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Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Dopamin on November 19, 2012, 11:01 am

Title: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: Dopamin on November 19, 2012, 11:01 am
Hi,

the LSD I got from the road showed me a lot about myself, who I was, and who I want to be. This post is an attempt to give something back and help people, who suffered in the same way as I did. You can get the story here:

http://dkn255hz262ypmii.onion/index.php?topic=40100.msg485277#msg485277

If you experience any strong negative feelings during a psychedelic trip, this is most likely an indicator for buried trauma. What psychedelics do best is that they lower our ego's defenses. Our ego builds walls around traumatic experiences in our life to protect us. The walls around wounds in our childhood are the most solid ones because we needed them to survive. As kids we are totally dependent on our parents and if they neglect us or hurt us our mind builds a wall to protect us from this otherwise unbearable pain. These isolated areas in our mind influence us on the deepest levels of our personality. If you do not identify and heal them they will punish you, and your children, again and again. For example, if I would not have found out that my mother did not love me when I was born, I would not have been able to love my own children.

There are uncountable ways how you could have been hurt as a kid. Child abuse usually is associated with physical abuse in all of its forms. But you can also take deep wounds from psychological abuse, like I did. And we are not alone. Since I was able to experience what happened to me I can see these wounds and their symptoms in other people. At first I thought: Oh my god, I always had contact to people that suffered in the same way as I did, and I chose my friends subconsciously on this fact. But after a while I saw that a childhood with such pain is rather rule than exception.

Here start the problems: Even therapists have these walls in themselves. If they have not broken those down and healed their wounds they can not truly help others to do so. They will always find excuses to play your bad experiences down. They will protect your parents subconsciously so they for themselves do not have to face the trauma that they experienced in their own childhood.

I would not say that I am healed now, but I saw where my deepest rooted problems are. I have accepted myself and I want to do everything to heal myself. I will be another person and able to do the best for my children I will have some day. And I start to feel the change that happened in myself and I am happier than ever before. I still have my downs, and it is painful to see the truth, but this is the best that has ever happened to me in my whole life.

If you think you have similar issues to deal with I can recommend you the following authors, with selected books:

Alice Miller
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_Miller_%28psychologist%29
Braking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth ISBN 0-525-93357-3

She will give you the the detailed story how the mechanisms behind those traumas work. It may be one of the most truthfully written books in human history. She really understood how our brain works and how experiences influence our lives.

John Bradshaw
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bradshaw_%28author%29
Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child.  ISBN 978-0-553-35389-1.

He will give you practical advice and exercises how to heal your hurt inner child. I am currently working with this book and the results are fantastic.
 
I wish you all the best, PM me if you feel like.
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: TreeSpirit on November 19, 2012, 01:13 pm
Hi Dopamin,

I read both of your threads and I want to say thank you for writing it down. Well done for looking within and healing what you have found there.

I have my own baggage as well and through use of drugs, I've got to know myself better and respect myself more.
With Psilocybin (truffles) I recognized how well I was taking care of myself, there was so much love present in me. With MDMA I recognize my patterns that I have in interacting with other people. It brings me closer to my feelings, not rationalizing as much as I normally do.

Wishing you the best and well done for taking care of yourself. Wondrous how self love changes life so much in a positive way, isn't it?!! :-)



Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: Dopamin on November 19, 2012, 01:55 pm
Hey TreeSpirit,

thanks for following me for a short time on my way, I am really thankful for your post. Accepting oneself is the key to a better life and drugs may open some doors in the right direction. I wish you all the best on your own way :) Your post shows that you are a wonderful person.
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: fuckoffehbuddy on November 19, 2012, 02:25 pm
and yet lsd=illegal and nbome=uncontrolled in places and has led to deaths and no life changing experiences when are people gonna pull their heads out their asses
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: shitwassocash on November 19, 2012, 02:33 pm
Great thread. +1

I think I've tried every family of drugs except psychedelics. Kinda afraid to actually. I've had some weird stuff happen in my life, I don't know what my trip would be like.
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: Ahoyhoy on November 19, 2012, 09:01 pm
I know that the same drug can affect people in different way but always feel underwhelmed when people talk about the psychological and spiritual impact of LSD on their psyches. I have had a fair few rips and yes, I had some nice visuals and perceived things in different ways - which was interesting. But nothing life changing for me.
MDMA has changed some of my relationships for the better and cannabis has enhanced some of my best life experiences, but I can't say that I have had a remarkable life changing revelation as a result of any drug.

