Silk Road forums

Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: phatduck on February 14, 2012, 04:47 am

Title: HPPD Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder
Post by: phatduck on February 14, 2012, 04:47 am
this is a very long read i know but i would really appreciate if you could read it over and if you have any knowledge on the topic leave a comment. i am quite worried and  need some help and information.

So I am positive i have have HPPD after doing too many drugs. Some people won't think i have done too much (some people can do way more and be fine) but i know i have done too much for me, for my particular chemistry. I started smoking weed 3 years ago and have been smoking regularly ever since, not long after i started weed i tried pills and acid and shrooms and did them occasionally over the next year. I would usually just do psychedelics at bush doofs (hippy electronic music festivals in the bush) and pills for the occasional party but i smoked weed anytime really. Then i received access to good pills and crystal mdma for the first time kind of overdid it with them doing them approximately every second or third weekend for the last year. That said i was never upping the dose dramatically, my usual dose of md was 100 mg and the most i ever did was 200 mg and that was only once. Then at one bush doof which was over a four day long weekend i took shrooms once, acid a couple of time and mdma on the tail end of both acid trips plus alot of weed. Then a couple of weeks later i received dmt from silk road and smoked that a few times. The first time i was convinced to smoke a bigger dose of dmt than i was comfortable with (stupid stupid me) and that kind of fucked me because i wasn't ready for that level of intensity. anyway so after dmt and my big acid weekend and all those mdma weekends i noticed it i stared hard somewhere i could see little lines on the edge of my vision kind of creeping in. they were always in my peripherals though, never in my direct line of vision. also when i smoked weed it kind of made me trip a little, more than it used too.

i consider these 2 experiences to below quite important and feel like they really contributed to my current condition and mindset:
1. a horrible dxm trip when i took this shitty dxm pill called a purple moon. i took this pill knowing it was a dxm pill. a couple of people i knew had taken it thinking it was a regular pill with md or speed and had been burned. but the guy who gave it too me said he liked the pills and had done them at clubs/partys etc. he said on 1 it was real mild, two moderate and 3 crazy. i figured that if i took it it wouldn't be too bad cause unlike the others i was actually expecting something trippy. something weird though, the guys girlfriend said she hated the pills and i said 'oh you don't like dxm?' and she said 'no i do like dxm but i hated these pills'. so me and a friend were handgun gout at my house and we took 1 each and were chilling watching family. i started to feel a bit dissociated i guess (i dint know what to feel this was my first time of any dissociative). after about an hour and a half we decided it was gonna be really mild and not really hit so we decided to smoke some weed. we packed massive cones for fun and had bongs each and settled down to watch the nature/animal doco called earth. about 10 minutes later i realised i was TRIPPING! when i closed my eyes i was seeing geometric shapes comes towards me. i started to freak out a bit since the guy had told me that 1 pill was pretty mild and the friend who i tripping with had done a bit of k in the past and said it was not really like psychedelics and this was feeling quite psychedelic. i tried to ride it out for a bit and not tell me friend that i was freaking cause i swear when your tripping you vibe off others so if someone starts to trip out it can make others trip out to just cause they know that person is. i began to think if this was actually acid and i was gonna be tripping for 10 hours or even worse some unknown psychedelic. i began to think that what if whatever i was on had a really slow come up and i hadn't even plataued yet. this was quite a scary though at the time! i couldn't concentrate on the movie so i told my friend i as tripping way to hard and it wasn't fun. he said he wasn't tripping very hard at all and told me to ride it out. the thought that he was lying crossed my mind, what if he was tripping hard to and didn't want to admit because that would make our fate more real. i tried to research on the net to see if CEV were normal on dxm but couldn't concentrate. we decided to split, he would sleep upstairs and i would go to my room. i knew i couldn't sleep so i decided to watch human traffic. as the music progressed i started to feel better and i felt myself coming down and i eventually went to sleep. in the morning i came to the conclusion that the pill just took ages to come up and the weed made it more intense and basically i just tripped out and scared myself. it was almost funny

