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Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: Delta Fact on May 04, 2013, 09:20 am

Title: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 04, 2013, 09:20 am
Important back story: ME - white guy.

The first chick I convinced to have sex with me was a black chick. I was about 18 and desperate to get some poontang. Thought of dying without tasting the fruits of a women filled my mind. College applications, who gives a fuck. I was in dire need of college pussy, not classes.

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: tastylures on May 04, 2013, 09:23 am
oh college. what fun times were had!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 04, 2013, 09:24 am
:: oh btw, this is going to be like an ongoing story. Gets me out of newbie prison better that way.

So I take her out one night and we watch a movie. Whatever, we get coffee, I just think about putting the cream in and how fucking appropriate that particular activity was at that time.

Drop her off, some apartment complex shit, so we make out in the hallway. Moms home, so we are around the corner. I kiss her, then the neck, low cut blouse, easy access. Start sucking those big ole' nipples. You get the picture. Young horny kid basically titty raping her. Lovely.

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 04, 2013, 09:27 am
Unfortunately, that night, nothing happens. Well, it really couldn't. But we both know what's up. She asks me one time

"So have you done it before"

Of course, being the jackass I was, I tell her

"Oh yeah, you know, I'm basically like a pro. But you know, I'm clean. I just got checked. Actually, I check myself every morning. I have this kit. So TOTALLY no STDs, I'm always checking. Because you know, I have SO MUCH SEX"

Oh to be a virgin.

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 04, 2013, 09:31 am
So this bitch just laughs. In retrospect, she surely thought I was an idiot. Irregardless, she's DTF. Tells me,

"So tomorrow morning, my Mom is going to be at work, and I don't have any school.  Why don't you come over, we can play"

So I'm like,

"Cool, sounds GREAT!"

Inside I'm like

"OH FUCK IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!!!"

That morning worked out well. I had traffic court, like, right after. So that means I GOTTA hit it and quit it. In my mind, this was better; less chance for awkward moments.

So I go over to her house, HELLA early in the am. And she's like, you know, kinda just waking up but obviously had done some makeup and shit. So she's looking good.

I don't remember EXACTLY what I was saying but I can assure you it was completely retarded. I was so fucking nervous. Since I played up this "I'm not a virgin" thing so hard, I had to act cool, though.

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 05, 2013, 10:07 pm
I had no idea my first time would be so painful...

She started doing her thing; her large black mouth engulfing my young white penis effortlessly. I proceeded to maul her vajayjay with my mouth do dismal effect.

After what, to me, seemed like an eternity of foreplay only to frustrate both parties involved; she assumed the position.

Enter: DoggyStyle.

I must remind you, if only to drill the point home, I was a novice. I had no idea, didn't know a pearl necklace from a rusty trombone. Noobie to the max, green gills, baby.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 05, 2013, 10:12 pm
That morning, in her shaded room, it was dark.

She was black.

I put it in her butt.

Not because I was some raging virgin watched-too-much-porn horndog. No, because I had no fucking clue what I was doing. Her big butt was arched in front of me, and I kinda started a little to high. Honest mistake, but I didn't know what was happening. I was under the impression after pushing against her minute butthole for a few minutes that sex was just WAY harder than masturbating.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: imghost9 on May 05, 2013, 10:17 pm
solid thread bro thread is solid
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 05, 2013, 10:20 pm
Quote
solid thread bro thread is solid
:: thank you thank you :)

She must have believed some of that crap I was saying about experienced because she tried to power through it like a good soldier for a few minutes.  Eventually though, without even a palm of spit, they all tap out.

She cries out, rushes to the bathroom. I'm kinda confused and not sure what happened. I look down and, well, my white shirt is covered in blood. I think "was she on her period". But those silly misconceptions are cleared up when I hear her cry out from the bathroom, "you asshole, you fucking made my butt bleed."

