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Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: Winky Doodle on May 01, 2013, 02:30 pm

Title: MDMA Re-Dosing (I Need Help)
Post by: Winky Doodle on May 01, 2013, 02:30 pm
Hey guys so lately I was introduced to MDMA. I took a couple 100MG's yesterday and throughout the night, about 3 total. I woke up today around the afternoon and my high felt pretty much gone. I was scared to go back to how I was, or at least embarrassed, because when I was rolling I was really sociable, funny, outgoing, and relaxed. But then I come off it and I'm back to normal, and always sort of anxious and depressed.


I know I've heard a lot of bad things about taking MDMA often, but is there any other drug witht he same effects as MDMA but without all the bad side effects from taking it to much?

On top of that any other tips would be appreciated to. Thanks :P
Title: Re: MDMA Re-Dosing (I Need Help)
Post by: shuvool on May 01, 2013, 02:47 pm
If you were up all day and all night rolling, taking one now won't do much for you, your receptors are pretty much shot for a little while. drink a good amount of water (you should always drink plenty of water, but while you're rolling you sweat a lot) and get plenty of rest and relaxation.  Do your normal thing.  Wait a few days before you dose again.
Title: Re: MDMA Re-Dosing (I Need Help)
Post by: Grelder on May 01, 2013, 03:08 pm
Hi!

Unfortunately, there is no other drug with the same effects as MDMA with no unpleasant side effects on the short or long term use. About MDMA itself, be aware that the tolerance builds insanely fast and the comedowns are more and more difficult. Personally, I had to fight a fucking hard and long depression due to MDMA abuse for a year (half a gram every two weeks or so). If you plan to use it on a regular basis, please keep in mind to never take it more than once a month and never more than 150mg each time.

Concerning your depression and anxiety feelings, you should talk to someone who can help you much more than MDMA or any other drug. A psychotherapy supported with some light anti-depressant could be the solution for your problems. I hope these thoughts will help you to feel better and take the right decision.
Title: Re: MDMA Re-Dosing (I Need Help)
Post by: Winky Doodle on May 02, 2013, 06:39 am
What about XanaX? I heard that it has the same effects as alcohol, which also puts me in the state of mind where I can just talk or hang out without worrying about anything except having fun, relaxing, and real problems.


It's really weird, I actually become a lot more smart when I am on drugs, because when I'm sober my mind is like blank, my receptors are blocked or something from to much thinking or something, I don't really know what it is. But when I take some drugs I feel like I can just talk, open up, be funny again, and actually be fun to be around.


What do you think this could be?


When I was 15 I started smoking weed A LOT. Like when I mean a lot, I smoked a shit load, because that's all I did after sports seasons were over. I played pretty much every sport. I always use to think we were probably the people who smoked the most weed in the country, or at least in my state. I was smoking like 10+ bowls a day on average usually between 2-3 people. Sometimes more than that. Eventually I got caught with a pipe or something and I got suspended, and I was in huge trouble because of the living situation I was in when I got caught. More trouble than I would of been say a month from then, or the year before. So I was grounded for like a month to only my room. I barely even saw my friends at school because my "step-dad" I guess I would call him, but he wasn't really my step-dad at the time (really weird situation) worked at the school and I had to meet him at the door right when the bell rang and he took me home. I decided to go over to my mom's while I was suspended because there was no reason to stay there (you can't drive, you can only fly or take an airplane, because it was land locked). This whole time I was still smoking weed, a lot. I got back after suspension and I still had like a month of complete isolation, couldn't even sit with my friends at lunch because he was the lunch person who took payments too.

Also, I was living with my ex step-dad because I chose to go back to the place me and my mom had moved from for the year until her contract was up for her job and she could move back. She's a really good teacher so it's pretty easy for her to get a job. I guess I asked about it so much it eventually came up between my mom and him, and he said he wanted a chance to redeem himself for all the years he didn't do anything for me.


So after awhile I just couldn't take it anymore. I lived in this really big two story house, it was split into three apartments, two ones on the bottom and one huge on the top, where I lived. It wasn't really that wide, but it was spacy and really long, it was a legit house. On one side was his bedroom, and on the other side was my room, then directly outside of my room was the living room, and a glass door to a deck, that looked over a harbour, and was a really good view, and you had a view of the whole one side of town, and it was probably a little less than half a mile from the actual town, because I could easily walk to school from there and for morning practices, because the school was aways up from the town (probably a 5 min walk to one of the two main stores using some metal stairs that led down a hill, flattening out to a deck for an apartment complex on the last set, and then a road to the right that led down an alley with more houses. looking over it. It was a pretty small place (Not an exact number but like 3000 people), so it was always chill and never to much traffic or anything. Sorry I had to explain it perfectly, that town brings back so many memories.

