Silk Road forums

Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 03:04 am

Title: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 03:04 am
26 YO , started with drugs really when I discovered SR and was hoping they would help with confidence etc. Completely backfired and have lost everything even my job and the people I was trying to impress and get closer with lost respect and distanced themselves further which causes more depression and lonliness which results in more drug use as you now feel you have nothing to lose.

Completely backfired due to inexperience and bad decisions. Decisions that really effect the rest of your life. Father figure to be there to pull your head in , offer constructive advice and help you a long is crucial imo. No father figure here and even when It was so obvious I was using something around him (only see him once a week) he was completely unaware and when I lost my job his only take on it was to tell other family members behind my back that (I am not a goer , I am lazy and deserved what I got).

Also did not show things fathers should do eg , talk about education , show how to shave etc....sort of like raising a family or being involved and just let you out in the real world to defend for yourself. My mother had to threaten legal action so he would cough up half the finances for my dental treatment eg braces.

Moral of the post.....father figure crucial and vitally important to being able to progress and be successful in society or am I just blaming him on my decisions just because as a human being we like to shift responsibility and not take responsibility for our own actions if we don't have to?
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: PsychedelicSphere on May 31, 2013, 03:51 am
I am sorry to hear what happened to you.

I was luckily enough to grow up with some awesome parents, still am.

I believe that a good healthy relationship with parents is vital to kids growth and development.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: RobLoblaw on May 31, 2013, 03:54 am
Moral of the post.....father figure crucial and vitally important to being able to progress and be successful in society or am I just blaming him on my decisions just because as a human being we like to shift responsibility and not take responsibility for our own actions if we don't have to?

i think at 26 its probably more of the second option lol
are you physically addicted to drugs? if your not going to go into withdrawals really bad i would lay off the drugs for a bit. try to reevaluate you life and move into a more healthy direction. if you started with drugs when you found SR then you haven't been on drugs very long. if you let it, 2 years will turn into 5, 10, 20 years before you know it. the sooner you change the easier it will be.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 03:56 am
I just have had a bit of bad luck but is it true in your opinion the best and most common way people meet is in school , uni or work correct or through friends? If all them options are not viable you have to ask from the outside eg someone at a gym or place you visit which is INCREDIBLY awkward and very hard.  It is not like you want to have a partner (sex is overrated) but as a human we are programmed to socialised and interact with each other and your emotions and body jsut tells you you want to meet someone as that is how we are programmed.

The longer it goes on with no success brings on depression as you can not control your emotions. People tend to be selfish to , if they have a partner etc and are set up they have no real intention on helping you or really think to help a fellow person as as a human we are all selfish in a way.

Just my experience people use drugs for all different reasons. Also growing up in a small family with no sister and limited female contact which makes interacting with the opposite gender harder then normal does not help said situation either.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 03:59 am
Moral of the post.....father figure crucial and vitally important to being able to progress and be successful in society or am I just blaming him on my decisions just because as a human being we like to shift responsibility and not take responsibility for our own actions if we don't have to?

i think at 26 its probably more of the second option lol
are you physically addicted to drugs? if your not going to go into withdrawals really bad i would lay off the drugs for a bit. try to reevaluate you life and move into a more healthy direction. if you started with drugs when you found SR then you haven't been on drugs very long. if you let it, 2 years will turn into 5, 10, 20 years before you know it. the sooner you change the easier it will be.

I use stimulants to help with depression , the feeling of taking something and anything is possible (may make me talk to female) also entices me. Boredom is another one. People have all types of reasons but being bored and nothing to look forward to and feeling like a loser (no job now , at home with single parent , garbage car , no money) also makes me want to use to escape and that feeling of anything is possible is what I really like.

I just use occasionally when I get a order off SR or ocassionally meth locally. Nothing serious , 92kg male , 6ft2 , tanned , great teeth etc but also knowing what I listed (being at home , broke , unemployed etc) goes against me as women look for security and I know I can not offer that also makes me feel hopeless.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: P2P on May 31, 2013, 04:05 am
This is what I do when I'm depressed - maybe it will work for you.

"Someone, somewhere, is in prison, right now. I'm not. Well, that's pretty damn good."