Oh to be young.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 05, 2013, 10:28 pm
Without hesistation, I check my gshock and see that our activities didn't last an eternity but they did make me just about late to court.

Shit.

So I kindly say my goodbyes, clean up my bloody junk with her sheets, and exit stage right.

Luckily, I had a button up shirt I was wearing over the undershirt. Unluckily, it didn't really button.

You see, my Mom was one of those "grow into it" moms. This also means she apparently had no regard for how clothes fit me only that they actually covered some part of my body. The fact that this shirt, like my only "nice" shirt, didn't fit didn't matter. It, like, went over my shoulders.

Man, I wish it would have buttoned up.

Especially when I had to wait in line at the courthouse, empty my pockets, and try to play off the fact that it looked like I killed a small animal with my pelvis.

But who would have guessed, cops didn't give a shit and probably didn't want to know.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 05, 2013, 10:37 pm
For some reason, we had a falling out after that.

I sense then have located the vagina, among other features of the female anatomy.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: White 0ut on May 05, 2013, 11:01 pm
+1 to OP.

This thread made me lmao! ;D

"For some reason, we had a falling out after that."

You ripped her asshole! Haha. You should have at least given her the pleasurable D afterwards!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 06, 2013, 07:33 am
Hahaha, happy you like it! She got left hanging and never got the goods.

To take it 2 steps further, and most unfortunately, I caught up with her a few years later... straight carpet muncher.

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: neuromancer on May 06, 2013, 07:45 am
First of all, thank you for writing this instead of spamming some post to get to 50. Awesome.

I think what's most great about the story is that she dealt with it for a little bit before bailing out, at the tender age of 18. What a trooper.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: lunarpursuit on May 06, 2013, 07:59 am
[x] Thread delivers
[  ] Thread does not deliver
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on May 07, 2013, 07:54 am
First of all, thank you for writing this instead of spamming some post to get to 50. Awesome.

I think what's most great about the story is that she dealt with it for a little bit before bailing out, at the tender age of 18. What a trooper.

Thanks!  I couldn't stand the thought of mindlessly spam attacking the newbie board and figured where else in the world could I post something like this!  Plus, there are so few quality threads in the newbie discussion board; maybe others will share their sexual exploits, haha

Yeah, she was quite the booty trooper. Like that one guy in Pulp Fiction... but you know... with a vagina... somewhere...

Quote from: neuromancerlunarpursuit
Haha, thanks! I flawlessly deliver packages and sometimes threads!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: FrancoPeterson on May 07, 2013, 08:41 am
lol awesome read and im gonna use this for my 50th post          OP u rock man!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: FlyingFuck on May 07, 2013, 10:09 am
So this is why I can't get chicks to let me fuck them up the ass?
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: MariaSabina on May 08, 2013, 01:02 am
Okay, that was hilarious, Delta Fact.  Also painful.

So I was trying to think of a wholesome story to go with this topic, and I do have a few, including the time I was dancing at a club, and I felt this really heavy cold thing on my back, and I turned around into the lips of a porn star, (no really, she was -- I was at a release party for a porn movie -- I later found a magazine with her on the cover) who thrust her giant cold fake boobs onto my chest and of course I made out with her!; but my stories actually have more to do with the relationship than the sex.  Is this because I am, unfortunately, female?  Is it really true that guys think of their pasts in terms of the sex and not of the relationships? 
   

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: luxuries on May 08, 2013, 01:16 am
I caught up with her a few years later... straight carpet muncher.
You turned her into a straight carpet muncher? You did baaaaaaad.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: tastylures on May 20, 2013, 09:59 am
So this is why I can't get chicks to let me fuck them up the ass?
What do you mean let them get fucked in the ass?? You just turn them over and stick it in there. BAM its done. Yeah they say it hurts, then you make them cum, and then you cuddle and tell them its alright.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: malpractice on May 20, 2013, 10:19 am
So this is why I can't get chicks to let me fuck them up the ass?
What do you mean let them get fucked in the ass?? You just turn them over and stick it in there. BAM its done. Yeah they say it hurts, then you make them cum, and then you cuddle and tell them its alright.

