Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Snoopish on February 08, 2013, 03:21 am
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Yo,
So I'm bored and hoping for a new pointless thread and this is the best idea I came up with. In this thread you post a question/concern/issue that is either real or fake and everyone else chimes in with the worst/inappropriate/nonsensical advice possible. For added hilarity, question-askers should come back and reply under the assumption that they followed the advice given and ask follow-up questions to the newly-developed scenario.
All those who post real questions/concerns or people who come in expecting helpful/accurate/informative answers should be shamed and then given even worse advice than normal.
I'll start off (and everyone feel free to answer/ask multiple questions at a time because why the fuck not?)
My cat and dog don't get along. One watches TV constantly and likes doing cocaine. The other likes to watch cocaine and do TV. What do I do?
Also, I'm heavily addicted to benzos and currently have a quarter gram of pure benzo powder and 5g of methamphetamine. What should I do?
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So I have a girlfriend I am marrying tomorrow and we are planning on dropping a shit load of MDMA / MDA / Shrooms with some GHB, Moxy or Xanax to throw in as needed this weekend. Now my other girlfriend lives out of town and wants me to come visit her next week and do a shit load of drugs with her as well. After that I have this other girl I play with on the side and I'm going to see her a few days after the second girl to drop some Molly for the first time.
Mostly I am interested in harm reduction so:
How do I tell my wife on our wedding night that I need to save enough drugs to get my other two girlfriends really fucked up too?
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My cat and dog don't get along. One watches TV constantly and likes doing cocaine. The other likes to watch cocaine and do TV. What do I do?
Also, I'm heavily addicted to benzos and currently have a quarter gram of pure benzo powder and 5g of methamphetamine. What should I do?
Buy a light projector and have them do "sand art" together. What do you do when you run out of seating for their shows?
Paint yourself silver and sit on a street corner when you are doing benz, get out your bible and soap box when its time for the meth. That way you will can always have a cash flow for more while retaining the natural element of both highs. How do you stay hydrated?
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So I have a girlfriend I am marrying tomorrow and we are planning on dropping a shit load of MDMA / MDA / Shrooms with some GHB, Moxy or Xanax to throw in as needed this weekend. Now my other girlfriend lives out of town and wants me to come visit her next week and do a shit load of drugs with her as well. After that I have this other girl I play with on the side and I'm going to see her a few days after the second girl to drop some Molly for the first time.
Mostly I am interested in harm reduction so:
How do I tell my wife on our wedding night that I need to save enough drugs to get my other two girlfriends really fucked up too?
Ask for drugz for your wedding presents instead of toasters. Parents and relatives are more understanding these days, and know the times have changed. Then tell your 1st lady you are only getting with the other ones for the money and more drugz after more weddings. Happy ever after that.
As for harm reduction, you have to do a combo of those drugz everyday so your body can get used to it. That way you can kick back gramz at a time when it comes to the honeymoons.
What do you do when you discover you are in to dudes?
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I switched my roommates contact solution with LSD. After he discovered new equations in quantum physics that will help us get to alpha centauri in a few days. Now he won't give me credit. What do I do?
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I switched my roommates contact solution with LSD. After he discovered new equations in quantum physics that will help us get to alpha centauri in a few days. Now he won't give me credit. What do I do?
Replace his daily vitamins with high doses of MDMA on his days off. Make him fall in love with you. If you are not a female or gay make sure, this is very important, make sure that you get to be the big spoon in bed. Move to New York and get married. Claim the invention as community property during the divorce.
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I bought a light projector but it got hot and now my table is on fire and all the people who came to watch are running around screaming. What do I do now?
I'm now silver and babbling incoherently and drinking from a huge jug labeled 'Holy Water'. Each sip burns but it's all I got on hand. There are a bunch of people looking at me so I must be making converts. I think I blacked out but not sure how long. There's a fat line of meth that looks like it's just been cut. What do I do now?