Anyway, I couldn't take it anymore. So I was scoping out a way to sneak out off the deck, that was probably three stories high, because the house was on some huge pillars that half went into the water and half went into land. Then one night me and my friend planned it, I was going to sneak out and he was gonna wait for me in a parking lot somewhere like 50 yards from my house, and we were going to go to a dealers house and smoke a shit load of weed and just chill with a couple of his friends. Oh yeah, I got my phone taken away to so I was using my ex step-dads flip phone when he went to sleep, he isn't tech savy, and just leaves it on the counter when he goes to sleep. I went off memory for the number and texted him to tell him my step-dad went to sleep, we decided on 10:30PM but if he went to bed earlier I would text him if I could get to my step-dads phone.


So anyway I got out onto my deck. I put one foot over the wooden railing about as high as my sternum( I was like 5 11" 145 LBS), onto the other side, and then slid the other half of my body over. What I didn't know was that the roof was slippery from some hidden moss or something. I got like three pegs over, I was using my grip on the these 3 or 4in wooden blocks  to chimmey myself across to a place I could slide down a pole onto the lower deck. By the time I got three blocks over I could tell this wasn't how I planned it, I didn't panic or anything and didn't try to go back because the fall would of been even longer if anything happened. I made sure my grip was firm on the last block and reach my left hand out for the next one to chimney across. That's when it happened, my right foot had to much pressure on it for the angle, and the slippery moss or whatever it was (it was like the texture of when you take a little piece of clay and take your thumbs and slide it, except it was slippery mildew or moss like that) did the rest of the work. I hit on my side, right then all I could think of was hoping it was a dream, I flipped around really fast, all while I was sliding down the roof. I got over the edge and I fell and hit the ground where there was rocks and grass, I had one foot out and the other one was behind it, so instead of landing evenly one foot took ALL the impact of the fall. I hit the ground and it was like whip lash, I'm thankful that there was grass where my head bounced off or else I might be dead. I laid there for like 15 second then I was like I got to get up, I got up and couldn't walk on my right foot, and all I could think of was "There goes my basketball season" because we were like 3-4 weeks into it, and I was the star player for JV and 6th man on varsity, and I was told I was the fastest point guard in the state and one of the best players, as a freshman.

So I limped over to an incline piled with boulders that I had to get up to get onto the sidewalk, somehow I managed to get up it, and I limped over to my friends car. I got in and he asked why there was blood all over my face, then I told him what just happened, and he was like "that was you?" because I  made his car shake when I hit the ground, and he was like 50 yards away. So we went to one of our dealers house and despite everything I still had a really good time, we smoked some huge joints, a few bowls, and then we ended up smoking his whole entire resin stash in a joint. That was probably one of the times where I was the highest I had ever been. When we left, we just chilled in his little truck for like 15 minutes because we both didn't want him to drive that's how high we were, and we also didn't want a cop to see us either, because we were gonna be driving really slow. When we finally took off he was driving slow but good, and my house was like half a mile away. We got to my house and he dropped me off right in front, and I was like "This might be the story of the broken foot" when I got out of the car, and he laughed a bit then said something else and took off.



This is where it all goes bad...

So ever since I was little I was always really active, I always was on the go. But I could also just chill out and play video games for a couple days or be on the computer, but I never was actually grounded before because I was the last kid my mom had, so she said she took it easier on me than my brother or sister. It was my step-dad that grounded me though because I was living under his roof so he decided what would happen. The next day came around, and I had to make up a lie because I didn't want to make everything worse on top of me getting already getting caught with a pipe. I told him I went to go to the bathroom and I tripped and got my foot caught in between the glass slider to my sliding glass door of my bedroom, and the little night stand I had next to it. So I went to the hospital and a doctor looked at it, got it X-rayed, and said I had a part where the muscle had pulled off pieces of my bone. I'm lucky my legs were so strong from cross country (took 17th place at state as a freshman) wrestling, basketball, and all the other sports and activities I played over the years (baseball, soccer, etc) or else my leg would of probably shattered.


