Silk Road forums
Discussion => Silk Road discussion => Topic started by: jpisbetterthanme on February 04, 2012, 05:31 am
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I have this homeboy ("friend") named Hatshepsut (not his real name) .... He Is Cop. ProFESSIONAL.
Kay Here's-uh The Deal-uh.
This guy spends his days dealing with these things:
-Driving around
-Domestic violence
-Homeless people downtown talking to people (there is seriously a strictly-enforced ordinance in my town that they can't approach people, wtf)
-Hookers hookin' (on lucky nites!!)
-Drunks drunkily drunk-drunk driving all over the road, which is clearly made of sobergravel
-Telling young people who live next to old people to turn down their music/drumset/sex/violence/party/Obama
-Pulling the whole town over for speeding (cus speed limits should be rigidly enforced and never changed, even if *everyone* breaks them. EVERYONE is just going to have to get a ticket. Then maybe EVERYONE will learn. If EVERYONE told you to jump off a bridge would you do it? WOULD YOU? HOW COME YOU HATE ME!?!)
-Occasionally showing up at bars/restaurants/clubs/your bathroom to throw drunk belligerent Haircuts out onto the street
-Praying to our robot overlords
That's really about it. Granted Hatshepsut isn't DEA, FBI, CSI:NY, CSI:Miami, CSI:Las Vegas, NSA, TNA, T&A, ETC, et al ...... But .... Look close and you'll see the trend: just like most other cops, he spends pretty much all day every day dealing with drunks. Or harassing you the ways you've been harassed before (*KNOCKKNOCK* "Turn your Obama down please; the Q-Tip next door won't stop friggin' calling us" "OK Officer" //// "DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING????" "Yeah just give me the ticket - I'm in a hurry") ...
This isn't a small town... It's in the top 30 largest metro areas in the US. And there's crime here. So occasionally he'll have to go meet with someone who got the crap beat out of them or someone who found a body or someone who got raped or some other tragic stuff.
Notable absence? Looking for you because you bought 100 milligrams of heroin over the internet.
A Thought Experiment:: Suppose you are the (completely nonexistent) Head Of All The Cops In The US and you have a hardon (Can I say hardon?) for SR. You decide you want to shut it down. You not only want it to go away, you want all the sellers to be castrated and have their families turned into Hilarious Decals. You also want all the buyers to be personally punched in the face, by you. You need to do that RIGHT AWAY.
Got that?
That is your Prime Directive.
Kay 123GO!!!!!
....What do you do.... ? Uhhhhhhhhhh................ ?
Me = the biggest geek I know and also the biggest fan of drugs except for one non-Egyptian-ruler friend who likes to shoot H into his D. Nope. Not that extreme ..... But I've been Internet Addled longer than I've been Drug Addled, and I've been Drug Addled a while. As long as I can('t) remember!
"WTFNOONECARES" right, but I say all that to say this :: I only found out about SR ... ... ... uh.. idk. Couple months ago. And it's not like I haven't been looking for this sort of thing! I didn't find out from the ridiculous Gawker article either.
Which leads me to two points. I'll get the short one out of the way first:
1- Who the F reads Fing GAWKER? Srsly. Do you think, for example, the police chief of Tempe, AZ reads Gawker? It's possible. But do you think the police chief of Your Stupid Podunk Town, Flyover State reads Gawker?
LIKE THE MAN IN THE EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLAR SUIT IS GONNA READ GAWKER, CMONN!!!!
2 - Hi, I'm Troy McClure. As some of you may remember from the thought experiment above, there's nobody to tell him about Gawker/Onion/Tor/SR/BTC/the birds and the bees, and even if there was there's no viable container for that piece of information. Do you think anybody is telling Police Chief McNobody in Your Stupid Podunk Town, Flyover State about this crap? That guy doesn't even know how to read, and neither do you, you filthy, filthy redneck scum. Move to a real state. Wtf.
