Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Caparino on July 05, 2012, 05:17 am
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So I started off in high school smoking pot like most of us here. Of course I loved it; the music sounded better, food tasted better, my mind opened up to more insightful conversations. After a while though, smoking weed didn't really provide anymore insight. It just got me stoned.
My first couple years of college were spent drinking, smoking, and fucking. You know, the college experience. My roommates and I decided to shroom one weekend, see what all the rage was about. Couldn't get a hold of any shrooms, serendipitously I found a connect for acid. That night something amazing took place in my head; I saw the true potential we humans carry. I pledged to myself, if the universe/god/whoever wills it then I'm going to utilize my entire life's time to do improve humanity in some way.
Now, I sit here in a dark room lit by nothing else than the screen and I'd like to believe I'm still in the midst of those efforts but it's like anyone I talk to thinks I'm crazy. If I ever bring forward any sociopolitical speeches, any philosophical forums, or any technological talks people ask me, "Uhhhhh, why aren't you talking about celebrities, mainstream music, or about what other people think"
Well, that last part is coming true. Why is it so hard for people to wrap their head around anything serious? Why do they just waste their lives away stroking their ego? WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE TOO STUPID!? And then the questions started pointing at my own thinking...
Are there people out there that I can actually carry a decent conversation with? Was I not born in the right time or right circumstance to bring my dream into fruition? Should I just fucking kill myself and get it over with?
That last question is the one I've pondered the longest and it's settling in pretty hard right now. The only thing stopping me is a mother that's sacrificed everything she can to make sure I'm successful. I can't put this upon her... If I'm gonna off myself then it's gonna be after my mother has lived her long, enjoyable, prosperous life.
But I'm getting pretty impatient and selfish at the moment guys... FUCK I hate this mental hole I've dug for myself!
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I can relate to this bro... my mind never stops
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I feel like this so much man. like where did i go wrong in life, but perhaps its what we've done right?
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Permanent solution to a temporary problem dude just chill ;) Fuck mainstream, find some like minded ppl and hang with em and bounce your thoughts off each other! Lay off the weed a bit it'll do you a world of good hence the reason i only smoke on weekends now 8)
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+ 1'd both ya's too. Seems like ya's need a lil karma boost
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+ 1'd both ya's too. Seems like ya's need a lil karma boost
I appreciate it buddy lol
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Passing on good karma as well but I actually haven't smoked in a month now. Although I should probably stop doing acid everyday :-\ It only lasts for a couple hours and I keep redosing. Should I flush it down the toilet? How long do you guys think it'll take my brain to reach homeostasis seratonin and dopamine wise?
I feel like this so much man. like where did i go wrong in life, but perhaps its what we've done right?
But then why do I feel socially criminal or insane when it's really their blissful ignorance that carries the problem?
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It seems like we have more in common than I knew. :-\ It's like people just do whatever they can to get as fucked up as fast as possible to pass the time, completely okay with wasting their lives. They're all part of the ignorant masses, no different than a group of lemmings just following one another with no real originality. Unable to focus on a single action due to excessive multitasking thanks to technology. People just want to be known by the world, they don't care about changing it. :-\
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Passing on good karma as well but I actually haven't smoked in a month now. Although I should probably stop doing acid everyday :-\ It only lasts for a couple hours and I keep redosing. Should I flush it down the toilet? How long do you guys think it'll take my brain to reach homeostasis seratonin and dopamine wise?
Well there's ya problem! I'm no expert on specifics but lay off lucy for a month or so should be good. Plenty of good threads round here about herbals and whatnot to take to rehab ya grey matter. Maybe have a spliff now, sounds like that might calm you right down
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It seems like we have more in common than I knew. :-\ It's like people just do whatever they can to get as fucked up as fast as possible to pass the time, completely okay with wasting their lives. They're all part of the ignorant masses, no different than a group of lemmings just following one another with no real originality. Unable to focus on a single action due to excessive multitasking thanks to technology. People just want to be known by the world, they don't care about changing it. :-\
What a sickening fucking mentality man. I really hope the nuclear holocaust is near, if not I might just aid its arrival.
Passing on good karma as well but I actually haven't smoked in a month now. Although I should probably stop doing acid everyday :-\ It only lasts for a couple hours and I keep redosing. Should I flush it down the toilet? How long do you guys think it'll take my brain to reach homeostasis seratonin and dopamine wise?
