Silk Road forums
Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: ominuby2 on March 13, 2013, 10:54 pm
-
A couple of years ago I did several DMT extractions from MHRB. I recrystallized, I was careful, did all the right stuff. I've done mushrooms and acid, I did MXE, meth, heroin, even high dose salvia. But I was too scared to take "the big hit" of my own DMT. I took tiny puffs and it made me a little nauseas but I thought the visuals were beautiful.
Well, I've been taking alprazolam for social anxiety, and I thought I'd give DMT another go. So I started taking larger doses of it. No sick feelings, no fear anymore, just the most mind-blowing visual experiences-- beyond anything I could have imagined. It's like every breath and every beat of my heart expanded my perception into new dimensionality that I can't describe in words.
About a half hour ago, I took the biggest hit I've ever done. I laid down on my bed and ... then the __VOID__. I forgot who I was, I forgot I'd taken a drug, there was nothing but this otherness, and this intelligence, way bigger than me. I got the feeling of incredible MALEVOLENCE, and as I came back from it, it was like waking from a deep, deep, nightmare, like I was being observed by some cruel, malicious intelligence far greater than my own. I began to remember being alive, being human, what thinking as an individual was like, and then finally me, myself.
Biological life is part of something much greater-- I'm NOT talking about religion or mysticism; I'm somewhere between agnostic and atheist; I don't want to use the 'G' word or the 'D' word-- but I think I saw hyperspace! It's coherent, and it's conscious, it felt like I was inside of it. And it scared the fuck out of me.
Is this what happens when we die???
Has anyone had similar experiences?
To anyone who takes this stuff lightly -- BE FUXING CAREFUL.
-
fantastic!
i kinda started to think that DNA has consciousness. i realized it yesterday on a roll. Its kinda strange could be false but would make a lot of sense to me. What do you think about this?
I know Leary was talking a lot about molecular consciousness but i really had no idea what he was talking about till now...
oh and that malevolence feeling could come from the fact that you take benzos!!! very handy but fuckin poison for the soul.
-
dmt can be quite intense, and most definitely unpredictable. anything can happen. i have never felt a malevolent presence though... i find that the beings are always either benevolent or indifferent towards me.
-
fantastic!
i kinda started to think that DNA has consciousness. i realized it yesterday on a roll. Its kinda strange could be false but would make a lot of sense to me. What do you think about this?
I know Leary was talking a lot about molecular consciousness but i really had no idea what he was talking about till now...
oh and that malevolence feeling could come from the fact that you take benzos!!! very handy but fuckin poison for the soul.
Maybe DNA is conscious. It happens spontaneously. I'll have to read Leary, thanks for the tip. Good advice, too-- maybe I'll ease off the benzos and see if that makes a difference. As well as a variety of other bad habits. ;D
It is just such a BEAUTIFUL experience! For me it begins with the bubbles and dot patterns, spirals, and then shifting, smearing into spectrum color phasing-- just looking at a piece of aluminum foil is like a miracle. And that's just the first few seconds. The next thing I know I'm remembering that the universe exists.
-
I had another trip. It was extraordinarily beautiful. It's like it goes through every color of the visible spectrum, and creates music out of my physiological and psychological processes. I understand more what I'm doing-- I'm beginning a relationship with an entity larger than my own mind. It has a broader intelligence and a personality I can only glimpse in the few minutes that I fall into it and it dances with me.
Earlier today, it was telling me, through the terror-nightmare, that I have to be more responsible and careful if I want to continue this relationship--
-- that I should be treating my body better, it needs love, and in particular it needs _my_ love
-- that I shouldn't just assume that I deserve this kind of understanding
-- that I can have this wonderful, unspeakable, impossible secret, but to treat it with respect, not like a toy
I'm glad this is anonymous, I couldn't tell anyone I know about any of this. :)
-
dmt can be quite intense, and most definitely unpredictable. anything can happen. i have never felt a malevolent presence though... i find that the beings are always either benevolent or indifferent towards me.
Most of the time I'd say that they are playful, but there have been experiances (mostly when I smoked it on acid peaks) when things got scary.
The last time I smoked dmt I was sucked so deep in I lost contact with reality and thought I'd been totally transported- body and all into the other world. At first it was great but then it became scary, it was as if I'd tread on ground I wasn't supposed to visit and when I did make it out of that world there was a grim presence in the room with me staring at me (I wouldn't look at it/them/ him/her?) because of fear but the intent was clear.