And suppose Chief McI-Forgot-His-Name-Already-Cus-Nobody-Cares-About-Your-Stupid-Podunk-Town *does* know about all this stuff - however the hell he knows - how does that get to Officer Hatshepsut and his ilk?
For that matter, would you even bother telling him? What the HELL is Officer Hatshepsut going to do? This guy is a drunk wrangler and has told me over and over that's basically what the job entails ... I needed to set up his damn email for him. He's not going to know about crazy complicated hacker techniques as required to find YOU and arrest the SHIT out of YOU for buying 100mg of her'ron. . . .
OKAY!! FINE!! Suppose he *did* know all that stuff. Suppose he was totally capable of finding you. But suppose, too, that you're not a damn fool and you have covered your tracks a little (read: Any). It would take him *SO* long to find you! And by that time, unless you're a complete doofus, you will have hidden your her'ron, either in a secret compartment on the moon (or wherever people hide their drugs - I don't know cus I don't do drugs) or in your body (however you got them in there - NAUGHTY!!!).
"But Random Anonymous Internet Guy Who Is Clearly Aware That John Petrucci Plays Guitar Better Than You," you might say, "It wouldn't be reggalarass cops doing this stuff!"
EXACTLY! Stick with me. Believe it or not I am building up an argument here ...... GO BUY SOME ADDERALL CUS YOU SUCK AT CONCETRATI
So up to here we have pretty much completely knocked out the lower level law enforcement ever finding out about your filthy nasty SR habit.
Odds are if you get attacked, then, it will be by the DEA or the NSA or the CIA or the T&A or ........................
Blah effit I'll get straight down to the point. .. . The heart of this whole argument is this: By the time law enforcement - who isn't looking for your hubris-and-acne-ridden ass to begin with - find you after you buy your shit, you will hopefully have received it and neutralized the problem.
So it's in your best interest to get your shit and not hold onto it for sixty years ... Get it and take it. If you can't take it right away, follow the best tip I've seen on these forums yet: don't open the package. Write RETURN TO SENDER on it. That's the tip, here's my additional advice: have a shit ton of books/bills/papers/kitties in a pile on a desk/floor/other roach-infested area and put the return-to-sender package in there. "I don't know what it is. I was gonna send it back but I just forgot. Who the hell remembers stuff like that, yknow?"
Or if you are feeling frisky, the classic "I DONT OWN ANYTHING" (c.f. How To Not Get Busted video ...)
Neutralized.
Remember that even if They (who..?) do in fact decide to shut down SR (They haven't, because that's ridiculous), it is going to take a lonnggg time and an especially lonnngg time for Them (WHO?) to trace it back to your stupid ass. And really ... What are they gonna do, devote CRAZY resources to finding you in 2022 to show up and say "you bought 100mg of her'ron friggin ten years ago or someshit YOURE UNDER ARREST,LULZ" ? NO! NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! If I remember this correctly, the statute of limitations on drug/conspiracy/rico/whatever tolls when a search warrant is issued but, again, it is going to take forevverrr for them to get to that point.
And regardless of what your retarded druggie friends say ("All drugs should just be LEEEGALLL, mannnnn!!!"), The Government Isn't Out To Get You .... That's paranoia.
Which leads me to ..... Paranoia! Many people have an unsophisticated (aka "friggin wrong, y'moron") view of what paranoia is. Etymologically speaking, the word is derived from two Greek words which roughly translate to "Mind Beside Itself" (Dream Theater Nod #2, anyone? Anyone? Bueller?). It's not just the feeling that Somebody Is Out To Get You, but speaks more to a distorted psychological state whereby your perception of the world becomes some sort of ontological/universal statement of fact.
To put that less awkwardly, it means you think everyone ELSE'S world also revolves around you, since your world - by necessity - revolves around your dumb ass, dumbass. So you think that everyone else shares the same perception of your importance. Your viewpoint. Your mind. In the guy next to you. And the chick next to him. Mind beside itself.... Get it ?