Well there's ya problem! I'm no expert on specifics but lay off lucy for a month or so should be good. Plenty of good threads round here about herbals and whatnot to take to rehab ya grey matter. Maybe have a spliff now, sounds like that might calm you right down
Fack. Oh well, good thing I'm not doing anything important in the upcoming days if I'm gonna be kind rough around the edges
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I kinda feel the same way when i do shrooms on my own, i think the ego death makes you see things for how they really are which is pretty daunting while high on em but a hell of an eye opener when you sober up. Give your egg a chance to clear up bud, you'll be fine ;)
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Passing on good karma as well but I actually haven't smoked in a month now. Although I should probably stop doing acid everyday :-\ It only lasts for a couple hours and I keep redosing. Should I flush it down the toilet? How long do you guys think it'll take my brain to reach homeostasis seratonin and dopamine wise?
I feel like this so much man. like where did i go wrong in life, but perhaps its what we've done right?
But then why do I feel socially criminal or insane when it's really their blissful ignorance that carries the problem?
Using acid every single day is a waste of acid and a great way to ensure that you become temporarily disconnected from reality in a bad way.
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Passing on good karma as well but I actually haven't smoked in a month now. Although I should probably stop doing acid everyday :-\ It only lasts for a couple hours and I keep redosing. Should I flush it down the toilet? How long do you guys think it'll take my brain to reach homeostasis seratonin and dopamine wise?
I feel like this so much man. like where did i go wrong in life, but perhaps its what we've done right?
But then why do I feel socially criminal or insane when it's really their blissful ignorance that carries the problem?
The mind is mysterious, only you can stay true to yourself. see what I'm getting at?
I'd suggest smoking a joint and writing down 10 things you would change about your life and 10 that you wouldn't change. you will be amazed at how it triggers/changes your thought process.
1 thing though, please don't pop any xanax by any means! those things are..... Ehhh
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It seems like we have more in common than I knew. :-\ It's like people just do whatever they can to get as fucked up as fast as possible to pass the time, completely okay with wasting their lives. They're all part of the ignorant masses, no different than a group of lemmings just following one another with no real originality. Unable to focus on a single action due to excessive multitasking thanks to technology. People just want to be known by the world, they don't care about changing it. :-\
you deserve +20 for that
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Using acid every single day is a waste of acid and a great way to ensure that you become temporarily disconnected from reality in a bad way.
I dunno mate, these thoughts encircle all the time but I suppose the acid is rather magnifying them. I used to pity the lemmings but now I'm cursing myself
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Using acid every single day is a waste of acid and a great way to ensure that you become temporarily disconnected from reality in a bad way.
I dunno mate, these thoughts encircle all the time but I suppose the acid is rather magnifying them. I used to pity the lemmings but now I'm cursing myself
I can definitely relate Capa, all too much. But kmfkewm is right, even if you you do feel that way all the time it's pretty hard to make a clear judgement on things like that when you're balls deep in acid world.
The realizations you've made while tripping are the truth, don't let anybody take that away from you.
I suggest as somebody else said that you surround yourself with people who not necessarily share the same opinions, but are open-minded. By all means try to change the views of the others, but don't waste your time if it's a lost cause.
Work your way to being more comfortable and happy sober, and you'll enjoy and appreciate your life and the drugs you choose to do on a completely new level.
Edit: Hope that didn't sound too preachy, just suggestions. Really enjoyed your original post :)
Wow mate, that was just perfect actually, I'd +100 you if I could but here's a +1 for now :)
I love you guys,
Cap
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May I recommend attending a local festival? Seems like you could meet some like-minded people there that you could bat your cool ideas around with. I think you are just ahead of your time and thinking on different level than those around you.
Until then I would just lay off the dose a bit, smoke weed a lot, and just keep breathing. Suicides hurt mothers the worst :(
Good luck brother,
weedsaves
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I have the same feeling but doing more drugs is probably not the answer.
I feel that really only 0.1% of the population will have any positive effect in my lifetime. Look up at the stars and night and see how miniscule you are and how much you really dont matter on a planet of 7+billion. So I am just trying not to give a fuck anymore dont really have any idea of how to forget the "reality" bullshit I live in. I am looking at buying a piece of land in the middle of nowhere and leaving everything behind. Building my own hut and growing my own crops and leave everything behind.
But then how would I get my molly with no mailbox and internet?
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Thanks weedsaves :)
I think it's best for me to stay away from any substances, for the while being, as I might use them as a cop-out. Plus weed doesn't get me high anymore, it just get's me stoned :/ I might as well take opiates.
I have the same feeling but doing more drugs is probably not the answer.
I feel that really only 0.1% of the population will have any positive effect in my lifetime. Look up at the stars and night and see how miniscule you are and how much you really dont matter on a planet of 7+billion. So I am just trying not to give a fuck anymore dont really have any idea of how to forget the "reality" bullshit I live in. I am looking at buying a piece of land in the middle of nowhere and leaving everything behind. Building my own hut and growing my own crops and leave everything behind.