DS--How much Xanax do you have? If you have enough to go around, don't explain anything to your wife and just hit her with about 20mg of xanax and have her wash it down with the wedding champagne: she'll be relaxed and won't mind you being gone for a bit. If you don't have that much xanax replace xanax with GHB and have her drink twice as much champagne.
BoS--I got nothing. DS gave you the best advice possible here. Definitely start dosing him with MDMA but also add an equal amount of MDA to his other vitamins and some Methylone to a third. That was he loves you faster.
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I have just walked in to a police station with 25 grams of MDMA in my pocket, and a syringe filled with my home made heroin/steroid mix in my arm.
I have told them I have a bomb in my bag, and if they do not give me the contents of the evidence cupboard so I can sell it on SR I will blow everything/everyone up.
They have told me I was drunk and to go home, what do I do?
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Slick,
These guys ain't taking youse seriously! What's ya got to do is pump that cocktail into your veins and whip your bomb out and set it to blow by the evidence cupboard! If any cops get too close be sure to grab their gun so they know you still have non-drunk levels of coordination.
Also, shove MDMA into anybody's mouth who is wearing handcuffs--boom--instant legion of followers!
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(Ha. Sorry it took a sec for me to catch on)
I bought a light projector but it got hot and now my table is on fire and all the people who came to watch are running around screaming. What do I do now?
I'm now silver and babbling incoherently and drinking from a huge jug labeled 'Holy Water'. Each sip burns but it's all I got on hand. There are a bunch of people looking at me so I must be making converts. I think I blacked out but not sure how long. There's a fat line of meth that looks like it's just been cut. What do I do now?
The audience won't freak out that bad because they are told this is the "audience participation" part. When the fire starts, lock all the doors, and cat dog will go to a closed off room back stage and live stream everyone burning. This is another way your lovable animals can bond.
You have obviously done a good job at getting more followers. Announce that normally such a fat line is reserved for divine spirits such as yourself, but the powers that be have asked you to share. However, if they are to receive your gift again, they must bring you more to share. They will be so overwhelmed with your generosity, they will be able to have a constant traffic of drugs to your nose. This only works if you constantly paint yourself silver. It's the only way people can take you seriously.
I switched my roommates contact solution with LSD. After he discovered new equations in quantum physics that will help us get to alpha centauri in a few days. Now he won't give me credit. What do I do?
Replace his daily vitamins with high doses of MDMA on his days off. Make him fall in love with you. If you are not a female or gay make sure, this is very important, make sure that you get to be the big spoon in bed. Move to New York and get married. Claim the invention as community property during the divorce.
After slowly dosing him and myself (so I could get in the mood) over the course of a few weeks, I grew to love him. After many nights of demanding to be the big spoon, I grew empty when it wasn't there. At that point it wasn't hard to propose marriage. We then used the formula to have our wedding near Alpha Centari. At our wedding everyone was doing the Harlem Shake. We didn't know, but this is how the local inhabitants propose to each other. Now they want to take me away from my new found beloved. What do I do?
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All right, gave my girlfriend a bunch of Xanax this morning like you all suggested but now she's just curled up naked on the kitchen floor. I tried pouring some campaign on her since someone mentioned that too but her mom keeps yelling at me and telling me I'm no good for her daughter and the wedding is off. The whole wedding party started to freak out because I laced the coffee with LSD and let them watch The Exorcist while I sorted things out with my girl. Long story short, I have 23 hostages now and a comatose girl friend whom I can't wait to marry. The SWAT team will not let the officiant enter the property and so I need to find one of those web sites where someone can become ordained online to get be and my girl all married up. The teargas is really starting to sting and some of the guests are talking about wanting to leave early even though the ceremony isn't supposed to start for another hour.
I know this probably is all just a bad case of the pre-wedding jitters. I took a little PCP to help take the edge off but so far I haven't been able to smoke enough to make the cops leave.