So yeah, I've been kinda afraid to smoke dmt since, I think I need to meditate/ponder a little more to strengthen my resolve and increase my calmness.
-
I had 1 intense and scary experience with DMT
and I'm glad it happeneded.
Because normally I always approach such products with lots of respect and "mutual consentment" (yep, it might sound strange but I think not only I should wanna take the product, but it should feel like the product wants to be taken as well).
But that time I was drunk,
the day after I did an insane combo of coke, speed, mdma, pills and ketamine with alcohol and hash...
and the DMT just kicked me in the nuts...
I was glad it did that - because it brought back the respect I have for it and it very clearly stated: "I'm not recreational - if you use me that way I will abuse you!".
So now I keep it for sober, clean moments with the right intentions and set & setting.
-
Forget the religions. It is all just the tricks that your brain plays with you. You mess with brain chemistry, so brain chemistry screws your mind. Because your mind is the product of brain chemistry (and electricity). It would be strange if it would be somehow otherwise.
No religion has anything to do with it.
-
The thing about hyperspace, you never know what is inhabiting the current vector which you're placed in. For example, friends have spoken about reptilians, aliens, giant insects, humanoids, elves holographically transforming into grotesque minotaurs in my experience, even naked women. They have communicated verbally, telepathically, physically, visually, or even stayed completely silent. Their message is for you to reflect upon and decipher. But just like our place in reality, there are all types of beings and intelligences inhabiting all places of hyperspace, malevolent or benevolent. Almost always loving and benevolent in my experience.
My belief is that DMT plays a huge factor when we die. When we are born, our soul is fused into our physical body by some unknown force. Where there was no life, there is now an abundance of life. Really an incredible process. My belief, after long pondering the subject, is that DMT is very active and pumped through our bloodstream when we die. This explains the 'life flashing before your eyes', hallucinations, etc. Eventually your own indigenous DMT floods your bloodstream, and this is the vessel which separates your soul or life-force from your physical body, hence the experience of physical death. What happens afterwards isn't for me to know or understand at this stage in time.
Attempt to understand what they are trying to communicate to you though. It's something I believe Terrence McKenna was attempting to communicate to us as humans, prior to his untimely death. As you said, some of these are extreme intelligences of incomprehensible nature. If they are communicating with you, chances are what they are communicating can be life-altering for the better. In this realm the conscious mind does not exist, leaving your sub-conscious completely open and vulnerable for whatever is there to see you as you truly are.
-
Biological life is part of something much greater-- I'm NOT talking about religion or mysticism; I'm somewhere between agnostic and atheist; I don't want to use the 'G' word or the 'D' word-- but I think I saw hyperspace! It's coherent, and it's conscious, it felt like I was inside of it. And it scared the fuck out of me.
Sounds like God to me. What you're talking abou IS religion and mysticism..... you just don't want to /call/ it such. But it doesn't matter what we call it..... it is quite real.
what you call the 'void' is one and the same as the 'god' of mystical experience
get your life together..... good karma..... and you will experience this same void in a positive light
-
Welcome to hyperspace brother! It's pure bliss and heaven if you are at peace in your mind.
-
Welcome to hyperspace brother! It's pure bliss and heaven if you are at peace in your mind.
Thank you!
I went again today. Every time I go there I am less afraid, and more willing to let go of myself. This time it was kalidescopic, the most beautiful, amazing, astonishing, environment I've ever witnessed. When it was fully expanded, I tried to say the words 'thank you', but I could barely function body. I realized as it receded that I had been crying with gratitude and awe.
-
Welcome to hyperspace brother! It's pure bliss and heaven if you are at peace in your mind.
Thank you!
I went again today. Every time I go there I am less afraid, and more willing to let go of myself. This time it was kalidescopic, the most beautiful, amazing, astonishing, environment I've ever witnessed. When it was fully expanded, I tried to say the words 'thank you', but I could barely function body. I realized as it receded that I had been crying with gratitude and awe.
DMT is quite cool, because the more you do it, the more you understand it, and it enhances the experience. It's like a snowball effect but in a good way. Glad to hear you're enjoying yourself.