Imagine yourself as one of these busted vendors looking at three to five - your life is not so bad, friend. And if you ever do end up in their situation, you'll realize depression is a luxury only afforded to those that are very comfortable and secure in their liberty. Surviving, that's a basic function, and one we do well. So, if you can't be happy, focus on surviving - do the things you need to do, right now, today, and secure yourself for tomorrow.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: joywind on May 31, 2013, 04:11 am
I agree with you 100%.

I'm 26 tears old I have never been loved by anyone in my life.  I haven't had any friends since I was 10 years old because my parents isolated me during my childhood. I didn't develop any social skills because my parents didn't teach me how to interact with society, and never allowed me to have any friends. Now I just hate society. I am like the biggest asshole you'll ever meet.  But deep down I have a big heart and just want to be loved by someone.

I am now too old to learn how to socialise. I am good looking but I can't get a girlfriend or even just a friend.

Also didn't have a father figure. Grew up with single mom, and later a stepfather who hated my guts since I was a kid.

I take opiates, meth, weed, ketamine etc. to cope with loneliness, depression, and lack of sex life.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 04:15 am
Not having  a passion for anything does not help either. I always do drugs by myself to , weird huh? I know people have it worse then me I ain't disputing that I just feel that by not having a partner and the people I know are set up , married , house etc I feel that I missed the time when I should of been more extroverted and take advantage of that but again not having a father figure that really got involved does not help the situation.

2 parents , settled house and family is crucial IMO. You see so often people who use drugs etc are from divorcerd familys where something went wrong. Not saying that is the sole reason but also does not help the situation that a father only criticises you and offers nothing construcitve and shows no interest in your life. WHy have a child then?

Thanks joywind , You aren't to old to learn to socialise but it is just a lot harder to use the skills to make progress and meet people , everyone has met people and moved on and have settled down now (well in my life they have) , while I am just the unemployed bum who people related to me definitely think that but never say that due to fear or possible confronation or criticism. People should be blunt , say how it is and not hide and avoid the reality.

Confidence took so long for me to build then job loss and people distancing themselves due to inappropriate and uneducated drug use at certain times cost me and people never forgive drugs , you can redeem yourself to a extent but you can tell when around people they are wondering if you are high. Judgemental dogs , even doctors , loved ones  they all lose respect and trust even if they do not express or say that.

Never tell anyone anything personal , nothing good comes of it. EXPERIENCE that I learnt but should of been informed by a father who would of made me pull my head in but he didn't give 2 hoots.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 05:13 am
If people using because of reason i posted is pathetic in there opinion then what about people that aren't strong enough and use to escape a bad personal situation eg death of loved one? Everyone has own reason I just want to hear from people who use due to relationship issues etc and feel that a more succesful relationship life would result in less or nil substance use or if it holds no merit in there decision to consume substances of there choice.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 05:45 am
I agree with you 100%.

I'm 26 tears old I have never been loved by anyone in my life.  I haven't had any friends since I was 10 years old because my parents isolated me during my childhood. I didn't develop any social skills because my parents didn't teach me how to interact with society, and never allowed me to have any friends. Now I just hate society. I am like the biggest asshole you'll ever meet.  But deep down I have a big heart and just want to be loved by someone.

I am now too old to learn how to socialise. I am good looking but I can't get a girlfriend or even just a friend.

Also didn't have a father figure. Grew up with single mom, and later a stepfather who hated my guts since I was a kid.

I take opiates, meth, weed, ketamine etc. to cope with loneliness, depression, and lack of sex life.

Dude your sarcasm really does not have any form of humor  in it even though that was your entire intention. I feel sorry that you are undecided in which gender attracts you and I do feel sorry for you you do proceed to argue points and get into arguments (see other thread) and always come out unsuccesful and with your tail between your legs due to your complete lack of education and I am sure the reason 100+ people have negged you are due to your low iq but when you consume substances you believe you are more intelligent then the 7 year old mental capicity you currently possess and get in endless arguments where you come out looking completely out of your league by stating things such us it would of been better to live in the hunter gatherer days where there was no education , medication , no toilet paper , no cars , no quality food , no educational resources , no hiv meds for when you and your bf which to get it on.

By arguing that era was better and not taking into account all said things I have mentioned and there is more shows your lack of brain power in order to posivitely contribute for a valid argument then you have to resort to personal attacks due to you being completely out of your depth due to your toddler level education and lack of ability to read , take in information and output it constructively in order to make a point you really are passionate about seem genuine and for people to take you seriously.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: joywind on May 31, 2013, 05:54 am
Dude your sarcasm....
wtf? i wans't being sarcastic.