But then how would I get my molly with no mailbox and internet?
But man, look at the people who HAVE made a difference. You think you're less of a human being than any of them? Self-sustenance would be selfish if you've got a mind strong enough to potentiate major differences. But if you really DO move to that farm, major in organic chemistry beforehand and grow the precursors yourself :D
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I guess I'm pretty lucky, since I've got like-minded people near me at almost all times. I can't tell you how much having them helps me.
Beyond that, figure out how you want to make a difference and work towards it at least a little bit each day. That way, even if progress is small, there is always progress.
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It's not hard to find people with similar mindsets, really its for lack of trying. So many people out there into acid/psychs/alternate viewpoints.. It's by no means a majority but it certainly isn't a small minority.
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It's not hard to find people with similar mindsets, really its for lack of trying. So many people out there into acid/psychs/alternate viewpoints.. It's by no means a majority but it certainly isn't a small minority.
I'm a 20 year old who can't go to college because I can't afford the out of state tuition because I just moved here. I don't have any friends. I can't drive because I got my license suspended. I live in residential suburbia where there isn't much to do. I can't really do much..
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It's not hard to find people with similar mindsets, really its for lack of trying. So many people out there into acid/psychs/alternate viewpoints.. It's by no means a majority but it certainly isn't a small minority.
I'm a 20 year old who can't go to college because I can't afford the out of state tuition because I just moved here. I don't have any friends. I can't drive because I got my license suspended. I live in residential suburbia where there isn't much to do. I can't really do much..
If you live in residential suburbia, I'd take up the finer arts of thievery and vandalism my friend. You live the prime location to do so after all. ;) See someone left their bike out on the lawn, well congratulations you just got a new bike. See some kids playing ball? Looks like you just found your first sweat shop employees. Did that damn dog just run across the street again? Dinners on you tonight. ;) Hmmm...what's that? Your neighbor down the street just got a new car while your license is suspended? Take the therapeutic route by slashing his tires to vent your stress. You'll feel better in no time! :D
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I too can relate to your 'problems', most people I hang around with don't understand any of my interest or understand what I'm talking about most of the time..
Luckily I do have a few friends where I can have 'deep' conversations with and share common interests, you can vent your thoughts on here since there seem to be many likeminded people on this forum.
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Sorry to hear about your situation, Caparino. Honestly, the first thing I would suggest is ending your drug use completely for a while. I'm not saying forever, but at least for a while to get your head straight. Whether you should give it all away, or flush it down the toilet, or just put it in the closet, only you know how much self-control you have. Next, drop any loser friends. Not to sound cliche, but they will only hold you back. Surround yourself positivity and INTELLIGENT, open-minded individuals (positive and intelligence being the most important), otherwise you'll just be hanging around sheep, and that's definitely the last thing someone who is trying to move forward needs. Find something productive to occupy your time with. If I remember correctly, you said your license is suspended for a while, which kind of sucks especially it being summertime. Try looking online for activities in your community. Even if it's an open-mic poetry night, go. I remember one summer I went to a pottery class and a few expression-body-painting things, coolest thing ever. You're in an empty loft with a bunch of strangers, a stereo, and body paint. If it's not too hot outside, go on a hike.
I hope this helps.
sdesu
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It's not hard to find people with similar mindsets, really its for lack of trying. So many people out there into acid/psychs/alternate viewpoints.. It's by no means a majority but it certainly isn't a small minority.
I'm a 20 year old who can't go to college because I can't afford the out of state tuition because I just moved here. I don't have any friends. I can't drive because I got my license suspended. I live in residential suburbia where there isn't much to do. I can't really do much..
If you live in residential suburbia, I'd take up the finer arts of thievery and vandalism my friend. You live the prime location to do so after all. ;) See someone left their bike out on the lawn, well congratulations you just got a new bike. See some kids playing ball? Looks like you just found your first sweat shop employees. Did that damn dog just run across the street again? Dinners on you tonight. ;) Hmmm...what's that? Your neighbor down the street just got a new car while your license is suspended? Take the therapeutic route by slashing his tires to vent your stress. You'll feel better in no time! :D
How do I get rid of my conscience? If I do anything to hurt anyone knowingly, I feel bad for days on end :(
sdesu, craigslist a good venue to do this?