2. a scary experience at a bush doof i went to with 2 people i didn't really know (i met them on the doffs Facebook page and they offered me a lift). i was chilling with these people i had met and was dealing mdma too. they hadn't seen md for yonks and were all over it because i was so scarce around their parts. they turned out to be massive tweakers and kind of turned on me towards the end of the festival and began acting real aggressive. at one point i was coming off mdma and had just had a massive sesh (like 10 bongs) and when i closed my eyes i was having the most realistic hallucinations i have ever had and to my knowledge i hadn't ingested any psychedelic. it was like animated brain movies. the visuals were somehow connected to my thoughts, it was almost like dreaming. the tweakers had also convinced me to take 1ml liquid ghb (stupid stupid me again) and at the time i suspected it was spiked with something trippy. but later thinking about it that didn't make sense as they didn't like weed or psychedelics and were doing the ghb themselves. i also considered spiked weed but i dunno, probably not. i reckon it was just alot of weed on mdma because mdma is technically a psychedelic (its a phenethylamine) and maybe the ghb had some effect too. (if anyone could shed light on this that would be cool). the night ended with me walking back to my tent alone (i had been chilling and seshing with some cool people but we had decided to call it a night). on the way i ran into the tweakers i had met and they wanted to get more md off me. i gave them the md and then instead of giving me money they said i owed them money. i didnt actually owe them anything but they seemed to get angry. they were all around me and were telling me i was rude and didn't know what the fuck i was doing and i would end up in a ditch if i kept acting this way. i decided to cut my losses and i told them i was tired and was going to bed and we would sort it out tmrw. as i walked back to my tent i felt disturbed and scared and  the visuals that i was having now felt evil where as before i didn't mind them. the night ended with me in my tent alone feeling like the world was closing in on me and bad things were gonna happen. i was very far from home and did not know many people at this doof. the next day i was really paranoid and scattered tried to avoid the nasty tweakers. i didn't really know the people i came with and didn't want to bother them though in retrospect i probably should have.

- i also tried 2-cb about a month ago. it wasnt a bad experience like the above two but its worth a mention because apparently 2cx are more known to give hppd. i read this somewhere but it might not be true.

then just over a week ago i received some ketamine off silk road and tried it with 3 friends. Im not sure how much i did but it was over a point, perhaps 120mg, in 6 bumps over about 1 and a half hours. we also smoked weed. i didn't mind the feeling, i kind of felt like i was floating and was viewing things in a different perspective. I didn't go in deep at all, if i had done what i did straight up it would have been very intense and possible a k-hole but i did it over time just to continue the mild feeling. anyway after about 2 hours i began to feel a bit fucked in a bad way. just scat in a nasty way and restless and uncomfortable. its quite hard to describe but it wasn't good and it didn't help that lots of people were texting me to try get onto mdma and it was stressing me out. I figured going home and chilling would help and once i got home i felt  a bit better but still slightly off. i fell asleep and woke up feeling ok, perhaps a bit groggy. anyway i went for a run and got some food and chilled and felt fine. later that night i was just looking in the pantry and i had this sudden feeling like i was not sober. the feeling did not go away after a while like i expected it to and i began to feel very anxious. my vision was also different. its very hard to describe but i will try. it looks like everything is kind of flashing, like there are little light and dark dots everywhere that are blinking. and when i stare had somewhere i get the little lines at the edge of my vision. and i see objects for a short time after they are out of my vision. like if i stair at a table then close my eyes or look somewhere else the table will remain for just longer than it should. and reading and watching movies is harder because i see lines and stuff. while i used to have little visual disturbances that i described earlier these ones were more intense and different and they were accompanied by a fear that i was tripping and more of a general feeling of tripping.