Awesome thread - thumbs up to Delta fact!

Tastylures - bang on, bang on

What can I say I am an ass-man - I mean tits are okay....but a nicely shaped bubblebutt......beats everything.

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Stridulate on May 20, 2013, 01:58 pm
hey man, awesome thread, had me laughing on a grey rainy day!   8)

I think this kind of thing is so much more usual than our mates would have us think (men or women equally?).  When I was 17 I was surrounded by guys at school who would be telling tales of their amazing sex lives, I knew it was probably partly or all bullshit but you join in and hope not to get too found out!!

So whilst my classmates were apparently bangin pornstars and whatever I was desperate to loose my virginity and was failing miserably in my home town...I tried pretty hard but never got anywhere :(

Then one day I went to an openday at a university a long way away.....
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Stridulate on May 20, 2013, 02:13 pm
So I am sat on the train and I am reading the stuff about the university and a couple of stations further on this girl gets on sees what im reading and stops and says oh hi are you going to x uni too? so we get talking and she sits there with me for the next 5 hours and we get on alright.  Now this is no movie and she is not exactly stunning (but to be fair neither am I!!) so its not like some kind of major sex chemistry was going on here :P

anyway we get to the station and get off the train to go to the uni.....
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: UkashEqualsBTC on May 20, 2013, 02:19 pm
'didn't know a pearl necklace from a rusty trombone'
this is gold so funny
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Stridulate on May 20, 2013, 02:23 pm
And we get there in the evening and because we have come from far away we are among a group of kids who have been given rooms for the nite (the open day was the next day)...so we get shown these little student rooms in a big block and have a boring-as-fuck talk from some academic dude, then have some shit food in a canteen (this is UK 1988 it was pretty shit all round!)

The tutor guy tells us that breakfast is at 8.30 and not to be late.....

so there are 15 or so 17/18 yr old kids in a city miles from home and we have had a long train journey so of course we head straight to the nearest bar where we look like we might get served and start getting drunk (except two kids who went to read books and who are probably fuckin politicians now :-) !

So we all get very drunk.....
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Stridulate on May 20, 2013, 02:33 pm
So we get kicked out of the bar and walk back to the place we were all staying, I was not even paying much attention to girl-from-the-train but just being a drunken lad.  We got back and split into a few groups some went to bed and me and a few others (including train girl)  sat in somones room drinking vodka and smoking cigarettes.

I was sat on the floor next to train-girl and next thing i know i feel her hand on my leg...my thigh...my inner thigh....my cock!!! and im totally freaked but not unhappy

So at some drunken moment later she gets up and says"im off to bed" leaving me sat there with a hardon and not a clue what to do....If i follow it would be too obvious but i dont know which room she is in or what :-\



Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Stridulate on May 20, 2013, 02:51 pm
So I like sit there for 10 mins and try and act cool, most of the others are totally wasted, im not far behind so i get up and go into the corridor and walk back to my room relising how drunk I am as i weave along.  next thing a door opens a bit next to me and train girl looks out says "where the fuck did you get to" and pulls me inside

We start making out and she is all over me and a lot less drunk I think...so i am at this stage a very drunk virgin with no real idea and a spinning head full of lust.  I quickly realise that she has if not more experience then at least more of an idea and we end up on this tiny bed with her trying to get off my stupidly tight skinny jeans (the imfamous "spray on" late 80s jeans!!) and me not helping by being wasted.