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You live in a free country. Learn to find other people who share the same freedoms as you do. You can't just open up to anyone about your theories on life, no matter how great you think they are. You need the right kind of open-mindedness that can discuss on what feels right and what may be just a differing view. The mainstream is not something you should shun. Learn to live with your feet on both sides of the fence. Fuck it, break down the fence somehow and cross between the sides so often that either way you are happy with just being yourself. That's what's important: You. Can you live with yourself knowing that you have all these great thoughts on life, but can't seem to find anyone to share it with? Why haven't you found someone yet? Never give up on the search because if you fail, you haven't tried long or hard enough.
Aiding the end of the world? Who the fuck do you think you are? What makes you the person that gets to decide the fate of every other like-minded tripper in the world? Stop being small, start thinking big. Saying you want the world to end because you are alone in the world is bullshit, and you should know that. Do something different. Move somewhere else. Meet people. Join a group. Look for something online. Take a walk in the park. Start your own business. Read books. Books will open your mind up in a way that changes your world by sinking yourself in a different reality. You seem to have plenty of acid, use that sparingly as a monthly reflection on how far you have gone to reach your goal.
Make goals. Goals don't have to be lofty, impossible dreams. Small goals will always lead to bigger ones. Greet 5 people a day with a smile and a hello. High five that one guy who's 'out there'. Pick up a piece of litter. Maybe two. Take a 30 minute walk around a park everyday. Small things in life will lead to bigger ones somehow.
I live in a country where the politics is beyond corrupt. The government has been controlled by a single race for the past century, and these people are blatantly racist with almost zero repercussions. You think the Taliban are bad for being Islamic extremists? At least they are honest with their opinions. My government will spend millions on a random stadium that no one really wants, and the stadium will collapse after 2 years (all the money goes into their friends' pockets). Politicians openly abuse the other races in open debate. They are rude, crass, and rather dim. Drugs? We get hanged for that. Alcohol is at least double, sometimes triple the price, but we're one of the top 10 consumers in the world. If you are a Muslim here, you have NO WAY OUT aside from losing your nationality. If you try, you'll be sent to a 'reeducation camp'. Yup, a camp.
You think it's hard to find someone who isn't mainstream there? Imagine what it's like here. I consider myself extremely lucky for finding people that can have the best of times just talking. I also have friends who are the most closed-minded people I know. They've been brainwashed by so many years of your American propaganda. The best example of this is that they think weed will kill you. What a load of horseshit. But do I shut myself from them? No. I try my best to open their world. Everyone should try opening minds all the time. So far my conversion count is about 8 people, and that's good for me.
Don't worry about what others think. Live in the present, remember the past, and dream of a future.
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TL;DR version?
Nah just kidding lol. That sucks man about where you live man, why don't you take your own advice and move? I see what you're saying, but you should actually see how ignorant people in my state actually are. And I already do most of the stuff you said but it's all little crap, I kind of wanna finish my college degree and move onto bigger and better things; besides reading books, I'll never stop that cause KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! *Sound effect*
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So I started off in high school smoking pot like most of us here. Of course I loved it; the music sounded better, food tasted better, my mind opened up to more insightful conversations. After a while though, smoking weed didn't really provide anymore insight. It just got me stoned.
My first couple years of college were spent drinking, smoking, and fucking. You know, the college experience. My roommates and I decided to shroom one weekend, see what all the rage was about. Couldn't get a hold of any shrooms, serendipitously I found a connect for acid. That night something amazing took place in my head; I saw the true potential we humans carry. I pledged to myself, if the universe/god/whoever wills it then I'm going to utilize my entire life's time to do improve humanity in some way.
Now, I sit here in a dark room lit by nothing else than the screen and I'd like to believe I'm still in the midst of those efforts but it's like anyone I talk to thinks I'm crazy. If I ever bring forward any sociopolitical speeches, any philosophical forums, or any technological talks people ask me, "Uhhhhh, why aren't you talking about celebrities, mainstream music, or about what other people think"
Well, that last part is coming true. Why is it so hard for people to wrap their head around anything serious? Why do they just waste their lives away stroking their ego? WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE TOO STUPID!? And then the questions started pointing at my own thinking...
Are there people out there that I can actually carry a decent conversation with? Was I not born in the right time or right circumstance to bring my dream into fruition? Should I just fucking kill myself and get it over with?
That last question is the one I've pondered the longest and it's settling in pretty hard right now. The only thing stopping me is a mother that's sacrificed everything she can to make sure I'm successful. I can't put this upon her... If I'm gonna off myself then it's gonna be after my mother has lived her long, enjoyable, prosperous life.
But I'm getting pretty impatient and selfish at the moment guys... FUCK I hate this mental hole I've dug for myself!