All power to those who can though....
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: psychedelicmind on November 19, 2012, 09:43 pm
+1 to everyone above me in this thread. Great thread :)

OP, I would highly recommend a treatment called holotropic breath work for someone in your position. It really helps with introspective thinking and reflection. I have had a lot of issues down through the years, and the holotropic breath work really worked wonders for me.

Best of luck :)
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: Dopamin on November 20, 2012, 12:50 am
psychedelicmind

Lol, I just wanted to add this :) I had a holotropic seminar some days ago. It is a breathing technique (pretty simple) that leads to a psychedelic mind state. If you are interested in the topic, google Stanislaf Grof. He is a therapist that worked with LSD during the 50s and 60s and changed to holotropic breathing after the ban of LSD.

Basically, you lie on a mattress on the ground and have a sitter.  Then you start to breath in and out very fast and intense. The topics that can come up are similar to those under the influcence of LSD, like being reborn, dieing, godly experiences and so on. I had the luck that my sitter was a woman in her late 30s with two kids. I was reborn during the first session, and she cared for me like she would for a newborn child. When I opened my arms, she came, laid on her back and let me put my head on her shoulder. I lay there for maybe 20 minutes and cried a little, then I felt better and started to explore my inner world again. I had a drinking backpack with me and suckled from it like from a woman's breast. After that I laid on her should again, and she hold me tight.

This was one of the most important experiences in my life, because my neglected, unloved inner child was finally satisfied. During my bad LSD trip I was doing everything to get a substitute mother, but none of my friends were in reach. This is why I would really recommend a sitter to everyone, preferably a girl. If they have experience with psychedelics that is even better. You could save yourself a lot of pain.

The other people attending the seminar thought I was a little bit crazy, I think. I felt that the way they talk with me and from their reactions that they were a little bit afraid of me. I am not hurt by this, because I think every single one of them still has a hurt inner child in them. No one asked what really happened to me. I always told them that I was treated badly as a child. They are afraid of the truth, because if they really listen to me and feel affection for me, they would have to tear their own walls down and recognize their own deep wounds. One of them was a 70 something year old man. He is probably gonna die without ever having found himself, doing everything for his kids and family, but neglecting his own needs. This makes me very sad.

Guys, thank you for your appreciation. This is a very important topic, because lots of people out there bear a hurt child within them. It seems to be the rule, not the exception. Imagine the world if everyone would heal his hurt inner child, what a place earth would become, full with happy, satisfied people :) That would be the real utopia. And for me, this is definitely something that is worth fighting for.
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: psychedelicmind on November 20, 2012, 11:07 am
Holotropic breath work is amazing. I am glad you were able to confront your issues using this method. I found it to be a very deep experience for me as well, and my sitter was wonderful also. I couldn't imagine doing it without a sitter there to be a friend for the duration of the experience. As it happened, my sitter was also into psychedelics, especially LSD, so we had a lot in common and felt very comfortable around each other. When it came to me being the sitter for them, it was great to repay the favour and also to know that we were both very comfortable around each other.

I fully agree that everyone has a hurt child within them. The World would be a great place if everyone could heal this hurt from within, rather than replacing the hurt with materialism etc. which only fills a gap for a certain amount of time before the old feelings come back up.

Thanks again for this thread and for putting your experience into words.

Peace
Title: Re: Difficult drug experience? Read here
Post by: Dopamin on November 20, 2012, 01:26 pm
I can really recommend holotropic breathwork to everyone out there. As psychedelicmind said, the experience really gains or loses with the people you experience it with. If you want to attend such a seminar make sure you will meet nice people there :) Keep in mind that anyone doing HB wants to work on some of his problems. Some people there could really just use you to solve their own problems and affect you in a very negative way.

From my group most of the people were open-minded concerning psychedelics. It was cool to share some experiences. All in all I think you won't meet any true assholes there but you never know.

Thanks psychedelicmind for sharing your experience.