Finally with jeans off she is grabbing my cock and wanking me whilst touching herself and I am so drunk I dont really know what to do she wants so I sort of lie on top of her and start some kind of enthrusiastic but very poor attempt at missionary  it all seems to be going ok (i think) for a minute or so and then....
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: AscendedAwakening on May 20, 2013, 03:09 pm
LOL this thread was epic the story started out kinda hot but then progressed into a comedic route.. You got any other sex stories OP?  ;D
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: UkashEqualsBTC on May 20, 2013, 03:14 pm
OP please tell another story twas epic
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Stridulate on May 20, 2013, 03:17 pm
I suddenly realise i am about to cum I panic cos i know I am meant to make her cum too and try to pull out and stop...I am too drunk to do this with any coordination (thank fuck I hadnt done ketamine at this point in my life!!) and the bed is tiny so I fall out of bed and land on the floor which was realy hard, I must of banged my head cos I dont remember much after the falling out of bed.

I woke up the light was on, and train girl was looking really worried but then as i opened my eyes and started to speak she started laughing and I was so embarrassed realised that i had cum all over myself so i was lying on this floor with a sore head covered in semen with a girl pissing herself laughing....this was not what is was meant to be like :-(

Anyway she was pretty nice actually and said sorry for laughing but was so worried I had died or was in a coma that when i came round (after only like 30 seconds or so) she just started laughing....

I got cleaned up and we sat on the bed and she asked me if I was a virgin and I said I was and she said I wasnt anymore really but i was probably too drunk to fuck safely but would I be ok with her having a cum...I nodded silently my head aching.  She just lay back and fingered herself till she came, twice, looking like she was having a lot more fun than if I was doing anything...I still found it pretty hot though.  I sat there wanking drunkenly getting lost in it all but with a bit of enthusiasm from her managed to cum on her belly rather than mine at which point i fell asleep.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Stridulate on May 20, 2013, 03:34 pm
So inevitably the next morning I felt like death I had a massive hangover I woke with her alarm going off at 7.30 and was in this girls room covered in dried jizz and smelling pretty foul, managed to get my clothes on get to my room and get a towel and go the bathroom (no en-suite student rooms then!) for a shower.  Threw up noisily and managed to get clean.

Inevitably couldnt eat any breakfast and felt pretty sick, wasnt sure if I had concussion and how I would explain it to the hospital if i needed medical help  :-[

Well I was 17 and made of magic and rubber, as you are at that age, so by the time I was being dragged round the college I was mostly ok...train journey home with train girl was fine but we never kept in touch......

sometimes wonder what became of her, well if she is on SR then i will probably find out if she reads this!!

I went to a totally different uni in the end and finally had some proper sex :)

first time I have told this story to anyone other than my current GF, ah the benefits of anonimity. 



Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: QuarterBaked on May 20, 2013, 08:29 pm
hahahhahahah epic thread is epic!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 08, 2013, 07:47 am
Quote
MOAR
Why of course!  My pleasure; and on rare occasions, her pleasure.

On that note, let's clear the air on some important factoids about men and their cocks.

First of all, in response to MariaSabina's well written and obviously high-iq laden comment: you're making quite a leap of logic in assuming men think.

No seriously.

Like, we don't really give a fuck.  Well, some of us do.  We have a term for the men that think... I can't really think of it (haha get it) but I think it's something like maggot..... nah.. faaa... goo... oh I dunno.

Sometimes we engage in this futile ritual women often practice in droves called "reminisce".  But more often than not, we just drink a beer.   Men... well... men are not a whole lot different than the common dog.  We are like shaved (hopefully) dogs with much more beautiful cocks.

See, women are smart.  And of the emotions.   So they like to remember things in detail and always with a twist of emotional connection.  At will, sometimes without warning, tears of [insert random emotion] spew forth triggered by the memory of [insert random.. thing].  It's fascinating.  Men don't do that.  When we remember things, it's akin scrambled porn from the 90's.  You know there is a titty somewhere in the mix, fuck if anyone caught a plot though.


Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 08, 2013, 08:00 am
Ok no, that's all kinda unfair.  Men do think, and they are smart too.  And smart guys are not faggots by definition.  The differing quality between the sexes is more like "emotional intelligence."