That mechanism leads to a lot of really really really distorted viewpoints. People tend to think of lunatics sweating through their eyeballs peering through the blinds looking for black helicopters when they think of paranoia, but recognize that you NEED some level of paranoia or you wouldn't be able to empathize at all with other human beings. If that goes unchecked, though, you can start to think you're important or something.
To put this all in even simpler terms : YOU AIN'T SHIT AND YOU MOMMA AIN'T SHIT AND HER MOMMA AIN'T SHIT. There are more than a million people in this country, lol, isn't that crazy?!
... Really though there are HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS of people in the US. NOBODY FRIGGIN' CARES ABOUT YOU.
And here's where it comes full circle. Back to Hatshepsut: look over that list of how he spends his time policing and you'll notice that he's dealing with drunks, loud noises, obnoxious people, people driving too fast, etc., etc., etc. = People who draw attention to themselves. Because there isn't anywhere near enough time to check everyone out. Have you ever sat at a DUI checkpoint? Shit can take h o u r s . . I hear driving across the border takes a m i l l i o n y e a r s because they search so many cars so thoroughly.
We don't have Robocops yet, either, and that's the reason I bring up my friend Officer Hatshepsut. He was/is a totally regular guy; I've known him for years. He's not Out To Get Anyone.... I've met some of the cops he works with, same deal. They are regular dudes. There are certainly power-crazed lunatics up the ladder but the cops who are going to be dealing with you are regular people. Think about the border cops who search cars - put yourself in that position. You search cars all day every day. How much time do you devote to each one..? And how much do you *really* care if there's an eighth of weed in the car? Hell even if there's an ounce of her'ron? You will have to fill out *so* much paperwork if you find something, it's hotter than hell, your wife has bunions, whatever. Point is you don't have time to care about stupid little shit like that and you're not being paid to care about that kind of thing either.
Again, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU.
Multiply You by ... a gagillion, my low estimate of how many people use SR.
You are multiplying 0 importance by a gagillion ... Still 0.
I am of course talking about buyers. If you are a seller, you are fucked and you're going to be thrown in the rapecage for the rest of your life, 115% certain. In the next day or so.
Seriously though if the DEA gets that hardon for SR and decides to launch a fullscale attack against it they will. And it'll work.
The thing people don't seem to realize is that The Gubment can undo all the shit you're doing to protect yourself, and they could probably do it in like 1955. Don't listen to these people saying its computationally difficult. No. The Gubment can find you through SR. They can. Even if they can't, they can - just assume it's true and you'll be better off with respect to covering your ass (better make it a challenge for them, right?) and with respect to peace of mind (I'll make it a challenge but if they want me they'll get me).
Note that this applies not only to Your Silly "ENCRIPSHIN," lul but also to Real Life.
JPISBETTERTHANMES MAXIM:
IF THEY WANT YOU THEY'LL GET YOU. THE *ONLY* ONE WHO MAKES THEM WANT YOU = YOU. DON'T DO THAT.
Learn it .. Live by it. You don't want to get pulled over by cops/get speeding tickets/whatever all the time? Sure it's easy to say "THEN DON'T SPEED, lul" but that's reductionist and not really helpful (plus you'll ignore it). You don't want to get pulled over and harassed by cops all the time? DON'T BE THE GUY DRIVING THE RED CORVETTE ON DUUUUBBS!!! Be the guy driving the grey Toyota Camry like 97.5% of all other Amerikans.
For those of you who don't understand metaphor cus you're friggin dumb cus schools suck in Your Podunk Town, Flyover State: don't draw attention to yourself in any way and you should be fine.
The way I see it the biggest threat = the mail. If you get caught there, you're effed. You can be charged with all kinds of felonies for buying illegal drugs through the mail.... And if it crossed borders? Ayyyyy, diooos miooo!! THE RAPE CAGE WITH YOU!