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I think it's working! Everyone seems really excited and a few tired themselves and are laying where the explosion occurred. The rest are shaking with anticipation! I'm having such a good time that I'm laughing my ass off! It's getting rather hot though and the sirens outside keep fucking with the mood I'm trying to set.
Also, my cat found the coke and is laying in it while my dog barks wildly at the flames. So it's a success, I think, but I can't get them to run the live-stream and some of the people are screaming about something. I don't know---"He shut the FUCK up I can't hear myself think!" sorry about that. They have no manners--shouting like a bunch of heathens. So what do I do now? And speaking of heathens...
My followers are now bringing me drugs and silver paint to continue my charade. I'm extremely thirsty and they keep bringing me drinks but I can't taste what they bring after the holy water. Anyways, there are these people dressed in uniforms gathering and they look displeased. My followers are keeping them back but I feel they want to stop my religious speeches. What do I do with these blasphemous dogs?
(Also, + 1 to you for actually making me laugh out loud at my computer)
@BoS: This alien culture is strange and the perfect opportunity to reach a new level of commitment and understanding with your lover. Explain to the aliens, and your lover if need be, that you want to embrace one of the aliens into your marriage and make the world's most beautiful love triangle. If the aliens aren't interested in polygamy then dose them with MDMA until they see things your way. Then you can go on a lovely vacation to...whatever is out there! Luck you!
@DS: You want to marry this chick? Her family is such a drag! Well anyways, grab your best man and sit him in front of a computer and have him do the online-minister thing. The people complaining about the tear gas will probably give up and collapse into a corner shortly--ignore them unless they try to get out. It would be rude if they left before the vows!
I'd suggest getting more ambitious with your PCP usage--don't be afraid to start IV'ing that shit and let the guests know how serious you are to marry this girl. Also, the cops may misunderstand your cultural beliefs in terms of marriage ceremonies. Let them know that everything is okay by stuffing napkins in any high-proof, flammable, liquor bottles and lighting the napkins like candles before throwing them out at the cops. That way they will know you are celebrating and happy: hence the fire.
You love this woman so don't let those jitters second-guess your intentions now!
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I think it's working! Everyone seems really excited and a few tired themselves and are laying where the explosion occurred. The rest are shaking with anticipation! I'm having such a good time that I'm laughing my ass off! It's getting rather hot though and the sirens outside keep fucking with the mood I'm trying to set.
Also, my cat found the coke and is laying in it while my dog barks wildly at the flames. So it's a success, I think, but I can't get them to run the live-stream and some of the people are screaming about something. I don't know---"He shut the FUCK up I can't hear myself think!" sorry about that. They have no manners--shouting like a bunch of heathens. So what do I do now?
The people are yelling because they are not being live streamed yet. Asking cat and dog to over head this project might have been a little much to ask. It takes time to make a good team. Even still, I am sure they learned more team building skills than they had before. Next time stick them in a room with plenty of animal inspirational posters, like a cat hanging off a wire that says, "hang in there", or a picture of a dog that tore into a bag of dog food underlined by the word, determination. In the mean time, since the cat is fully coated with substances, have it run wild in the main room, and shake it self off, spreading it in the air. This will further the enthusiasm of the crowd. You know how people get before a concert. They just want to be entertained. Get the live streaming up asap or you might have a situation on your hands.
My followers are now bringing me drugs and silver paint to continue my charade. I'm extremely thirsty and they keep bringing me drinks but I can't taste what they bring after the holy water. Anyways, there are these people dressed in uniforms gathering and they look displeased. My followers are keeping them back but I feel they want to stop my religious speeches. What do I do with these blasphemous dogs?
Another religious sect is a difficult situation indeed. Some organizations have been established so long, they don't like new comers, even if the new one has a better way of life. In order to get past their bias, offer to spray paint them copper and gold colors (mixed with opiates). Remember you are the only one allowed to be silver, because you are the creator, but allowing them to participate in your divine rituals, will make them feel like they weren't sold short.