They act that way for the same reason your mind settles on these depressing thoughts. It's just our humanity, and there's no rhyme or reason to it. There's no romantic happy ending type shit going on here. Fact is most people DO nothing, ARE nothing, and don't even WANT to BE anything but that, because they've convinced themselves it's just them "being themselves" and they're comfortable with that. Fact is you are whatever the fuck you create yourself to be. You set goals that you want and you achieve them, with the good and bad bullshit in between. And it's the pursuance of those goals and the good and bad bullshit in between that makes life worth half a fuck. Create a goal, pursue it, and never stop pursuing it. Then offing yourself simply isn't an option.
Much love.
~HH
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While there's a decent chance that your current story may be mine within a year or two, I still believe I can offer you some advice. Being American sucks. I'm American and I simply can't believe how ignorant the people surrounding me are about the workings of their country and of the world in general. This is how America works, unfortunately, but you and I were able to break free of all that garbage. If you and I managed it, then surely others did as well.
Rest assured, there is nothing wrong with your opinions. There is nothing wrong with seeking knowledge, with bettering oneself, with obliterating ignorance through self discovery. Ignore the American zombies and keep improving yourself. You have a goal of adding something to the human race, correct? I can think of no man or woman who has left a legitimate mark on the world, for the better, who did so without first looking inward.
It took me 20 years to break free from the crushing lifestyle of ignorance and complacency, and a year later I was in the company of like minded individuals. I'm even going to marry one.
tl;dr
Keep on truckin' and make friends with French people.
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White rabbit !! WHITE RABBITTT !!!!!! ;D (Jefferson Airplane)
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So I started off in high school smoking pot like most of us here. Of course I loved it; the music sounded better, food tasted better, my mind opened up to more insightful conversations. After a while though, smoking weed didn't really provide anymore insight. It just got me stoned.
My first couple years of college were spent drinking, smoking, and fucking. You know, the college experience. My roommates and I decided to shroom one weekend, see what all the rage was about. Couldn't get a hold of any shrooms, serendipitously I found a connect for acid. That night something amazing took place in my head; I saw the true potential we humans carry. I pledged to myself, if the universe/god/whoever wills it then I'm going to utilize my entire life's time to do improve humanity in some way.
Now, I sit here in a dark room lit by nothing else than the screen and I'd like to believe I'm still in the midst of those efforts but it's like anyone I talk to thinks I'm crazy. If I ever bring forward any sociopolitical speeches, any philosophical forums, or any technological talks people ask me, "Uhhhhh, why aren't you talking about celebrities, mainstream music, or about what other people think"
Well, that last part is coming true. Why is it so hard for people to wrap their head around anything serious? Why do they just waste their lives away stroking their ego? WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE TOO STUPID!? And then the questions started pointing at my own thinking...
Are there people out there that I can actually carry a decent conversation with? Was I not born in the right time or right circumstance to bring my dream into fruition? Should I just fucking kill myself and get it over with?
That last question is the one I've pondered the longest and it's settling in pretty hard right now. The only thing stopping me is a mother that's sacrificed everything she can to make sure I'm successful. I can't put this upon her... If I'm gonna off myself then it's gonna be after my mother has lived her long, enjoyable, prosperous life.
But I'm getting pretty impatient and selfish at the moment guys... FUCK I hate this mental hole I've dug for myself!
Your post really resonated with me mate, so I felt I had to say something.
A bit over 6 months ago I had a trip that went bad, bad enough that I thought of ending it permanently. It was bad in the traditional sense though. I wasn't freaking out or becoming paranoid/anxious, ect... Instead it was probably one of the 'best' trips I've experienced. I could see everything about my life at once, and honestly, it sucked. I hated my job, I had no romantic love life, and whilst I love my friends like brothers, they often don't get my headspace, pretty much as you've described. I honestly think I was depressed, although I was never diagnosed or anything.
After that trip I decided to give up LSD for a bit and haven't had any since. I thought it was the drug and just didn't want to go back to that place. BUT, the time without drugs allowed me to reflect and use what I learned from that day to improve my life. I won't go into too much detail, but I feel completely different now, and am thankful that I could 'make lemonade out of the lemons' I was given.
So my advice (to be taken with a grain of salt, as this is serious shit) is to give up all drugs for at least a month and see how you're feeling then. LSD is a powerful tool, but in order to fully understand what you experience with it, you really need to have some time sober as a contrast.
And one last thing I do want to say, I know how you feel when looking for an intelligent conversation. Keep trying. Look at any great discovery made over the last millennium and you'll find one thing in common with almost all of them, the people making them were often considered insane. I'm not saying, 'Take drugs, Change the world.' More like, 'Change the world. And fuck what others think.'