DMTisinME
-
The thing about hyperspace, you never know what is inhabiting the current vector which you're placed in. For example, friends have spoken about reptilians, aliens, giant insects, humanoids, elves holographically transforming into grotesque minotaurs in my experience, even naked women. They have communicated verbally, telepathically, physically, visually, or even stayed completely silent. Their message is for you to reflect upon and decipher. But just like our place in reality, there are all types of beings and intelligences inhabiting all places of hyperspace, malevolent or benevolent. Almost always loving and benevolent in my experience.
My belief is that DMT plays a huge factor when we die. When we are born, our soul is fused into our physical body by some unknown force. Where there was no life, there is now an abundance of life. Really an incredible process. My belief, after long pondering the subject, is that DMT is very active and pumped through our bloodstream when we die. This explains the 'life flashing before your eyes', hallucinations, etc. Eventually your own indigenous DMT floods your bloodstream, and this is the vessel which separates your soul or life-force from your physical body, hence the experience of physical death. What happens afterwards isn't for me to know or understand at this stage in time.
Attempt to understand what they are trying to communicate to you though. It's something I believe Terrence McKenna was attempting to communicate to us as humans, prior to his untimely death. As you said, some of these are extreme intelligences of incomprehensible nature. If they are communicating with you, chances are what they are communicating can be life-altering for the better. In this realm the conscious mind does not exist, leaving your sub-conscious completely open and vulnerable for whatever is there to see you as you truly are.
i agree with you completely. i also think endogenous dmt release has a lot to do with dreams and spiritual experiences (such as through deep meditation). there have also been studies that have found schizophrenics to have abnormally high levels of endogenous dmt!
-
The thing about hyperspace, you never know what is inhabiting the current vector which you're placed in. For example, friends have spoken about reptilians, aliens, giant insects, humanoids, elves holographically transforming into grotesque minotaurs in my experience, even naked women. They have communicated verbally, telepathically, physically, visually, or even stayed completely silent. Their message is for you to reflect upon and decipher. But just like our place in reality, there are all types of beings and intelligences inhabiting all places of hyperspace, malevolent or benevolent. Almost always loving and benevolent in my experience.
My belief is that DMT plays a huge factor when we die. When we are born, our soul is fused into our physical body by some unknown force. Where there was no life, there is now an abundance of life. Really an incredible process. My belief, after long pondering the subject, is that DMT is very active and pumped through our bloodstream when we die. This explains the 'life flashing before your eyes', hallucinations, etc. Eventually your own indigenous DMT floods your bloodstream, and this is the vessel which separates your soul or life-force from your physical body, hence the experience of physical death. What happens afterwards isn't for me to know or understand at this stage in time.
Attempt to understand what they are trying to communicate to you though. It's something I believe Terrence McKenna was attempting to communicate to us as humans, prior to his untimely death. As you said, some of these are extreme intelligences of incomprehensible nature. If they are communicating with you, chances are what they are communicating can be life-altering for the better. In this realm the conscious mind does not exist, leaving your sub-conscious completely open and vulnerable for whatever is there to see you as you truly are.
i agree with you completely. i also think endogenous dmt release has a lot to do with dreams and spiritual experiences (such as through deep meditation). there have also been studies that have found schizophrenics to have abnormally high levels of endogenous dmt!
I'm glad you feel the same way. I think once you begin to look at understand DMT objectively, and it's presence in virtually all life on this planet, you realize it's purpose is far greater than simply belonging to this reality alone. It doesn't surprise me you were able to reach this conclusion as well moonflower. :)
-
Holy crap just smoked DMT for the first time. Most stunning visuals and sensations ever, beyond conception. Absolutely beautiful. I think I'll be taking a breakthrough dose next time.
-
Wow seems a lot of people like to externalize themselves on a breakthrough dose rather than accepting the possibility they are only one of many souls connected to a [their] super-soul and that this daemon shares the information it processes when you hit hyperspace. As a soul the distinction from it's creator is in it's limits, we are limited but the creator isn't. The creator has a propensity for creating [super] souls without limit for pleasure, the super-souls have the propensity to do this also but in a limited way. We just emulate our parent as is the natural order. Try to realize any entities you come across are you in the larger sense and if you are at peace then benevolence is the only possible framework.
You have always existed, you will never cease to exist so hyperspace contains all the information you have ever processed in any vessel you inhabited in the unlimited material universes...too much? Yep that's why its always a stupendous amazing ride!
Point of fact: Whilst the statements above cannot be proven as fact or fiction, having this kind of framework to drive a hallucination will provide you with an amazing texture that exposes you to positive mental/spiritual progress.