@BoS: This alien culture is strange and the perfect opportunity to reach a new level of commitment and understanding with your lover. Explain to the aliens, and your lover if need be, that you want to embrace one of the aliens into your marriage and make the world's most beautiful love triangle. If the aliens aren't interested in polygamy then dose them with MDMA until they see things your way. Then you can go on a lovely vacation to...whatever is out there! Luck you!
We tried explaining but they took us by force anyway. We were scared at first, but we had enough molly to relax ourselves in our new concubine lifestyle. However, with us being soaked in drugs, the aliens grew softer each time as the absorbed what was in us. Eventually we grew to be equals. Life was happy for a while, until after so much rape, everyone became preggoz. The offspring has developed into a rebellious youth that hates their parents. They won't come back before curfew, have ran up a pretty big credit card bill, and have started enslaving the surrounding colonies. I am pretty sure earth is next. I really need some advice.
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How do I tell my wife on our wedding night that I need to save enough drugs to get my other two girlfriends really fucked up too?
Obviously, you should arrange to get all three ladies in the same room together, have them all plug molly without realizing they are all your significant other, then tell them all you were playing them all along, and that you're really sorry about it, just after the molly slams into their brains.
Before you know it, you'll have all four of you in the bed together, then once the molly wears off, a huge entertaining catfight.
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The people are yelling because they are not being live streamed yet. Asking cat and dog to over head this project might have been a little much to ask. It takes time to make a good team. Even still, I am sure they learned more team building skills than they had before. Next time stick them in a room with plenty of animal inspirational posters, like a cat hanging off a wire that says, "hang in there", or a picture of a dog that tore into a bag of dog food underlined by the word, determination. In the mean time, since the cat is fully coated with substances, have it run wild in the main room, and shake it self off, spreading it in the air. This will further the enthusiasm of the crowd. You know how people get before a concert. They just want to be entertained. Get the live streaming up asap or you might have a situation on your hands.
Another religious sect is a difficult situation indeed. Some organizations have been established so long, they don't like new comers, even if the new one has a better way of life. In order to get past their bias, offer to spray paint them copper and gold colors (mixed with opiates). Remember you are the only one allowed to be silver, because you are the creator, but allowing them to participate in your divine rituals, will make them feel like they weren't sold short.
We tried explaining but they took us by force anyway. We were scared at first, but we had enough molly to relax ourselves in our new concubine lifestyle. However, with us being soaked in drugs, the aliens grew softer each time as the absorbed what was in us. Eventually we grew to be equals. Life was happy for a while, until after so much rape, everyone became preggoz. The offspring has developed into a rebellious youth that hates their parents. They won't come back before curfew, have ran up a pretty big credit card bill, and have started enslaving the surrounding colonies. I am pretty sure earth is next. I really need some advice.
1) Well the live stream is now up and everyone seems to be chilling out after setting the cat running through the room. The smoke is pretty thick but I think they all got some of the coke with the smoke they were inhaling. The live stream is hard to see because of the smoke so I opened a window but now the sirens are even louder. Also, water is pouring through the open window! What do I do? (Also, any advice on getting rid of a nagging cough? It just started out of the blue). Oh, and I found a couple posters but didn't know what shipping option to choose: overnight or standard?
2) They resisted my holy blessing of paint and opiates at first but they are now laying blissfully on the ground. Oh here are some people with guns. Perhaps they also want to join my sect? What should I do with these guys? They look angry. Probably confused about their place in the world.
New one: I want to get some ice cream. What flavor should I get?
BoS: This sounds like a solid time to let the kids learn about the politics of the galaxy. Use your relationship with the aliens to gather a fleet to go enslave earth first and equip the planet with anti-spaceship defenses and gun down some of your children. It's a tough lesson but one they'll remember for the rest of their lives. The rest of them will probably take something from this lesson too: sometimes you got to pretend to be nice to get what you want.
