Silk Road forums
Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: spiritualjourney on May 10, 2013, 04:29 pm
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running up post count, but not used to such slowww browsing, so why not tell my story since my prescribed drugs just kicked in and I am anonymous....
I was retired from the military when I was 21, am now in my 50's, a 100% disabled vet. We moved to a different state about 20 years ago, to a smaller more rural town. Since I have never worked here, the only people I have ever really met was thru my kids and sports.
I grew up in a very small, very liberal college town. A couple of our high school teachers had coke parties. All of the teachers knew we were always stoned and never said a thing. Looking back, actually not very good. I doubt I was straight more then 2 days in a row from age 15 - until I joined the army. I actually joined the army knowing I had to get away and straighten up a bit. Drugs of choice were pot, speed and Mr Natural blotter acid, but I was one of those guys who would literally try anything, plus always thought I had to prove I could do way more then everyone else - I was pretty stupid.
Now, oh so many years later, I wish to explore my consciousness, along the lines of graham hancock, terrance mckenna etc, but living in a town where I really do not know anyone, I have no access to what I seek.
recently I have started trying to grow some shrooms. Still working on it so don;t know how it will turn out. I tried san pedro once but like an idiot tried to actually eat the thing instead of boiling it down etc to make it more palatable, so that didn;t work out. I then tried making some ayahuasca. Oh my that stuff tastes soooooooo bad. I followed directions to a tee, but it never worked. I tried it a 2nd time but could not even force down the small bit I had it boiled down to, so tried freezing it and eating it. just made me kind of nauseous, never had the effects I was looking for.
Tho I have been using the internet since around 1984 or so (before there was a browser), I just stumbled into the Tor browser and .onion the other day when i saw something about silk road.....which seemed to be ideal for what i was seeking - some actualy, real lsd so I can explore my consciousness.
I do take prescribed morphine and adderall daily, but am also thinking if the shrooms work out, I may see about weaning myself off of that and trying to go with shrooms and pot (I am also now growing some hawaiian snow, auto rhino ryder and auto white widow) as I am sooooo sick of the control aspect of the morphine. It is insane.
Ironically, it was the V.A. who put me on morphine, only because it was cheap, and for 8 years they mailed it to me monthly and never once had a follow up appointment - 8 years. I could have been the biggest drug addict in the world and they wouldn;t have know, heck, I could have been dead. I thought I had better get some actual follow up so went to a private clinic and dropped out of the V.A.. I could tell stories most would not believe - was a total nightmare.
Finally got that all figured out, but it sucks for many reasons. One reason - turns out the government has a quota on how much morphine is made yearly. So I go to get my refills a couple of months ago and they tell me they are out of it. I hit up every pharmacy in this town and the next - no one has it and one tells me about the quota.
So, I am on morphone for about 15 years and suddenly the government interferes and there is none to be had.......sure, no biggie for them. I would love to see one of their loved ones suddenly not be able to get a medicine they were now dependent on physically. I eventually did find it 3 towns over and got some, but it was insane the hoops I had to jump thru so they weren't just handing it out to an "addict". besides that, now every month they mandate they count every pill, do a urine test etc.......
I was doing some research and came across some studies by major institutions describing how if people with severe chronic pain take morphine PLUS smoke cannabis, it helps tremendously - the kicker - you can't do both. If you take morphine and test positive for cannabis, even in states where it is legal, you are booted off of morphine.
Facts be damned - we can't let those darn hippies with chronic pain smoke pot and actually feel better.........let them suffer.
Anyway, so screw them all, I am going to see about weaning myself off the morphine and give the weed a shot .
Turns out there has also been some great studies with mushrooms and it has shown to be fantastic at helping people with depression. Well, those with chronic pain are also usually depressed (gee, wonder why). But of course the government won;t allow it. There is a guy in britain who was awarded a whole bunch of money to study this, but he can't because the government restrictions.
My opinion is always just follow the money. There is no money in people using pot and shrooms instead of taking expensive drugs (like marinol - what a joke).
The only thing that matters anymore is the bottom line. Money rules - which is another reason they do not want people exploring their consciousness. Wouldn't be good if too many people suddenly understood that money and consumerism doesn;t rule the world and how everything is interconnected and all the good things psychoactives can teach you. Better to just raise good little consumers and perpetuate hatred and fear......anyway.....always verbose when the morphine kicks in
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Nice story, that adderall must be working well!
It sucks they're so strict about morphine.. Can't you get back in the V.A. and get your morphine mailed to you? I hope pot works for your pain but I don't think it can work as well as morphine.. Well, it depends on the type of pain.
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Welcome
Have you ever tried DMT rather than Ayahuasca? Pretty easy to make it yourself and I think it tastes great!
