Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: tungsten on May 30, 2013, 10:22 am
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I've been alone in a prison of which I am the warden of for long enough and it's about time I broke out. I've spent 1.5 years for an average of 23.5 hours a day alone, I've lost contact with all my old friends and it's now beginning to get to me. I want to make friends and be more social. It was only the other day that I realized that talking to an old mate really made me happy on what was a sad day.
The problem is that I don't know how to really make new friends... I'm fine with talking to dudes if I have to but it rarely leads to a friendship. I believe a large part of the problem is because I don't spend enough time with my new acquaintances and thus I am unable to develop a connection. How do I make friends and where do I meet them?
I should say that I go to College and that's when my 'prison' term began. This is pretty much the loneliness issue.
The next issue is a girl whom I really like and have liked a great deal for about a year. She's the girl I pay my bill to every couple weeks and I estimate I say no more than 10 words to her when I pay a visit. I don't know why I like her, but I want her so fucking bad and I think about her all the time. Though it could be something to do with the fact that she is the only attractive girl I ever see on a regular basis - all the girls in my college course are either really old, or they are obese. I thought I'd eventually get over her but I haven't. Why do I like her?
I have always been a wimp, had major confidence deficits, and been really shy and so there is no way at this stage I can just chat her up. These issues made me ignore two opportunities in high school and I'm really regretful of that. So in order to get confidence I began fixing my skin and getting ripped; and fuck I'm so pleased with the results ;D I look in the mirror a lot now and flex and I'll be like fuuuuuarkk!!! I'm not where I want to be yet but hopefully I'll have packed on 30kg from the start of the year to end of July and perhaps she'll notice my aesthetics. I'm feeling my confidence come up with every lift I do ;D For girls on here, does having good muscle tone help?
Other than that, I've been working on my charisma and have a 50% success rate at making ladies laugh on the phone and turn their sales call into a conversation. I'm thinking about setting up an online dating profile to develop myself further and try this in person. I'd also like to try picking up in clubs but I've never been in a club and don't have any wing men. How do I go to a night club? What do they do in there? Is it something I can do alone? Who approaches who? And how do I approach a girl?
The other issue is that the girl is dating someone >:( I decided to search her on facebook (is this creepy? I only have done it once) just the other day and I found out - felt like shit :-[.I don't want to ruin her happiness if it exists but I still want her. I plan to just wait until it ends or see if another girl captures me. Is this the right way to go about it? Also, is it creepy to gather intel and find out what they like, clubs they visit, etc? It goes against my personal set of ethics but I'd like to know what others think.
I haven't made many posts but I really like reading up on these forums. There is a much more open sense to it compared to other forums on the internet and it seems like a good place to post my problem.
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I had similar confidence issues with girls.. and at the start of the year I thought enough is enough
I signed up to e-harmony and vowed to meet atleast 1 girl a week.
I'm no Brad Pitt but seriously I always had 10 diff girls on the phone each week, was meeting up with a diff one on avg every second or third day.... had relations with a number of them ;) After the second or third meet up (with a diff girl) you don't even get nervous anymore.. and if you get rejected or you don't like them you relies there are so many more girls out there.
I've been going out with one girl I met from there for about 3 months now.
anyways.. you need to do stuff to get out of your comfort zone. and seriously.. online dating is like the best thing ever!! especially if your not the most social person.
Be warned you'll get a few fatties but most are pretty attractive and they are just the normal girls you see out and about.
*edit* and zomg if you are in late 20's / early 30's... the girls in their 30's are rampant!!! you can basically hear the clock counting down when you meet them :P good times...
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Social clubs and sports teams are a great way to make friends.
It can be daunting at first to put yourself in a vulnerable position where you don't know anyone, but practice makes perfect!!
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Hey man, I just thought I'd post my similar experience to try and help you out. All of us have confidence issues at times, no matter who we are. I had the same problem when my dad died. I got really depressed, cut myself off from family and friends, and spent the vast majority of my time alone watching tv shows and smoking pot. This period of depression lasted for almost a year in college. By the time I wanted to start putting myself out there again, I had put on some extra weight, but what was worse was that I had forgotten how to talk to people, especially girls, and my confidence was down because of that. Anyways, I'm back to my old self now, but it took time.
