Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: wazzabella17 on May 28, 2012, 09:24 pm
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let have a few jokes
here we go lol
"my wife ,being unhappy with my mood swings,bought me one of those mood rings so she could monitor my mood.we discovered that,when i am in agood mood,it turns green and when im in a bad mood ,it leaves a big fuckin red mark on her forehead lol
somebody bout to have some good ones cos mine r bit shit lol
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a man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable doll.
"would you like a male or female?"
"female please"
"would you like black or white?"
"white, please"
"would you like christian or muslim?"
this question confused the man and he replied"what has regilion got to do with it?its an inflatable doll!"
"well" explained the assisant "the muslim one blows itself up "
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lol that's pretty cool man thanks for the laugh hahahahahahaahahaha
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ralph u must no a good joke or 2 m8
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they bound to b a lot better than them crackers im telling lol
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A blonde walked into a bar.
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A blonde walked into a bar.
lmfao. nice one!
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Which smurf recycles? Smurfette, she's the only one with a blue box.
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Whats a spider with no legs?
A raisin.
bah dum tiss. 8)
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An Irishman walks out of a bar.
What's big, gray and unimportant? An irrelephant.
What's cold and walks the streets? A frostitute.
What's brown and sticky and lives in the desert? A caramel.
There's only two things I hate: People who can't count.
What do you say to a blonde without arms and legs? Nice tits.
Who don't blondes have pubic hair? Ever seen grass growing on a highway?
What's worse than a chauvinist pig? A woman who doesn't do as she's told.
What do you call a woman with more than two brain cells? Pregnant.
"You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's." - "Thank God it's not cancer!"
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A man in a mask walks in to a bank and holds this woman up at gun point
Masked man: 'open the fucking safe'
Woman: 'sir you don't understand'
Masked man 'just open the fucking safe before I blow your brains out'
Woman: 'sir you really don't understand!'
Masked man: 'last chance or I'll blow your brains out!'
Woman opens the safe and takes out two vials of sperm
Woman: 'see sir no valuables here this is a sperm bank'
Masked man: 'swallow the contents before I blow your brains out!!'
Woman: What?? Why?
Masked man: 'LAST CHANCE'
Woman swallows -
The man takes his mask of to reveal that he's her husband
Husband: SEE IT WASN'T SO FUCKING HARD WAS IT.
This one made me laugh...
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Not really a joke but a funny quote:
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence." -Jeremy S. Anderson
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A man in a mask walks in to a bank and holds this woman up at gun point
Masked man: 'open the fucking safe'
Woman: 'sir you don't understand'
Masked man 'just open the fucking safe before I blow your brains out'
Woman: 'sir you really don't understand!'
Masked man: 'last chance or I'll blow your brains out!'
Woman opens the safe and takes out two vials of sperm
Woman: 'see sir no valuables here this is a sperm bank'
Masked man: 'swallow the contents before I blow your brains out!!'
Woman: What?? Why?
Masked man: 'LAST CHANCE'
Woman swallows -
The man takes his mask of to reveal that he's her husband
Husband: SEE IT WASN'T SO FUCKING HARD WAS IT.
This one made me laugh...
Aha, this one made me laugh. :P Would give +1 but not been here long enough :/
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some good some bad but were r all the cracking jokes at ,lol
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Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a slice of pizza?
Because he ate it before it was cool
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Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a slice of pizza?
Because he ate it before it was cool
Took me a while to get that lol.
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doctor rings the husband of patient and explains ;your wife is here and im afraid there has been a terrible mix up we dont know if she has allziemers or aids :
the man replies what the hell am i supposed to do now then?
doc ansers;im going to put her on the wrong bus home ,if she finds her way home dont fuck her.
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manchester police are looking for a racist pakistani attacker..........
im getting a application form do u want one?
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Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe? Canoes sometimes tip.
Why are black people so tall? Because there Knee-grows.
Did you hear about the 13 pollacks who were raping a German chick? She was yelling, "NEIN, NEIN, Please! NEIN!!!!" So 4 of the pollacks left.
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How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nevermind, the number's so obscure you probably haven't heard of it anyways.
Two seals walk into a club.
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Did you hear about the 13 pollacks who were raping a German chick? She was yelling, "NEIN, NEIN, Please! NEIN!!!!" So 4 of the pollacks left.
I don't get it :-\
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Did you hear about the 13 pollacks who were raping a German chick? She was yelling, "NEIN, NEIN, Please! NEIN!!!!" So 4 of the pollacks left.
I don't get it :-\
13 - 4 = 9 NEIN
Dank
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Did you hear about the 13 pollacks who were raping a German chick? She was yelling, "NEIN, NEIN, Please! NEIN!!!!" So 4 of the pollacks left.
I don't get it :-\
13 - 4 = 9 NEIN
Dank
Hahaha I didn't get it cause I'm German ;D
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Did you hear about the 13 pollacks who were raping a German chick? She was yelling, "NEIN, NEIN, Please! NEIN!!!!" So 4 of the pollacks left.
I don't get it :-\
13 - 4 = 9 NEIN
Dank
Now that's a good one. LOL ;D
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both fell out of the stupid tree and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time oi think of it," he chuckles. "My wife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"
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What do you call a rave full of epileptics? A foam party.
What were Princess Diana's favorite drugs? Speed and Smack.
A young man on acid walked into a dentist's office and said, "Can you help me? I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
"Yes, I know," the man said.
The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"
The man replied, "The light was on."
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener? She thought it was diet coke.
What do you get when you take LSD and birth control pills? A trip without kids.
What do you call someone who stays up for 14 days straight? A two-weeker.
What's the best thing about being a meth addict? Only one sleep till Christmas.
Two guys are sitting on the porch of their house, tripping on LSD. Suddenly, a firetruck races down the street, flashing its lights and howling its sirens. After it passes, one of the guys turns to the other and says, "Phew! Man, I thought he'd never go away!"
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
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LOL AT THE MOTH JOKE
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LOL AT THE MOTH JOKE
Hahaha, when I read that joke I just fucking knew you'd love it ;D
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LOL AT THE MOTH JOKE
Hahaha, when I read that joke I just fucking knew you'd love it ;D
It's perfect! +1 Karma for adding that to my joke collection ;D
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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
I like this one :)
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Q: How many tweakers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and a quarter.
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One day, Little Johnny hears a noise and peeks into his parents' room to check it out. He finds his mom bent over the dresser with his dad going at it behind her. His dad sees and winks as Johnny closes the door. After finishing, his dad goes to check on Johnny. He finds Grandma bent over the dresser and Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yells, "What are you doing?" Johnny replies: "It's not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
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These threads cheer me up. Here are some I just stole from a website.
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".
An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar.
The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...
"I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.
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One day, Little Johnny hears a noise and peeks into his parents' room to check it out. He finds his mom bent over the dresser with his dad going at it behind her. His dad sees and winks as Johnny closes the door. After finishing, his dad goes to check on Johnny. He finds Grandma bent over the dresser and Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yells, "What are you doing?" Johnny replies: "It's not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Johnny for President 2012 ;D
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Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".
It took me a minute, but then ROFL.
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A woman sped over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car with a patronizing smirk and asked: “What's your hurry?”
“I'm late for work,” the woman replied.
“Oh yeah,” said the cop: “And what do you do?”
“I'm a rectum stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered: “A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” she said: “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then I get my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it until it's about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the heck do you do with a 6-foot asshole?” he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge.”
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
The Gestapo.