When Monday came around, it was a huge thing. Since it's a small town everyone knows everyone, and word got around pretty fast. On Sunday when I was laying in bed with a temporary cast on and hurt like hell (they only gave me Tylenol 3),  I remember I was trying to get my step dads phone to message my friend to not say anything about the fall to anybody, because I didn't want it to get around that I was sneaking out, because I know a bunch of people would use it against me and try to do anything to hurt me. By the time 1st period was over the secret was already out, my friend hadn't showed up before 1st period started, and we had different classes 1st period, and I just got to briefly talk to him and tell him what I had to say to him from Sunday. The next class we had together was 3rd period Geometry. We talked more about everything there, then it was lunch. I couldn't sit with my friends at lunch or even talk to them, so like everyone in the school was coming up to ask me what happened, and it was sucked telling them how I hurt it because it was so stupid, and I knew like half the people already knew how it really happened, but I only had a few hours to think of a way I could of hurt it, and it was during night so that was like the only excuse I could use without getting in more trouble.



So I went through the rest of the day, and did the same thing, got picked up at the door at the end of school to get took home and went into my room. So a few more weeks go buy and my ankle isn't getting any better, I want to be able to walk around and just do everything regular again. I went to the doctor after two weeks for a check-up and I just told him it was fine, and that I could walk on it, because I thought it would heal by itself like everything always has. I got a boot for it that I wore, but after 2 weeks of hurting it I was walking on it again. I would get really excited about something, and then I would remember my ankle and the pain, and I just got extremely depressed every single time it happened, because I was always thinking of it because the amount of pain, so I was always feeling that way.


I was still smoking a lot of weed, but now in isolation because I was grounded, and I literally had zero contact with my friends, most of them were in a higher grade then me, so the only time I saw them was in between classes which is like 2 minutes, which sucked more than it helped. Oh yeah, I also kept me being grounded a secret because I didn't want anybody to know, and eventually everybody was asking me why I wasn't doing anything anymore and to come hang out after school or to stay the night and I always just said I might or made up an excuse.


So regionals for basketball came around and since it was in the city my mom lived at I was able to go. That was the last time I had fun. I was finally becoming more out-going with strangers, girls, and people I didn't know. I was had tons and tons of friends, even the people I was shy around really liked me because I was also really nice, funny, smart, pretty random, and you could talk to me about whatever, I basically knew how to handle every situation I was in when I was comfortable, and I even made people laugh when I was shy even though I wasn't even meaning to. The tournament was over like a week and since I had lived there before I had a lot of friends, it was a town of around 30,000 people so a lot of people knew me there too. And I introduced some of my friends that went to watch regionals to some of them and we partied a bunch and had a pretty fun time. Even though I would of rather been playing and partying after, it was really fun.


So that was the last time I truly had fun. I went back to where I was going to school after the tournament, and I was still smoking a lot of weed. At night time I usually rolled up a join when my step-dad went to sleep, went out onto the deck quietly and then smoked it and went in and either played Call of Duty live or browse grasscity or forums on my computer. It sucked even more talking to my friends if they were online on Xbox because I could never see them or when they asked me if I wanted to do something I would always have to make up an excuse or say I didn't want to, which was always hard because I never said no I was always down for anything. So that night I had smoked a J pretty high and was browsing my computer, and I came across this article about how to talk to girls or something because earlier in the year I decided it's time to stop acting like a pussy and just talk to them and make them laugh, and have a good time (this started a little bit before all this happened) . I don't know why I looked it up because I always had a good time and I actually had them laughing like the whole time I was hanging out with them, but then the next day I would see them and be shy again (it took me a long time to actually develop a relationship with one girl that I felt comfortable in (not them) and it took like 3 months. So I was still unconfident about it , and I thought there was a special way to talk to them. It was something on a wiki answers page and I read it and at the end where it showed "Tips it said "Try not to think of what you say when you are talking with them, everything comes out much more smoothly if you just don't worry about what you're going to talk about". I immediately knew that's what was happening when I was around girls and got that feeling. That was all I could think about. I was really hoping that I would go to sleep and wake up and since I was so high I would forget about it. But I woke up and it wasn't gone.