I lost the weight and slowly started becoming more social. You aren't instantly going to make a shit ton of new friends or start banging 100s of hot girls, but if you put yourself out there enough, both will come. I was introduced to my new circle of friends by an old friend who invited me out to the bars with him one night. If you don't have any friends you want to reconnect with at the college you go to, just meet new people. Force yourself to talk to the people who sit next to you in class, who you always see in the gym, or who live around you. It's a hell of a lot easier than you think to make new friends. You just have to get past the mental barrier you have in your head. Practice approaching people instead of waiting for them to approach you. Walk up, introduce yourself, and start a conversation. Just go with the flow while talking, don't worry about having a deep, interesting conversation the first time you talk to someone. Approaching people first makes you appear more confident and friendly. Those are two traits that all humans are attracted to. Eventually ask the people you are interested in having a stronger friendship with to do something with you. Study, work out, go get food, smoke, whatever. The point is to do something out of the normal setting you see them and connect on more of a personal level. Making just one good friend will typically lead to making more friends because they will introduce you to new people. Work yourself up to this at your own pace, and you'll have some new friends before too much time passes.
Now when it comes to your questions about night clubs and girls. Night clubs are great places to meet chicks to have one night stands with. You probably won't meet very many girls that are "relationship material" there, but you can get your dick wet. In most night clubs the music is so loud, that all most people do is drink and dance. All you have to do to go to one is show up with an 18+ or 21+ I.D. to get in. Depending on the popularity of the club, you might need to pay a cover-fee, so bring some extra cash. I wouldn't recommend going to a club alone. Most girls there will be in groups, and it is much harder to pick a girl up when you can't get one on one time with her. When you have a few friends with you, they can distract the other girls in the group so you can get her alone. Also, a lot of girls see guys who go to clubs and bars alone as creepy, so be careful. As for who approaches who, it depends on the girl. Some will just come up and ask you to dance or buy them a drink. Others will just smile at you from across the room. You kind of just have to get used to reading and sending non-verbal cues. It's not hard. If a girl looks at you more than once, or smiles at you. She probably wants you to approach her, so do it. Just walk up to her and talk to her like you would anyone else. Don't bombard her with questions, just be friendly and try to find some common interests to talk about. When the conversation is at a high point, ask her to dance or for her number so you can talk to her later.
As for the girl with the boyfriend you are interested in, my guess is that you are just infatuated with her because she is the only attractive girl you talk to regularly (like you said in your post). Because of this, I would say just forget about her and focus on meeting new girls for the time being. However, still be friendly and flirt with her a bit, so she knows she's got options. Also, in this day and age, it is completely normal to do a little Facebook stalking when you are interested in a girl to find out if she is single. However, NEVER admit to doing it because it is creepy. It's just one of those things we all do, but no one talks about.
I don't know exactly what you mean by "gathering intel", but if it involves anything other than asking girls what they like to do yourself, you probably shouldn't do it. The best mindset to have is that every girl is single. Never ask them if they have a boyfriend, and if you know they do, pretend they don't until they bring it up. Most girls are very friendly and open when guys they find attractive approach them, regardless if they have a boyfriend or not. Just don't push the envelope or you'll seem like a prick.
Hopefully this helps, and I wish you the best!
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Ok got to give you the female response to this ;) 1st of all don,t start going where the girl goes, she,ll find this creepy. You sound like you have grown in confindence so maybe try starting a conversation with this girl for a bit longer let her know your a nice guy be friendly, just not overlly! She,ll get to know you more and you never know :) Anyway if she stays with her boyfriend there,s plently gorgeous girls out there who are also nice, we don,t really care in all honesty how ripped you are it really boils down to whether your a genuine nice guy, which you sound like you are. ;D You seem quite lonely so if you meet someone hold back a bit, you don,t want to come on full force, keep it cool or you,ll seem desperate and that scares us off :o
You honestly seem like a nice guy who,s a bit lonely so make sure you make time for mates too get involved in some stuff round your area and even when you do meet someone you,ll also have your own stuff and thats attractive to us, it makes us want to be with you more when we cant have you all the time ;D
Anyway hope this hepls you babe, goodluck with everything, stay cool 8)
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What you need to do my friend is get a nice drug kit. (alprazolam, MDMA, cocaine, high-end liquor) and depending on the area you live in you need to get on a bunch of dating sites or CL and post ads and find you a nice druggie chick and bump uglies. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. I myself have dabbled in spiritual abstinence actually. Don't fall in love. Repeat. Build up a tolerance to women so you can exude the "I don't give a fuck attitude" and women will fawn over you. Break a few hearts even.
