Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Nellion on November 13, 2012, 04:21 pm
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So, as I'm sitting here, dope sick, trying to keep my mind focused enough to keep up with my schoolwork (college), my mind wandered to how I got myself into this mess, and I had an epiphany- it started WAY earlier than I had thought.
From the time I was a baby up until about 10-11, I got the most horrible double-ear infections one could ponder. At one point in time- my lymph nodes started to swell up from all the infection in my ears and had to be drained with a needle and vacuum hose (terrifying for a toddler).
I received ample amounts of those plastic tube-thingies, but they would fall out within a week or two and I would be back to square-one. Finally, at around age 10 or 11, I had my tonsils and abnoids removed and have only been sick a couple of times in the many years succeeding that.
However, when I was getting the ear infections in my younger years, it was in a time when painkillers weren't so taboo as ppl still had their addictions in the closet at the time. So, at first I started receiving codamol, a codeine laden cough syrup to ease my pain with the ear infections.
After getting so many ear infections and drinking so much codamol, the codamol starting working with less efficacy, so they started prescribing what is known today as a weak version of histussin HC.
Now, these days, hydrocodone won't even get my dick wet, and codeine even more so. But, when I was a child, looking back on it, I loved that warm fuzzy feeling that elixir gave me, and remember doing things such as organizing my ballcards and video games while sick but high on the stuff.
Well, it wasn't but about 7-8 years after having my tonsils/adnoids removed, and not getting any of the good stuff, that I revisited the opiates. It didn't click at the moment, but that warmness felt like something I had known before and I was stuck in the web ever since.
Looking back on it, I believe I was addicted from birth, basically, but didn't know enough yet to make the connection that if I drank that stuff I would alter my mood. But, growing up to be an inquiring delinquent changed all that :). Once I made the association, I was done for.
And it's funny, because when I have my fix these days, I still to the menial, albeit productive things, with more excitement and interest. I have my motivation and am happy to be performing trivial pursuits. Just like organizing my ballcards in adolescence, these days I clean/organize things in the house, can do schoolwork with much more interest, and even perform like a champ at my job.
With that said, other opiophiles- were you hit from a young age? And, what is the worst part of withdrawal for you? For me it's not the physical symptoms- it's the mental ones. Without my dope I have no motivation, drive, or desire to go about my menial activities that will one day lead to success (college homework).
I know, in a sense, it could be considered ungrateful of life and breathing, but that's something I have a hard time overcoming when trapped inside of my own nuerochemistry...
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This happened to my cousin. Get on suboxone and stay clear from the junk. Just do it. The withdrawals wont kill you... but if youre worried then go to the doctor