Silk Road forums

Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:02 pm

Title: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:02 pm
    
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:02 pm
    
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:03 pm
    
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:04 pm
    
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:06 pm
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:06 pm
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:07 pm
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:08 pm
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:09 pm
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:09 pm
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:11 pm
    
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:12 pm
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:13 pm
    
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:14 pm
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:15 pm
    
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:16 pm
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:17 pm
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:17 pm
    
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: Litescape on March 14, 2013, 11:20 pm
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
I don't find this too funny... :p
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:21 pm
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:22 pm
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
I don't find this too funny... :p

C-C-C-Combo Breaker! :)
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:23 pm
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:24 pm
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:25 pm
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:25 pm
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:26 pm
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:27 pm
    
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:27 pm
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:28 pm
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:29 pm
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:30 pm
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:31 pm
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:33 pm
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:35 pm
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:36 pm
    
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:37 pm
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:38 pm
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:39 pm
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:40 pm
    
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:42 pm
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:42 pm
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:43 pm
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: summersgone on March 14, 2013, 11:44 pm
Ok, not quite 50, but you get the idea...
Title: Re: 50 jokes for your reading pleasure.
Post by: Slimfatso on March 15, 2013, 12:46 am
Some very funny jokes. Thank you Summersgone.  :)