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What you need to do my friend is get a nice drug kit. (alprazolam, MDMA, cocaine, high-end liquor) and depending on the area you live in you need to get on a bunch of dating sites or CL and post ads and find you a nice druggie chick and bump uglies. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. I myself have dabbled in spiritual abstinence actually. Don't fall in love. Repeat. Build up a tolerance to women so you can exude the "I don't give a fuck attitude" and women will fawn over you. Break a few hearts even.
^This will work just fine if you are only looking for fairly meaningless relationships revolving around drugs and sex. You might be fine with that if you are really desperate for some human interaction. However if you want real friends or a quality girl who actually gives a fuck about you as a person, don't follow Bruce's advice.
That being said, his advice will most definitely get you laid.
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move into a big city. and get a new job!
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What you need to do my friend is get a nice drug kit. (alprazolam, MDMA, cocaine, high-end liquor) and depending on the area you live in you need to get on a bunch of dating sites or CL and post ads and find you a nice druggie chick and bump uglies. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. I myself have dabbled in spiritual abstinence actually. Don't fall in love. Repeat. Build up a tolerance to women so you can exude the "I don't give a fuck attitude" and women will fawn over you. Break a few hearts even.
That's the best idea I have read here so far, time to do that :D
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What you need to do my friend is get a nice drug kit. (alprazolam, MDMA, cocaine, high-end liquor) and depending on the area you live in you need to get on a bunch of dating sites or CL and post ads and find you a nice druggie chick and bump uglies. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. I myself have dabbled in spiritual abstinence actually. Don't fall in love. Repeat. Build up a tolerance to women so you can exude the "I don't give a fuck attitude" and women will fawn over you. Break a few hearts even.
^This will work just fine if you are only looking for fairly meaningless relationships revolving around drugs and sex. You might be fine with that if you are really desperate for some human interaction. However if you want real friends or a quality girl who actually gives a fuck about you as a person, don't follow Bruce's advice.
That being said, his advice will most definitely get you laid.
Completely correct. Hence why I said don't fall in love. The problem with this advice is that yes, there is a tendency toward manipulation. But you must become the manipulator. Build up your charisma and have a bunch of depraved sex and then reassess your intentions and attributes. Do you have a cool car or an adorable pet? Can you cook? Do you have a cool apartment you can invite women to and partake in some drugs with?
You need spare toothbrushes and cotton balls. Refreshments on hand like tea and shit. Bitches love tea. Lubricant and a good bottle of vodka, whiskey, wine, a frozen salmon filet and wild rice and toss in a drug kit and you sir are Quagmire.
MDMA for artsy/emo girls. Coke for punk/bar scene women. Everyone likes weed. Stay away from meth and heroin girls unless you want hepatitis or you're fond of being robbed and having the copper pipe stolen from your basement and you're set.
Giggity.
;D
Don,t take Bruce,s advise, trust me i,m a woman and you just don,t seem like that kind of guy. I think your looking for something a bit more long term not some slapper that gets called the bucket cause evryone,s emptied there sacks in her lol What Bruce is suggesting only works on slappers not decent girls, don,t get me wrong nothing wrong with taking drugs once your in a relashionship together, you,ll enjoy good expeiences doing that ;) Bruce says stay away from girls with hep, the heroin users etc but if u go around shagging random girls that are shagging anyone and everyone then i think there,s much more chance of catching something, always use a condom anyway :D Last Words: love will find you when your least looking for it, you sound a great guy who has nothing to worry about, if you ask a girl to go for a drink, whats the worst thats gonna happen, she says no, he its no big deal, move on to the next ;D ;D ;D
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yee... the thing is, it's a lot easier than you might be thinking right now.
Just don't become a douche when you start flexin bruh. It's way too easy to hook up with people... make it meaningful.
Edit: word I basically just re-wrote dabigboss' post.
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Thanks for the replies people :D It was good reading them and I'll definitely read them again in the future.
But yer sorry Bruce, I don't really want a drug based relationships. I can't afford any drugs (Australia's fucked up prices) and don't really do them anymore. Only drugs I do are GHRPs, Cerebrolysin, and dexedrine if I have to do 10 assignments in 24 hours.
Last year was my experimentation phase with psychedelics and I went tripping once with an acquaintance and his friends but it was seriously messed up. These guys were completely addicted to weed and/or meth and their girlfriends seemed to only be around for the drugs; they were essentially begging at times for a puff on the bong. I couldn't possibly use drugs to lure and keep someone in a relationship with myself.
College is on break for a few months and so I won't have anywhere to meet people. There is also a severe job shortage for the young and unskilled in my area, though I do have a plan to head interstate for a month. But I can't take my newly made friends home if I make any!
