Silk Road forums
Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: hyruleantoker on May 12, 2012, 04:27 am
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I'm posting this hoping for some advice.
I have smoked cannabis for a few months now, and was recently introduced to DMT and MDMA.
While I wasn't really affected by the DMT (we have theories why, but no solid reason), I really enjoyed the experiences rolling.
I have a personality with strong addictive tendencies. While I haven't developed any sign of addiction for alcohol, I have strong gaming habits, that I have recently determined to be along the lines of an addiction. My main concern is if I continue with drugs. I found myself really loving molly, and I realized that I could easily go out of control with it.
I honestly don't know whether or not I would, given the chance, but I'm not sure it's something I want to risk.
I don't need to tell you all how great drugs can be, I'm sure, but I'm afraid of losing control.
My question is what should I do? Stop completely, or continue and stay controlled?
What kind of reliance have you found yourself in with drugs?
Do you know someone who has lost control?
What kind of negative things can happen from going overboard with MDMA?
I just want to get educated before I continue forward, and I think this is the perfect place to do so.
Thanks in advance,
~Toker
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two words. self control. you either have it, or you don't. and if you do, only you know what hold you have on it.
everything in moderation. be safe. if you feel you can't control yourself, then stay away. it's really a personal matter.
just keep in mind. harm noone, including yourself, and do as thy will.
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Self control is easier said than done. I have a little experience in this matter ;). When i first started with E back in the late 90s I got extremely carried away. Tripping everyday. I got to where i was taking 7 to 10 pills a night to feel good. I got so carried away that I fucked my brain up, and started to have panic attacks and shit.
I fucked myself up back then because I lacked self control and I regret it to this day. Its been one battle after the next since then with the drugs that I have come to love, but if I could go back and do it again I would definitely change a few things.
Take it easy is my advice. You have a long life ahead of you, and the drugs will always be there. Take care of your whats really important to you in life, do what is going to make you happy now and in the future, and then party when you have the time. You will appreciate it that much more.
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Self control when it comes to MDMA should be easier than other drugs. I first tried it not so long ago and I remember that very moment the effects kicked in, it hit me like a fucking train and I immediately realized I had never felt so good in my life. The day after I started going on a hunt to find more, and couldn't, which is what led me here. I bought 7 pills that were advertised as 200+mg each and they were all gone within a month. If you don't space out your rolls, part of you will regret taking the pill the second you start to feel it. It's extremely underwhelming. I took 600mg in one sitting at a point and felt practically nothing, and then I vomited. There is really no reason to abuse MDMA, I have no idea what made me think I was an exception to the rules somehow.
You just plain won't feel anything, and I was really depressed for that whole month, had a lot of really weird dreams too
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If you have problems with self control over a substance, the best thing, i think, is to stop completely.
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i rolled every weekend for 2 years straight. i can't say it was always mdma, as they were pressed pills. i knew there was cut involved, and even got in good with my connects to choose if i wanted upper or downer cuts. i liked to speed ball them at one point. true mdma is much different.
but, all the same, doing 10 pressed pills once a week was no big deal anymore. i'd pop 5 off the bat, 3 more in a half hour, and the last 2 a half hour after that. but, i was buying in mass quantity, so it didn't matter. i rolled free, and still made a killing once i got home.
funny thing, is i never had a problem with x. meth, ugh. that shit was bad, and a whole different story.
like i said. only you know your limits. and if you don't, you will soon enough. it's a hard knock life.
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I wont go into details, but at the time I had unlimited access. There was never a time where I couldnt find it, or didnt want to do it. I basically poisoned myself due to lack of self control. I still to this day have nervous twitches and issues with anxiety and depression that i feel could have been avoided had i not took my serotonin for granted.
To the OP take it from me, its not worth it. I felt great at the time....really great...but I never stopped to think about the future or the risks involved until it was too late. Do some research online. Now they have guidelines and recommendations pertaining to your diet pre and post trip. 5 htp and what not....
I dont want to scare you or say "this is what will happen if you do" because everyone is different, but I do want you to understand that there are serious risks involved with over indulgence.
Peace.
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I think what I'm going to do is stop all drugs and cannabis completely for at the very least two-three months. It'll be something of a test to see if I have the willpower to stay away. Once I prove to myself that I can control myself, I'll probably start smoking again, and perhaps have the occasional roll.