Goddamn,  this is fucking annoying. You keep misinterpreting everything people say to you. I am just going to ignore you now.

Not even gonna read the rest of your post. The idea that you think I was sarcastic just boggles my mind.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 06:03 am
Yeah I would ignore and would not want to read posts where I am being absolutely having my anal region handed to me by some one who is using facts to destroy and make my arguments and opinions look completely irrelevant and not to be taken serious even by a person who does not have any vision.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: AtlanticExchange on May 31, 2013, 06:30 am
Yeah I would ignore and would not want to read posts where I am being absolutely having my anal region handed to me by some one who is using facts to destroy and make my arguments and opinions look completely irrelevant and not to be taken serious even by a person who does not have any vision.

Pardon me, but if you're going to post about how pathetic you are on the internet, you need to be willing to face some scrutiny, first and foremost. You're essentially crying for attention.

Despite the innate reaction to simply cringe and ignore this thread, I wanted to offer you advice and talk to you. That was, until I read your snappy response to someone who was empathizing with you over their own personal experiences that sounded very much like your own. Seriously, it is no surprise you're having this run of bad luck, and have lost all of your friends when you showing emotional out-lashing via dark-web message board. Do you often find yourself biting the hand that feeds? Then how the hell can you expect a second helping; a second chance? Did you come on here looking for pity? Or to make a point?

As it stands, no point was made. Just an outcry. Others reached out, and all you did was lash back. What kind of way is that to act?

One such as myself, or one of my colleagues could be great life-coaches by simply expressing our creed. Drugs will not bring you happiness, unless you have light in your heart, love in your soul, and peace in your mind. To achieve such, you first need to let go of the outstanding ego! Sorry that you lack a father figure, but unfortunately this is a common existence. I was physically abused as a small child by the man who called himself my father, and watched my own mother try to take her own life on more than one occasion; and I can honestly tell you that there is not a drop of sadness, regret, nor fear in my soul. I've buried my ballast, I've found my peace a long long time ago... and no amount of drugs, or crying on the internet made that happen.

Hope you can turn it all around and start being a better person to those trying to help you; you are not above the help you so desperately want and need. This is a common psychological flaw in the mind of a Manic-Depressive to seek sympathy, and then argue with those who offer advice. Just sayin'
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 06:35 am
Yeah I would ignore and would not want to read posts where I am being absolutely having my anal region handed to me by some one who is using facts to destroy and make my arguments and opinions look completely irrelevant and not to be taken serious even by a person who does not have any vision.

Pardon me, but if you're going to post about how pathetic you are on the internet, you need to be willing to face some scrutiny, first and foremost. You're essentially crying for attention.

Despite the innate reaction to simply cringe and ignore this thread, I wanted to offer you advice and talk to you. That was, until I read your snappy response to someone who was empathizing with you over their own personal experiences that sounded very much like your own. Seriously, it is no surprise you're having this run of bad luck, and have lost all of your friends when you showing emotional out-lashing via dark-web message board. Do you often find yourself biting the hand that feeds? Then how the hell can you expect a second helping; a second chance? Did you come on here looking for pity? Or to make a point?

As it stands, no point was made. Just an outcry. Others reached out, and all you did was lash back. What kind of way is that to act?

One such as myself, or one of my colleagues could be great life-coaches by simply expressing our creed. Drugs will not bring you happiness, unless you have light in your heart, love in your soul, and peace in your mind. To achieve such, you first need to let go of the outstanding ego! Sorry that you lack a father figure, but unfortunately this is a common existence. I was physically abused as a small child by the man who called himself my father, and watched my own mother try to take her own life on more than one occasion; and I can honestly tell you that there is not a drop of sadness, regret, nor fear in my soul. I've buried my ballast, I've found my peace a long long time ago... and no amount of drugs, or crying on the internet made that happen.

Hope you can turn it all around and start being a better person to those trying to help you; you are not above the help you so desperately want and need. This is a common psychological flaw in the mind of a Manic-Depressive to seek sympathy, and then argue with those who offer advice. Just sayin'

Appreciate reply. Surely you can understand why I came to the conclusion why I feel jaywind was taking the piss and being sarcastic -

"I agree with you 100%.