I'm also not ready yet for internet dating. I still have confidence issues and I see getting shredded as the solution. The 20kg I have put on so far makes me feel soo good. Much better looking than the skinny/fat ecto I was before. Couple months bulking and then another few months cutting and I'm ready.
The other looks related issues is that I'm half euro and half Asian. If I am in the predominantly white crowd here, I'm Asian. If I'm in an Asian crowd, I'm white. I don't think it's too much of an issue because I have been liked before by girls but I was sort of picked on about it a little in high school. Even though it was mild, it makes me think sometimes.
Also, I'm already in a sort of biggish city. Few hundred thousand people.
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What you need to do my friend is get a nice drug kit. (alprazolam, MDMA, cocaine, high-end liquor) and depending on the area you live in you need to get on a bunch of dating sites or CL and post ads and find you a nice druggie chick and bump uglies. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. I myself have dabbled in spiritual abstinence actually. Don't fall in love. Repeat. Build up a tolerance to women so you can exude the "I don't give a fuck attitude" and women will fawn over you. Break a few hearts even.
^This will work just fine if you are only looking for fairly meaningless relationships revolving around drugs and sex. You might be fine with that if you are really desperate for some human interaction. However if you want real friends or a quality girl who actually gives a fuck about you as a person, don't follow Bruce's advice.
That being said, his advice will most definitely get you laid.
Completely correct. Hence why I said don't fall in love. The problem with this advice is that yes, there is a tendency toward manipulation. But you must become the manipulator. Build up your charisma and have a bunch of depraved sex and then reassess your intentions and attributes. Do you have a cool car or an adorable pet? Can you cook? Do you have a cool apartment you can invite women to and partake in some drugs with?
You need spare toothbrushes and cotton balls. Refreshments on hand like tea and shit. Bitches love tea. Lubricant and a good bottle of vodka, whiskey, wine, a frozen salmon filet and wild rice and toss in a drug kit and you sir are Quagmire.
MDMA for artsy/emo girls. Coke for punk/bar scene women. Everyone likes weed. Stay away from meth and heroin girls unless you want hepatitis or you're fond of being robbed and having the copper pipe stolen from your basement and you're set.
Giggity.
;D
Don,t take Bruce,s advise, trust me i,m a woman and you just don,t seem like that kind of guy. I think your looking for something a bit more long term not some slapper that gets called the bucket cause evryone,s emptied there sacks in her lol What Bruce is suggesting only works on slappers not decent girls, don,t get me wrong nothing wrong with taking drugs once your in a relashionship together, you,ll enjoy good expeiences doing that ;) Bruce says stay away from girls with hep, the heroin users etc but if u go around shagging random girls that are shagging anyone and everyone then i think there,s much more chance of catching something, always use a condom anyway :D Last Words: love will find you when your least looking for it, you sound a great guy who has nothing to worry about, if you ask a girl to go for a drink, whats the worst thats gonna happen, she says no, he its no big deal, move on to the next ;D ;D ;D
really? well, thanks for that, fortunately, just another stereotype. i do the shit out of some fast, but i havent yet robbed anyone, contracted nor spread any diseases, and i make jewelry out of copper wire, pipe holds no interest for me yet....we'll see, tho! if you want to talk to girls, girls appreciate friendly, funny guys. someone they can talk to, as odious as that might seem to some ppl,..lol... ...i go to clubs to abuse chemicals, and drink. the drug kit is a great idea for strange in clubs, you can leave a club with a guy to go get high at his place, way easier than for any other reason ... its 'harmless' and gives u time to size each other up, and if u hook me up, im prolly gonna hook u up, but not necessarily , depends on how it goes at your place. is it awkward? could go either way. is it high pressure? probly not. is it laid back and comfortable, chances are good. watch a movie, get high together, play around on the computer, get high some more, let her choose music or movies, no matter how much you hate it. she'll come around if you keep the pressure off her, and keep the buzz sweet, even if youre just drinkin pitchers. i recently had three dates, one was unspeakably awful, and one day when i want to humiliate myself, i'll tell yall about that one. i had another with a 'friend' we started out awkwardly, but we started killin the pitchers in some anonymous bar, we could hear each other, no band, no dance music, just a bunch of people throwin darts and listening to the jukebox. by the time we were thru 2 pitchers we were all up in each others koolaid, laughing and carrying on and blah blah blah for a coupla hours. he quit drinking so he could drive, and that was my signal i guess, we went and found a place to carry on further, and carry on we did. he doesnt do drugs, so we didnt have to worry bout that, i was already pretty high. and not once did i pass him chronic nor viral, nor bacterial infections, didnt rob him, or anyone, and his 'copper' pipe is probably fine too, idk. we werent at his place. altogether, i loved it, and tried unsucessfully to recreate the experience with a coupla other dates, but they already had they game plan down, and things didnt work out so well. if you can be friends with girls, in my experience youre gonna get a lot further, but i have plenty of slutty friends who could care less about easing into it. depends on what youre lookin for. i think some of the guys who have answered previously on this thread have given you most awesome advice....and you seem to be on the right path... i think its gonna happen for you bro! :-*
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What you need to do my friend is get a nice drug kit. (alprazolam, MDMA, cocaine, high-end liquor) and depending on the area you live in you need to get on a bunch of dating sites or CL and post ads and find you a nice druggie chick and bump uglies. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. I myself have dabbled in spiritual abstinence actually. Don't fall in love. Repeat. Build up a tolerance to women so you can exude the "I don't give a fuck attitude" and women will fawn over you. Break a few hearts even.