Boom. 

Yeah man, that's right.  A drug dealer, black-chick-boner, and smart-motherfucker.  Like a fucking renaissance man.


WTF is EQ you may be asking, young padawan?


EQ is this: 

SCENE: Baby in stroller is crying.  Non-important entity (eg: fat chick) is pushing stroller.

WOMAN: Interests piqued.  Immediate emotional attraction to baby and desire to go to baby and see why. "What's wrong?"

MAN: Looking intently at woman to detect whether she is rocking granny panties or a hot little thong.





Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 08, 2013, 08:01 am
Ok, let's try this again:

SCENE: Women is crying in the bedroom, telling the man all about something that was very very sad.  It's late, she has tears everywhere.  Man has consoled her for hours but the tears don't stop. 

WOMAN: She really feels a connection strengthening with this man.

MAN: Are tears a suitable anal lubricant? This may save me a trip to the nightstand to acquire the aqualube.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 08, 2013, 08:20 am
For the record though, in case I have offended any Silk Road dark-web drug using fatties, I like you.  Yeah, I like em big.  There I said it.

I like these things about fat chicks.

A - The whole "fat chicks give better head" myth is fucking bull shit.  I mean, I get it where comes from.  It's actually pretty logical.  They like to, obviously, put things in their mouth and eat them.  But, just because they slam the occasional bearclaw down their throat with ZERO gag reflex doesn't mean they are capable of that sloppy gotta-change-the-sheets-afterwards head your looking for.

No, they are not inherently better at the art of fellatio.  They are however, on average, much more ENTHUSIASTIC about it.  Which in my book is worth it's weight (or theirs) in spades.  Because a timid blow job is a terrible blow job.

B - Now, there are exceptions to this rule, but most of the time a fat chick will have a considerable amount of lower back fat.  This provides the ideal hand grip area for powerful doggy-style pounding.  The butt will literally fold over onto the back, like a couple of billowy phone books, allowing for a secure 5 finger fleshy grab bar. 

C - This is the kicker guys, this is what really brought me over to the lipid side.  LOW SELF ESTEEM.  Oh man.  What an industrious man can do with low self esteem... my god the list goes on and on.  Ever want to PIITB?  Fat chick.   Like to "release" in creative areas?  Fat chick.  Always wanted to bone in a catholic church?  Fat chick. 

Now women of almost every weight class come in the LSE variety; but pound for pound, fat chicks are of the lowest self esteem on average.  Unlocking the kingdom of kinkdom for any interested man.

D - Something about emotions and shit so that my female readers don't think I'm a total asshat. 
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 08, 2013, 08:23 am
I just noticed my negative karma has outweighed my positive karma.

This makes me :(

Sorry if I have offended you... well... that's a lie.  I don't really care.  Break some eggs to make a sandwich or something.

Unfortunately, with comedy, or whatever-the-fuck you call this stuff, ya basically hurt some feelers.
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 08, 2013, 08:26 am
4:30 am is the perfect time to initiate forceful oral sex.

Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 08, 2013, 08:30 am
I don't ever use date rape drugs on chicks because I'm not into actual rape.  However, I've noticed a markedly higher success rate in banging a new chick if I'M on ghb.  Go figure!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: bdylan123veevee on June 08, 2013, 09:13 am
delta you crazy SOB!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: Delta Fact on June 09, 2013, 09:53 am
delta you crazy SOB!

Haha thanks, I think :)

Again, my karma gets another hit!  lol, who would have thought SR forums would be so prudent. 

My takeaway is "drugs are ok, but start objectifying women and we don't like you!" FWIW, it's all just for the laughs :)  I'm just trying to get some posts!
Title: Re: Chicks I've banged and other wholesome activities
Post by: registered on June 09, 2013, 10:31 am
pics or it didnt happen :P