Silk Road forums
Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: completelynewname on January 22, 2013, 07:48 am
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Because sharing that other "build you count" thread slows me down whenever I get the "someone else has posted - go read that shit" warning.
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I came home one day and my girlfriend was packing her bags. I asked her what was going on, and she says through her tears, "You're a paedophile!"
And I said, "That's an awfully big word for a 6 year old."
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Whats the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
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What's the difference between a 14-year old and a washing machine?
When you dump a load in a washing machine, it doesn't follow you around for weeks telling you it loves you.
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Why does California have earthquakes while Louisiana has black people?
California got first pick.
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What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car for the night.
The dad says, "Okay honey, but only if you suck my cock."
She agrees and starts slobbing his knob, but no sooner is it down her throat when she says, "Daddy your cock tastes like shit!"
"Oh fuck! I forgot I already let your brother take the car tonight!
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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
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I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!" Kinky bitch.
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I see..
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I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
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I was eating out an old lady and all of a sudden I tasted horse semen and I'm like, "Oh Grandma, so that's how you died!
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My grandfather died in a concentration camp.
He was drunk and fell out of the watchtower.
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what has 8 legs and makes women scream?
gang rape.
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What's black and doesn't work?
Half of London.
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What's white on top and black on bottom?
Society.
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What's black on top and white on bottom?
Rape.
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What's the difference between jam and jelly?
I don't jelly my cock down a bitch's throat.
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Also, how is spinach like anal sex?
Chances are if you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult
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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Conservation of momentum.
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What did the deaf, dumb, blind, mute kid get for Christmas?
Cancer
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How did re-fried beans get their name?
Have you ever seen a Mexican do something right the first time?
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What do Sarah Palin's vagina and the Iron Man suit have in common?
They both had Downey Juniors in them.
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Three gay men are in a restaurant and mourning the loss of each of their boyfriends. One gay man says he's going to sprinkle his lovers ashes in the ocean. It will remind him of the wonderful sunsets they witnessed together. The second gay man says he's going to sprinkle his lovers ashes on a high mountain top. This will remind him of all the great walks they shared in the woods. The third gay man is very quiet. He looks down and the others ask what will he do. He says he's already done it. He sprinkled his lovers ashes on his bowl of chili so his lover could rip his ass up one more time.
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"A woman is at a bar drinking and depressed. A man walks in and sits next to her. He, too, is drinking and depressed.
After a time, the man asks the woman, "What are you so depressed about?"
She says, "My husband left me because he thought I was too kinky."
He says, "Really? My wife left me because she thought I was too kinky!"
They order another drink, and she says to him, ''Hey listen, we're both adults here, and it looks like we might have a little something in common . . . whaddya say we go back to my place and see what happens?"
He says, "Sounds like a great idea!" And they finish their drinks and leave.
When they get to her place, she says to him, "Wait right here, I'm going to go change into something a little more comfortable."
She goes to her bedroom and puts on some black leather boots with six-inch heels, a leather miniskirt, a rubber bra with the nipples cut out, a dog collar, and a leather hood. She then grabs a riding crop and some handcuffs and saunters seductively out to the living room where she sees the guy putting on his coat and hat and heading out the door.
"Where ya going?" she asks. "I thought we were going to get kinky?"
"Hey," he says, "I fucked your dog, I shit in your purse . . . I'm outta here!"
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I'm almost offended
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That's all I got. and I'm still short 10 posts.
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A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car for the night.
The dad says, "Okay honey, but only if you suck my cock."
She agrees and starts slobbing his knob, but no sooner is it down her throat when she says, "Daddy your cock tastes like shit!"
"Oh fuck! I forgot I already let your brother take the car tonight!
I lol'd
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How did niggas invent break dancing?
Trying to steal rims off a moving car.
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Bravo.
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A man walks into the bar and sees a sign:
Handjob: $5
Cheese sandwich: $2
He walks over to the bartender, a big boobied blonde, and asks: “Are you the one giving out handjobs?”
“yes I am!”, she replied, smiling and sticking out her chest.
“Okay,” he said. “Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!”
LEAVE KARMA IF YOU LIKED! ;D
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Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until after he’s thirteen.
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Q: What do you call a black guy flying an aeroplane?
A: The pilot, you racist fuck.
LEAVE KARMA IF YOU LIKED! ;D
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Q: How can you tell when an addict is lying?
A: When he opens up his mouth. (No offense, SR future customers)
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Q: What are the first five words a crackhead in a three piece tailored suit hears?
A: "Will the defendant please rise"
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Q: What do women addicted to heroin got in common with ice-hockey players?
A: They both change clothes after three periods
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GOD I REALLY REALLY HATE THIS FUCKING CAPTCHA
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A speedfreak is out walking one fine evening. He finds a poor person on the street and helps him up. The poor person says, "Son, I'm a genie. And since you helped me I'll give you three wishes."
The speedfreak says, "I want a big bag of meth!", the genie says."Okay." POOF, the bag appears! They prepare some thick long white lines and share it between the two of them.
The next morning the genie asks "What's the second wish?", "I want two big bags of meth", says the speedfreak. "Okay," says the genie. POOF! And they prepare it and snort it between the two of them.
The next morning the genie asks "And the third wish?" "I want four big bags of meth!" POOOF!! So, they prepare lots of big lines and share it between the two of them.
Much later the genie gets up and says, "Okay, it's time for me to go." The genie takes a couple of steps, pauses, turns around and says, "Okay, just one more wish."
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These three guys die in a car wreck and they all go to Hell. When they arrive the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was.
The first guy says, "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk."
The Devil decides to lock him in a room with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol imaginable.
The guy's thinking, "Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into the room.
The second guy says, "It's the women, I could never stay faithful to my wife."
The devil opens up the second door and inside is nothing but the finest looking naked women as far as the eye can see. The guy was to be locked in for 100 years. He couldn't believe it and his dick got instantly hard and he went running into the room as the Devil locked the door behind him.
The third dude says, "It's gotta be the bud. I'm always tokin' up."
The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10ft tall icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud. The stoner can't believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian style with his back to the door and the Devil shuts and locks the door.
One hundred years pass and the Devil returns to check on the three men.
He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an empty bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or showered in years, and is covered in his own puke, shit, and piss. "I'll never drink again!" he says. The devil says it's good he learned something and decides to give him a second shot at life.
The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams. The devil figures he's learned not to cheat on his wife and decides to give him a second chance too.
The devil then comes to the third door. He opens it and sees nothing has changed. The stoner is still sitting there in the same position that he was 100 years ago.
The Devil asks him if he's learned anything.
The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek, "Dude ... you got a light?"
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Q: What did the heroin addict get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.
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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
racist