something to note here is that a couple of bad experiences over the last few months had lead me to develop a fear of being spiked with psychedelics or accidentally ingesting way too much or eating a tab that actually has a huge dose of cid on it. to clarify it is not necessarily a fear of psychs but more a fear of taking way too much somehow and fucking my brain and never being the same again. (i have a friend who did too much acid and he makes no sense anymore) this fear came from the bad dxm trip and the time i was getting crazy visuals off md and weed and had nasty tweakers to deal with and sometimes when i smoked strong weed after that i would get a bit scared that i was tripping. that feeling dissipated pretty soon though, it wasn't a big deal.

it took me ages to get to sleep that night but i finally did. when i woke up it didn't take long to realize the feeling was still there. i noticed when i occupied my self i didn't think about it as much so i tried to do as much as possible and just keep busy. it was started to get me down and so i told my parents i need to see a doctor (i made a a different reason for this) but they could get an appointment for over a week. the appointment is in a couple of days from now. the feeling of tripping lasted all day and i was quite anxious and unreasonably paranoid. i was thinking i had ingested some long lasting psychedelic or someone had spiked me or the SR ket was spiked or something. i talked to my friends who did the K with me and they felt fine so i knew it wasn't the K it was me or something else. that night i felt like i couldn't handle this anymore and i kind of broke down crying. after that i felt a bit better. i slept better that night and when i woke up i felt noticeably better. the slight visuals were still there but for the most part the feeling of fear and paranoia had mostly dissipated. it is now a week later and i feel much better. i still have the visual disturbances but the anxiety and paranoia and fear has mostly gone i can get through my day with not much trouble pretty much. but it seems to come back a bit when im stressed or in certain situations. like i was giving a fried of a friend md and he gave me a bag of sugar cubes and said did i just wanna do a swap. i said no and then started to freak out that i had touched the bag and maybe there was acid on it. he shook my hands and they were really sweaty and i freaked out about this too. i had to wash my hands twice to feel better. whenever someone i don't know or trust mentions that they do speed or have psychedelics on them it kind of freaks me out too. reminds me off bad times i guess.
since that episode after doing K i have not done drugs that i think could make my hppd or my anxiety worse and will not be doing them for a decent amount of time. the other day i got onto some oxycodone and some valium and temazepam from a friend of a friend and have done the benzos once or twice at night. i now have a bad association with drugs and can freak out very easily. example: when i first took a benzo a couple of days after my episode i freaked out as soon as i popped it and began worrying what if there was another drug on it (completely unrealistic i know) and overtime i put a drug in my mouth i have that same thought in my head pretty much till it kicks in. (i have only done benzos and an oxy once.)
the drugs that i will be staying away from are: phenethlyamines, tryptamines (hallucinogen really- acid, dissociative etc.) and weed. this is quite unfortunate because i just got onto some great mda pills (nee tried mda but wanted to for ages) and i still feel like want to further experiment with psychedelics although i can't for a while. i imagine amphetamines wouldn't be a good idea with my paranoia and since they have a comedown but i would like clarification on that because i wouldn't mind doing some ritalin or dex occasionally for school work and learning to use ableton live. that said i don't need it but it would help. i have been out partying since the episode and have stayed sober throughout the two nights but ive found because i cant do any drugs i am smoking a lot of cigarettes which i really don't like. i will probably start drinking a bit more but that makes the night more annoying because i cannot drive where as i could always drive on the comedown of md. i read somewhere that people with hopped should even abstain from caffeine. alcohol and nicotine. i assumed that is presenting the worse case scenario and i don't really need to stick to that but does anyone have any information on this? also what about cocaine? like with speed it might not help my anxiety but its not at all a psychedelic and i wouldn't mind doing something when i go out with friends and they are all doing pills and md.
also what kind of time frame could anyone recommend i wait before smoking weed or doing MDMA or even psychs. at very minimum i wont be doing them for about 9 weeks. its been a bit over one week and there is a bush doof in 2 months so hopefully im well enough to try something there. i will be seeing s doctor and a psychologist soon but i would be also very grateful if people could give me any relevant information and experiences because i doubt that my doctor/psych will be alb to tell me anything i don't know. i mean HPPD isn't very common and very few doctors would know much about it i would think.
Thanks you all i would appreciate any help