Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: burnemuppup on August 29, 2012, 12:09 am
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Is there anyone else here who sees in their heart what I see in mine - a craving for powerful emotion, bordering on problematic?
I was thinking a few minutes ago, and my train of thought passed through the idea that I'm a dramatic, passionate, charmingly over-the-top individual, which I'm happy to be whenever I'm comfortable enough, after so many years of being withdrawn. I just like to give every moment that extra touch of vibrancy. I expanded from there to other thoughts I've been having lately, that I crave intimacy of any and every kind, including an entire spectrum of platonic intimacy that society by and large finds "too intimate for comfort [outside of romance]," and that I crave excitement, and adventure, with the spirit of an explorer. These connect in a broad sense to find a simpler truth about me.
I love intense, or powerful, or deep emotion. Emotion that's large in one direction or another.
I've discovered, interestingly, that this trait I so adore about myself is a gift and a curse - I find a certain degree of apathy in depression to be wrenchingly powerful, which makes it difficult for every part of me to want to escape, as there is a part of me that relishes the strength of the feeling, the completely overwhelming nature of it.
Could this maybe be an intrinsic property of every fundamental truth, that every deviation from zero must be reflected on both sides of the equation? I think so, it would fit the fractalline nature of reality I've experienced so far.
Anyway, is there anyone else here who has a serious problem not being surprised into a shocked, pained smile by the intensity of tragedy? Anyone else who finds that the only time they find the depth of emotion they desire from all relationships is in a romantic one, and just wish they could convince their friends to share every experience as intimately as they do on acid?
Anyone else wish they could just spend every day drenched in feelings? Heh, maybe it's just me being really weird, I'd be okay with that.
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While reading this I thought, "Damn, I should come back and read this while tripping." I've changed my mind though, I should read this while rolling :)
I'm beyond writing a long and thoughtful response to this at the moment, but I will say that I definitely get where you're coming from. For me it can sometimes be the intensity of an emotion that I enjoy rather than the positive/negative quality. I've been through some level of depression (which still comes up from time to time) and whilst it can be horrible, it's a part of me. If I make it me, own it, take responsibility for it it stops being such an issue. Yeah I'm not feeling the best, but that's me. I would rather feel absolutely shit than feel nothing.
So yeah, I get where you're coming from. Whether you're being weird or not though, well if you are there are more people out there doing the same :)
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Have you been rolling a lot lately too MetaFractals? :P
You're not alone.. I find myself experiencing the curse quite a bit. Wanting to be more intimate often leaves me at a distance because I'm not so keen on lubricating social situations. I tend to quickly tune into the deeper emotions in myself and other people while overlooking normalized communication, ya know, small talk and stuff. I'm fascinated by what lurks beneath the surface, I guess that's why I like this place. In the end I'm left with a small number of close relationships and a general feeling of disconnect from everything else. It's a dance with the devil to build long-term romantic relationships like this... It's worth noting that, in retrospect, many of my most intimate relationships (mostly talkin romantic) have not been some sort of star-fated meeting with someone whom I instantly bonded to. There's some sort of unexplainable potential I feel like I think most people look for these deeper relationships but are either too afraid to dive into them or to smart to hang their emotions on such a thin thread.
Hmm... I shall continue to stroke my beard *hits the pipe*