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Oh here are some people with guns. Perhaps they also want to join my sect? What should I do with these guys? They look angry. Probably confused about their place in the world.
New one: I want to get some ice cream. What flavor should I get?
Take a lesson from history and plunk some daisies in those gun barrels! But it's more delightful as a surprise, so approach menacingly with flowers behind your back, ready to whip out your most charming smile and chosen flora of friendliness.
The best ice cream is stolen ice cream, and audacity is the richest topping. What could be better than a naked assault on an ice cream vendor on this sun-shiny day? Feel free to chemically enhance the experience if the joy of the endeavour does not provide a boner to be proud of. When it comes to potential witnesses, remember the more, the merrier. Take that, Improv Everywhere.
We've all, I'm sure, dreamt of waking to the experience of having sex with a fully made-up clown. How can I make this fantasy happen? Suggestions for improvement?
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1) Well the live stream is now up and everyone seems to be chilling out after setting the cat running through the room. The smoke is pretty thick but I think they all got some of the coke with the smoke they were inhaling. The live stream is hard to see because of the smoke so I opened a window but now the sirens are even louder. Also, water is pouring through the open window! What do I do? (Also, any advice on getting rid of a nagging cough? It just started out of the blue). Oh, and I found a couple posters but didn't know what shipping option to choose: overnight or standard?
As long as the live stream as been done, then you can end the show. All people want is some portion of a video they were in, they can brag about to their friends later. There really wasn't a plan to end the performance so the water is just fine. I am sure the audience is a bit dusty, so in an act of good faith for participating, offer to take their cloths and go to the cleaners for them.
Take the cloths and open a thrift shop dog and cat can run. Promote it by making a big deal how exotic the cloths smell, when really the big secret is the smoking fumes of coke. Hopefully the idea takes off, but the real point would be to use the business to launder money. This would give cat and dog ample time to sit in the back room watching coke and doing TV, all while brainstorming ideas for new art projects.
As for the bad cough, you are obviously allergic to dog & cat. Shave them.
The easiest method for the posters is just to mass scale tattoo the image on everyone, and hope that the person you were wanting to see the message will. Screw the mail. It never comes when you want it to. :-\
BoS: This sounds like a solid time to let the kids learn about the politics of the galaxy. Use your relationship with the aliens to gather a fleet to go enslave earth first and equip the planet with anti-spaceship defenses and gun down some of your children. It's a tough lesson but one they'll remember for the rest of their lives. The rest of them will probably take something from this lesson too: sometimes you got to pretend to be nice to get what you want.
Your advice worked great! After canceling the credit card we took action. Enslaving earth was the easy part, but it took some convincing the invading fleet we weren't going to be an easy target. Negotiations opened and we got to the point we were able to show them what earth has to offer. After a few months of drugz, hooker parties, and chicken & waffles, they tired themselves out. Turns out they were just a little angsty. Those damn kids. However, all the parties have spread a new disease people have been calling "the pickle". I'm not sure what it is, but it doesn't sound very fun. I need help with a solid plan. Any thoughts?
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We've all, I'm sure, dreamt of waking to the experience of having sex with a fully made-up clown. How can I make this fantasy happen? Suggestions for improvement?
Clowns are good poker players because they are notoriously "hard to read". The recoil of this is people have an irrational fear of clowns.
Instead of asking around for someone to do some clowning, as people tend to get violent, the easiest way is to get a real doll. The new problem becomes painting up your new toy. It may be as realistic as it gets but grease painting one of these guys just doesn't hold the same effect. (believe me, I've tried) Your solution to this is to skin someone (hopefully of clown origin) and apply it to the doll. That way you have a natural canvas to for the clown of your desires.
When you get around to putting on your face, take a hand full each of acid and viagra, and make sure you mix some benzos with the baby powder. When you wake up not knowing where you are, and find you are pleasantly inside a smexy clown, you will know where to go from there.