While it's a life that I would really really love, it seems to be a life that I would have no control over, if I went any further.
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do you use tobacco? break that chain first. i stopped meth and crack cold turkey. i've quit opiate abuse cold turkey. both suck. quit nicotine, and you're golden
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If you can stop for 2-3 months that is awesome. It shws me and yourself that you do have self control.
Looking back i realize that drugs were the most important thing in my life at the time, and there was no one there to tell me otherwise. Even if there was i probably would have done whatever the fuck i wanted to do anyway. As an adult i look back at those times and i wish i had someone there to give me the kick in the ass that i so desperately needed to deter me from a lifetime of mistakes. Im not saying drug use is a mistake, but whats important is being responsible in that drug use. Handle your business then indulge.
Whatever path you choose in life is yours to deal with. I can preach to you til im blue in the face, but guess what, in between rants im sniffing lines of coke and im high on opiates, lol. So take it or leave it, its up to you.
Work hard, get shit done, then celebrate with the occasional drug use. It really makes it that much more rewarding. Use drugs on special occasions- Bdays, graduation, special events, even every weekend if you can mange that. Above all else just be safe and realize that if you lack self control you can easily end up at the least very fucked up in the head or even worse.
Chemical imbalances arent fun buddy.
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Product Request: Self Control
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@BlahFTW: I smoked cigarettes for a short while, a few months. At most I was only smoking 6-8 in a day, compared to friends and family smoking a pack or even two. While I haven't completely quit, I don't buy packs, and I don't feel any need for the nicotine. I'll have a cig when with friends, before or after we've smoked a bowl or whatever, just because it's social and chill.
If I could take the same approach with the occasional night high with friends, I'll be golden.
@JellyLegs: I'm putting that on my sig now. Thanks. :P
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I took an insane amount of mdma/e during my one year obsession with this drug. Like you, I have an addictive personality and wasn't satisfied with doing mdma "once in awhile" even though I knew that would be the smarter thing to do. I'm honestly too embarrassed to say how much I would take in one night. 10+ pills at least anyway and I'm thin/a girl. I would do this at least a few times a week.
I started getting really bad panic attacks, not while on mdma but when smoking weed or even when I was completely sober. It got pretty brutal. I would also get extremely bad hangovers from mdma, like 3 days where I would have to lie in my bed and wouldn't even be able to drink water. This is probably the worst I experienced while overdoing it on the mdma but I consider myself lucky. A lot worse could have happened. But anyway, the magical feeling of mdma obviously quickly diminishes when consumed in this amount and the 3 day hangovers are noooooot worth it. So eventually I wasn't "addicted" anymore, because there was nothing worth being addicted to ...
It has been maybe four years since I stopped doing mdma and it took at least two years for the panic attacks to become manageable. Although there is nothing apparently wrong with me, I still feel like I fucked my brain up, at least a little bit. I just graduated university with good grades but I had to apply myself a looot harder than my pre-mdma days. I feel like I have gotten dumber but who knows. Probably lol. But all in all, mdma is a shitty addiction and something only to be done on special occasions, just like everyone says. It's just not easy to follow that advice when it feels so good.
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If you have problems with self control over a substance, the best thing, i think, is to stop completely.
This 100%
+1 to you :)
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I understand. Self-control can be a bitch for some. I really try to respect MDMA now, but I have probably rolled 10+ times since October. That is not good. I'm trying to get to a point where I only roll at a maximum of four times a year. Twice would be better. But Molly is just amazing... Really wish I could quit the cigarettes. Going on a few years of smoking now, and I really need to finally quit for good! I know I have an addictive personality, so this is why I will never touch "hard" drugs like meth or crack or even painkillers. Tried coke one night, and fortunately it was not really my thing. I recently tried some MDPV for the first time, which I know is fucking fiendish, and I was really proud of myself for not redosing even though I felt like shit once I came down. This is powerful stuff, so I think I'm going to use it only occasionally, perhaps for studying or house cleaning, and keep the dose very small. A big part of gaining self-control is realizing you don't have any. Admitting it and looking for solutions are the first steps. I've found meditation really helps me feel more confident about saying "no" when enough is enough. Also, I try not to have big quantities of drugs like MDMA, K, or shrooms around, because I know what will happen. If I have a smaller amount, I space my doses more and respect it. I've always wanted to prove to myself that I could quit smoking weed for a week or a month, but it has yet to happen. It's hard, however, because weed is my medicine. (Fuck antidepressants!) I don't believe I abuse it by smoking every day. It alleviates my anxiety, makes me more optimistic, confident, happier, funnier, more motivated, etc, etc. But it's an expensive prescription! :P
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====LONG POST! Scroll to TL;DR if you can't be arsed reading the whole lot===
Hey man,
I feel as though I'm kind of in the same boat as you at the minute. Less than a year ago now I'd put TONS of time into video games, I'd even play for 2 or 3 days solid, 12 hour sleep, rinse and repeat just so we could become top in our favorite MMO. Do I regret it? Not at all, had a great time doing it and even to this day we still talk about how we used to smash all the gamer geeks in the MMO world.