So then........ The best thing you can do for yourself? Look through reviews on SR/on this forum and find the sellers people point out specifically who are awesome at packaging. Because shit packaging = rape cage. I'll never buy from vendors that don't have rave reviews on SR/here (obviously) but I'll also never buy from anyone who doesn't have lots of people saying "OMG GENIUS PACKAGING" because it's simply not worth it for me to stick my neck out to try and get high off your drugs, seller-who's-probably-scamming-me-anyway, if there is ANY question at all about how well you hide your shit.
I'm talking scores and scores of reviews that say things like "I didn't even know the shit was in this package and I'm the one who friggin' ordered it"..... The example that springs to mind = Heisenberg. Everyone in the world sez "WTF" ... If I remember correctly one female-impersonating (there are no girls on the internet, duh) SR user literally posted that she had a package from Heisenberg sitting on her desk for several days before she realized there was meth in there. Wtf! Packaging so good that the buyer doesn't even realize what it is?! After ordering something then getting it like three days later?!
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PART TWO!
Ok so ....... ........... Where else in the chain do you get caught here? .... To sum up:
POINTS FROM ABOVE
1-The top of the food chain doesn't give a shit about you, silly buyer
2-It would take a stupid amount of resources to find you, silly buyer, and by then you'll have used all your shit. ===== Even more resources to prosecute you. How do you prove that sort of nonsense?
3-Local cops are people like you and me - they reeeallyyy don't give a shit if you buy an eight of Whatever from Wherever for your own personal use
4-YOU make them care when you do something stupid.
5- The post office is likely where you'll be screwed. As far as I'm concerned, it's the only place you could possibly be screwed.
LESSONS LEARNED FROM POINTS
1- The friggin' DEA isn't who you need to worry about if you're a buyer. They don't give a fucking shit if you are buying a gram of weed for five thousand dollars off SR cus you have no concept of money. By some estimates, weed is the number three cash crop in the US behind corn and wheat; by all estimates, the US government is making a shitload of money off the weed industry.
2- Pro Tip: The US is a business. And there is not only no money in finding you and trying to prosecute you for buying a tiny amount of now-nonexistent drugs years ago, it would actually be a loss. And yes, I said tiny amount. You are buying a tiny amount off SR. I don't care how much you're buying. No legitimate human who is smart enough to get here is dumb enough to buy several tons of H off the damn internet, and no buyer is really stupid enough to sell it. If they were, they'd be caught. It wouldn't be because of SR. Remember back when you first started smoking weed or whatever and you'd buy a quarter and it would be like OH MY GOD I HAVE FRIGGIN SO MUCH DRUGS? ... That ain't shit, and you are a moron if you think the DEA cares about it. Bottom line is that there is no money in hunting you down; they'd have to figure out who 'you' are and then do lots of Math n Shit (math is harrddd) and then build up a case from nothing.
3- The odds that a seller is an LEO setting up a sting operation is actually pretty damn small if you think about it, and if you are not a dumbass, you'll use all the resources available to you (key being this very forum - see that search box? USE IT) to figure out if a seller is legit before buying anything off them. Be smart. Be certain you're going to get what you order and not be scammed or arrested by thoroughly vetting all your potential sellers and you'll be fine. Just about every drug deal I've ever done in real life has been more dangerous than these. Where in real life will you be able to find fifty people who vouch for some stranger's stuff? To use the only name I've specifically mentioned here, if Heisenberg is out to arrest you......................I was going to say I'll eat my hat but I'm not wearing a hat and friggin' Heisenberg's not out to arrest you for buying like a gram of meth. Get over yourself, Scarface. Nobody cares.
4- Don't drive around drunk with crazy amounts of drugs in your car or wander around your inferior college's campus shouting at cars with five ounces of her'ron in your pocket or do any other stupid bullshit! You will get arrested and you make us all look bad! You raise the statistics! And it's nonsense, because in the first case you were searched and arrested because you were driving drunk and in the second case you were searched and arrested because you were yelling at cars! Don't do stupid shit like that! Use your drugs at home and don't drive like a retarded monkey, you retarded monkey!
