Silk Road forums

Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: Synaesthesiac on June 09, 2013, 07:58 pm

Title: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: Synaesthesiac on June 09, 2013, 07:58 pm
This is the only place the forum will let me post at this time, so I guess the Newbie Forum it is.  For the past 96hrs I have been going through withdrawal from my own extremely brief self-administered titration of Suboxone.  And let me tell you, it has been hell.  Its an ineffable feeling to describe coming alive after nearly a year of numb nerve endings, curtailed emotions, and sequestered and squashed feelings of fear, self-loathing, or any of the many amalgams of feelings that make up the beautifully painful, yet profound experience that is life.  The experience of emotion; RAW and so REAL, chaotic and ephemeral as it currently may be, is a GOOD kind of pain that I cannot describe.  I've let Fear run the scissors up the seam of my wall of self-confidence and lost myself at the seams, apathetically watching the tattered remains of who I am begin to burn and smolder.  But I'm done with all that shit.  Life HURTS.  At least finally this pain is REAL and there is a beautifully ironic sense of cathartic gratitude that I am still ALIVE under all the garbage I've been inundating my body with.  But with this new-found raw state of unadulterated emotion, cascading and coalescing at will from despairing lows to euphoric and hopeful epiphanic highs, its hard to maintain this positive attitude, this benevolent and true energy that is the soul in me coming back to Life.  But I still have dreams.  I want to be what I set out to be and no longer be fettered by the chemical bonds of addiction.  I know out there there are others of you going through this too right now.  Don't give up.  I feel like giving up at least once a day, but then I remember who I want to be and I reach out and find someone else going through the same shit I am.  If you're hurting and kicking, and feel like you're alone and you have no hope, you're NOT ALONE.  There are tons of us out there going through the wringer of withdrawals and the general human condition as well.  I come here to post my hope and my faith in myself and so that maybe somebody else out there can share what they're going through too.  Don't give up.
Title: Re: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: blacksmith on June 09, 2013, 08:05 pm
Keep on truckin on man. 96 hours of wd is a loooong time. you came this far, you can go another 6, 12, 24 hours brotha. shit, if you can, just say fuck it and quit. you already came this far.
Title: Re: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: registered on June 09, 2013, 09:19 pm
mind over body my friend, mind over body.
Title: Re: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: Phillippa Hole on June 09, 2013, 09:44 pm
What registered said. Believe.
Title: Re: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: The Invisible Man on June 09, 2013, 09:57 pm
  :o
Title: Re: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: Charlesnoir on June 10, 2013, 07:56 am
I have been where you are...twice with no Suboxone and Once, the last and final time, with it. 

I would never want to go through that hell again.  No one would.  Hang in there! 

I've been sober for long stretches and have used different things daily for different periods of time, sometimes a long time. 

Sobriety is fine and everything, but the times I've learned the most about myself and the world have been while on one drug or another.  This is something that everyone has to find out for themselves however, and I applaud your journey into sobriety if that is what you choose.   
Title: Re: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: M8R-3jt393 on June 10, 2013, 09:38 am
 >:(
Title: Re: A Place For Those To Share The Pain
Post by: GoGojira on June 10, 2013, 09:51 am
is that only me or is OP almost poetic?

anyway, hang in there man,i hope you make it.