As a product of western values the system wants me to feel guilt for my 'crimes' whilst atoning with money or my liberty. This kind of framework has no place in hyperspace therefore it has no place in our reality either...
'Hyperspace' personally for me denotes the astral planes and they are split into levels, always aim for the top plane of existence!
-
Wow seems a lot of people like to externalize themselves on a breakthrough dose rather than accepting the possibility they are only one of many souls connected to a [their] super-soul and that this daemon shares the information it processes when you hit hyperspace. As a soul the distinction from it's creator is in it's limits, we are limited but the creator isn't. The creator has a propensity for creating [super] souls without limit for pleasure, the super-souls have the propensity to do this also but in a limited way. We just emulate our parent as is the natural order. Try to realize any entities you come across are you in the larger sense and if you are at peace then benevolence is the only possible framework.
You have always existed, you will never cease to exist so hyperspace contains all the information you have ever processed in any vessel you inhabited in the unlimited material universes...too much? Yep that's why its always a stupendous amazing ride!
Point of fact: Whilst the statements above cannot be proven as fact or fiction, having this kind of framework to drive a hallucination will provide you with an amazing texture that exposes you to positive mental/spiritual progress.
As a product of western values the system wants me to feel guilt for my 'crimes' whilst atoning with money or my liberty. This kind of framework has no place in hyperspace therefore it has no place in our reality either...
'Hyperspace' personally for me denotes the astral planes and they are split into levels, always aim for the top plane of existence!
Very well put. DMT has a way of teaching me how reality should be, in it's most mystical, enchanting, natural, and infinite state. You have to open your mind, and forget the "world" you know.
-
haha, great post OP
i've had that experience before, feeling like the other was malevolent. its really taken me years to come to grips with, and get the hang of, DMT.
lately i've come to think of DMT as a kung fu master, and my using it are my lessons. go too far, too fast, and the master will kick your ass to show you how unskilled you currently are. but if you take your time with it, you start to learn and get more comfortable with the art.
like any skill or art worth learning, it takes practice.
-
the only advice i can give u yet: go to the toilette before u take it. u may lose control of everything and pee ur pants (happened to a friend of mine 2 weeks ago) :D he had 2 beers an hour before tho.
-
I know the malevolent part of me, it's the child who doesn't want to grow, the part of me that seeks to control everything whatever the cost. I have put that child to bed because he seeks to deceive me and delay me on my path. He is me and I am him but I've removed the negative energy by accepting I am responsible for everything that comes my way without exclusion. It's not my parents fault I'm here. I did make the choice to come here. I did ask for this experience and I will accept the consequences with love and understanding to promote my elevation out of this illusion - simple solutions are the best...
Oh btw I suggest you wear loose clothing so your Chakra's don't feel restricted as this can be insanely uncomfortable.
-
i like smoking DMT in the morning. i get up, go to the gym, come home, crap/shower, etc, then crawl back into bed in my PJs with a fat bowl of Deems. This is the best way for me to do it for a few reasons. I feel good about myself after i work out, so i'm in a good place to trip. also, i don't have any food in my stomach or waste in my bladder/bowels. and one of the best reasons is that i'm not all burnt out and tired from working and smoking pot all day. after smoking i feel fantastic! i happily cook my breakfast and get on with my day on a very high note.
i highly recommend DMT in bed in the morning.
-
I agree with doing it in the morning especially if you can lie in sunshine even if it only streams through your window, the warmth of the sun even behind glass in the winter warms you to the core
and gives a nice slant to the trip
-
I agree with doing it in the morning especially if you can lie in sunshine even if it only streams through your window, the warmth of the sun even behind glass in the winter warms you to the core
and gives a nice slant to the trip
Totally doing this. Still cold where I am, and I love smoking it outside when it's warm & sunny in the morning. Good thinking and +1 for this and you past few posts Ive read.
-
If you are into DMT and exploring consciousness, I'd suggest you to read this book http://root.ps/download/tecnomagxs/Narby_cosmic_serpent.pdf or read little excerpts from the book http://www.world-mysteries.com/newgw/cosmicserpent.htmThe idea that DNA is conscious is nothing new and tribes from amazon have been using DMT to get information about the world, about the plants needed to heal or to make poison for hunting etc. They say the plants themselves told them the information needed and its communicated through DNA, or in fact you can get all the answers from your DNA.