I have to be honest and I could not even get through most of the post as they were fucking depressing. But I read this post and it had me laughing my ass off..I just love you said "find you a nice druggie chick" I am still dying...but the best part is IT IS GREAT ADVICE and totally true!!!! And funny as fuck. +1
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All I can say is... Coed sports and clubs. If you are a nice guy (really nice helps), someone will notice. For me it took a while but i was a genuinely nice person and girls flocked to me after a while. Its best not to expect anything out of a person of the opposite gender and just become good friends first mainly and then eventually feelings will develop hopefully. Also, I would recommend doing things the right way if you are looking for a relationship, the meet/fuck/go out all in one week eventually turns to shit when you realize that you have no trust in each other because of the way you met. Either way, I'm not an expert but nice guys finish last but get 1st place in the end!
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If you think you're going to gain any confidence from bulking up and improving your aesthetics you're in for a disappointment. Any confidence you gain from external factors is short lived at best. You'll feel good for a while but your new bulk will quickly become normal and you'll be back at baseline confidence. You need to build real core confidence - and this is fucking hard! It is very possible though, I've done it myself.
I never kissed a girl till I was 20, got extremely lucky with a couple of girls and got laid for the first time when I was near 21. I made a conscious decision to fix this, it took a massive effort and in the next 3-4 years I probably tried and failed to pick up girls about 2000 times. I did get results eventually though, last year when I was 24/25 I slept with well over 30 girls in 12 months. Girls rarely react badly when I talk to them these days and I constantly have girls after me without doing anything at all.
My aesthetics have not changed at all. It's all mental. Unfortunately 95%+ of the people I see try to make these changes are too pussy to push outside their comfort zones and do the work needed to change their life. You're probably one of them, but maybe not.
The way to making permanent changes is by gathering high value reference experiences. You can't get these by staying inside your comfort zone, you're going to have to do things that scare you and make you uncomfortable if you want to make a real improvement. For example, you're going to have to start talking to girls regularly if you want one as your girlfriend. For someone in your position this will be daunting and I'm sure you have 100 reasons bouncing around in your head for why you shouldn't just man up and go hit on some girls, but every single excuse is bullshit. You're scared and your subconscious is very good at protecting your ego by generating an endless list of reasons you shouldn't do something outside your comfort zone.
If you want to be confident you are going to have to go out and do things confident people do (like walk up to a hot girl and start a conversation) even though you're very uncomfortable with it. At the start you're going to bomb out hard the majority of the time, but sometimes you'll get lucky and get positive reactions. These are your reference experiences, and you also gain reference experiences each time you get rejected and absolutely NOTHING bad happens. Eventually you don't care anymore. As you continue repeating this confident behaviour, over time the number of positive reference experiences you have will grow. At some point you will have enough reference experiences that you will actually begin to genuinely believe in yourself and have real confidence.
As I said before, 95% or more of people who decide to fix this part of their life bitch out, because they are too pussy to step outside their comfort zones. They'd rather just stay in nice safe easy land and get fucked on drugs and jerk off to porn every night for the rest of their lives, or until they meet some equally pitiful female and start an unfulfilling relationship based on mutual fear of never being able to find anyone better.
Your choice.....
If you want to fix girls/confidence issues I'd start with www.rsdnation.com and a big spoonful of concrete.
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wow sixes, cut it to tha bone! lol....i liked your post, it was the brutal truth, and spoken with gentility ...+1