I'm 26 tears old I have never been loved by anyone in my life.  I haven't had any friends since I was 10 years old because my parents isolated me during my childhood. I didn't develop any social skills because my parents didn't teach me how to interact with society, and never allowed me to have any friends. Now I just hate society. I am like the biggest asshole you'll ever meet.  But deep down I have a big heart and just want to be loved by someone.

I am now too old to learn how to socialise. I am good looking but I can't get a girlfriend or even just a friend.

Also didn't have a father figure. Grew up with single mom, and later a stepfather who hated my guts since I was a kid.

I take opiates, meth, weed, ketamine etc. to cope with loneliness, depression, and lack of sex life."

He states his is the same age. Who would say no one loves him? He is over emphaising my situation. Havn't had friends since 10? Purely comical again a attack. Who calls themselves a asshole and really has a go at society? Poor attempt at sarcasm. He never reitirated about his sitatuon surely you can see why I take that as a horrible attempt at sarcasm? Who the hell is so harsh on themselves.

Again thanks for your advice I am convinced he was attacking me though.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: The Scientist on May 31, 2013, 06:41 am
Yeah I would ignore and would not want to read posts where I am being absolutely having my anal region handed to me by some one who is using facts to destroy and make my arguments and opinions look completely irrelevant and not to be taken serious even by a person who does not have any vision.
I agree with the other poster. You are a troll.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 06:43 am
How can anyone not say jaywind was making a mockery out of my situation? He brought up points in the 1900 thread which proves his intention seriously......

"I'm 26 tears old I have never been loved by anyone in my life.  I haven't had any friends since I was 10 years old because my parents isolated me during my childhood. I didn't develop any social skills because my parents didn't teach me how to interact with society, and never allowed me to have any friends. Now I just hate society. I am like the biggest asshole you'll ever meet.  But deep down I have a big heart and just want to be loved by someone.

I am now too old to learn how to socialise. I am good looking but I can't get a girlfriend or even just a friend.

Also didn't have a father figure. Grew up with single mom, and later a stepfather who hated my guts since I was a kid.

I take opiates, meth, weed, ketamine etc. to cope with loneliness, depression, and lack of sex life."

He states his is the same age. Who would say no one loves him? He is over emphaising my situation. Havn't had friends since 10? Purely comical again a attack. Who calls themselves a asshole and really has a go at society? Poor attempt at sarcasm. He never reitirated about his sitatuon surely you can see why I take that as a horrible attempt at sarcasm? Who the hell is so harsh on themselves.

Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 06:48 am
Sorry but that is the reason I said what I did. Him bringing up and taking the piss out of my situation and pointing me out and trying to criticise me when he lost his argument proved  was right. I only said that as I am convinced he intentionally took the piss out of my post. Who the hell says they can't get a friend or never been loved by anyone and they hate society? and calls themself a asshole?

He quoted my age to. The guy is a obvious troll , bad one at that.....sorry If I offended anyone but I am certain jaywind was targetting me and trying to make me look even worse while his laughing behind his pc in true keyboard warrior style and had to resort to this post in the 1900s thread once he realized I beat him in that thread and now refuses to contribute anything constructive and accuses me of trolling.

If I am a troll I am the most contributive troll ever. Read my posts. They all offer valid information and complete constructive info. Jaywind suggesting living in hunter/gatherer days were the best but then ran out of reasons to continue argument shows horrible sense of humor and narrow minded ness due to lack of ideas/trolling advice he could further contribute to thread.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: goochihuh on May 31, 2013, 09:29 am
Don't want this thread to get derailed and completely focused on me.

Who here users drugs due to be by yourself and not having success in relationships and feel that drugs help and if you had a partner you probably wouldn't use?

Who here feels that having no father figure has a negative impact on a persons life in one way or another and the person growing up with out a father will struggle in certain aspects due to not having a father in there life?

I briefly touched on my story and reason for using substances , people use for all reasons and all people have there own reasons and there own drugs of choice and use via different route of administration because it benefits them. As humans we are meant to socialise and be around people therefore not having a lot of social interaction will lead to a state of sadness in which some people may look to self medicate.

Just recapped my story did not want this based on me nor did I want to come across for sympathy , lol why would I want sympathy on a internet forum? Just so I made that  clear.

