Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: thehiv on November 30, 2012, 04:54 pm
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Who would you tell?
What would you do?
Would you carry on smoking weed everyday and take class a's every now and then?
What would you change in your life ?
do you know anyone with it? or are you HIV positive?
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I would cry. Then I would call a friend who has been living with HIV for a long time. I would not stop smoking cannabis. I do not know what I would change in my life, that would probably take months to sort out.
(Are you sick? Do you need help? Resources? Can you say? PM me if you want to talk privately, eh?)
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been told i have the virus :'(
VERY unexpected, My life was kinda planned out i knew i wanted !! i dont know what i want now ? or who to tell ?
i feel ok not ill i dont know how bad i am either !!
I dont think it's even sunk in yet ! all i know is a cant think straight and i thought i would never have to deal with this.
BUT I DO :-[
So your friend told you did he ? he or she is very brave i am not sure if i will ever ever tell anyone at the moment .
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Geezus ... where to start ... you must be so fucking freaked out...
My friend has not died. Actually, I have two very close friends, a married couple, living with the virus for about 15 years. This is what I can share with you about their situation without compromising their privacy:
They are both healthy and physically active and live 'normal' lives. They both travel and have fun. Both have low viral loads - the meds have been working - for years and years and years
They both collect full social security benefits so they do not have to work (and so can you). But, both are able to work and could work at jobs / wages / earnings below the limits set by SSA. Saying this so that you know your life is not over! The medications work!! Sometimes though, it takes a while to find the right drugs in the proper dosage. Today, HIV/AIDS is not a death sentence - patients live long, healthy, productive lives!
Back to you and your situation:
- Do you trust the testing center? Please go get another test at another facility to confirm the results of the first test. Whether you are gay or straight, I suggest finding a gay men's health center in your area. They will have decades of experience dealing with awful disease and are best able to help you, in my opinion, regardless of your sex or sexual orientation. They will find you good doctors and a way to pay for them.
- Get as much information as can about the disease and treatment of the disease
- Reach out and find resources in your local community. Assistance might be available to cover your living expenses such as food and housing and medications -
- Find a confidant so you have someone to talk to and cry with. You CANNOT go through this alone. If you cannot turn to a friend or relative ask for a counselor or social worker. You could also look for support groups online and in person if you live near a big city.
Please, please - keep talk to us or to me or to somebody ... how are you doing now?
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Jesus, I am so sorry to hear this. Do you have anyone good to you in your life? Someone who's gonna help you and make sure you're alright?
Just know that HIV is not a death sentence like it used to be. It still has those "doom" connotations, and it is still dangerous, but remember that drugs have come a long, long way. Your positive diagnosis does NOT mean your life is going to be cut in half and full of misery.
Also, you're on the road, babe. :) If you become depressed or in pain, we can help get you back to a happy place with all we have here. ;)
I'm not going to lie, I would be devastated, maybe even suicidal if I were where you are. But I'm a weak person. You seem like someone who can still lead a real life in spite of this. You're going to have to add some things to your routine in order to stay healthy, but your life isn't over.
I haven't really known anyone with HIV, so I'm sorry if my words come off insensitive. I can't imagine what you're feeling.
I'm around too if you want to PM. :)
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Also, you're on the road, babe. :) If you become depressed or in pain, we can help get you back to a happy place with all we have here. ;)
shitwassocash is right and she speaks for many of us - we will help you!
Did the testing center provide you with any resources or offer you any counseling? If they did not, you almost certainly need to be tested by a center that is experienced with HIV.
If you have not already, please do a google search for an HIV/AIDS hotline in your area. If you live in the US, here are some resources to get you started.
http://www.aids.gov/
http://www.thebody.com/index/treat/basics.html
We are here for you,
/wm :-*
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Stay strong!
Like many others have said this isn't a death sentence, and it's very possible to lead a semi-normal life. Look into healthy living styles, treatments, etc... And if you need a certain drug that your insurance may not cover I'm sure there's many vendors here who would help you acquire it.
