depressed to be honest. Iv been suicidal before it just feels like a mild version of that im not suicidal but the thoughts pop up.

I dont want to stop taking psychedelics because i love the experience and insights, i actually started meditating during this time of taking MDMA and Ket which has led to some very insightful and profound thoughts that improved my life! But now it seems all these thoughts were bullshit! I just feel exhausted and drained.

Anyway, what is the damage do you think and is there anything i can be doing to pick myself up, im still meditating but nothing feels the same anymore. I also want to try ACID, shrooms and DMT (eventually) but i think waiting untill 'im back' might be a good idea?

Is there anything i can do or do i just have to wait it out?
Title: Re: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: JustBob on November 15, 2012, 04:11 am
Moderation is key here. If I were in your shoes I would try my damnedest to be "clean" for a predetermined amount of time just to prove to myself that I can do it. Once it becomes a necessity (an addiction) is when it becomes a true problem. I'd really try to just stop for a while and maybe use that time to do more research on different things you wanna try and preparing yourself with meditation in the meantime. That's just what I'd do if I was in your place.

Everyone has their own preferences and some people can do drugs day-after-day or week-after-week and have no problems at all, but we're all different. Just take your time so you can really enjoy it. The best analogy I could give is I'd rather have a 10-hour sex marathon once a month on MDMA instead of having 10 minute sex every day. Maybe a poorly constructed analogy but ya catch my drift?   ;D
Title: Re: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: AnimusVox on November 15, 2012, 05:42 am
Thought id try to get any insights from you guys iv been lurking for a while, im guessing this is the best place for information.

I started taking 'drugs' about a year ago, i started with methadrone which gave me intense 'comedowns' and depression for a few months but i was so interested in psychedelics and drugs i then started taking MDMA. After i came out of my depression i really liked the experience of rolling etc so i kept taking MDMA, started off like once a month until it worked its way up to every week, and with tolerance increasing obviously so did dosage. Now its got to a point where i really dont enjoy rolling so iv stopped taking it... leaving me a bit depressed to be honest. Iv been suicidal before it just feels like a mild version of that im not suicidal but the thoughts pop up.

I dont want to stop taking psychedelics because i love the experience and insights, i actually started meditating during this time of taking MDMA and Ket which has led to some very insightful and profound thoughts that improved my life! But now it seems all these thoughts were bullshit! I just feel exhausted and drained.

Anyway, what is the damage do you think and is there anything i can be doing to pick myself up, im still meditating but nothing feels the same anymore. I also want to try ACID, shrooms and DMT (eventually) but i think waiting untill 'im back' might be a good idea?

Is there anything i can do or do i just have to wait it out?

The reasoning for your depression is MDMA hones in on the serotonin system, which controls everything from mood, sexual desire, appetite, and sleep. You should take a very, very long break from MDMA and drugs as a whole. Start eating right, exercising, and supplementing your diet with a solid multivitamin (I recommend Controlled Labs Orange Triad) and 100mg of 5-HTP once daily. This recovery process you are undergoing is pivotal to your cognitive health and emotions in the future. Check out my thread for further information:

http://dkn255hz262ypmii.onion/index.php?topic=66048

Take care and be safe, my friend!
Title: Re: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: JustBob on November 15, 2012, 05:45 am
The reasoning for your depression is MDMA hones in on the serotonin system, which controls everything from mood, sexual desire, appetite, and sleep. You should take a very, very long break from MDMA and drugs as a whole. Start eating right, exercising, and supplementing your diet with a solid multivitamin (I recommend Controlled Labs Orange Triad) and 100mg of 5-HTP once daily. This recovery process you are undergoing is pivotal to your cognitive health and emotions in the future. Check out my thread for further information:

http://dkn255hz262ypmii.onion/index.php?topic=66048

Take care and be safe, my friend!

Great advice!
Title: Re: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: gestaltassault2 on November 15, 2012, 07:26 am
one must really set boundaries before wandering into the world of drugs...

if you're gonna limit your use to once a month you must live and die by that rule...no compromises...

clinical depression is no joke...it may take years before you even start to feel anything like your old self again...i know, i've been there....

antidepressants don't really stop the depression...they just numb you emotionally so you don't go off doing something stupid like kill yourself...

sadly the majority of people just dive right in without knowing the consequences of their actions...

i'd lay off the drugs completely for a few months if i were you...take 5-htp daily to replenish whatever serotonin you've depleted...your exhaustion sounds like you've also upset the levels of dopamine as well...some mucuna dopa should help with that....

i hope you have some good friends to talk to and support you...depression is a very lonely place...when you start becoming socially withdrawn that's when the downward spiral starts to gain speed....
Title: Re: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: TreeSpirit on November 15, 2012, 09:00 am
I have to agree with my fellow roaders: load up on the 5-HTP and stop taking MDMA for a long while. Your depression is caused or at least it contributed by it.

What I wanted to say most to you is: hold on to your insights and keep believing in them. Depression is a bastard that tells you nothing is useful or helpful anymore and that is not case. Keep hope, Cali and take good care of yourself.
Title: Re: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: Cali on November 15, 2012, 05:30 pm
AnimusVox iv already read your thread thanks. I already have said i wont be touching anything for at least 3 months. Iv been taking multivits for years but iv read that they actually do more harm than good because the body can't break down the synthetic bonds in the pills?

I guess il go buy some 5-HTP.  I used to exercise a lot and always had a healthy diet il just stick to it.
As far as the socially withdrawn thing, i quit my job and i haven't been leaving the house. I quit my job originally to start working on other things but now this has kicked in I'm not particularly doing anything :\ I think i know what i need to do, just get myself out there again.
Title: Re: What damage have i done? MDMA + addictive personality
Post by: Theaides on November 17, 2012, 09:13 pm
Out of curiosity how many weeks (or months) would you say you were using MDMA on a weekly basis?

I've been on a 4 week bender of weekly parties myself where I've rolled, but before that nothing since the end of August (~8-9 weeks), and prior to that it has been like 10 years or more.  I honestly can't say I feel any bit different from this though I have noticed a mild tolerance build-up, which is basically saying to me:  NO MORE MDMA FOR A WHILE PLEASE -- so yeah I'm probably not gonna drop any again for at least 3 months myself.

In all due respect, you probably have not done much damage.  There are a lot of fully functional people in the world who roll weekly and have for a few years, none of which report any negative long-lasting impact on their lives other than the fact that MDMA doesn't maintain any "magic" for them, it's just another drug that improves their everyday experiences.  Of course this is not a good idea, but chances are if they came out of this much use unscathed, it's unlikely you've done much damage to yourself.  As said, take a break from all drugs, a "cleansing" period if you will, and just stay sober.  Once you feel in tip top shape again, then you can consider them again, and just be more careful in the future!  Not even so much for health concerns, but because once you ruin the magic of a drug, it seldom ever comes back.