I think there exists a world outside our consciousness (who'd doubt that?), the way we describe it is dependent on our culture and prior knowledge but the experiences people have on DMT are in fact universal. That makes me think there's something special in that substance which allows us to see something we wouldn't see otherwise.
-
If you are into DMT and exploring consciousness, I'd suggest you to read this book http://root.ps/download/tecnomagxs/Narby_cosmic_serpent.pdf or read little excerpts from the book http://www.world-mysteries.com/newgw/cosmicserpent.htmThe idea that DNA is conscious is nothing new and tribes from amazon have been using DMT to get information about the world, about the plants needed to heal or to make poison for hunting etc. They say the plants themselves told them the information needed and its communicated through DNA, or in fact you can get all the answers from your DNA.
I think there exists a world outside our consciousness (who'd doubt that?), the way we describe it is dependent on our culture and prior knowledge but the experiences people have on DMT are in fact universal. That makes me think there's something special in that substance which allows us to see something we wouldn't see otherwise.
i also recommend this book! it's really a must-read for anyone interested in dmt, or psychedelics in general.
-
If you are into DMT and exploring consciousness, I'd suggest you to read this book http://root.ps/download/tecnomagxs/Narby_cosmic_serpent.pdf or read little excerpts from the book http://www.world-mysteries.com/newgw/cosmicserpent.htmThe idea that DNA is conscious is nothing new and tribes from amazon have been using DMT to get information about the world, about the plants needed to heal or to make poison for hunting etc. They say the plants themselves told them the information needed and its communicated through DNA, or in fact you can get all the answers from your DNA.
I think there exists a world outside our consciousness (who'd doubt that?), the way we describe it is dependent on our culture and prior knowledge but the experiences people have on DMT are in fact universal. That makes me think there's something special in that substance which allows us to see something we wouldn't see otherwise.
Thank you for the information. I was unaware of these texts and will spend my time today reading them both.
-
I also smoked DMT two days ago for the first time.
I have previous experience with DMT, but through use of Ayahuasca in S. America. It has been a lengthy amount of time, so I really forgot the power of "Madre Pachamama" (Mother Earth) and how we can all learn from the power of the Universe.
Right before I smoked a corner of some greens with maybe 60 mg mixed in, I was making jokes with my buddies about blasting off in to the void and before I could set the bowl down.. it hit me so hard. All I could say was WOW as I simultaneously fell back into my seat on the couch and tried to lay the bowl down on the floor. I thought for a second I was sitting on the couch with my eyes closed, but I tried to blink and for a second (and also feeling like an eternity) I noticed my thoughts circling in this pattern.. it was like I had become conscious for the first time. I felt as if my thoughts/soul was ascending up until I had come out of this dark where I could see a few centimeters out of (as if I had been submerged in a body of water and I had poked my head up just enough to where my eyes were still touching this dark water, but seeing a glimpse of the most beautiful place I've ever seen) these spiritual beings, all knowing and loving.. all this white light.. I can't describe it.. and just as I thought I could come up and stay.. I felt as if these thoughts I was having were weighing me down and pushing me back into the water, but it wasn't water.. It felt like a flashbang went off and I gradually faded back into my "reality". I looked and I was on my couch with my buddies around.. laughing and saying, You okay bro? ... I felt as if I was so close to something.. but I wasn't ready for it. Almost like it was a message to grow in some way before I am able to see and understand this place I had a glimpse of. It was the most amazing experience of my life.
I had to write here as one of the first thoughts I had was.. What if I could have an experience like this everyday in the morning before I got out of bed... I'm going to try vap'ing this in the morning and see how it helps me.
Happy Tripping ~
-
You are on a path of enlightenment if you treat the precious spice and it's inhabitants with the respect they deserve. Like I have said before, attempt to understand what they communicate to you. These all-loving beings have an extreme place in our Humanity and reality, even though a vast majority of the world is unaware of their boundless presence. I'm happy and grateful for your experience, and I hope you continue on the Incan path of healing thru our mother, Pachamama.
-
i think this bit about "hyperspace" being "inhabited" by mysterious beings is a meme that needs to go away. its just you in there. any voices you hear or whatever are just different aspects of yourself.
had a really great smoke this morning, BTW. one of my best, i think; very productive, mentally. I actually ended up crying at the end, and then taking a long walk on the beach that really worked out a lot negative shit i had going through my head.