Best of luck to you
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Can I ask... are you a forum member here, who made a throwaway account cause you didn't want the community knowing? Or are you a newbie, like, a longtime lurker/buyer but new to the forums?
Sorry, you don't need to answer, and I wouldn't ask who you are if this is a shill account. I ask because it makes me sad if you feel like you had to do that cause people here would be rude/unhelpful
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Thanks for all the kind messages and support.
I will be going to get a second test next week and have been researching.
I am guessing i will find out loads more over the next few weeks.
The question i am wondering is how long have i had this virus and how badly has it fucked up my insides.
throw away account keeps me a little safer yes i have been around for a while.
again thanks for the love it really means a lot right now.
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Thanks for checking in.
Glad you are getting re-tested and that you are feeling up to researching and being proactive!
Proper nutrition is important and so is keeping stress levels low - stress is the enemy when it comes to viral loads.
Have you told anybody yet??
Please let us know how you're doing & don't forget you can PM shitwassocash or me anytime.
Chin up ... be strong,
/wm {hug for you}
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Thanks for checking in.
Glad you are getting re-tested and that you are feeling up to researching and being proactive!
Proper nutrition is important and so is keeping stress levels low - stress is the enemy when it comes to viral loads.
Have you told anybody yet??
Please let us know how you're doing & don't forget you can PM shitwassocash or me anytime.
Chin up ... be strong,
/wm {hug for you}
Yepyep.+1 :) She's right about stress too, it'll affect the immune system, you don't need that. No need to think in worse-case-scenario terms. :) If you haven't become physically ill yet, you're ahead of the game, and doing a lot better than so many others.
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wow man thats awful. im really sorry for you situation. dont give up though.
if you need someone top talk to pm me and i will give you my number for a more personal conversation. i dont pretend to have any idea of the anguish you are in but im a good listener
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As the others stated, knowledge is key when it comes to living with chronic conditions.
Smoking is never good for the immune system so you might want to consider making your cannabis into edibles. You can always ask me, should you need advice on that ;)
I wish you the best of luck and I'll be here with the others should you need support and/or advice :)
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been told i have the virus :'(
to clarify:
do you mean that you have
a) Been told you have been exposed to the virus by a pos contact, or been told that by someone credible (public health, etc.)?
b) Have a positive HIV-antibody test? (this is how I read what is posted)
c) Have a positive HIV RNA/viral load?
d) Have a positive Western blot?
If a or b, then I guess I would want the results for c (the number means something for c) or d, and the length of exposure would make a world of difference for my response to c (for example, needle exposure or unprotected sex 10 days prior with a positive viral load versus 5 years' viral exposure.)
And I'd want my CD4 count as well.
+western blot and then viral load + CD4 = important information in my next reaction.
No need to answer specifically - it's just that these would drive my next steps. I wouldn't have enough information to know what to do yet, so I would be stuck in spin-cycle. (So I guess I'd be hassling them like crazy for my results. which would not speed things up, it's not like they drag their feet on this.)
A large number of the people in my world are HIV+. It's possible to live for decades with HIV (and even to go in/out of AIDS) and to continue to be healthy and functional, which includes working and having kids. It isn't always a happy fun pony-and-cotton-candy-and-sparkle-rainbow good time, but it's a lot different than it was back in the day. I have worked with people who have been stably HIV+ for many many years now. I've certainly also known people who've died from AIDS/complications in recent years, but those deaths have been due to not staying involved in care or due to coming late to care. (edit - I'm not 'blaming the patient' here. There are a lot of things that keep people from medical care.)
I wouldn't be sanguine about it, certainly. I'd be terrified and uncertain. Stigma, talking to partners, etc: it's a crushing amount of stuff to handle, once all this is confirmed.
But, as written above, it's not a death sentence, any more than being alive is a death sentence.