Now I'm in university. Life is different, I have no time for gaming between partying and doing my assignments.
I've been smoking weed on and off since I was 14, and am still doing so. I first rolled properly (I say properly because prior to this I had used molly before, but we'd just hide it in a tobacco pouch and dip our fingers n suck for a little buzz) around February time and obviously, fucking loved it, but we did it indoors in a safe environment so we didn't quite discover the full potential of it.
This is now the final semester. At the beginning when our loan came through, every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night we'd buy a gram of molly and hit the clubs. It's fucking awesome shit, discovered literally 1/4 of the clubbers in this city are all on E too, and everyone knows you're on it, even bouncers and shit giving us a little grin and an nod. The love, the energy and need to dance, and when you pull it literally feels like you're falling in love for the first time again lol...
Anyway, the comedowns became worse (girl crying because she spilled some chips on the floor... Hilarious thinking back to it now), and now... We've got no money left. We're not gonna binge like that again.
===TL;DR===
Apparently, if you abuse this drug (and you can ask any experienced user, like I did and this is what I was told)... Eventually, it'll "lose the magic". Because of the depletion of serotonin in your brain you won't be able to get on that loved up level anymore (not to mention that in your sober life you'll be more prone to getting upset/depression), unless you take grams and grams, which definitely won't do good in the long-term. Apparently it actually takes 1-3 months for your serotonin to return to normal after a single session rolling, and if you really abuse the shit long term (as in very regular use for a long time) it can take a year or more.
Do you want to ruin the XTC feeling? No. Do you want to be kind to your brain? We all do. What I'm going to do is not roll any more frequently than once a month, and gonna try and make it every 3 months if possible. I quit smoking (baccy and weed) cold turkey for 2-3 weeks every now and then too, just to see what it feels like not being constantly hazey-headed all the time (daily weed smoker). As long as you KNOW YOURSELF, you'll be fine. If you feel like you're heading in to a spiral, don't use E for a few months. It's not going anywhere! The drug will always be available! Just use responsibly and don't ruin it for yourself. Might also be an idea not to use if you're going through a tough time (behind with work, break-ups etc) because when the drug wares off, you'll be on even more of a downer.
I've been in awful situations due to drugs in the past (fucking Mephedrone shit) and I don't want to have to stop taking E forever like I knew I had to with mcat.
There's also a new-found confidence in myself because of my experiences on MDMA. I don't need it to have a good time, not by any means. But when I do have it... Holy shit I've got enough love for all you bitches! :D
Have fun and stay safe :)
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-snip-
I'm not sure if you're aware of this but it bothered me so I have to mention it, your "TL;DR" section was actually 44 words longer than your allegedly longer portion. Sorry for getting off topic to mention this! :P
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I want to thank you all for the responses and great words of advice.
I still find myself struggling with the decision, but it's something that I will have to handle on my own.
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Using drugs can be a crazy and confusing experience.
I personally quit using all substances (at the time with the intent of never returning) a total of two times my entire life. Both "stints" were following intense binges with large amounts of cocaine and usually an effort or attempt at wooing my ex lol. I willingly checked into rehab both times and in the process learned a lot about myself.
Now if you ask me I'll tell you in a proud drug user. I may not promote this aspect of my personality but it is definitely a part of who I am. For me the self control came almost naturally and I still struggle with it. I used to not be able to hold on to pot for more than 5 minutes now I can take my sweet time and smoke. I also don't steal for drugs like I have done in the past.
For me just taking a long and needed break from all substances was the kick I needed in order to get my life together and have a fresh perspective on where my future was headed.