Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: strike on August 07, 2012, 06:50 pm
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As the title indicates, I'm one of those unfortunate souls who struggle with this condition, which I find debilitating in so many aspects! To sum it up (Wiki is better at describing it), it's that impression where you think you don't feel completely awake for some reason. As a science student I'm suddenly finding it very hard to stay on top of things, I often lack basic words in conversation. My natural notion of reality is gone! This crap has really been dominating my life since last summer when it all started, triggered by a very stressful week near the end of the session (no it didn't directly involve drugs, in fact I hadn't taken any in months prior to this). I can count myself lucky to be able to pin down the symptoms: Having spent a month at one of the few psychosomatic clinics which do have experience with the condition, I met fellow patients who had spent years and years straying around different institutions which mostly misdiagnose the derealisation as episodes of psychosis.
Thought I'd share this here, as the nature of this community (lots of people experienced with psychedelics/dissociatives which often induce a very similar state of mind in terms of dissociation) suggests that folks have at least somewhat of an idea what DR/DP is all about.
Needless to say, I had to take a break from my studies on one hand and psychedelics on the other, until this gets sorted out in one way or another (at least I'm lucky enough to have a very supportive family :-). Also, I do not experience this dissociation at the same level of intensity 24/7, there's hours, sometimes whole days where I feel (almost) back to normal. It's certainly influenced by stress, though its critical role isn't always apparent! And yes, that's one very annoying thing right there: I still know exactly how "normal" consciousness should feel like and so I'm constantly being confronted by my inadequacies.
All in all, I do acknowledge that I'm trapped in a kind of predicament: You could compare it to suffering from hay fever, in that the body has adopted dissociation as sort of a misguided mechanism to cope with all kinds of stress. Perhaps there's someone else here who struggles with frequent bouts of DR/DP? You can ask me anything (but don't be surprised, I'm not a native English speaker ;-)...
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i think there are to many labels put on people by 'medical experts' you need to accept yourself for who you are
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i think there are to many labels put on people by 'medical experts' you need to accept yourself for who you are
Well, that's a very hard thing to do. Perhaps acceptance MAY BE key to recovery, but "accepting" something which is about to ruin your life is highly counterintuitive. Also, to make it clear: I don't see myself as suffering from some kind of obscure or incurable condition. Dissociation is a very normal reaction, it's the conditioning that is fucked up! Imagine being in a state of panic and perceiving things as if you're watching yourself from the side. That's exactly what derealisation amounts to, it's just not normal to continue feeling like this in situations that CONSCIOUSLY shouldn't be threatening anymore! Maybe I'm just trying too hard to trick my subconsciousness back into normal functioning, but hey... everyone wishes to know the cure!
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Yes, i suffered from DP/DR along with PTSD for about 6 months after a huge drug induced panic attack. This happened a few years ago and it occasionally comes back to me when I'm feeling low.
The only treatment for me was to have the 'FUCK THIS SHIT' attitude to it. Completely avoid drugs whilst i was having it, and not to let it bother me, the more you think about it the more it will effect you. The best way to put it is that it will feed on your fear of itself. So you've got to learn to not care about it. Treat it like an annoying dumb blonde bitch and tell it to 'go fuck itself'. Don't spend hours researching it and go out and do things to occupy your mind! It'll be gone soon, don't worry. :)
This attitude may sound weird but it actually really helped with my recovery. Whatever caused it/is causing it, you should avoid for a while.
But i know how you feel bro, its horrible it really is. I wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy.
PM me if you need anymore help from someone that knows!
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i think there are to many labels put on people by 'medical experts' you need to accept yourself for who you are
Well, that's a very hard thing to do. Perhaps acceptance MAY BE key to recovery, but "accepting" something which is about to ruin your life is highly counterintuitive. Also, to make it clear: I don't see myself as suffering from some kind of obscure or incurable condition. Dissociation is a very normal reaction, it's the conditioning that is fucked up! Imagine being in a state of panic and perceiving things as if you're watching yourself from the side. That's exactly what derealisation amounts to, it's just not normal to continue feeling like this in situations that CONSCIOUSLY shouldn't be threatening anymore! Maybe I'm just trying too hard to trick my subconsciousness back into normal functioning, but hey... everyone wishes to know the cure!
sorry i was just trying to say that embrace who you are and find activites and things that make you feel more normal by associating with things and people that make you feel good about yourself, but george said it better :) Just believe in yourself and believe that you will get better and accept the person that you are
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sorry i was just trying to say that embrace who you are and find activites and things that make you feel more normal by associating with things and people that make you feel good about yourself, but george said it better :) Just believe in yourself and believe that you will get better and accept the person that you are
Nah, I'm not criticising, you're completely right! It's all about getting back in touch with oneself. Deep down I DO know that! As gtgeorgz put it, the path's the real challenge! There's a thread here somewhere about growing up;
The shit I'm going through right now is intertwined with my personal struggles of becoming a responsible adult, which is something that I've been procrastinating too long with, apparently!
And thanks for the offer, gtgeorgz! Always knew there had to be at least someone who has gone through the same shit :-)!
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no worries man, I know its really hard but don't let it get to you. You'll find it'll become easier and easier. Take a break from a life and go and do something you've always wanted to do and keep your mind occupied :) +1!