Have your MDs, etc., go over things again with you, repeatedly, at your pace. If you are diagnosed/confirmed, most health systems make sure you have an advocate who works with you and, if it's OK with you, goes to your appointments with you (steps out if you ask) to help keep track of information and make sure things don't get missed.
Those links above are great.
There should be an HIV/AIDS assistance/outreach in your area. (Even if you live in the remote wilds of East Nowhere) *I can not emphasize enough the need to talk to them if you have been diagnosed with HIV or if you are in 'test limbo.'*
If you can not locate it through the Body, any methadone treatment center in your area should have the information, and you can call them anonymously. If that doesn't work, post on here...
The Body's directory of hotlines is here. The below are clearnet links:
hxxp://www.thebody.com/index/hotlines/other.html
and here is the list for the UK, as you have mentioned class A drugs...
hxxp://www.avert.org/aids-help-uk.htm
and aidsmap: out of date link
and i-base:look it up, out of date link
PM me with questions if you would like, and I'll answer what I can or direct you to someone helpful. I'm around every couple days.
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Who would you tell?
What would you do?
Would you carry on smoking weed everyday and take class a's every now and then?
What would you change in your life ?
do you know anyone with it? or are you HIV positive?
Personally I have no idea. Here might be a guide as what one should do:
a) Connect with an internal medicine doc who has a reputation for handling cases/side effects. Don't have a doc, find one and I would recommend using LGBT chanels to ID those.
I'd then say I'm glad not to be living in sub-saharan africa. There they have an epidemic and few resources in most cases.
Third, I'd consider abstinence or ultra-safe sex practices.
Fourth, Iwouldt sit down with a close friend and smoke some. Talk about these things.
Fifth: I'd lso relaize that if caught early I am looking at 20+ more years then my brothers before me and make some good choices re how to use them. Thats what I'd do with an ideal mind. In truth I might just panic and make some really dumb calls.
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I can relate, i was diagnosed with caaner and given a year to live a week later. The not knowing sucks alot i remember. Not knowing if you should plan for the future or not. My suggestion is plan your life out like nothing happened. Chances are you won't just drop dead of AIDS tomorrow morning. You'll know when the end is coming. You can worry about your bucket list then. Right now live life and surround yourself with love. Find two people you love more than anyone and could be locked in a room with for a week and not get sick of. Tell them everything and rely heavily on them for support. Love man I'm telling you that's the key. It's the only thing that helps make it feel a little better, a little less scary. If anyone tells you it's no big deal tell them to fuck off. Just do what you can to be happy. You're going to get severely depressed, you're going to feel very lonely, and the stupidest stuff will make you cry. That's the honest truth. But love makes all that bearable. If you ever need to talk to someone that's been there let me know
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- Do you trust the testing center? Please go get another test at another facility to confirm the results of the first test.
I agree with this. I had a test done one time and thankfully it came back negative but the person administering the test told me they get false positives and always triple check a positive. Often times the next two tests come back negative. Go get tested twice more if you have not already and then revisit this topic. Not trying to give you false hope, but you have to be sure. Whatever happens good luck my friend. If the revolution finally happens we will release the cure.
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Why so fucking morbid?
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I would be glad that it is almost 2013 since HIV will probably be cured before it kills you. One person was already cured by having his bone marrow entirely destroyed and replaced with donor marrow from a natural resistor (1% of white males are naturally highly resistant to becoming infected with HIV). He had leukemia as well though so they needed to do such an operation in the first place, from what I have read they think it is safer to live with HIV than to undergo that operation. But there has been one case where someone infected with HIV was cured, so it is certainly possible.
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Magi Johnson, the wealthiest person we publicly know of to contract HIV, seemingly bought the cure, as his is no longer positive. I would not be surprised if there is already a cure. :-\
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max out my credit cards and hire lots of hookers. with protection of course. i want to have my fun but i'm not about to screw anyone over
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i would continue living my life normally.
people can live a long time with hiv. there may be a cure within your life time.