Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: mcgrizzle on June 12, 2013, 02:29 am
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First off, I know that the topic is asking a lot from an internet forum that is steeped in, if not based around, anonymity.
Secondly, I would like to introduce the topic at hand. I am on zoloft and have been forgetting to get it filled for over a week now. I was particularly bad today. When i say bad, i mean that almost every thought or occurrence resulted in thoughts of self harm and suicide. If it wasn't that, it would be anger and resentment towards others and then towards myself for feeling this way. Why is it that I'm so fucked up that i need pills to prevent my demise at my own hands? A memory popped up; a memory that i had not remembered in years and years and years. It was my first time spending the night at anyone else's house. I remember everything going fine up until it was time to clean up before bed. I was about 4 or 5 when this happened and it was my first time taking a shower instead of a bath so i was already a bit scared but i wanted to look tough for my friend. I remember my friend's parents being very adamant about us showering together, however, i do not remember any stated reason. I do not remember what occurred in the shower or afterward. i have one other memory of spending the night there in which, i don't remember much of the night other than waking up having wet the bed for the first time in years.
Thirdly, I come to the part where I address why i'm sharing it with all of you. The Silk Road is just as much a part of the darknet (or undernet as it may be) as lolitacity or ovdb2 or whatever it's called. I'm aware that there is a high likelihood that these two communities have meshed and that some pedo's will be reading this post. I have a mission for the people who fill the gaps between the two communities. One detail about the shower incident that i do vaguely remember is that there was a possibility of there being a camera. I'm not 100% certain that there was a camera present but i feel as though there may have been one there. the two boys involved (one of them being myself ofc) are blonde and very white, we can go ahead and say Aryan. i believe that the walls were done in a brown stone tiling. If a filming took place, the timing would make it have to be on VHS. I want anyone who can to try and find the video and if you do, pm the link to me. I have to assure you that i am not just looking for a video of two boys showering together(if i was, why would i specify VHS?)
Please don't post any CP in this thread. It's against the rules and frankly, if it is me, i want as few people seeing it as possible and i expect that the same would go for other victims. I just want to know what happened that night and i feel that it would help my psychologist and i deal with what happened if i knew that this happened.
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I don't know what CP is so I'm not sure if I'm posting it or not, but I think you're making progress to a better life. I'm not a therapist but you definitely shouldn't have any shame or guilt about whatever happened.
First things first though get that prescription filled tomorrow. Why do many of us need chemicals to feel normal? I don't know. Whatever the cause though if the chemicals improve our quality of life and we elect to take them then no shame in taking them.
Just my opinion. peace!
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CP is child porn. or cheese pizza depending on what industry you're in. thank you for the kind response, slirp
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I've seen firsthand how MDMA allowed somebody to remember a traumatic childhood experience. Unfortunately MDMA isn't very effective when you're using an SSRI medication and the SSRI helps you every day so it is more important than the MDMA. Many of these illegal drugs can also put you in a pretty bad spot in you aren't already in a good place mentally.
Personally, I'd love to hear updates on your progress of getting through things.
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Now I want a cheese pizza. I'm gonna check the freezer but thinking I'm going to be disappointed and not find any.