Thanks
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: RobLoblaw on May 31, 2013, 11:33 pm
that guys post didnt sound like he was mocking you at all
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: lady meth on June 01, 2013, 02:56 pm
Don't want this thread to get derailed and completely focused on me.

Who here users drugs due to be by yourself and not having success in relationships and feel that drugs help and if you had a partner you probably wouldn't use?

Who here feels that having no father figure has a negative impact on a persons life in one way or another and the person growing up with out a father will struggle in certain aspects due to not having a father in there life?

I briefly touched on my story and reason for using substances , people use for all reasons and all people have there own reasons and there own drugs of choice and use via different route of administration because it benefits them. As humans we are meant to socialise and be around people therefore not having a lot of social interaction will lead to a state of sadness in which some people may look to sel

Just recapped my story did not want this based on me nor did I want to come across for sympathy , lol why would I want sympathy on a internet forum? Just so I made that  clear.

Thanks








the parameters for answering the questions are so narrow, one can barely answer.   if i may step outside them:   yes the no father figure thing is gonna affect u . whether it affects u negatively or not is up to you.   i had a father figure alright. and he beat the shit out of me on a regular basis.  he was also a cop. so, definate authority figure there, with plenty o advice and rules.  i used to pray that god would kill him.   hes still alive.  it used to affect me in a very negative way.     zero  self esteem, self hatred, eating disorders, addiction, trouble with the legal system, and we wont even bring men and boyfriends into it. but i identified with the abuser, not the victim.   B I G  problems.   however, i can say, that its no longer affecting me like it was, black pit of despair,  because we have no relationship to speak of. hes way over there and im way the fuck over here.  because i decided he wasnt going to dump his scorn and negative views of what a sorry piece of shit i  am on me anymore. thats now his problem, he created it and he can fukin have it.  my point being, his bullshit is about him not me. your fathers bullshit is about him not you. so dont be makin it about you. refuse that shit as soon as possible, catch it, trap those thoughts, and banish them from your head, and your life.  never dwell on how youve been 'wronged'. because its complete and total B. S.!   no one has wronged you, ever. no one has done shit to you, because they cannot!  you can choose to believe that you are at the mercy of ppl, or you can refuse to be at anyones mercy ever.  start from inner silence.   then refuse the bullshit thoughts that are draggin you down and tell yourself what you need to hear instead.  it might sound stupid, and probably does, but i can promise u its possible, and its a world of fukn relief not to spiral off in bullshit anymore. no more negative thoughts is something  i have to work at every hour, and as quickly as they try to get  ahold of me, and they do,  i recognize and  try to shut it up. its my only defense against the world.  all those ideas about how you have to have a relationship to be happy, how drugs are ruining your life, how you deserve better than youve got, how much happier other ppl are, how your father screwed up your chances, how its other ppls fault,....all that shits poison.  and its work to maintain that level of  self deception.   its a lot of work. you could be working on making yourself happier, less negative, quieter, whatever.  but not while all your energy is tied up in convincing yourself how much everything sucks.  nothing sucks.  everything can be beautiful.  even this.  and i found for myself, it was as simple as saying so.   it doesnt seem possible that everyones misery is a tale they tell themselves, but when you stop repeating the bad stuff, it goes away...... and you find something else......is there waiting  for you.
Title: Re: Who here uses drugs because they are do not have a partner?
Post by: ozzietrader on June 02, 2013, 04:18 am
I guess I might not do drugs so much if I had a partner- but I don't. I mean I do drugs primarily because they are fun and entertaining, however a secondary reason might be my life is empty in some regards.

Also if I had a GF, I guess I would be less bored, and unless they were mega into drugs, they might somewhat pressure me to reduce usage/avoid certain substances, however I would not tolerate a girlfriend who was totally anti-drugs- we wouldn't be compatible.

I'm nearly 40 and single, never had luck with women, and I'm a big fat guy, and I like slim, pretty, youngish women. I just don't have most the factors that I know females are attracted to, indeed there is a lot I dislike about "modern women" to a degree.

Most the time my moods are alright, I do suffer from a proneness to boredom, and I always lack motivation and drive (long term problem), but I do occasionally wish I could have had a bit more luck with women. I do have lots of friends / family however, although most of them are busy with their lives and rarely visit or anything!

I will always LOVE MY DRUGS THOUGH, its built into my personality!!