5- Again, research who you're buying from. No high is worth going to the rapecage for. Don't take stupid risks like that. Again, you'll get arrested and make us all look bad. The more that happens, the more likely it is that the Gubment of Somewhere will, in fact, work to shut SR down. Of *course* they can do it. Some human put the site up, some group of better-trained better-funded humans can take it down. They just don't care.
So far I have only seen two stories on these forums of people getting arrested because of SR - don't be those people.
But Everyone = retarded monkeys, as a whole, so there are going to be people getting arrested from SR..... And in that case, they will make the Gubment care .. Again, right now, they don't. They are WATCHING, sure, but fuck'em ... Let em watch.
Think about this: have you ever had your car stolen? It is a horrible horrible thing, one of the worst things that would ever happen to you in your life. Do you know how much time/money/energy the police will devote to finding your car/the thief? "Yeah, they got three new detectives working on the case .... THEY GOT US WORKING IN SHIFTS HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH" ............ In other words, friggin none! And that's a serious crime! If they do happen to catch a car thief, that *SUCKS* for them, they go to the rapecage for a long time. But the cops give up on that shit after like ten minutes. The cops catch people for GTA generally by pulling them over for driving the car wasted/130mph, running the tags and finding the car is stolen. They're not out there running the tags of every grey Toyota Camry (the car 98% of Amerikans drive, as noted above) within a 200 mile radius. Nobody cares about your stupid car. Or your stupid you.
Kayyyy noww......
Suppose there are cars being stolen left and right from one particular neighborhood. Like every week. THAT is going to raise suspicion and the police are going to actually try to stop it.. And good for them for doing so because that is causing huge amounts of misery in so many peoples' lives.
... Map that onto SR. If law enforcement starts to see a crazy trend where they're arresting people every two days because of this stupid website, they're going to shut it down. They won't be able to ignore it any more. Remember THEY KNOW. Even if they don't, they do. Or you should operate as if they do.
tl;dr version:::: Why do you think the Internet is different from real life, you moronic simian? In the multiplayer role playing game called "real life," whenever you want to buy dope you cover your ass the best you can, cross your fingers and buy, then you try your best not to be a moronic simian while you're holding and there you go. You can sustain a drug hobby (not a habit dammit) indefinitely this way without any problems. And by "this way" I mean with responsibility. That's the name of the game here. Don't be some stupid high school student smoking a joint in the bathroom or some stupid college student smoking a joint on campus or some stupid adult smoking a joint at work. Basically, just like in real life, don't be an idiot and you should be fine.
superduper tl;dr version:::: Are you fucking retarded? No? Kay, you're probably not going to jail, but you might want to take it easy. The more times you order the more likely it is you'll get caught once, right? SR isn't ever going to get YOU thrown in jail as a buyer. You are. Or the seller is, but in that case, still, you are.
ultimate tl;dr version::::: Don't be a Menace.
ultimate tl;dr version (Director's cut)::::: Don't be a Menace to South Central
ultimate tl;dr versoin (Criterion collection) ::::::: Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood
And just remember, don't take anything I say seriously ever!!!!!!
////boops your nose/////
BOOP!!!!
////skips away laughing////
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What drugs were you on when you wrote this? Can you sell me some?
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What drugs were you on when you wrote this? Can you sell me some?
Drugs ? Who said anything about drugs? I was talking about Pokemon! WEEE!
(Honest answer : friggin' none; that's the problem. <3 customer appreciation sale cus customer appreciation sale = dopedopedopedopedopedopedope bouncebouncebounce)
And now for some inappropriate affect:: >:(
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holy shit. this is hilarious. I like you. pass the meth.
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holy shit. this is hilarious. I like you. pass the meth.
///Laughs like Kefka///
Do you get that? .... NERRRRDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
///steals your lunch money to buy duh-duh-duh-drugggs (they're made in cal-i-for-nia)///
And now for some inappropriate affect:::: :'(