Sucks about the Morphine...I had many years of opiate addiction myself but thankfully it's all behind me now. No freedom with that stuff in your life
I hope it all works out :)
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welcome brotha :)
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Welcome to the road my friend
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Welcome aboard
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getting back into the V.A. pain clinic - my 30+ years of being in the health care system has been a serious nightmare. Where I live, I have to go thru my primary care physician to get to the pain clinic. She does not believe in pain clinics. When I dropped out and went to a private clinic, it was a nightmare. The private clinic seemed just great, upped my dosage and was the nicest guy in the world - so I dropped out of V.A. About 3 months later he wanted to give me a sacroiliac injection but couldn't because my spine is totally fused so there wasn't a gap - so he then told me he couldn;t help me anymore - I would have to go see someone else - which was 1 1/2 hours away.
Why I think he did that - from my experience, there is no upside to me. No money in just writing scripts and there will never be any dramatic result (mainly money)
So, I go to the 2nd pain dr. - without ever having met me or talked to me, she walks in the room, tells me my problem is I am addicted to opiates and can't help me unless I admit myself to their rehab. She then walks out of the room.
Knowing I am dependent and no where else to turn, I admit myself to rehab like she says, against my families wishes.
Was a nightmare. They kept trying to get me to admit I used illegal drugs, stole to support my "habit" etc. I kept explaining why I was there but no one listened or believed me. Told them I wanted to leave and I couldn't since I admitted myself, had to talk to a psychologist 1st.
The nurse, thinking she was being helpful, starts telling me how if I left I would just be "back on the streets" buying drugs again......I didn;t bother trying to explain again.
Had to go to a group meeting where they tried to get me to talk about why my family could not "trust" me. Told them why I was there and my family had no trust issues with me - they didn;t believe me and kept trying to get me to open up.
I finally got to see the psychologist late in the day - he agreed with me and said I should not be there, I should be taking morphine and did not have a problem and released me.
Next day I went back to guy who sent me up there and told him what happened - he laughed - thought it was funny.
I made him give me 30 days of morphone so I could wean myself off
Went back to V.A., primary care physician. Honest to god she said this - she didn't believe in pain clinics and told me that there was a new rule where if the V.A. couldn't see me within 30 days the primary care physician had to set me up with a local pain clinic - she then said if I did this, she would send me back to the guy who couldn't give me the injection and sent me off.
Excuse my language, but I told her to fuck off, went home and weaned myself off of morphine and became a couch potato because of pain - another year, one of many, lost.
I eventually went to see another whom a family memeber worked for and of course he put me back on morphine and did give me the adderall, which I had to ask for.
What I have, one very common side effect is chronic fatigue due to pain, plus throw in the morphine, so to me it only made sense to take a stimulant. I had tried to get some before but no way any doctor would even entertain the idea - fortunately this one did as it did make a HUGE difference. Original reason I went private was fatigue and a doctor suggested I see a private clinic since I never had a follow up appt in 8 years.
But then the new pain doctor left and sent me to a different one. They were nothing more then a prescription farm. So I found a new one a couple of months ago and am just soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick of the crap, so thought I would try the pot , shrooms etc.
Of course even tho studies show pot and morphine together are extremely effective, if u test positive for pot u are kicked off morphine. So , wean myself off morphine and try the pot etc.......if it is even close, screw them. If it doesn;t work out, make sure I leave a door open to come back. Tho the new doc isn;t too thrilled about me weaning myself off and I believe he mentioned dialudid, increasing my morphone dosage and something else, I forget.
If u have something that is a quick fix, a surgery etc, our health care system is okay (if u have insurance, which I do), but if you have a long term thing, our health care system is absolutely horrible. The ONLY thing that matters, as is with everything anymore, is the bottom line.
For profit health care, for profit prisons etc etc etc......turns out as I started looking into things, everything I thought I ever knew was a lie. Tis true, the winners write the history books and our history books are nothing but lies and distorted truths....
anyway, obviously drugs just kicked in again
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I'm truly sorry to hear your story, spiritualjourney. Life is hard enough to deal with without having to constantly deal with adversity and unfairness. Sadly, this is just an unavoidable consequence of how the universe works. Hopefully you succeed in your spiritual goals. Have you tried meditation? You may never find a lasting remedy for your physical problems, but if you learn to contemplate the phenomenon of existence you can at least temporarily free your mind of the clutches of your pain.
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It's true, the health care system in this country is terrible. My SO works with homeless families and many of them are only homeless because of their medical bills. Many of them are very intelligent and have full time jobs, but can't afford a home because all their money goes to treating their illnesses/disabilities. Sad, but true.
Way, way, way too expensive to be healthy in the US. Sorry to hear about your frustrating time in the system. Be glad you have a roof over your head, and keep fighting the good fight. Hope everything works out for you.