DMT is so remarkable. i can't even explain what it did for me today other than challenge my fear and get me to thinking about stuff.
-
i think this bit about "hyperspace" being "inhabited" by mysterious beings is a meme that needs to go away. its just you in there. any voices you hear or whatever are just different aspects of yourself.
had a really great smoke this morning, BTW. one of my best, i think; very productive, mentally. I actually ended up crying at the end, and then taking a long walk on the beach that really worked out a lot negative shit i had going through my head.
DMT is so remarkable. i can't even explain what it did for me today other than challenge my fear and get me to thinking about stuff.
This is totally true, I just say "hyperspace" to mean the various "places" I go to -- or rather, see. And the "entities" are just the shapes of that my consciousness projects. It's just a matter of communication. I mean you describe your dreams in the same manner as you would telling a real life story. It's just easier to refer to them as these things, but I don't buy into the "portal to another dimension" sort of stuff.
I do feel like the "entities" can be combating parts of your psyche. It's like it's your deep subconscious trying to tell the surface conscious certain things, so there is definitely some sort of communication going on, albeit between yourself.
-
i think this bit about "hyperspace" being "inhabited" by mysterious beings is a meme that needs to go away. its just you in there. any voices you hear or whatever are just different aspects of yourself.
had a really great smoke this morning, BTW. one of my best, i think; very productive, mentally. I actually ended up crying at the end, and then taking a long walk on the beach that really worked out a lot negative shit i had going through my head.
DMT is so remarkable. i can't even explain what it did for me today other than challenge my fear and get me to thinking about stuff.
the truth is often much stranger than fiction. ;-)
-
i think this bit about "hyperspace" being "inhabited" by mysterious beings is a meme that needs to go away. its just you in there. any voices you hear or whatever are just different aspects of yourself.
had a really great smoke this morning, BTW. one of my best, i think; very productive, mentally. I actually ended up crying at the end, and then taking a long walk on the beach that really worked out a lot negative shit i had going through my head.
DMT is so remarkable. i can't even explain what it did for me today other than challenge my fear and get me to thinking about stuff.
While I do agree that some may be projections of our own consciousness, the Human mind is not capable of projecting most else what is in there. How can a mind which thinks and works on a 3 Dimensional level, project shapes and figures above the 10th and 11th dimension? There are many planes to existence and those who inhabit it, and I didn't need DMT to see that, it simply corroborated it for me.
-
While I do agree that some may be projections of our own consciousness, the Human mind is not capable of projecting most else what is in there. How can a mind which thinks and works on a 3 Dimensional level, project shapes and figures above the 10th and 11th dimension? There are many planes to existence and those who inhabit it, and I didn't need DMT to see that, it simply corroborated it for me.
I think we are capable, we just repress the ability because it is easier to maneuver through life empirically. We have more success keeping all of our mind focused on what's in front of us, to accomplish what's in front of us. Thus, we repress many, many of our brains possible functions.
-
Forget the religions. It is all just the tricks that your brain plays with you. You mess with brain chemistry, so brain chemistry screws your mind. Because your mind is the product of brain chemistry (and electricity). It would be strange if it would be somehow otherwise.
No religion has anything to do with it.
For me DMT is more like tuning a receiver to layers of reality we normally filter out or we could not function on this plane. The setting starts in the mind so respect and some experience with meditation are paramount. I believe the spiritual and the scientific are not separated. Certain religious beliefs and fears built some barriers to most people experiencing true spirituality grounded in the mysteries of the universe. Science in turn has some practices that write off spirituality as a hoax.
Once I was surrounded by entities that seemed to be there because they perceived I was dead and had come to collect something. They seemed baffled when I moved and left quickly. I have encountered negative entities that were punitive, the same one on three experiences. and I made peace with this one and it let me through to a really ineffable experience that left me in awe and became what I see as a guardian. It seems as if were not letting me through because I was approaching it recreationally and it was guarding a "gate". This is not a recreational drug. I posted some trip reports here and invite other to add to the thread.
Having a voice recorder or a notepad to write notes after landing can be useful since the experience can fade like a dream.
http://dkn255hz262ypmii.onion/index.php?topic=94110.msg797515#msg797515
Being able to let go and even look at what is frightening can yield deeper lessons, breathing through the fear is hard an an exercise in itself. Times i refused to look I had a feeling I had disrespected some part of the lesson that I was being taught.