So that day I completely changed, all the relationships I built with all the girls in my school started to crumble and eventually after a few weeks it was just really awkward talking to me at all, just like it was before, except really really worse, like I wasn't even cool anymore, I was just weird. Eventually, my step dad continued to be an asshole to me and I decided I was going to move in with my friend the rest of the tear (his dad was my math teacher) and it was a debate for his parents because they are really religious and like forbid any kind of drugs or drinking, but they knew I was a good person and I had promised him I wouldn't smoke or drink or anything when I was there. They didn't know there son smoked or drank, so that's what we did a lot while I lived there, he was smoking weed and drinking before I even met him, but they still blamed it on me when we got caught, he piss tested us out of nowhere, and again sometime after so we got caught twice. The first time I was done until I left his house because I didn't want to start any trouble, but my friend bought a huge 8th and he wanted to keep smoking, so that's how we got caught the second time, because we never stopped smoking after that. So they blamed everything on me, but that didn't bother me, I always took the blame for most people or made it look like I was the one who was responsible because I know I could take it and it wouldn't bother me, and I expected people to do that for me too when they got caught or something happened. Of course a lot of people didn't because their pussies, and eventually my name was ruined around town when it got out. Everyone thought I "learned a lesson" when I got caught with the pipe and my name was still good, but some idiots just don't know how to keep their mouth shut.


Anyway, that didn't bother me because my mind was focused on not being able to get a girlfriend or even talk to girls anymore, and eventually I though well if it's with girls why can't it be with guys to. Then I started worrying even more, then eventually it started happening with my friends, and now my family, and now even my mom who I live with. It's been like this for two and a half years and I only just told my mom about what happened to my ankle about a month and a half ago, as well as what's going on and why I've stopped going out (This was this year, last year she had moved back to where I was living to teach there, I went through a whole year of this I don't know how I managed to make it through most of the year without anybody noticing, but eventually when there was 3-4 months left of school it was obvious, and I even left school and went to where we go for the summer early because I stopped going to school most of the time and my mom found me passed out drunk in my room, and then found some small stuff in my backpack and she thought I needed rehab, but it was because of the amount of anxiety and shame I felt when I went to school. I didn't need rehab either, I'm not addicted to anything and I can stop smoking, drinking, or drugs if I need to. I actually stopped smoking when I figured out it was making it worse.


I don't know where I was going with but that's basically everything I've done over the past three years to get to where I am right now, here. Oh yeah, I was going to say something about if smoking all the weed combined with the fall, pain and everything else kind of triggered it all so I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm not sure, but I just kept typing and couldn't stop. I really hope I can go back to normal but it's been so long I just feel lost now, everything I have and built up is gone, because not only did I lose all my relationships with people, but my ankle still hurts bad, and my arch has dropped in it, so I guess I will never be as good as I was at sports again, and I will probably never be able to play them again. I was planning to play college basketball because I know I was good enough to. I'm just really lost and now that all the dreams I had as a kid are crushed and all the experiences I was waiting to do or pretty much impossible right now, all I really have to turn to is drugs. It's the only thing that can actually make me feel alright, at least for a few hours. Like when I was on this MDMA I was trying to do as much as I could socially when I was rolling, like messaging friends on Skype, making threads on the forums I am on, going to the store, and talking to my family about stuff over the phone (Was on Vicodin when I did this), and that's the only thing I try to accomplish when I was on drugs, I don't even enjoy the nature of the drugs anymore.


I was kind of hoping that the MDMA would unblock my receptors and get the chemical or whatever it is in my brain flowing again because I thought that may be it, but now I don't know because I feel the same as I did before taking the MDMA. I have actually had zero of the after-affects that a lot of people says they have with MDMA, maybe because that's how I regularly feel so the MDMA made me feel the opposite, or maybe it was all blocked so I couldn't even feel the after-affects if I wanted to, or maybe it's something else. I feel the same though as I did before I took the MDMA though, except a little bit more relaxed, it's probably still traces of the MDMA because I took about 600MG in the course of two days trying to stay high because of the shame and embarrassment I get because I can't discuss anything without it being weird and because I can't do anything and enjoy it when I'm sober anymore.
Title: Re: MDMA Re-Dosing (I Need Help)
Post by: The Bubble Dreamer on May 02, 2013, 09:09 am
Hi Winky Doodle,

That's quite a story...

I do think that MDMA could help you, but you really have to be careful. It is very easy to abuse and if you do that, it will definitely be counterproductive.

My advice: don't use MDMA more often than once a month, and don't take too much, as a rule of thumb 1.5 to 2.0 mg per kg of body weight, and don't take it all at once, start with a third or half of that dose. Have a good time. Look for a nice place with nice people, go dancing, listen to music, whatever makes you feel good. The MDMA induced euphoria only lasts as long as you are rolling, but in my experience you can use that feeling and some introspection during and after your roll very therapeutically. For me it certainly put life into a new perspective.

Good luck!

The Bubble Dreamer